People like to think that the opposite of fear is courage, when in fact the opposite of fear is faith. When you have faith to overcome your fears, you realize you had courage all along.” – Unknown

When you believe, you would come to realize that “nothing is impossible”.

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By selahsomeonetotalkto Posted in Legends

Interview with a player 4

​This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series. 

Previously on Interview with a player

Selahsomeone: Welcome back readers, let’s learn as Mr. A continues with his story.
So Mr. A, This is like bondage right? You became a victim of your own game, unfortunately most of our readers are of the opinion that you deserved it.

Mr. A: I wouldn’t want to argue that because in truth karma has no menu, we get what we deserve! So maybe i deserved it or maybe not, but events that happened after left me wondering, who deserved to be punished? Anyway, it was towards the end of our last session in the university, I could not leave miss T even though I disliked her for all she had done (would not like to be killed because of a woman), so I just soldiered on but kept in touch with my ‘only’ true love, miss B (I had some one night stands and friends with benefits along the way though; back then when, as a student, you are on ride ladies have a way of ending on your bed). Eventually, school was over, we graduated, I travelled home and I stopped picking miss T’s calls. 

You cannot hold anyone down against his/her will. If it was meant to be, it will be but relationship is never something to be forced. What is worse than falling for someone that doesn’t love you is being in a relationship with someone that doesn’t want you.

Selahsomeone: Finally, guess you were saved by the distance. How did she and her brothers handle the situation?

Mr. A: After 3months at home, I had another lady miss O, she was such a nice listener, very quiet and peaceful, she was quite the opposite of miss T. I explained everything that happened in school (my version of the story) to her and she was quite sympathetic with me, so with her nice comforting words, I finally had the courage to pick miss T’s  call. When miss T called again, in a very sober voice, I told miss T “I mistakenly impregnate someone, my whole family’s aware and that was why I had been scared to pick her calls” (I resulted to my scoping skills). She cursed and cursed, she said so many unprintable words but within me, I could only smile because I knew it was part of the game plan to get her off my back. But after then she made it an habit of calling at least twice a week to either beg or curse and this went on for another few months till…

Selahsomeone: Hold on Mr. A, now I am a bit confused, if she loved you that much, why was she seeing another man? And the curses, were they to force you back or to haunt you going forward? Rhetorical questions, I know, but I can’t help but wonder. Please go on!

Mr. A: One day I got back from work (I was working pending when we would be called for Service-NYSC) only to find miss O (we were actually staying in the same compound then) crying. I was really worried, “what happened? Please tell me” I pleaded with her. When she finally spoke, she said some people accosted her on her way from work and told her to leave me alone or she would die. Instantly, I concluded that must be miss T’s  brothers, I got very angry and immediately, I called miss T, told her what happened then told her, she should forget about me and any hope of us coming back together, finally I threatened her that if anything should happen to anyone on that account, she and her family would not go Scot-free. She was silent on the call, she could only manage to say, ” my brothers and I don’t even know your place”, I just ended the call. She stopped calling me after that episode, I started enjoying life with miss O, while miss B remained on the side.

Selahsomeone: Guess some things would never change, miss B still on the side. Don’t you find it strange that she was comfortable being a side chick? And, if you truly loved her like you claimed, why didn’t you just pick her and stay with her.

Mr.A: Selahsomeone picking was the least of my problems, even though I was not wired for long distance relationship, settling with one lady was not on my agenda at that time. 
When my service posting came out, I had to take miss O along with me, as she had issues with her Foster parents. I wasn’t posted too far from my base, I was actually posted to the same state I schooled (my dad worked that), so I really understood the town. I rented a place in the town for her while I was at NYSC camp for the mandatory 3weeks.
My first day in camp, I got a shocker, I don’t make friends that easy, so I was alone waiting to be called for bed space when I heard someone yelled my name… turning back, I couldn’t believe my eyes, miss T in same camp with me! It was a mixture of fear and frenzy for me, I gave her a warm hug and exchanged peasantries; was I glad to see her? I can’t say. Then, she asked about my child, this question caught me unprepared, so I asked ” which child?” Her eyes immediately popped out, as she screamed,”so you lied that you impregnated someone just to get rid of me, ha! ‘A’, this is unfair o”. It was then the question clicked, I couldn’t lie anymore, so I told her, she was right that I just needed a break from the relationship. To my absolute surprise, she understood and I must confess, a lot had changed about her. We agreed to stay friends and she became my buddy throughout our NYSC days. I introduced her to one of my friends (another pal of mine while in NYSC camp) and today both are married.

Everyone we meet in life serves purpose; some are to teach us, others are to bring out the best in us while few come along and stay forever!

Selahsomeone: Wow! People change no doubt, no one is a complete write off, that I have also learned. Back to your story, now miss O was in the same town you were serving and guess you guys were thinking of staying together after your camp, right?

