WELCOME TO SELAH’S WORLD

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People like to think that the opposite of fear is courage, when in fact the opposite of fear is faith. When you have faith to overcome your fears, you realize you had courage all along.” – Unknown

When you believe, you would come to realize that “nothing is impossible”.

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By selahsomeonetotalkto Posted in Legends
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Interview With A Player Part 1

Interview With A Player Part 1

This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series.

Selahsomeone: Kindly introduce yourself and why you are here.

Mr. A: Firstly, let me say I am not proud of these stories, at the time all these happened, I was young and foolish. My name is Mr. A and I am bound to share my story, so that ladies will learn to be smarter and guys will learn that for every action there will always be consequence(s). All names will be restricted to first letters, to protect identity. Please read my story as I share with Selahsomeone. Thanks!

Selahsomeone: I am sure no one is born to hurt others, so how did it all start?

Mr. A: You are right Selah. I wasn’t always a player or heartbreaker. I had a rough childhood, molested by adult females while growing up and some lessons you learn the hard way and such is this, and how I became insatiable for lust, women and revenge.

We all love to find excuses to absorb us of the blames but the truth is whatever may have happened before or after are no sufficient reasons to inflict pain on others. Whatever we have done, we are responsible!

Selahsomeone: You know what you went through is not an excuse to put others through pain and heartbreaks? So tell us how it all started.

Mr.A: It all started when I was in the polytechnic. It was my first year and there was this pretty lady (Miss K); it was like I have never seen such beauty before, like a lady out of a bollywood movie. Smart, beautiful and charming at the same time but she also happened to be the daughter of the Rector of the polytechnic; so a bit out of my league. I did everything I could to get her attention, I got it alright but she only wanted me as a friend, unfortunately i wanted more.
A bit about me; I came from a struggling home, I am not ugly but at that age, zits were all you could see on my face (my mother said it was just a phase at the time). So there was this time I went to Miss K’s class to pester her as usual and see if I could score some points (I have been occasionally left standing outside her house before now, so I changed the tactics to visiting her in class) but well, it didn’t go as I hoped. I remember those words like it was yesterday, she said, “I guess you don’t have something good to do with your life than to be chasing girls everywhere, someone needs to tell your parents they are wasting their money”.

Selahsomeone:  That must have hurt you so much, for you to still remember the exact words. How long ago was that?

Mr. A: 1998…you can do the maths. And yes it was painful, words from someone you actually care about has a way of sinking deep and  again those words made me look so stupid, not just because of those words but people around who heard her. That was humiliating! Well, I left her class in shame and the only thing on my mind was getting back at her till she sees that I truly love her. 

Our words are so precious, even though we can say, ‘I take it back’, we can never take back how we made the other person feel. If it is not a compliment or an encouragement, it is better swallowed!

Selahsomeone: So how did you deal with it and what has that got to do with you becoming a player?

Mr. A: So I came up with this plan, I know the best way to make a girl you love jealous is to show more care to someone else around her, so I started giving more attention to her cousin (Miss F), who happened to be in same class with me. At first, Miss K ignored the whole plot, so I intensified the care but unfortunately when she realized the attention was shifting away from her and was now trying to play nice with me, Miss F had already fallen in love with me and asked me out.

Selahsomeone: Wow! Miss F asked you out?!? Didn’t she know you had already asked her cousin, Miss K, out?

Mr. A: To both questions, Yes she did! I couldn’t say no because that would hurt her feelings and I couldn’t tell her getting close to her was just to spite Miss K, who I was actually truly in love with. So I kept the acting on, I was dating Miss F officially, while my heart was with Miss K, who by now was very jealous of Miss F and was now trying everything possible to get my attention. I didn’t want to lose the person I truly love, so I and Miss K started a secret love affair and that was how I started dating two ‘sisters’.

It is one thing to fool one person, it is another to fool yourself but when you start believing you are fooling everyone else but yourself, then somewhere along the line, you have lost all sense of reality because in the end when reality comes knocking, you will realize you have been the fool all along.

Selahsomeone: Two sisters? what were you thinking? That’s a taboo you know?

