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People like to think that the opposite of fear is courage, when in fact the opposite of fear is faith. When you have faith to overcome your fears, you realize you had courage all along.” – Unknown

When you believe, you would come to realize that “nothing is impossible”.

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By selahsomeonetotalkto Posted in Legends

You are a Success!

You are a Success!

I didn’t say ‘You are successful’. I chose my words carefully. Success is one concept that is difficult to pin down to a specific universal definition. It’s an elusive, evasive and slippery idea. Frankly, what really is success? What are the yardsticks for determining a complete success story?

If getting married was success, Jesus was a failure.

If being unmarried was success, Mohammed was a failure.

If amassing college degrees was success, George Washington was a failure.

If growing gray hair and dying old was success, Alexander The Great were failures. (He died at 32years of age).

If being the wealthiest man was success, Albert Einstein was a failure (in his time).

I think you get the gist by now.

There’s no way you’d define success universally without making light of and alienating many notable names; apparent success stories.

I wouldn’t say success is relative, but I’d say it is subjective. If it was relative (to persons), a murderer may define serial killing as his idea of success. But nobody in his or her right mind should see that as success. The fact that he kills people successfully doesn’t mean he is a success story. But when I say success is subjective, it means that the meaning of success is subject to circumstances and/or experiences of one’s life. For instance, a man who was physically and sexually abused as a boy is a success if he grows up to empower rather than abuse others. Rising above negative circumstances and experiences of life is my definition of success. The moment you rise above your negative circumstances, you are the real MVP (a success story).

A friend told the story of his life thus;

I remember when I was admitted to Nigerian Law School. My hope of being called to the Nigerian Bar was almost dashed. The problem was the Law School Tuition. It was #230,000. This was 2007/2008 Academic Session. You see, in my family at that time, #230,000 was a fortune. It would be a fortune if your Dad was a retired low-level NEPA official (Pensioner) and your Mum a medium-scale trader. My Dad literally called a nuclear family meeting to discuss how we would raise the almighty tuition so that I could make it to Law School. He even considered selling his car at the time.

Folks, that amount was a big deal to us. Well, to cut to the chase, through sweat and blood, my Dad raised the money. I don’t even want to know how. All I know is that on the day I was given the cash to pay into the Nigerian Law School designated account, I became paranoid. It felt like I was being followed. Until that day, I had never held that much cash in my life. I was more vigilant than an FBI agent even in the bank premises. I only regained my sanity after the cashier gave me my Bank Teller and said, ‘have a nice day’.

Today, for one court case, I charge almost twice or triple that amount. Someone might wonder, ‘but I spend #500,000 on feeding every month and you charge that for a lawsuit?’ Exactly! And that’s why success is subjective. One man’s lunch money is another man’s weekly budget. And they may both be success stories because their circumstances are radically different. My parents went to great lengths, running from pillar to post just to get #230,000. I make double or triple that amount in one brief. That is Success to me and my parents especially. They did for me what was not done for them. They rose above their own circumstances.

You too can. And when you do, you are for all intents and purposes a Success. No matter what your bank account reads, if you can rise above your challenges, You are a Success!

How To Manage a fail

How To Manage a fail

Every successful person had failed at one thing or the other at a point in time. If you are willing to improve on yourself or try new things then you are bound to fail at a point, if you do not quit however, you will eventually succeed.

When we fail to get something we have worked so hard for, we tend to believe it is the end, nothing else is worth trying. Know this, the end of one thing is always the beginning of another but you have to decide what begins at the end of your fail. What some have termed epic fail has turned out to be the spurring beginning of a big time success streak for others. Our fails should spur us to trying again and again and again, after all we have learned new things from our last fail that would definitely help us to do better, if we try again.

There are few tricks to managing the fallouts of a fail to ensure you don’t get drowned in what is just temporary.

1. See a fail as an opportunity to learn: Because you failed doesn’t necessary mean you are not good enough rather most fails are just pointers to the fact that there are some things you don’t know yet. When you embrace a fail as an opportunity to learn new things, it won’t weigh you down, rather it will increase your desire to succeed. Success is not some thing we pick from the streets like garbage, success requires work on the dream and most importantly work on self. There are certain things we will have to give up and some things we will have learn to become successful, fails teach that!