Mr. A: Very correct, selahsomeone. She lost her father (her mother passed while she was much younger) shortly before I was called to camp, as we were still battling with that shock, her school (polytechnic) listed her as one of the students with fake result, so she was denied her OND result and to make matters worse, her school certificate results mysteriously disappeared from where she kept them. It was like her whole life crumbled in the space of 2 weeks. I tried my best to comfort her and in the end, we agreed she should come with me, re-write her school certificate exams then process admission into a nearby higher institution. 
When I was through with camp, I moved in with miss O. She started attending lessons to prepare her for the school certificate exams. I still kept my relationship with miss B on the side. The game was always to instigate miss O to travel to spend time with her siblings, while I invite miss B over from her own school that way I was able to give both ladies the impression they were the only one. Miss B’s first visit was the first time we had sex after dating for about 6years (on and off). I didn’t meet her a virgin, even though we had been dating before she turned 18; meaning along the line she had some other guy(s) and I was just her side guy too (I didn’t feel bad though but I didn’t feel too good either and we never talked about it).

Selahsomeone: *shaking my head* this you and miss B went too far. I think your affair passes for ‘complicated’.

Mr. A: Absolutely but then I wish it was easy for me to see, anyway, it is said that loving eyes never see. I loved miss B no doubt but I couldn’t stay without an alternative, maybe due to my fear of being alone or something, plus I always wanted to have a backup plan. Asides the two ladies, I had other lady friends, one in particular miss D. For my service, I was posted to the university of education as a lecturer and Miss D was one of my students. I was really fond of her, maybe because she was academically sound and yes, she was a virgin (according to her) and she said, ‘she intended keeping it that way till marriage (I love women with such determination even though I was not a guy with that much patience to wait around)’. So that I won’t be carried away by my platonic love for miss D, I told miss O about her and emphasized that “she’s just a friend”..but I guess that was my undoing as just few weeks after telling Miss O about miss D, she started receiving threat messages from miss D, telling her to leave me or else.

Selahsomeone: This is crazy, thought you said miss D was just a friend why would she be threatening miss O? 

Mr.A: I was very furious, I asked miss D about it and she denied it. In fairness to her, I had never said a word about miss O to her before that time, so how she got to know about her or got her number was really confusing. So I told my two friends about it, miss T ( my ex) and Mr. R, miss T insisted miss O was lying just the way she lied about miss T’s brothers harassing her back then while Mr. K was of the opinion, ladies like miss D might want more than friendship.
I didn’t take miss T too serious (afterall she must still be jealous), so i went with Mr K’s advice, I cut down on my closeness to miss D. Then something happened again, miss O came back home one day, with red eyes claiming she was attacked by couple of girls. This got me really mad,after I tended to her, I drove to miss D’s house, didn’t even give her the chance to explain, I told her I don’t ever want to see her again (other than in class, of course) and I assured her she would most likely fail my course.

Love is worth fighting for but a lover is not! You can do your best to keep someone who loves you however it is useless fighting to keep someone who doesn’t even belong to you.

Selahsomeone: Miss D blew it obviously, she really made a mess of everything. Why would a lady attack another lady just because of a man; dating or not dating? I hope miss O didn’t take it too hard.

Mr. A: Well, I left miss D’s house in anger, I left her crying but I wasn’t sorry because I felt she just went too far (a coward who won’t admit the obvious). On my way back home, I stopped at miss T’s place to give her the update (Mr. R traveled at the time), miss T still insisted that something was fishy. So she asked me to do something and that whatever the outcome was, the truth would be revealed. She asked me to cook up a story about miss D and tell miss O, then see what will happen. It sounded crazy to me, ‘cook up a story’ how would that bring the truth? But to satisfy, both, our curiosity, I agreed. When I got home, I told miss O that, when I got to miss D’s house, there was a big fight, the father invited the police and I was taken to the police station but because I was a ‘corper‘, the police released me after paying a “fine” of #500.

The truth has no shades, there could be 50 shades of grey, 100 shades of lies but there is only one truth. If it is not the whole truth then it is a lie!

Selahsomeone: That was a big lie! How do you come up with these lies? Do you even care about what would happen if these people found out the truth?

Mr. A: I wouldn’t want to go into the subject  of ‘lies and scopes’, believe me Selahsomeone, it is not as easy as it seems. Anyways, miss O had already made her papers, we were processing her admission into the premiere university and I was just few weeks away from my passing out parade (end of service year) when all these miss D issues turned out this bad. To cut the long story short, just the following morning, miss O got another text from miss D and this was the craziest text of them all. The text went, ” you have not seen anything yet, did your boyfriend tell you I got him locked up? That’s just a little piece of what’s to come, if you don’t leave him for me”.

Selahsomeone: What? You mean…

To be continued


Ways to people’s heart

Ways to people’s heart

There is this common saying that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so true especially if the man is me. But then why would we need a way to anyone’s heart? Imagine having a way to the president’s heart, what kind of leap or lift that will give your personality or better still your career and ultimately your life. 

We need to find ways into people’s heart for just one reason, to have them on Our Team; on our own side of the equation of life!