Mr. A: Yes I know but it was a game plan just that it went awkward. Anyways, things eventually got better to save my secret. Miss K, got admission into university, so she had to leave us at the polytechnic. I had to face Miss F, even though I still find time to send letters to Miss K. When Miss K left, it was like I lost the most important person to me. On one weekend, Miss F showed up with another of their sister (miss B), apparently she came to rewrite her seconday school cert exams, she was a split image of Miss K and Miss F, she took all their positives; just like having the two of them all rolled up into one. The moment our eyes met, it was like love at first sight. That was how I started having secret affair with Miss B. She was good at keeping secrets just like Miss K, even though she was just 18years, she understood how I felt about…

Selahsomeone: Sorry to cut in… you are now practically dating three sisters? Taboo no longer qualifies this, not that i am judging you but didn’t you feel any guilt at the time? Hope the relationships were not sensual?

Mr. A: Yes I was dating three sisters but I didn’t have sex with Miss B at the time however both Miss K and Miss F lost their virginity to me. I just felt Miss B was all I have been waiting for. I felt guilty but I saw it as fun at the same time, like I said I was young and foolish. My relationship with Miss K was strained by distance as school became tougher I stopped writing letters and unfortunately there were no mobile phones then. I, Miss F and Miss B practically lived in the same house and it was like i was eating my cake and having it at the same time. But then about the time I thought the fun was just getting started something very bad happened…

To be continued!

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Why Most Smart Ambitious Ladies’ Relationship Won’t Lead to Marriage

Why Most Ladies’ Relationship Won’t Lead to Marriage

Firstly, let me clear this, your not having a healthy relationship is not because you are ambitious, independent or of high standards, in fact those are exactly what real men are looking for. However, you are having issues sustaining a healthy relationship because of other things you are not conscious of. Unfortunately, marriage most often can only happen when you can sustain a healthy relationship over a period of time.

Marriage, as it were, is not for everyone, this i have also come to understand, so get that clear too! Marriage should be by choice because it is by far the longest compromise anyone can make and the most energy sapping venture anyone can be involved in but even with all that, it is by a long shot the most rewarding investment.

Having gotten the basics out of the way, now let’s talk about why most ladies hardly have a healthy relationship, capable of leading to marriage. I will like to point out that this is a product of research, using the life of 20 ladies who are of marriage age but still searching or in one complicated relationship or another. This might not be absolute but believe me this is conclusive.

3 Reasons smart ambitious women have unhealthy relationship

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1. Attitude

Attitude is just who we are and most times because it was formed over the years, we have tendencies to have difficulties changing, hence we conclude people should take us the way we are. My question is, “can you eat a rotten apple because you have accepted it is rotten?” I can’t and I am sure you can’t too. So when you ask people to accept you the way you are, it is like asking them to eat a rotten apple because they have accepted it is rotten.

Know this, bad attitude has nothing to do with how religious, faithful or witty you are. I have seen faithful and religious ladies with very terrible attitude; like obsession, pessimistic behaviors, mood swings, always being suspicious etc, all these have nothing to do with how religious you are. Bad attitude may have been formed due to personal past experiences, stories shared by others or just by habit.

In all fairness, often times people with bad attitude don’t know, they just think it is them acting normal and conscious. But here is the truth, whatever two or more people complain about of you most likely needs to be looked into. Reality is, randon people won’t just pick the same fault in you, if it is not there. It may be hard to accept it but if you can put your ego aside and be critical of yourself too, you would be able to spot and fix it.


2. Being Petty

Being petty simply means giving importance to something so insignificant when you look at the big picture. Usually, most women have what I call a ‘wish list’, a list of what their dream man should be or look like, this is not bad but then if you carefully review this list, it is 95% of insignificant things when you look at the big picture of healthy relationship and marriage; this list has made many ladies petty and end up in relationship with the wrong personality. This explains the high rate of divorce among elites.

People who are petty may not know because often times it is fueled by things they can hardly control like anger issues, unresolved emotional crises, ego issues, upbringing and fictional fantasies etc, which clouds their judgement, sense of priorities and open mindedness.Imagine a boat refusing to sail because it once capcized; it just defeats the purpose of being called a boat, if it won’t sail.

Being petty also means blowing issues out of proportion, I have seen a relationship end because of toothpaste, YES toothpaste! She doesn’t like the toothpaste to be pressed from the middle but he is used to it and the next thing, she calls the relationship quit. Being petty is why most people find it difficult to place their hands on why they ended a relationship because when they sit down to think about it, the reason no longer makes sense to them. 

The antidote to being petty, is to open your mind and critically review your options. Focus on the bigger picture and ask yourself what you really want in life; happiness or empty wishes?


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3. Communication

There is no way a relationship can exist without communication. By communication, I don’t mean just having something to talk about but rather talking about what really matters. Yes, romantic and sexy talks make relationship fun but talking about plans and future expectations makes it even more fun and more healthy; it brings about hope, confidence and at the same time helps integrate dreams.