2. Keep your focus on your dreams and not your current situation: It is easy after a big loss to get lost in the weakness of that moment. For example, in a Football league a team won’t say because they have lost their first two matches, they have lost the hope of winning the title, they know there is still a long way to go! The chase after success is not a dash, it is a marathon! The focus has to be on the dream or goal not what is currently happening; attention on goals not circumstances. Loss or fail is just an event not the whole story, we need understand this. How the story plays out depend on what we make of the different events in the story.

3. Avoid people with depressing comments: After a fail, it is not uncommon to have people around in a pity party mood with depressing comments that can kill one’s zeal to give it another shot; avoid this! We have the power to control the atmosphere in and around us by the choices we make. Even when you don’t have control over what you hear, you can still decide on what and who you listen to and when you can’t control what and who you see, you can always control the ideas you meditate on. Exercise your power of choice as your life and dreams depend on it.

4. Keep yourself motivated at all times: It is said that motivation is like having bath, you need it all the time to keep you refreshed but after a fail, you even need it more. It is like after a workout, even if you had showered already in the day, you would still need another to feel alright. After fails are exactly when you need motivations the most because at these times we are most vulnerable, different thoughts cross our mind; of regrets, of disgust, of weariness, of doubts, of distrust and if we allow them to take root, they will destroy all the hard work we have already put in to get to where we are at the moment. So we need motivation to clear our head and set us back on track. Talk to your mentor, rub minds with people who have trodden the same path and came out successful.

5. Don’t forget where you are coming from: Fails have a way of making us forget past successes but we would have to remind ourselves where we started from and what has led us to where we are now. Most need for success are driven by our past sufferings, humiliations, frustrations and need to see things change, and if we keep these in mind and while not forgetting what hurdles we have surmounted along the way to get to this point, we will see that this fail is not enough to stop us. Like the Biblical Israelites, after all their long suffering in Egypt, they knew the Red sea was not big enough to send the back to where they are coming from, so somehow amazingly they matched through it.

Have a mindset of a winner, even when you fail see it as part of your learning process. Don’t quit, try again and again and again till you succeed!

Fundamental of an Healthy Marriage

Fundamental of an Healthy Marriage

Marriage is God sanctioned; it is an institution God initiated immediately after creating all that He created. God allowed marriage because it is the only institution capable of solving the complex society problems. If education was the solution, God would have raised Professors from the Garden of Eden, if it was politics, He would have raised politicians from inception, if it was religion, God would have raised Pastor and Imams from Eden but instead of all of these, God raised a family. Note this, if we all raise healthy and Godly families this world will be a better place for us all.

For us to raise a godly family, we must understand the role expected of us as a man or as a woman in marriage.

Genesis 1 vs 26: God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He Him; male and female created he them. I want us to at this point put up our thinking cap, God said he created He him, and also said He created them male and female. This means that it was not only man that was created at this point, a woman was also created. If we proceed a bit to Gen 2 vs 18, God says : And the Lord God said, “it is not good that man should be alone, I will make him an helper suitable for him(NIV). Looking at this, it could be interpreted that man that was created in Genesis 1 vs 26 was alone, but this is contrary to the word ” He created them male and female”. Genesis 2 vs 21: So the Lord cause the man to fall into a deep sleep; then took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place 22, the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man and brought her to the man.

Get this, in Gen 1vs 26, God created them male and female, but the female could not be seen physically because she was still inside the man (except God was lying in verse 26, but you and I know He is not man that He would lie). Her being inside of a man hindered her from fulfilling the purpose for which she was created, so in Gen 2vs 18 – 22, she was brought out of the man into a physical state and her assignment was to help the man in fulfilling destiny; not as a servant or second-class object but as an helper, contributor or partner; even though the area of help was not mentioned.