Warming your way into People’s Heart is not an easy task, not one that only good food can guarantee especially since not everyone is like me, plus trying to feed everyone will definitely cost you so much. So here are few tips that might help you to warm your way up:

1. Be funny

Being funny is the oldest trick to get people to like you. In the olden days, the kings would have servants around them just to crack them up; the funnier, the more presents from the king. This idea still works! Examples, most ladies for instance go for the funny guys, most events now crave for stand up comedians, most presentations start with a joke to lighten up the mood… that’s the extent of the power of jokes. So be funny, most people will want you around and most likely won’t forget you in a hurry but also be careful not to overdo it because there is just a thin line between being funny and being a joke (jerk).

2. Prove you can be loyal
The “48 laws of power” calls this selective loyalty. This is loyalty for an end purpose. People tend to love someone they can trust, and all you have to do is prove you are trustworthy. Watch their back even when they have not asked you to, when you see something that can hurt them, prevent it and make sure you take credit for it. Understand that the purpose is not just to be good (even though you should be good), the purpose is to take credit for being good. Rich men have been known to even give tests just to see, if their men are loyal. So yes!  pass the test and you will warm your way up.

3. Let them believe they are gaining more
It is in the nature of people generally to like someone they can benefit from, while they try to avoid someone who tends to be a liability. So let them have the feeling they are gaining more from the relationship. Just the way most people remember you when you need to do something for them, create a feeling that they will always need you. Be good at so many things and render your service so selflessly. Just be a candle and people will need your light.

4. Be different
Basically be unique and know your worth. Don’t try to be like everybody or try to fit in, you will just end up being one of the rest and most likely anonymous to the essential people. Standout, you will be appreciated, more people will want to be around you and most of them will want to give all to stay around you. Know your worth but don’t wear it in pride, be creative, be about solutions and not problems, make suggestions and not criticisms but above all, show people why they need you.

To have a devoted team, you have to connect with each and everyone on your team emotionally; that helps establish the strongest bond of loyalty.

5. Relate with their stories
People like someone who can relate with their stories. Most people have emotional side, so always find a common ground with people you want to get close to. Relate with their stories, lives or experiences, it creates a kind of mental bond with them and keeps you in a special place in their heart. For instance, when you meet someone you want to get close to, find something the person is or has gone through that you have also gone through; like heartbreaks, loss of loved ones, winning against odds etc., that way they will always have a soft spot for you.

You are building a team of people who can help you achieve your dreams; some younger, some older, people of different fields, people of different aspirations, all these people must have one thing in common and that is the desire to want to be on your team. 

In My Life Nothing Is Impossible; Right Information

In My Life Nothing Is Impossible; Right Information

Information is key when making assertions, tell a village man who has never seen or heard of mobile phones before that it is possible to commuunicate with someone over a thousand kilometers, from the palm of one’s hand, and I can bet 100%, his answer will be, “it is impossible”. A saying goes, ” we cannot be wiser than what we don’t know”, better put, ‘what we don’t know, would always be beyond us’. When people say something is impossible, it simple shows their level of understanding, awareness, self discipline and mental preparedness.

If it wasn’t achieved, it wasn’t because it was impossible but because no one has learned enough to get it right.

Remember, nothing is impossible, often times we just haven’t found a way around it yet. When people come with ideas that look daunting, the debate shouldn’t be about the possibilities, the focus should be on the questions that can unlock the mysteries surrounding the ideas; information on the right tools to use, technologies, sacrifices required, what others have done before in those lines, their failures and how you can consolidate. If it wasn’t achieved, it wasn’t because it was impossible but because no one has learned enough to get it right.

Stories abound about people who have achieved what many others have tagged impossible at one time or the other; as individuals or as a team. Your dream won’t be an exception, but aside from being willing to get it right, you must be ready to do enough to get it right. Information opens the right doors, shows you where and when to go, teaches you what and when to do, equips you with what and when to say it… information perfects your timing (the when factor). Information also helps with the what, where, why and how of your dreams, the questions that unlocks impossibilities and take you to the realm of possibilities.

Open your mind, get as much information as you can on that dream of yours; formal and informal information, share from others experiences, learn from your mistakes, find out “the why” of other people’s failures, be ready to accommodate initial failures of your own but be resolved to succeed in the end. You can do this, even if many others have failed at it.

Your dream won’t be an exception to those success stories you have heard, but aside from being willing to get it right, you must do enough to get it right. 

Trust me, if you are equipped with the right information; about your dream, about what you are capable of and how you can enhance that skill of yours to make it efficient for what must be achieved, you will have faith in yourself, you will see things from a whole new perspective and you will agree with me and say to yourself that “in my life nothing is impossible”.


Ties that Bind

Ties that Bind; how compatible are you?

As a tie which it is, it merges hearts and most times confuses reasoning.  So, if you are in love wrongly, you tend to remain bound wrongly too. 

A lot of people have their lives wrapped around an abstraction which dictates much of their actions. It is termed, “love”. It is either love for someone, a deep attraction towards fantasies or the comfort they derive from a kind of activity or obligation. Whichever way it portrays itself, almost everyone has the feeling of love even if it is selflove.