Most ladies would just rather smile and nod; sister, no guy would want to stay with a dummy. While others would rather dominate discussions and lord opinions, sis, no guy wants to be dominated. Communication only happens when roles interchange; speaker becomes listener and after some time listener becomes speaker.

When your man starts saying “talk now” or “just listen to me too”, communication breakdown is imminent, you either pick up or slowdown. I understand you can be an introvert, you don’t talk much but to have a healthy relationship you just have to learn to talk. And if you are an extrovert, always jumpy, you just have to learn to slowdown and let your man pick up pace.

This is not to say that there are some ladies out there who have not been lucky enough to find a good relationship even though they are 99% what a man should want. To this very few, I say to you, good things take time, don’t comprise on your standard, somewhere a man that can match up is looking for you and very soon will locate you. However, don’t stay hidden too, stand out, socialize, don’t be shy and don’t be too self righteous.

You can make a happy home happen, trust yourself you can do it!

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THE MAN WITH THE HOE

​                                               THE MAN WITH THE HOE

‘’We all attend schools with big bills, all three of us. We don’t worry about household bills, they always get paid, and on time too. Still, Daddy always complain of little sales. He say it like God has forsaken him, or perhaps that’s just how it sounds to me.’’

As I walk down the street, I saw my neighbour with a man who has a hoe hanged around his neck. Neighbour showed the man around his house, telling him to clear the weeds and then the bush behind his fence. Expert or not, getting the job done will take two days of hard work. The man with the hoe said he will take three thousand naira for the job but my neighbour offered to pay one thousand naira. After a while of haggling, shifting the price up and down, they came to an agreement, both settled for one thousand and five hundred naira. 

The man with the hoe was Mr. Ayanwole, who lives down the street with a family of five; a wife and four kids. This job for my neighbour might be the only income for the week or might not. And they say success is the reward of hard work? Should this be true, then Mr. Ayanwole should have been a millionaire. Success is the work grace, occurring only when preparation (hard work) meets opportunity.

A lot of time in life, we look at people above us to question God but what we should rather have done is look behind us to appreciate God. There can only be so much money for a man to take care of his family and meet his needs, the rest is show off. In our state of grace, we forget about those that possess just a tiny fraction of what we have; in their world, our little building is an empire. We rather concentrate our mercifully perfected health towards comparing our lot with that of some others better than us. Yet we all know that fingers are not equal. We think as if our problems are solved with increase in the statements of our accounts. The bitter truth is problems are not associated with money, after all ‘the rich also cry’. We can’t all be at the same level of wealth, there will always be someone who is/was wealthier than you are and someone who is/was worse than you are.

I was discussing with my neighbour son the evening, same say his father hired the man with the hoe. We started with youthful tantrums and the discussion soon got serious. We watch as Mr. Ayanwole work with sweat stratifying his entire body, when suddenly my friend said, “We all attend schools with big bills… or perhaps that’s just how it sounds to me”. I could not understand the sudden change of topic, butni was curious, so I edged him on to continue. He argued that his father could afford to pay the man more than the stipend that was agreed upon but he could not understand why he decide on laboring the man for such a meagre amount. 

A friend that was with us countered that money is justified, after all, it is just cutting of grasses. Our friend can say that in his own state of grace, his father owns the biggest mansion in the neighborhood, drives the sleekest car around and has this tight security all the time. My friend probably has never touched a cutlass, not to talk of cutting grass in his life.

We all live in different states of grace and our state affects our judgement. Not that they should! We exist in this world as keepers to one another. I think the major aim of economic policies and every religious group in the world today should be to find a way of shortening the longer fingers while increasing the shorter ones till equity is reached and all fingers become equal. When this is achieved, fingers become fist (a bond), and fists can only be when fingers support one another. 

Why then should we live like poles that stand alone? Whether we help them or not, whether it’s a consequence of their actions or not, there will always be a Mr. Ayanwole somewhere around us. We are not God’s militants, we do not live to punish those who offend God. We should help the people we have the capacity to help; even a man like Mr. Ayanwole still has people he can help.

“He says it like God has forsaken him, or perhaps that’s just how it sounds to me”. My neighbour seems to have forgotten that meeting his needs was not a result of how faithful he is or how diligent he works. He fails to acknowledge the fact that there are others around him who cannot afford such, so when he complains his son also picks up a hint of ungratefulness in his demeanour.