You agree with me that you can only seek help in your area of weakness and not in your area of strength, right? So He carefully said, “an help mate suitable for you“. Your own weakness may be in areas orderliness and He will give you a woman that is orderly, yours may be financial instability and He will provide you a woman that is financially stable to fulfill the assignment given to you. It is shallow mindedness, when some women say they can’t part with their money to finance their home. You as a man may be grace in the area of cooking, and you have a wife that is weak in that area, you will have to help out, because God won’t give you what you have, an helper will always come in the form of who you need to be complete.

When God gives you the rib of your side in form of a woman, He expects both of you to become one entity, with each one playing his or her own part in that entity and that is when the promise of favour from Him(God) comes to be.

Understand this, when the man and the woman become one, and go back to the original way it was before the woman was remove from the man (working in synergy as an entity), that is when God’s promises concerning marriage are made to manifest. It is like buying a new phone, the phone is always packed separately from the battery, the charger and the other accessories but you are expected to put the battery in the place designed for it by the manufacturer, in the phone to enjoyed the phone, so also is your wife, you need to place her where God has commanded you to place her (a place of love and honour) before you can enjoy her role in your life.

Women, your help to your husband is not limited to cooking and caring for the kids, as Bible says help comparable unto you, is help in the area of your strengths and his weaknesses. So also men.

God bless you Union.

What You Need to Know About Marriage

What You Need to Know About Marriage

Is Marriage a blessed or cursed institution?

Marriage is an institution ordained by God. The most important institution in the whole world. Marriage can be a blessing and also a curse depending on the foundation on which it is build. There are principles guiding everything in life (including marriage). When the principle and the foundation are faulty, then marriage become a Curse instead of a blessing.

Are you single? Planning to say I DO soon? Then you need to know these principles. Are you married, but presently in hell? You can make it work today by learning and applying those principles. Are you enduring yours? That is not the Father’s will for you. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. We live in a world where we go through a lot as male and female, to run our homes and pay our bills our homes are meant to be a place of rest not a place of enduring.

If you agree that marriage was founded by God with the union of Adam and Eve, then you will also agree with me that the principles that would lead to a successful marriage can only be found in God’s teachings. After all, only the maker of a device has the authentic manual. Society and trends might try to modify, redefine or even give us a cosmetic idea of what is ideal but so long as you are not ashamed to use the original manual from the founder of marriage, you will have a beautiful home.

God created man and said it is not good for man to be ALONE and so woman was made. Marriage was not designed to be a lonely journey, where husband run his own race and the woman runs hers. The race in marriage is a joint race, where no one should Lord over the other.

Woman, you are meant to respect your husband and husband love your wife. God gave this instruction because He knew that most men are stronger than most women physically and may want to Lord over her, but when you love her as instructed, the love won’t make you Lord over her. As a wife or wife to be, you should be careful of the company you keep and what and who you listen to for advise.

Can two walk together except they agree? Agreement between husband and wife is key. Marriage is coming together of two adults, and not coming together of two adult and there parents, siblings, nieces, nephews and co. Every marriage should be between two adults and not the entire nation. No two situations are same, so also marriages. Your marriage is not expected to be compared to another.

Share your opinion with us!

Work Your Strength

Work your Strength

We are all unique, each one of us with different skills, talents, reasoning, energy level, needs, greed, targets and history (STRENGTH), and that makes us special in our own way.

Some years back, there was this young undergraduate, he wasn’t too good academically, he was what most students call “let my people go”, he would not fail but he would always be on the bother line. Friends tried to help him with his studies and he tried his best to study hard but somehow he just doesn’t get it.

However, when it comes to business, this guy is never short of ideas. While he was in school, he was into importation of car spare parts, he helped most of his lectures to import spare parts for their exotic cars. After graduation, he could only manage a ” Pass Grade”, he decided to go into business fully but because he had just little money to start, he decided to go into importation of flashy Japanese cars on request, he does all the hard work till the car is cleared at the port and he was able to make a lot as he grew smarter in the business. Five years after living school, while his colleagues with good grades were still trying to adjust to the labour market, he was already making millions.