The feeling can be consuming, always wanting to be around a person or thing, often times it can be really demanding though everyone else except the lover sees it that way. Little wonder, it is said that, “loving eyes never see”. The ecstasy it brings is like no other. It creates a bond with the object of affection- an inseparable feeling, a connection, a soul tie. Even when things go wrong and situations seem bad, love has its way of binding up wounds and subtly demanding sacrifices. You would not mind spending so much to fix your best car, travel across continents to visit your heartthrob or sitting down for hours doing a job you enjoy even when you are sick because it brings you happiness.

A verse of a popular song reads, “love is magical”, indeed it is, yet destructive when it involves two incompatible minds. Imagine that this magical feeling connects one incompatibly; it neither loses its potency nor bond, giving birth to a lover that is attached to someone or something that constantly derails him/her from a required course. It makes people put so much effort into a passion that leads nowhere. Since love is visually impaired, its leaves its captors with nothing else than the zeal to keep trying hard to “fix things” and sacrificing more to “make it work”.

Even when things go wrong and situations seem bad, love has its way of binding up wounds and subtly demanding sacrifices. 

Recently, it has become rampant to hear gruesome details about couples. Either a man beats up his lady to a pulp, a woman sends her husband to an early grave or a house owner is killed by his pet. Divorce has become part of nuptial agreement. Love is majorly responsible for these- not that it is an inappropriate feeling but because it was wrongly developed between incompatible lives. 

As a tie which it is, it merges hearts and most times confuses reasoning.  So, if you are in love wrongly, you tend to remain bound wrongly too. It is difficult to literally separate two bodies being held together by an adhesive, so it is when hearts adhere. It just sticks together, producing connections that can either build or mar its individuals; a forceful dismemberment always causes bruises, instability and hurt. 

Think wisely about that loveable attraction because its hold might be stronger than you could ever imagine.


Interview With a Player Part 3

Interview With a Player Part 3

Previous Episode

This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series. 

Selahsomeone: Welcome back readers, let’s learn as Mr. A continues with his story. So Mr. A, what happened in the morning?

Mr. A: Okay, so I woke up to realized neither of the two sisters came to bed, I was a bit worried, not just because I thought I had lost my meal ticket but because I thought I had lost two people who truly cared about me. I thought I had waited till it was morning, though I couldn’t sleep again, in my head I was replaying all that had happened. Then I heard movements in the sitting room, I jumped off the bed, lo and behold, miss F on the couch and miss B clearing the plates in the kitchen. I was so relieved, my play acting worked, maybe not totally but ‘they are still here’. I was so happy.

Selahsomeone: Wow! Miss F must have truly loved you to have stayed.

Love can be so many things; tolerating, forgiving, understanding, protecting, caring, believing, trusting and so on but love is not foolish. Your partner may be so loving that you want to mistake him or her a fool but believe me, when you take what you have for granted, with time it becomes what you had!

Mr. A: Yes, she did and I was able to keep her till we were done with polytechnic. Miss B left that weekend but we kept in touch via letters (no mobile phones then). Everything went smooth afterwards, I was able to process miss F’s admission to same  university as myself, as direct entry students, and our relationship continued until…

Selahsomeone: (cuts in) If I get you right, you still continued with miss B in spite of everything that happened, don’t you think that’s a bit to the extreme?

Mr. A: A part of me loved miss B, I maybe a player of some sort but somehow, I had this soft spot for miss B and maybe because of her innocence, i just could not leave her. Anyway, when we got to the university things changed. For being the best student at the polytechnic, my dad (things changed for him too, we had lots of money to throw around) gave me a car and my allowance moved from #500/month to #10000/month. I no longer needed anyone as my meal ticket, my dependence on miss F disappeared. She noticed this and we began to have lots of issues. She became obsessive, insecured and bittered; she practically saw faults in everything I did and how I related with other ladies. I saw another side to her but in spite of everything, one thing remained constant, she loved me and was not ready to let me go. 

Selahsomeone: Change comes with its own challenges. Please continue!

There is a thin line between love and obsession. Love lets go and somehow it comes back but obsession holds on tight and somehow it eventually squeezes life out of the relationship. Are you obsessed or in love?

Mr. A: Miss B came visiting again (3years since I last saw her), now she was older and a lot bolder. When she came the sister, Miss F, insisted they both stay at her place but miss B insisted, she came to see me and was going to stay at my place.
Okay a little description of the arrangement now, miss F had a place of her own while I also had a place of my own, both single rooms but different houses (about 5km apart). Miss F usually stays at my place weekdays and goes back to her place on weekends. So when miss B insisted she was staying with me, the sister too had to come stay with me that weekend. Three of us in one room, same bed, I sleep in the middle flanked by both sisters. Like I said, miss B was a lot bolder now and would insist on putting her head my chest even with the sister beside us. At first miss F was not comfortable with it but I was able to calm her down and assured her it was nothing, after all, she was like a sister to me.
First thing Monday morning, Miss B left for Lagos and back to her school. Life continued with Miss F till the unexpected happened; somewhere along the line she got pregnant. It was unexpected, we thought we were always careful, using the safe period calculations, withdrawal method because I wouldn’t use sheaths, then salt water the morning after just in case; but somehow it happened. We delibrated about it, thought of the consequences, eventually we opted for d&c.