 The question is, is my neighbour alone in this state of mind? Do we not all in our state of grace give God a reason to take away everything? Does He? Remember, the difference in our lives is not by mere strength, the work of grace goes a great length. 

Be grateful to God and be helpful to your fellow men!
By Aremu-Ibraheem Adefabiola
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Are You Sure of What You Are Doing?

Are You Sure of What You Are Doing?
Are you sure of what you are doing? This is a striking question that I am sure we must have asked ourselves at one time or the other. The truth is, no matter what answer we must have arrived at, we cannot say for certainty that we are 100% sure. Let’s break it down like this, the word ‘sure’ here means that we have an accurate information of what we are doing and what the outcome will be. Except one can see into the future, you will agree with me that no one is certain of what tomorrow holds. Having understood the question, I will like to review the 3 possible answers and their implications.

1. Yes I am sure
If you are sure of what you are doing, then to you I say, ‘congratulations’, at least this means you have an idea of what is required of you and the likely outcomes. You have direction, goals and the desire to achieve them but you have to know this, even though you think you know doesn’t mean it will turn out just fine, at the first time of asking. There are variables we can’t really account for, some call it life but I call it tests. They will come, they will try to make nonsense of what you think you know but  if you are steadfast, eager to learn and flexible in approach, you will find a way to reach your goal.

2. No I am not sure
If you are not sure of what you are doing, then I say, ‘well-done’, at least this means you have given a thought to doing something meaningful with your life. Not sure doesn’t mean you do not have dreams and goals, it only means you have not yet prioritize your goals and you are yet to understand what works best for you. But here is the good news, most laudable personalities don’t figure out who they are quite on time, when you have numerous talents at par, it is often hard to place your hand on which one to follow. I can assure you, you will figure out very soon which dream to follow, don’t be shy to try out options, explore as many opportunities as possible, read wide, open your mind and push your limits. No matter what the odds may say, “don’t give up on yourself”.

3. I am not even doing anything
If you are not even doing anything, then to you I say, “it is time to hit the road”. It is never too late to make something out of your life, no matter how old or how young you are, records show you can still make things happen. It may seem a long walk ahead but by all means it a journey worth it. Legacies, ambitions and dynasties were not built in a day, hard work, consistency and passion was what many had to start with and God knows you have that and so much more. So if I were you, I will take notes, I will invest in self development and most of all I will believe in myself. You can make things happen but you have to be willing to, after all Will creates Way.

Now back to the question, whatever your answer is/was, know that it is more of a journey than a destination. You will have to keep reinventing yourself to stay true to your dreams. As long as there is life, there would always be reasons to stay relevant. It is your story, you are the star, you are the writer and you are the director…you can always make the end you desire!

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How to Ace an Aptitude Test with 10 Easy Hacks

How to Ace an Aptitude Test with 10 Easy Hacks

Aptitude test are tests of specified abilities on a specific task most of the time they are administered to screen job applicant so that the best fit or qualified are chosen.

The scoring and marking of an aptitude test usually depends on the norm of the population or could be the immediate test group population so that the score are compared with regard to rank and how many are the applicants.

Aptitude tests may be found difficult as most of the question requires adequate thoughts and most times logical many aptitude tests in corporate negative marking to their scheme just be cautions of write answer as there is only one right answer for every question.

The timing in any aptitude test is usually against the candidates but you can be smart enough to tackle all the question some might be so much that many of these question could be left unanswered.

If you want to tackle an aptitude test, these are the sure-fire ways:

1. Be informed
Yes, be informed about the timing, venue, likely questions and a whole lot of tests that can make your anxiety reduce a bit, is a way to getting prepared.

2. Minimize worry
Know and accept that this although might be your first time on test like this, you are not the only one in this shoe. Many other guys have threaded this same path and smart ones, who subconsciously followed these 10 hacks succeeded, you too can be better.

3. Prepare ahead of the time
Consult books, practise past questions well enough weeks before the test or if the test is on impromptu, devise a faster way to assimilate. This is very important as it can help a lot in boosting your reasoning power and processing speed.

4. Concentrate more on your area of expertise
Since time usually works against test takers, it is a good idea to know a lot about what you know, so that you do not perform below average.

5. Cut off on the scheduled time
Have a wristwatch with you for proper timing. While you time yourself , just cut off on the timing> this means if the test is schedule for 45 minutes, plan to finish 15 minutes before the scheduled time (45 minutes), that is, 30 minutes.

6. Manage the limited time
If you don’t know the answer, skip to the next question but re-visit after all others have been attempted.