We are all special and blessed with something only very few people can do like we can. We might not be able to do things people expect from us but there are things we are capable of that can yield more than what people expect of us. You might not be talented to play football, sing, write or even be good academically, that doesn’t make you less special, there are a million and one other things you can be good at and when you can work your strength you will be whatever you desire.

Play to your strength, feed what you are good at. Put in everything you have got till it starts to pay off. Someone said, ‘Selah i wish i can write like you’ and i replied him ‘i wish i can talk like you’. we are gifted in different areas and that’s what makes us standout as individuals. We can maximize what we are blessed with by working to our strength, putting in efforts and channelling our resources to become better at what we are already gifted at.

I remember some twins i met, these twins are not identical in any way, Kehinde was brilliant while Taye was just the opposite. Their parents tried to slow Kehinde down academically just hoping Taye would catch up but all their efforts proved abortive, Taye wasn’t just the book type. By age 15, Kehinde was done with secondary (high) school while Taye was still stuck at Primary (elementary) six. However, Taye was a gifted artiste, without any special training Taye was already drawing a ‘look alike sketch’. The parents thought it wise to send Taye to a technical school to become an artiste while Kehinde went to university to study law. Today, both are doing very fine, Taye with his own art studio while Kehinde works for a law firm.

Nobody is useless! Because a fish cannot survive on dry land doesn’t make it inferior to a bird that walks the land, and because the bird cannot survive in water doesn’t make it inferior to fishes that swim the ocean. We are all unique in our own way. We all have our areas of expertise, we should not be shy to explore our strength, we should not give into what people expect from us that we fail to do what we know how to do best.

You are already a winner, all you need to do is to work your strength! Put your Skills to use, develop your Talents, give the decisions to your Reasoning, maximize the use of your Energy, take care of your Needs, don’t let your Greed ruin your life, act with your Targets in mind at all times and never ever forget your History.

You Can Do It

You can do it

No matter what you’re going through, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you’ll find the positive side of things.

Demi Lovato

Success stories are often fun to read, my favorite is the story of Joseph in the Bible, after everything he went through and against as many odds as possible, at last, he ended up solving a huge famine problem and in turn he was made number two person in a foreign land with wealth beyond his imagination. But as much as this story is impressive and astonishing, imagine Joseph who lived it.

Joseph not knowing the end of the story from the beginning like you and I do, would probably at a point thought that every step he took forward, took him two steps backward instead, for every honest and kind attitude he showed he reaped shame and ingratitude, for every problem he solved, instead of commendations he got condemnations and for every hard work he put in, he got hard walls in return. At a some point in the prison, I am sure he would have thought of giving up and maybe blamed himself for not being like everyone else. But the best part of the story is that Joseph never stopped trying, he never stopped pushing, he didn’t give up on his dreams, even when the situation looked hopeless he never stopped believing in possibilities.

Yes, you too can do it!

Before the good times come the hard ones, times that it would seem nothing is working. Often at these times we wonder if there are things we have done wrong or if there were some past trying to catch up with us. In fact, at these times it seems as if every step we take, every effort we make takes us further back. But my friends, these times are our most critical times, these are the times our faith and our resolve to stay true to our dreams get tested. It is like the darkest part of our night that is just before the breaking of our dawn.

With a little persistence you can do it.

It is difficult to hold on to our faith at these trying times especially when most people who truly care about us begin to lose their faith in us. At this point, it feels like we are all alone and no one really understands what we are trying to make of our lives. These are times people refer to us as crazy, lazy or confused, and truly sometimes we are tempted to see it their way and abandon our dreams all together. But dear, that’s about the time things start to make sense, about the time we are pushed to the wall and we start to push harder till doors begin to open.

Please don’t be derailed by what you are currently passing through. I know it is not as easy as I am saying it but then i also know it is not as hard as it is pretending to be. You can pull through this part of your life. Dreaming is the easy part, keeping the dream alive is where the work is, but i am positive you can do it. I know people you trust are currently no where to be found and people who before now shared your views are gradually pulling back because the results are yet to be seen but all these are just like smoke screen, soon when the dust settles and the tide starts to roll your way, the good days would return, then friends and families would love to share the podium with you.