Selahsomeone: D&C? As in abortion? That’s to the extreme! You guys really went too far. Weren’t you scared something bad might happen? Okay, go on *taking notes*

Actions come with consequences; we want to act yet we don’t want the consequence. Life doesn’t swing that way; ask yourself, “am I prepared for what this might bring upon me?”. Trust me friend, when the chips are down, the owner of the chips goes down with it!

Mr.A. At the clinic, the doctor insisted I should stay while he performed the operation. I had never seen someone in that much pain before, she tried to stay strong but she couldn’t hold back her tears, the blood was so much, I felt faint and I just went blank. When I gained consciousness, I found myself on the hospital bed, drip hung by my side, that was when I realized, I actually passed out. She was up already, seated by my side. In spite of all the pains she just experienced, she still managed to sit by my side with love written all over her face, I felt so sorry for her, for the pain I had caused her and for passing out when she needed me most. 

Selahsomeone: *Sigh* What can I say!?! Please continue.
Mr. A: After the hospital incident, we became enstranged, she became a bit withdrawn and more aggressive, till the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
Well it happened in a strange way. I had been keeping all miss B’s letters under my bed, this faithful day miss F came around and insisted she wanted to sleepover (after the pregnancy mishap, we decided we should stay apart, even on weekdays). I was invited to Law dinner (dinner and all night party) scheduled for that same night and I didn’t want to take her, so I don’t miss out on the fun, hence lied to her that the invite I got was just for one person. Without much hassle, she agreed to stay back in my house alone.
Following morning when I returned home (till today I wished I had taken her) I found my room had been turned upsidedown; miss B’s letters were scattered on my bed, my TV,video and other moveables thrashed, instantly I knew the bubble is bursted and I had lost her. Till today we have not spoken of what happened. It all ended that day; though being in the same class and because we shared same friends, we tried to maintain friendly disposition and when people tried to ask questions, we do our best to avoid giving any tangible answers.

Selahsomeone: Ugh! You lost her eventually. That was expected. You can’t eat your cake and have it, so also, lie can only sustain a relationship for a while, truth always have its way in the end. Hope that serves as lesson for you and changed you.

Mr. A: Yes, I did my best to change but then life had other ideas. In less than 2 months i started dating another lady, miss T (I met her at the law dinner, also happened to be in my class). Honestly, I believed I had learned from my relationship with miss F, I stopped writing miss B and I was so sure nothing could come between me and miss T. Miss T was that social dream girl; parties, clubbing, raves and what have you. We never missed an event together, though some I insisted we won’t attend but people came to tell me she attended without me. I wasn’t ready for any gossip to spoil the relationship, so I just ignored all the hearsays.
I met almost all her family members, and she used to take me to her uncle’s workplace (the bank). The man was very accommodating, he gave us money from time to time and advice too. I was really down with miss T, she knew how to turn the heat on; she was pretty good and made sure no unwanted aftermaths like pregnancy. However, on this faithful day, I dropped my car at the mechanics and since miss T’s  place was a stroll away from my mechanic’s place, I decided to breeze in. I got to her place, the brothers were playing soccer outside, they were too engrossed to notice me and so I just went straight inside. What I saw was blinding; miss T and the supposed uncle smooching and moaning on her bed. I was confused, i couldn’t process what was happening but when it eventually dawned on me, I almost ran mad!

Selahsomeone: *laughing* sorry I can’t help it. I know it must have really pained you but that’s like God’s payback. How fast the table turns, so how did you handle it.

An adeage says, “when an evil man thinks he is done with his last evil deed, somehow repercussion starts looking for him”. Life is simple but in a complex way, the past always catches up, no matter how fast we think we can run.

Mr. A: I left for my place, not crying but obviously very sober. This was early 2004, we had mobile phones then, so she called but I didn’t pick. Next, her brothers came to my house, forgot to tell you, she had these three hefty guys for brothers and they were cultists, they came around and beat the fear of God into me and then warned me that if I ever tried to leave her again, I would be dead.
So Selahsomeone, I had to stay in the relationship. She didn’t even bother to apologize neither did she stop seeing the said uncle. At this point, I became a slave in the relationship. I couldn’t leave neither could I stay. One day she was around when miss B called (miss B somehow got my number and seriously I was so pleased to hear from her after a long while), miss T forcefully collected the phone from me, on hearing a lady’s voice at the other end, she started cursing. She ended the call and I can’t forget what happened afterwards, she gave me a destiny resetting slap (I definitely saw billions of stars with colours IPhone7 won’t be able to place) then she said “imagine that idiot telling me, you don’t know me, I took him from my sister and I don’t think I am going to give him up for you. Who is she? Talk before I sound you again?” Selahsomeone, good slap activates the brain, every word she said stuck but then I wasn’t going to let it go just like that at the same time, I wasn’t ready to die at the hands of her brothers…

To be continued

click link to download https://selahsomeonetotalkto.files.wordpress.com/2016/09/the-beau-ebook.pdf Quote

The Beau

This is a must read book for singles and parents. Relationship based eBook that is targeted at correcting the basics and act as a guide especially during complex decision making.