7. Eat light food but not necessarily junks
Before you go there at all, don’t skip your meal. If you need to not eat for some reasons such as spiritual practices, do it beforehand. Your brain needs energy and glucose is in fact an important source of this energy.

8. Reduce anxiety and high level of arousal
Be positive, happy and consider writing the test a privilege rather than some aggregated difficulties and perceived disappointments.

9. Follow the test instructions on the question paper to the later
Strictly adhere to all instructions and don’t start answering the questions until you are told to start because some invigilators/examiners are very strict that they help employers look for any of your mistake to screen you out. Harsh! You won’t let that happen to you.

10. Be all there with motivation
You might be instructed to write a motivational letter or take a short survey. Don’t take it with levity because this might be the real aptitude test. Be conscious of your grammars and the words you use to describe your personality. Be original but you can put yourself in a positive light in a way corresponding to your strength as described in your Curriculum Vitae (CV).

Hope article helps. Let’s hear your comments. Share this to make a change, you own that job and go get it right there.

Article by: Bukunmi Adewumi
For more post from Bukunmi Adewumi visit http://inspiresavvy.blogspot.com.ng/

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Don’t Believe Everything You See

Don’t Believe Everything You See

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Many people saw the above post on my timeline and I am sure most of them were like, “Selah has started again with his pious posts”. As much as I would have loved to attribute the post to my being ‘pious’, it was actually necessitated by some personal events that took place few weeks before the post. So I urge you to sit back, enjoy the gist and maybe learn a thing or two.

So as usual, I was going through Facebook looking for trends and lovely posts to be part of, then I saw the profile of an old friend, someone I used to be very close to some few years back. On his profile was this picture of him on a beautiful white bed with lots of dollars (cold cash) scattered on the bed. The first thought that came to me was, ” yes o, my guy don hammer”. Instantly, I searched for his number, called him but the number wasn’t going through, so I concluded immediately that my guy is no longer in this country. Next I sent a Facebook chat to him and he responded enthusiastically, we exchanged pleasantries and tried to catch up on old times.

The following day he was the first to buzz me on Facebook messenger, “he started with how successful he is now and how he is willing to expand and carry his friends along”. To me that was impressive, his pictures said so much about success, so I had no problem believing him. Eventually, he said he had this business he was currently working on but he needed $1000 about #300k to finalize the deal. He asked if I could spare that and in 2weeks, he will pay me #500k. Tempting offer, but then my mama taught me that if it is too good to be true, it is definitely not true.

Anyway, I ignored mama’s words, I told him I will see what I can do. If you know me too well, I don’t tie down capital (as an economic), so there was no idle #300k hanging around. So I thought of calling few friends, to see who had such idle cash, eventually got someone willing to drop #150k with a promise he will get #200k in 2weeks time, I had #100k, so I was left with sourcing for #50k. This was already the third day and this my friend practically sends Facebook message to me every hour to ask how far. I told him I had #250k already but should have the #300k by the end of the week. He lamented how the opportunity might be missed and so I had to intensify my search for the remaining #50k.

Finally I remembered this guy, also a friend and he happens to know this my money spinning friend that wants turn #300k to #500k in two weeks. So I called him up and told him I needed #50k, this guy is ‘street’ so he insisted on knowing what the money was meant for. Bound by my goody two shoes rule, I told him the whole story. He just started laughing, – I was getting irritated now – “what’s funny?” I asked. He just said, ‘hope you have not sent him the #250k’, I said No. He said ‘thank your God!’ He then showed messages from this same guy, with the same proposition to him some months back. He said he fell for it and lost #280k. He said after he transfered the money to a Nigeria bank account as he was instructed, this guy stopped replying his messages meanwhile no known phone number or address to trace him.

I couldn’t close my mouth, so my guy has not arrived, all those pictures were just to lure unsuspecting victims, like I almost fell for it. It just occurred to me, I really have no way of contacting him besides the Facebook messenger. So what I did next was to send Facebook message to him saying “Hi, I got the money and Shola (name of my other friend he swindled) is saying hello too”. What I got as reply was shocking, he immediately ‘unfriend’ me on Facebook and till today, I got no message from him.

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Don’t believe everything you see on social media, half of it is not true and those that are true are often exaggerated.
If you have not seen someone in a while be diplomatic while relating with them, don’t just disclose everything about your life.
If you are a lady, don’t fall for the display of wealth and affluent on social media, they are most likely not your answered prayers but nightmare your mama warned you about.
Don’t bemoan your life because of what someone displayed, what many people are really going through if they tell you, you will be in the front roll for thanksgiving next Sunday.
Be smart, don’t fall for the games of these people leaving fake lives, don’t let them make you question your life and then make wrong choices.