You are another Joseph in the making, just that you can’t see the end of your own story yet but I am more convinced it is even going to be sweeter and your success would be a lesson to others who wouldn’t give up, just because you didn’t. I believe in you not because i want to make you feel good but because I know your pain and I also know it would be well justified in the end if you can just persist consistently a little longer.

Dedicated to my adopted daughter Onome Omodara (www.onomewrites.com)

See The Positives in You

See The Positives in You

Whining is more like a trend these days, in fact unconsciously people just start to complain about anything and everything; how their life sucks, and some even compete with whose life sucks the most. You hear one person saying “my life is hell” and another saying “mine is more hell than yours”. Come on guys, we have to keep hope alive to stay alive, we have to focus on the positives we still have. Pity party can seem like fun and relieving but in the end it doesn’t solve the problem, rather it robs us off the zeal to fight back.

For every downside there is always an upside but it takes learning to appreciate what is unseen. Tragedy has a way of magnifying the buts, the should haves and the inflicted but with deep thoughts we can always see the blessings, the haves and the deflected. Raw diamond could be mistaken for an ordinary stone but even in its raw form people with knowledge still know its worth. No matter how tough times may be, if you have faith you will be able to see beyond the trials.

I remember some years back, I was battling with loss of job and many people i knew then kept reminding me of how many mistakes i made on my way to losing the job, some tried to shift and push the blame on my colleagues while others almost turn it into a charade of pity party and jamboree of condolences. I remember telling myself “I may have made some mistakes, some people may have had a hand in it but i can always come back from these better”. I didn’t just sit and allow life roll me over, I pushed back by not allowing myself drown in the negatives. I focused on the positives; my skill, my experience and my expertise, even when people said it was going to be hard getting another job, I was never in doubt i can come through.

Don’t hold your problems high up, don’t emphasize your negatives, focus on where you want to be, the kind of life you see yourself living five or ten years from now and work passionately towards it. We seriously have to quit bemoaning our situation, past or present, for a fact we will all pass through some forms of trying times, but these trying times are not meant to be our end rather a means to an end depending on our attitude during and after these times. Our attitude; did we choose to complain or embrace and forge ahead?

One day, a donkey fell into a pit. The animal cried and whined for hours while his owner tried to figure out what to do. Finally, the farmer decided that since the animal was old, and the pit needed to be covered up anyway, he’d just bury the old donkey right there. He got a shovel and started filling in the pit. The donkey kept up its wailing, but then fell silent. After an hour of furious shovelling, the farmer paused to rest. To his amazement, he saw his old donkey jump out of the pit and trot away! At first, when the donkey realized what was happening, he cried even more piteously. But then the wise animal hit on a plan. As each spadeful of dirt hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up on the growing mound of earth. Eventually, the mound grew high enough for him to jump out of the pit. Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the pit well is to shake it off and take a step up. We can get out of the deepest pits by not stopping and never giving up. Just shake it off and take a step up.

– Jew tales

Most people focus on the negatives because they keep comparing themselves with other people. They keep using other’s achievements as yardstick for their own lives. Life is not designed to be a rat race, as individuals we have our own unique contribution and they are embedded in the lessons we have learned and the positives we have taken from our troubles over the years. Don’t waste your time chasing others when you can be setting your own pace, there are lot of positives you can take from your current situation and create the kind of life you want for yourself. It is never too late to decide on who you want to be; the guy that whined about everything and did nothing or the guy that made the best of bad situations and lived happily ever after.

Life is no fairy tale my friend but miracles still happen, people still move from nothing to something, talents still make way, hard work still gets reward, faith still move mountains, persistence still breaks through, consistence still gets celebrated and negatives still yield a whole lot of positives.

The Only Thing Women Want 

The Only Thing Women Want

Okay, I am sure you are probably saying, “what’s he talking about how can women want just one thing!”. Unfortunately, yes! That’s what I am saying.