As youths sometimes we think handling relationship is very difficult but when you have basic understanding of the rudiments involved, it simply becomes a breeze through. Relationship goes beyond love and the body demands, we need to learn how it is designed to work.

Also as parents we have to understand so many things have changed, growing up has become more demanding, the effect of peer group alone is worse than it used to be, our kids need us to identify with what they are going through. We want them to talk to us but we must also know we have to be on the same page with them before we can make sense of what they are saying.

We must read this book. – Omotayo Abosede (Selahsomeone)

Love is nothing but good. If it is not good, it is not love. But then, love has its nuisance value. Love is a very important ingredient in working out a successful relationship. However, it is not all there is to it.
This timely book “The Beau” expresses the basic and fundamental virtues needed to get into a working relationship and sustaining it.
I met Onome about 3 years ago and her passion to see men and women walk into their God ordained marriage actually beats my imagination. Onome would do anything humanly possible to ensure you get it right in your relationship.

Practically, she played a very critical role in ensuring that I’m in the right relationship. So, I’m talking from my personal experience with her.
When Onome told me about this project, I was both glad and happy. I promised my full support and encouragement. – Ajayi Adeshina (Mr Wordline)

Thank  God it is finally here!


Click the link below to download the eBook

 The Beau

The Beau


When Men Are Cast Down…

When Men Are Cast Down…

Times are pretty hard and even the world’s smartest economists attest to this, recession is biting so hard, we can even see the bite marks on the rich and famous. The slogan now is adjustments, restructuring, change, downsizing, cutting costs and so on. “Things are hard” is no longer the excuse of the stingy, it is now the reality of the selfless. Things are so bad that even the faithfuls might want to beginning to accept that fact; I almost did until I understood Job 22: 21 – 30 emphasis on 29a, “When [men] are cast down, then thou shalt say, [There is] lifting up…”

Then I realized, I don’t operate based on what the economists say, how the rich and famous feel, what the trending slogans are nor what has become the reality of the selfless. I am a faithful, I trust a Father who is beyond the natural, I trust a God that delights in doing wonders and I serve a master who has everything, and has promised to satisfy me according to His riches in Glory…Wow! What more assurance do I need!

Now if you happen to share the same Father with me,then you have to know this applies to you too. Grace is like an inheritance, but if you do not know you have it, you cannot use it. Now I am telling you; you have it, it was given to you by your Father, tap into it and use it. You are above the economies of this world because the inheritance you share is not of this world and you do not operate within the limitations of the natural because your Father is the master of the supernatural.

When people are saying it is a hard time you will be saying it is a time you had more. When people are being sacked, you will be sharing testimonies of promotion. When other businesses are folding up, yours will be unfolding new branches and growth ideas. When others find it difficult to make ends meet, you would be tying both ends and helping others too.When most find it unbearable you will be bearing fruits of abundance. You are not of this world!

You are a child of the most high, you are the seed of Abraham with wisdom of Solomon, the heart of Christ and designed to fulfill purpose. Be what you have been designed to be, take bold steps towards achieving your dreams and trust your Father to make all things work in your favour.


When You Don’t Follow Your Dreams

When You Don’t Follow Your Dreams

We all have dreams no matter how small or big they seem, we all have ideas, opinions, things that we think could work and change both our lives and the lives of people around us. Some may have been dreams we had while we were younger, some as a result of brainstorming while others could be just spark of imagination but not all of us will do something about it. Very few wake up the next day to pursue an idea that kept them awake all night while most just move on like nothing happened. 

To the few who have followed their dreams, on behalf of everyone, I want to say thank you! Thank you to Mark Elliot Zuckerberg for changing the face of social media, to Alexander Grant Bell that made the first telephone, to Benjamin Franklin that dedicated so much to electricity, to Bill Gate for Microsoft, Steve Jobs for Apple, Galileo Galilee for new science, General for Kentucky fried chicken and to so many others whose dreams have changed the world, you guys are appreciated. You guys gave lots of time and efforts; you endured criticism, fought against demoralizing comments and resisted the naysayers. You guys were persistent even in the face of inconsistent results; you did not give up on us, you did not give up on making life better and living your dreams. You are worthy of emulation!

But to you who see no reason to follow your dream, here is what you are actually doing. You are denying the rest of us a better life; that dream you are trying to bury is supposed to make the difference for so many people. Even when you think it is small and insignificant, it could actually be a light to guide someone else to doing greater things. Don’t be mean, don’t be selfish, know that a lot depends on what you do with your dream, not for you alone but for everyone of us. If you have conceived it, then it is part of the master plan to make the world better. Don’t bother yourself with how realistic it is, start first, act and somewhere along the line people with same dream will come around and help you fill in the missing parts.

Your dream is a blessing to the world, don’t deny us. Act on it now so it doesn’t be another “what could have been”. Take it a step at a time even when you cannot see the big picture, it will come together in due time but you have to start first. Don’t take life’s beautiful gift back to the grave, live your dreams and start that now!


Interview With a Player Part 2

Interview With a Player Part 2

This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series. 

Previously on interview with a player

Selahsomeone: Welcome back readers, let’s learn as Mr. A continues with his story.

Selahsomeone: So Mr. A, you were dating two sisters under same roof and you were comfortable?