If you are on the right path, keep at it, it will soon pay off. Don’t claim to be what you are not just to be liked by people. Even when you have so much be modest about it. It is a world you can’t really predict, stay real.

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Know When To Let Go

Know When to Let Go

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On your journey to achieving your dreams, you have to know when to empty your sac, when to fill up and when to keep it light. Sometimes we are too attached to our past that we don’t know, when it is time to move on. Picture an adult still walking around with a doll his parents got him when he was just 5years, unimaginable right? But the truth is that is what most of us do. We hold on to things of the past like relationship, events, words, believes, ideas, grief, loss and so on, we get too attached that we don’t realize, it is time to let it go, like the man still holding on to his old doll.

If it is not adding value to you, then letting go is not an option, it is a necessity. Don’t ruin your future by holding on to old and redundant beliefs, life styles, relationships, ideas, doctrines, people, emotions etc. There is a bright future ahead of you and you can always start with a clean slate any time. There is a whole lot you can do for yourself, if you are willing to let go of those things holding you back. No matter how great the past was, the future can always surpass it but you have to give the future a chance and trust that your best is still ahead.
                          
Make no mistake, letting go is not the same as giving up… You let go of something in your past because you are on to something better in your future.

Relationship Tips From Onomewrites

Relationship Tips From Onomewrites

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#OnomeWrites is a compilation of thoughts on relationship that is designed to guide your choice of life partner, to help foster your existing relationship and to light up dark areas in marriages. For clarification and personal counseling you can email me at  onomewrites@gmail.com.

Stay blessed.

Omodara Onome
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A good relationship consists of two people who are ready to learn from each other. Don’t be rigid, it is a partnership that’s why he or she is called a life partner and your partner’s opinions should count, if you want the best for your relationship.

Feelings could be deceptive and often times temporary but true love stands the test of time. Time reveals that which is true. Give yourself time before you take decision and when it comes to love never be in a rush!

In an ideal relationship there is a need to respect and value each other’s opinion! Your partner’s opinion should matter to you so that you can agree.

True love communicates. Communication is a vital key in any relationship. If you’re not doing that something is wrong.  Fight to resolve differences  but never estrange communication!

If you have to beg for affection and attention then something is wrong in your relationship. Fix it before you tie the knots. You are both worth more, don’t manage into marriage.

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It’s okay to have fantasies but it should never be a yardstick, there’s no perfect person but people could be better with lots of love & encouragement.

If she is not ready to build your dreams with you then she’s not worth it&if he’s not ready to help you in making your good dreams a reality then you need to do a rethink. Love is all about working & celebrating successes! Dreams should be built together cos it takes two sane mind to tango!

If you want to have a good relationship, you need to desire and then resolve in your heart to give as much as you expect no matter what it takes!

As a lady, If he doesn’t respect you now, then you need to think twice before you tie the knots. Raise your self-esteem, you are not to be messed with, you are to be celebrated.

We don’t attract what we want but who we are, if u want to get a better mate then be a better person. You attract who you are.

Selfishness is anti-relationship. If you want to make your  relationship work avoid self-centeredness! The word is not “mine” but “ours” if the relationship is to work. Compromises, sacrifices and dialogs are what relationship thrives on.

One of God’s greatest gift is an unanswered prayer, we may not understand now but He sees what we cannot see! All we have to do is trust Him.

A soulmate is someone you can connect with spiritually, emotionally, mentally and intellectually and at the same get attracted to physically. That is the ideal partner!

Sweetheart, your beauty will attract him but to keep him you need more than that. To your beauty add character, intelligence and diligence; (in all) be a better person!

Don’t marry him or her because somebody you respect told you to. They won’t live with that person for you, you are the one who will. Make your choice wisely!

If he does not respect his mother, he’s never going to respect you and she’s going to respond to you the same way she responds to her father.  If his own parents cannot correct him, then “who are you?”  Fight it out now, don’t be fooled, “marriage changes no one”…

Sweetheart, no matter how angelic and “holyghostic” the person the vision came from, I don’t care if it was passport photograph you saw before proposing to her or before accepting his proposal, you need to understand that there is a place of working it out. God will not do for humans what humans should do (for him/herself). True love is achieved when two people deliberately and consciously decide to make it happen. You are not perfect so is your spouse. Work on your character and keep growing (together).