Some days back, I was on an ATM queue, when I heard a woman sobbing, she should be in her late 40s, she didn’t look that educated but you would see how much she was trying to hold her pain, as she was trying to explain to her friends why she was so hurt. I moved closer, so I can hear the gist (as a writer I eavesdrop a lot) and here are the key points of what she said…

…whenever he travels he doesn’t buy me things while I see other women show off what their husbands bought them…

…he never shows me he still cares about me, I know he doesn’t have much and the little he has he spends it on us but he feels detached…

…he doesn’t talk to me about anything, he is always tired for everything…

…his responses are always harsh like we are fighting, I just wish things where like they used to be…

Women are so wonderful, unique, smooth, in fact no amount of words could describe their versatility. As Human want is unlimited so is woman want, only woman with limited vision has limited demand. There’s Much to talk about…

-Hon Oloniju Aryortheyjhy Colonial

These got me thinking, if this man spends all he earns on his family and the woman is still not satisfied then what do women really want? So I went straight to google and search ” what women want” and the response I got made me more confused. Some authors came up with 6, some 7, another came up with 10 and a weird one wrote 100 things women want.

Then I remembered the song “my love don’t cost a thing”, is it that most women want everything while few others want nothing? I couldn’t answer that question, so I dropped it and moved to other things until today when it just dawned on me, every woman wants only one thing which they can disguise as everything or nothing and that is attention. (Before you call me a male chauvinist, please here me out)

Omodare….you can never know what you women want…. Even when u have it all, you are never satisfied…. I’m so confused on this cuz they can never be pleased
– Alex Temitope Ayodele

Attention comes in different forms, shapes and sizes, and most times that is where most men get misled to think women are insatiable. Also may be because men are too focused on the physical evidence that they neglect the unspoken words and are misguided to think most women are materialistic, when all they demand is attention.

Some times we think women want shopping just to stack their wardrobe but half of this time all they wanted is attention, to become the cynosure of all eyes. Attention from friends, the boutique’s representatives, but most of all from you their men. Ask any lady, the best part of a shopping spree is to have their husbands/boyfriends their to do the selection. In fact, most women will argue that they don’t dress for a man or men and that to a large extent is true because they dress for attention depending on the kind of attention they crave for at that moment. She just wants the attention!

A woman wants to be loved and appreciated. She’s an emotional being so she expects everyone to see things from an own point of view, she wants to be listened to, she wants respect. She will appreciate gift but she wants more. She wants to be treated as a special person.
– Omodara Onome

I have heard guys say their women nag but here is the fact, she just wants your attention. She wants to be heard, listened to and treated as a partner in the relationship. She wants you to have time for her, she doesn’t want to be second to your job, the children, your friends or your religion, she wants to be second to none. Unfortunately, men treat life as conquest, surmount one and move to another, shifting all attentions to what is new. Of course she will nag, she wants to be seen and treated as new everyday!

People have said a woman boss is always too bossy that women love power. In all honesty, everyone loves power, male or female but the question is, “what is the motive behind that love for power?” Men love power so they can rule, gather wealth and some times oppress but for women it is different, she wants power so she can command attention. When a lady boss walks in she wants you to know she is the boss (trust me on this, I have worked with many boss ladies), she wants the attention especially if there is another lady around, she wants everyone including that lady to know she gets all the attention.

She wants love ,care,respect and forgiveness. Fidelity, Attention…. listening ear and FINANCIAL SECURITY….above all…a faithful man.

– Raymond Glory

Men are moved by what they see; a sexy body, a beautiful face structure, a pretty smile, to die for attitude and so on, basically men are a typical example of seeing is believing but women are opposite, women are moved by what they hear, it is an evidence they have your thought attention and trust me they know when you are saying it like you mean it. It is not all about being emotional (it counts though) but it is more about what you confess, women want to hear it, day and night. If you love her then you cannot be tired of saying it and even when she wrongs you, she still doesn’t want you to take the attention off her.

No one has the ability to give women what they want, their want can’t be met. Due to individual differentiation we could say, some want love and care blah blah, while some want money and prioritise their career. The truth be told, there are some secret want which women can’t openly disclose they only fantasize about it. So to cut the long story short they have few want that we can only try to meet them. Wish I could explain more But Selah, I ain’t a fan of typing….