Mr. A: I wasn’t comfortable, no! far from that but I felt like I had all I had ever wanted. Everything was kind of going in my favour. A girlfriend that provided basic necessities (food, money and sex), the little sister that gave love a new meaning to me and I was really doing good at school, I was best in my class at the time. That was like everything a guy could pray for at that level but like I said when I thought it could only get better something bad happened.

Sometimes bad things bring the best comfort, but even with the comfort, it still doesn’t make them right. And when we lose ourselves in the bad, we should be aware that there will always be consequences!

Selahsomeone: I doubt these were answered prayers but anyway, what bad happened?

Mr. A: While Growing up, being the only child of my parents, there were some habits I picked up and one of them was keeping a diary. Then I needed to share my thoughts with someone but because I had no one close enough, I shared them with my diary. So on this faithful day, I went to play snookers with my friends, so I left Miss F and Miss B at home. It was always a nice time with the guys, you learn new tricks, compare notes and share experiences. So often I get so involved that I lose track of time.
So on this day, I came back home late, around 8pm to find Miss F packing her stuffs while Miss B stood there crying. I wanted to ask what the issue was but what I saw shut my mouth. There laid my diary on the desk in the sitting room. I remembered, keeping my diary under the bed, where I was so sure no one would check. But here it was, somehow, Miss F found it and read everything. When I say everything; I mean everything… chasing Miss K, game plan that led me to Miss F, the secret affair with Miss K and my love declaration for Miss B.

Selahsomeone: Wow! This is not funny. That’s why the saying goes, “a thief won’t get lucky every time“.  So what did you do?

Mr. A: As a player, I knew I had to find my way around the scandal and the first thing is to make sure she doesn’t leave. When you allow issue to get out of sight, it often ends up getting out of hands. So I locked the door, pulled her into the bedroom, leaving the sister in the sitting room, then conjured a fool proof scope.

Selahsomeone: By ‘scope’, do you mean lie? 

The trending thing nowadays is to give bad things good names to make us feel less guilty but deep down we have to know it is what it is and even a good name and cool emoji will not change what it is. If it is not right then it is bad!

Mr. A: Well, I would not want to go into the difference between scopes and lies now but then I had to get out the current mess and I had to do it really fast.
As soon as we got inside, I went on my kneels, started crying and began to talk at the same time, so I started my scope, ” Miss F, it is true I wanted Miss K at first but since I set my eyes on you, everything changed for me. You are my life, the reason I think I can beat the odds (appealed to feelings). I know you have read my diary but see every thing you read in my diary were all fantasies, make believes, just a story I write to catch fun. You know I could never share my love for you, not with someone like Miss K, you are better than she could ever be and we both know (playing on her ego). Then Miss B is just like a sister to me, yes I love her like I would love my own sister, that’s what I meant by “I love Miss B” that you read in my diary (word semantics). Believe me Miss F, you are all that matter to me”.
I studied her response, she didn’t utter a word but she was a bit calm now. I was hoping for a much better response though but that she was calm was a step in the right direction. I knew I needed to play a trump card, a kind of reverse psychology should do the trick. So I stood up, looked at her and said, “but you should have trusted me, but then I don’t blame you, it is just because you know I depend on you for everything. Just know this is not fair!” I made sure she saw the tears in my eyes then I went straight to bed. I was 90% sure, I had won her back and I hoped the night will do the remaining 10% for me. So pleased with myself, I slept off.

Selahsomeone: This is unbelievable, you mean you played your way out of that much trouble. Wait! Do these ladies stay in your house and share same room?

Mr. A:  We stayed together at my place, although Miss F had her own place and she only went there when her parents were coming to check on her. Kind of student live-in lovers. And we shared same bed; I sleep in the middle of the two sisters actually.

We make some bad decisions out of love often because we leave our head out of the decision making process. It takes the heart to love but without the head having things in the right perspective, silly decisions can’t be avoided. Giving someone your all can’t make them love you more if they don’t love you before, there can’t be more if there was none in the first place!

Selahsomeone: So what happened the next morning? Did she believe you? Did she stay?

Mr. A: I was 90% sure my scope worked. I slept off only to wake up around 5am, none of the girls were beside me. My heart skipped, this can’t be happening to me.Remember, I told you I came from a struggling home and as at then my entire allowance was about N500 which barely covered my transport. My feeding, spending and provisions were covered by Miss F. In fairness, she gave me all but then even though the way to a man’s heart is his stomach, if the heart is occupied already, feeding him can only get the woman used, and worse if the man has no heart.
I am not trying to exonerate myself or make reasons for what I did but then I also believe women give themselves too much credit. They always have the believe that they can change men, and believe me, with the life I had lived, I can boldly say only God can change man.

Selahsomeone: I agree with you on that. People change only when they are convinced they have to change and not because other people asked them to change. I agree it is only God that can change man. Back to your story, guess she left after you slept?

Mr. A: That was my thought when I woke up but then playing the crying card had never failed a player before or so I thought…

To be continued.

Next on Interview with a player


Interview With A Player Part 1

Interview With A Player Part 1

This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series.