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Hi lovebirds,  can I please borrow a little bit of your time?
There is more to love than candle light dinners,  going to picnics together,  getting matching wristwatches and shirts, going to cinemas and all the other emotional stuffs.  Hey,  don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying its bad, it’s good. It’s shows how much you care but there is more to love. True love is about growing together, learning together, working towards achieving the same goal and then celebrating success together.

Only humans possesses side mirrors to check cars coming behind God does not. You know why? Because in God’s kingdom there is no reverse, He only looks forward to the good you are doing now (the present)…. Don’t hold on to the past when God has already forgiven you, God is not mad at you. So move on!

Sweetheart, being fulfilled should not come from your spouse, please get a life! Your spouse is meant to complement you not redesign you! Don’t wait for your partner before you do something let him meet you doing something let her meet you fulfilling your dreams…

Can you please stop nagging and complaining, try to compliment him and pray for him, he’s not perfect, you are neither. Treat him like a king!

Sweetheart, you were created for so much more, stop living a shallow life, inside you is a great woman, a woman with ideas that will turn the world around. Find the real you. You were designed to excel.

If you are one of those who has this long list of what you expect from your partner, let me ask you a question, how many of those qualities do you possess? Stop chasing the perfect person be the perfect person you want to chase. Invest in you and be a better person!

If he/she does not support your God, please do a rethinking, losing your God over a relationship is not worth it…

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7 Relationship Facts
1. Just because she comes to your house every weekend to do your laundries, she cooks good meals for you and she cleans your house, that does not guarantee a submissive wife she might just be talented in house chores…

2. God designed you to be her lord and king to protect her and move her to her promised land, He didn’t design you to boss her around and treat her like your maid servant, she is a queen and she deserves to be treasured treat her like a queen!

3. Just because you met him in church and he is a worker, does not mean he is broken…. Don’t just assume be very sure! Everyone is a saint in church…..

4. A good relationship consists of two givers, it is not only a man who should give, surprise him with gifts and encourage him…..

5. Stop looking for the perfect person, become the person you want to chase! Become a better person everyday….
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6. Don’t generalize your belief system, just because somebody broke your heart does not mean every other person you meet wants to hurt you, people are different!

7. This is the final fact, this goes for everybody whether single or engaged, don’t stop learning, build your intellect! Build your relationship with God! God dreams a bigger dream for you than you can ever imagine! You are created to excel don’t settle for less…

I Love You

I Love You

‘I love you’ probably the most confusing three words in history. Questions like; does it exist, can it be true, is it real, is it possible at first sight, why all of a sudden etc trail these words, often born out of the stories of love we have read and past experiences. In a letter I published sometime ago “what is love?” wherein a young lady tried to explain the unconditionality of these words, I still ask myself this question, “can anything be unconditional?”. I mean can we love without expecting something in return? Life has taught me that these words often create that sense of obligations and expectations such as; reciprocating, obeying, caring for, being best friends with, worshiping, accepting, giving time to, listening to, forgiving when I wronged etc.

‘True love’, as my dear writer friend Onome likes to use, now takes the complication to a whole new level. ‘True love’ has been used in series of articles, often times to mean a love so divine, devoid of anything evil or selfish intentions and therefore creating a picture of an eldorado or place of peace in relationship but then does this really exist? Truth itself is a function of time and state; present, past and future, if you agree with this, then you will also agree with me that ‘true love’ could have a time validity or worse still a time constraint that could render it more or less potent as time passes. This is just an hypothesis though, don’t ha

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te me yet.

Enough of my twisting and turning! Love is real, trust me, just that it  holds different meaning to different people. Literally, we can say love is a desire to an end; a desire only the confessor of the words truly knows to what intent and extent. Okay, simply put, only the person saying those words (I love you) can really say what he or she real means, that is, how deep is the desire, what are the intentions, the terms and conditions apply and to what length he/she is willing to go.

For clarity sake, we have all been made to believe the words “I love you” should mean; you are the only one, I can’t live without, you are my everything, there is no one else above, I will be with you always and forever etc but in reality this seldom happens.