-Taiwo Afeez Fehintola

When a lady says I don’t want anything, trust me that ‘anything’ doesn’t include attention. In truth, the fact is, saying she wants nothing is expected to make men curious and inevitably kick start the attention process. Men will want to find out more about her. Who is she? Is she still single? And with men curiosity rather affection would often lead them to the doorstep of a lady.

To a lady, attention beats any other thing men have to offer. Ever wondered why a lady married a rich business man still ends up in the bed of an hustler? It is simply because the rich man is too busy chasing money that he thinks money can replace giving his lady attention (Remember the movie “unfaithful” by Richard Gere, it wasn’t about the sexual desires of the woman but the passion and attention in every contact).

We all know what a man wants according to Rev (Mrs.) Funke Felix-Adejumo ‘A man’s greatest need is respect, not sex or food’. In the same context, “A woman’s greatest need is attention, not sex or money”.

We can paint it however we like it, use big English and even vague words, say it is nothing or it is everything but the word we are all looking for is ATTENTION. Give your woman more attention and see what difference it will bring to your relationship, it is worth the try!

Thanks to all contributors as quoted, you guys are amazing. And to you reading this, I am sure most won’t agree with this view especially based on their own experience, so feel free to share your reservations in the comment section and trust me to reply your constructive counter argument. Cheers!

A Little Adventure

An adventure is something challenging. An adventure takes us out of our ordinary lives. It usually involves challenging ourselves or trying out something new. The word ‘venture’ can mean to try something without knowing where it will take us, while ‘adventure’ has positive connotations. Though it may be challenging, an adventure usually makes us feel excited and energized.

There are many different types of adventure. It might be argued that even something that other people might think is ordinary is an adventure to someone else. If it makes us feel challenged and excited, trust me, it is an adventure. For instance, an adventure might be:

  • Climbing a mountain
  • Learning a new language
  • Learning new culture
  • Traveling to a new city
  • Going to the top of a tall building in the city
  • Going white water rafting
  • Going after your dreams against all odds
  • Doing something people consider “crazy”

From the above, I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live with unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a life with no risk. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

If you want to get more out of life,  you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a more adventurous lifestyle that may first appear to you to be crazy but once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty. Get out of your abode, leave your comfort zone and hit the road, and I guarantee you will be very glad you did. 

But I fear that you will ignore my advice. But for some reason incomprehensible to me, you want nothing but to bolt for home as quickly as possible, right back to the same situation which you see day after day. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us to discover. Please don’t bring my fears to reality, don’t ignore my advice.

Don’t settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new start to consolidate on yesterday. You are still going to live to see many days, and it would be a shame if you did not take the opportunities today is offering you to revolutionize your life and move into an entirely new realm of experience. You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships, God has placed it all around us, It is in everything and anything we experience. We just have to have the courage to try something new and worthwhile.

My point is that you do not need  someone to change your life for you, there is already a light to the path you know you must follow, It is simply waiting out there for you to grasp it, and all you have to do is reach for it. The only person you are fighting is yourself and your stubbornness to engage in something new.

Here are few of the things you stand to gain:

1. Mental health.
The excitement and happiness we experience during an adventure release hormones that are great for our mental health. Moreover, surmounting a challenge during an adventure is a brilliant way to leave us feeling positive about ourselves. Adventures give us a more positive attitude about ourselves and about life, all of which is just great for our overall mental health.

2. Expanding our horizons.
Trying new things or traveling to other countries for adventures really expands our knowledge and experience of the world. Sometimes, it takes an adventure to show us just how rich and varied the world out there is. We realize that our perception of the world is not the only one, and that there is so much more for us to see, do and learn. Rest assured, after your first adventure you will be hungry for more!

3. Building friendships.
Sharing an adventure with someone is an excellent way to strengthen your friendship. When you both experience those heightened emotions, and help each other to overcome the various challenges along the way, you develop a lasting bond.