Selahsomeone: Kindly introduce yourself and why you are here.

Mr. A: Firstly, let me say I am not proud of these stories, at the time all these happened, I was young and foolish. My name is Mr. A and I am bound to share my story, so that ladies will learn to be smarter and guys will learn that for every action there will always be consequence(s). All names will be restricted to first letters, to protect identity. Please read my story as I share with Selahsomeone. Thanks!

Selahsomeone: I am sure no one is born to hurt others, so how did it all start?

Mr. A: You are right Selah. I wasn’t always a player or heartbreaker. I had a rough childhood, molested by adult females while growing up and some lessons you learn the hard way and such is this, and how I became insatiable for lust, women and revenge.

We all love to find excuses to absorb us of the blames but the truth is whatever may have happened before or after are no sufficient reasons to inflict pain on others. Whatever we have done, we are responsible!

Selahsomeone: You know what you went through is not an excuse to put others through pain and heartbreaks? So tell us how it all started.

Mr.A: It all started when I was in the polytechnic. It was my first year and there was this pretty lady (Miss K); it was like I have never seen such beauty before, like a lady out of a bollywood movie. Smart, beautiful and charming at the same time but she also happened to be the daughter of the Rector of the polytechnic; so a bit out of my league. I did everything I could to get her attention, I got it alright but she only wanted me as a friend, unfortunately i wanted more.
A bit about me; I came from a struggling home, I am not ugly but at that age, zits were all you could see on my face (my mother said it was just a phase at the time). So there was this time I went to Miss K’s class to pester her as usual and see if I could score some points (I have been occasionally left standing outside her house before now, so I changed the tactics to visiting her in class) but well, it didn’t go as I hoped. I remember those words like it was yesterday, she said, “I guess you don’t have something good to do with your life than to be chasing girls everywhere, someone needs to tell your parents they are wasting their money”.

Selahsomeone:  That must have hurt you so much, for you to still remember the exact words. How long ago was that?

Mr. A: 1998…you can do the maths. And yes it was painful, words from someone you actually care about has a way of sinking deep and  again those words made me look so stupid, not just because of those words but people around who heard her. That was humiliating! Well, I left her class in shame and the only thing on my mind was getting back at her till she sees that I truly love her. 

Our words are so precious, even though we can say, ‘I take it back’, we can never take back how we made the other person feel. If it is not a compliment or an encouragement, it is better swallowed!

Selahsomeone: So how did you deal with it and what has that got to do with you becoming a player?

Mr. A: So I came up with this plan, I know the best way to make a girl you love jealous is to show more care to someone else around her, so I started giving more attention to her cousin (Miss F), who happened to be in same class with me. At first, Miss K ignored the whole plot, so I intensified the care but unfortunately when she realized the attention was shifting away from her and was now trying to play nice with me, Miss F had already fallen in love with me and asked me out.

Selahsomeone: Wow! Miss F asked you out?!? Didn’t she know you had already asked her cousin, Miss K, out?

Mr. A: To both questions, Yes she did! I couldn’t say no because that would hurt her feelings and I couldn’t tell her getting close to her was just to spite Miss K, who I was actually truly in love with. So I kept the acting on, I was dating Miss F officially, while my heart was with Miss K, who by now was very jealous of Miss F and was now trying everything possible to get my attention. I didn’t want to lose the person I truly love, so I and Miss K started a secret love affair and that was how I started dating two ‘sisters’.

It is one thing to fool one person, it is another to fool yourself but when you start believing you are fooling everyone else but yourself, then somewhere along the line, you have lost all sense of reality because in the end when reality comes knocking, you will realize you have been the fool all along.

Selahsomeone: Two sisters? what were you thinking? That’s a taboo you know?

Mr. A: Yes I know but it was a game plan just that it went awkward. Anyways, things eventually got better to save my secret. Miss K, got admission into university, so she had to leave us at the polytechnic. I had to face Miss F, even though I still find time to send letters to Miss K. When Miss K left, it was like I lost the most important person to me. On one weekend, Miss F showed up with another of their sister (miss B), apparently she came to rewrite her seconday school cert exams, she was a split image of Miss K and Miss F, she took all their positives; just like having the two of them all rolled up into one. The moment our eyes met, it was like love at first sight. That was how I started having secret affair with Miss B. She was good at keeping secrets just like Miss K, even though she was just 18years, she understood how I felt about…

Selahsomeone: Sorry to cut in… you are now practically dating three sisters? Taboo no longer qualifies this, not that i am judging you but didn’t you feel any guilt at the time? Hope the relationships were not sensual?

Mr. A: Yes I was dating three sisters but I didn’t have sex with Miss B at the time however both Miss K and Miss F lost their virginity to me. I just felt Miss B was all I have been waiting for. I felt guilty but I saw it as fun at the same time, like I said I was young and foolish. My relationship with Miss K was strained by distance as school became tougher I stopped writing letters and unfortunately there were no mobile phones then. I, Miss F and Miss B practically lived in the same house and it was like i was eating my cake and having it at the same time. But then about the time I thought the fun was just getting started something very bad happened…

To be continued!

Next on interview with a player