The truth is when you interpret the words “I love you” from someone else based on your own “desire of intent and extent”, you most often than not get it all wrong. For instance:
From a mother to a son- ‘I love you’ may mean ‘I will make sure you turn out right’. The son would be wise not to mistake it for ‘you can do as it pleases you’ or else he will see rebuke from his mother when he is wrong as betrayal of love.
From a player boy to a side chick- it may mean ‘I want to have sex with you again and again’. The side chick should not mistake it for ‘I will be with you forever’ or else she will see the guy getting married to the main chick as betrayal of love.
From an extortionist to a pure heart- it may mean ‘I like the way you spend on me’. The pure heart should not mistake it for ‘I can cross the ocean for you’ or else he/she will see the extortionist’s walking away when there is no more money as betrayal of love.
From a pastor to the congregation, it may mean ‘I am happy to have you in my church and I pray you make heaven’. The church should not mistake it for ‘I can die for you’ or else when the pastor chooses his family above church members, the church will see it as betrayal of love. And so on

My point is, there is no absolute (in reality) to measure these words or what to expect. What we all have to go on with are merely our imaginations and what we think the other party might be saying. However, if we take time to understand what the other person wants (to what end) maybe relationship will be less complicated and more worth the time. So when next someone tells you I love you, be wise enough to probe further because it is better to know what to expect and your likely obligations than to assume it is just unconditional.

From me to you, I love you (meaning I appreciate you reading my articles, I hope they have positive impacts in your life and I definitely want to see you at the top).

Cheers.

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Capital is Not Your Problem

Capital is Not Your Problem

We are not limited by the things that surrounds us but by the things within us. – Selahsomeone

In my article, Be The Boss, in one of the comments a lady challenged me, asking if alongside the ideas, I will also provide capital for people? This question hit me because I am aware most people claim capital is what is stopping them but then I also realized that there ideas in that collections that require zero capital to start. Then I remembered the words of Jon Ochs, “Lack of money has never stopped anyone fully committed to a cause from achieving it.”

In other words, “Capital has never stopped anyone from being successful but lack of  beautiful ideas and poor mindset will always do”.

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Let me share this true life story with you, even though I am sure some of you have heard it before. There were these three friends from a tertiary institution in Lagos State Nigeria, they came up with an idea to develop a website that will assist business people with information on interstate buses; departure time, boarding location, prices etc. This idea costs them practically nothing to set up, however getting relevant information was very tasking but they were committed to it. Four years down the line, the website had grown to become a first to recon with for business travellers, then they got an offer, some big corporation wanted to buy the website. Eventually, they agreed on some whopping million Nairas for a website, it took them less than nothing to set up and now these boys are millionaires.

Do you still think what is stopping you is capital?

You might have beautiful ideas that you think would look good provided you have large sum of money to back it up but trust me if those ideas are truly beautiful then there should be a way of breaking them into bits and starting small. Most big money making corporations you see today once started small; while most big celebrities you adore today were once nobody hustling from one end of the street to another looking for auditions and producers to listen to their demo track. Starting small affords you the rare privilege of falling small and rising big; a chance to learn and nurse your dream to reality at the same time.

The mindset of champions do not come after they start winning, the mindset of champions come ever before they know what winning taste like. It is born out of desire to be successful; when your appetite to be a success story becomes more pronounced than your appetite for any other thing this world can offer.

Michelle Mone – Co-founder and CEO of MJM Ltd: Michelle attended a dinner where she was wearing a cleavage-enhancing bra. It was one of the most uncomfortable bras she had ever worn and she was convinced she could design a better one. 3 years of research and several debts later, she finally managed to design the perfect bra and her brand Ultimo was born.

J.K. Rowling – WRITER: The English writer was penniless when she moved back to England after divorcing her Portuguese husband and describes this period as ‘rock bottom’. She decided to finally finish her Harry Potter books and send them to agents and publishers. Although she was turned down by few and told ‘not to quit her day-job’ as they believed she can’t make it writing but she had that positive mindset that kept her going. Nowadays Rowling is one of Britain’s wealthiest women, she is even richer than the Queen and is highly involved in charity work.

BANKY W- Nigerian music icon, producer and singer: Begged To Sell CDs In Salons To Survive; Went To Church To Eat Free Food. Banky had to take up to three jobs while also in university! To start up his music career he would walk to the owners of salons, greet politely, and ask them to let his group entertain their customers. Sometimes, some would kick them out and sometimes some would say yes. If told yes, after singing for a minute or two, they would sell their CDs to the customers! But because he would not give up, fame found him.

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Now again, do you think it is lack of capital stopping you?

Brace yourself, if you really want to excel, put your capital-problem mind aside, become creative with your dream, think of how you can break it into smaller units, how you can convince people to buy into it, how you can package it so invitingly that it becomes irresistible. Yes! There will be many rejections, many let downs and in fact friends and family will tell you it is a waste of time and try to put you off but if your idea is brilliant and if you have that positive mindset, sooner than you expect, you will make it to the limelight.

Cheers!