4. Learning new strengths.
Sometimes it takes an adventure to teach you just how strong, clever or brave you are. All of us have hidden strengths that we do not always know about. And, it can take an unfamiliar situation to allow those strengths come alive. After all, if we simply stick to our ordinary daily routine, never challenging ourselves to try something new, how will we ever discover anything new about ourselves?

5. Making daily life richer.
Leaving our daily routine for a while to have an adventure means that we come back to our everyday life refreshed, and with a new perspective. After an adventure, our daily working day routine itself seems richer and more exciting, because our adventures have taught us to see the world in a new light.

Everyone needs to add a little adventure in their lives. What counts as an adventure is up to you. What was your last adventure? And, if you could have an adventure in the future, what would you like it to be? Adventures do not need to be costly – in fact, you could start planning your next adventure right now.

Because Life Has No ‘Control Z’

Because Life Has No ‘Control Z’

How many times have you wished you can turn back the hands of time or undo a decision or an event? The reality is that life has no undo button and the earlier we wake up to that reality the better. You can’t unbreak a heart, you can’t undo what has happened, you can’t go back in time and make some decisions all over again, what is done is done. Don’t live your life looking for way back, it is only a waste of time, there is no way back only way forward, if you don’t want to be stranded.

So you got pregnant while you are still in secondary (high) school, so what? You can’t live your life bemoaning that single mistake. An error in judgement doesn’t mean all has to stop, it only means you have to re-strategize and maybe go it a harder way. Or you went bad and got rusticated from school or worse you ended up doing time for what you are not guilty/guilty of but that shouldn’t be the end of your story, people have moved from pits to pulpits, grass to grace and zero to hero however, the worst thing you can do to yourself is to spend time wishing you can undo the past because sir and ma, what is done is done. You should find the strength to move on, so you don’t get left behind.

Pregnant at 18 or childless at 48, you can still have whatever you desire, one single error in judgement or a yet to be answered prayer can’t stop who or what you are meant to be, it is always yours to decide!

So you had an accident or worse incapacitated from birth, this doesn’t mean it is over, trust me life has just began, you can still make it work, check history. So you had enough before then lost it all or wasted it, believe me, even the prodigal son knew, you can always retrace and restart. In life, there is a big different between ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t’; most things we say we can’t do are just things we won’t do because we are too scared of failing, yet wishing there could be another way but the hard way. 

You can’t unsay the hurtful words you said to someone but you can show how sorry you are to calm their aching nerves, people forgive! You can’t unlive the kind of rough life you had lived in the past but you can make a choice never to go back to it. You can’t go back in time to make amends for the evil you had done to people who genuinely loved you but going forward, you can be the success they all want you to be. Stop wasting time wishing the undo button works, in real life that button is broken, you can only move forward. I know sometimes moving forward comes with heavy heart especially for people who are very emotional, like me but it is just one truth we must all learn to live with, what is done is done.


People will want to tell you to think it through before you act, think twice before you decide but experience has shown that even with eyes wide open we can still fall into ditches. Some pressures are so real that only you know what you are feeling at the time and subsequent decisions you made afterwards. So it is done! In the end it happened, people will want you to feel guilty, yes you should be after all you got yourself into it but don’t get stuck in guilt land, snap out of it, you may not be able to go back and undo those decisions but you can most definitely fix yourself going forward. You can still be whoever you chose to be no matter what time of the day you realize it.

Do you know that some times the route you went through that you are wishing you can undo are actually supposed to be an eye opener for you to see what your dreams entail? Do you know “in the valley of the shadow of death” are where most dreams are inspired? Even still at the jaws of death lies the sweetest of honey, Samson knows better. Rather than get grounded thinking how to undo what is done, keep yourself busy with what it has taught you, how you can solve same problems for others and how you can realign what’s remaining with where you want to be.

The ‘undo’ button might be broken but the ‘fix it’ button is still working well. Stop wishing you can undo what is done, start fixing what is left of your life. And if you have resolved to make the required change, then now is the time; you don’t have to wait till morning, Monday, birthday or new year before you start something new, now is the best time of your life to do what must be done.