People like to think that the opposite of fear is courage, when in fact the opposite of fear is faith. When you have faith to overcome your fears, you realize you had courage all along.” – Unknown

When you believe, you would come to realize that “nothing is impossible”.

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By selahsomeonetotalkto Posted in Legends

Interview With a Player Part 3

Interview With a Player Part 3

Previous Episode

This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series. 

Selahsomeone: Welcome back readers, let’s learn as Mr. A continues with his story. So Mr. A, what happened in the morning?

Mr. A: Okay, so I woke up to realized neither of the two sisters came to bed, I was a bit worried, not just because I thought I had lost my meal ticket but because I thought I had lost two people who truly cared about me. I thought I had waited till it was morning, though I couldn’t sleep again, in my head I was replaying all that had happened. Then I heard movements in the sitting room, I jumped off the bed, lo and behold, miss F on the couch and miss B clearing the plates in the kitchen. I was so relieved, my play acting worked, maybe not totally but ‘they are still here’. I was so happy.

Selahsomeone: Wow! Miss F must have truly loved you to have stayed.

Love can be so many things; tolerating, forgiving, understanding, protecting, caring, believing, trusting and so on but love is not foolish. Your partner may be so loving that you want to mistake him or her a fool but believe me, when you take what you have for granted, with time it becomes what you had!

Mr. A: Yes, she did and I was able to keep her till we were done with polytechnic. Miss B left that weekend but we kept in touch via letters (no mobile phones then). Everything went smooth afterwards, I was able to process miss F’s admission to same  university as myself, as direct entry students, and our relationship continued until…

Selahsomeone: (cuts in) If I get you right, you still continued with miss B in spite of everything that happened, don’t you think that’s a bit to the extreme?

Mr. A: A part of me loved miss B, I maybe a player of some sort but somehow, I had this soft spot for miss B and maybe because of her innocence, i just could not leave her. Anyway, when we got to the university things changed. For being the best student at the polytechnic, my dad (things changed for him too, we had lots of money to throw around) gave me a car and my allowance moved from #500/month to #10000/month. I no longer needed anyone as my meal ticket, my dependence on miss F disappeared. She noticed this and we began to have lots of issues. She became obsessive, insecured and bittered; she practically saw faults in everything I did and how I related with other ladies. I saw another side to her but in spite of everything, one thing remained constant, she loved me and was not ready to let me go. 

Selahsomeone: Change comes with its own challenges. Please continue!

There is a thin line between love and obsession. Love lets go and somehow it comes back but obsession holds on tight and somehow it eventually squeezes life out of the relationship. Are you obsessed or in love?

Mr. A: Miss B came visiting again (3years since I last saw her), now she was older and a lot bolder. When she came the sister, Miss F, insisted they both stay at her place but miss B insisted, she came to see me and was going to stay at my place.
Okay a little description of the arrangement now, miss F had a place of her own while I also had a place of my own, both single rooms but different houses (about 5km apart). Miss F usually stays at my place weekdays and goes back to her place on weekends. So when miss B insisted she was staying with me, the sister too had to come stay with me that weekend. Three of us in one room, same bed, I sleep in the middle flanked by both sisters. Like I said, miss B was a lot bolder now and would insist on putting her head my chest even with the sister beside us. At first miss F was not comfortable with it but I was able to calm her down and assured her it was nothing, after all, she was like a sister to me.
First thing Monday morning, Miss B left for Lagos and back to her school. Life continued with Miss F till the unexpected happened; somewhere along the line she got pregnant. It was unexpected, we thought we were always careful, using the safe period calculations, withdrawal method because I wouldn’t use sheaths, then salt water the morning after just in case; but somehow it happened. We delibrated about it, thought of the consequences, eventually we opted for d&c.

Selahsomeone: D&C? As in abortion? That’s to the extreme! You guys really went too far. Weren’t you scared something bad might happen? Okay, go on *taking notes*

Actions come with consequences; we want to act yet we don’t want the consequence. Life doesn’t swing that way; ask yourself, “am I prepared for what this might bring upon me?”. Trust me friend, when the chips are down, the owner of the chips goes down with it!

Mr.A. At the clinic, the doctor insisted I should stay while he performed the operation. I had never seen someone in that much pain before, she tried to stay strong but she couldn’t hold back her tears, the blood was so much, I felt faint and I just went blank. When I gained consciousness, I found myself on the hospital bed, drip hung by my side, that was when I realized, I actually passed out. She was up already, seated by my side. In spite of all the pains she just experienced, she still managed to sit by my side with love written all over her face, I felt so sorry for her, for the pain I had caused her and for passing out when she needed me most. 

Selahsomeone: *Sigh* What can I say!?! Please continue.
Mr. A: After the hospital incident, we became enstranged, she became a bit withdrawn and more aggressive, till the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
Well it happened in a strange way. I had been keeping all miss B’s letters under my bed, this faithful day miss F came around and insisted she wanted to sleepover (after the pregnancy mishap, we decided we should stay apart, even on weekdays). I was invited to Law dinner (dinner and all night party) scheduled for that same night and I didn’t want to take her, so I don’t miss out on the fun, hence lied to her that the invite I got was just for one person. Without much hassle, she agreed to stay back in my house alone.
Following morning when I returned home (till today I wished I had taken her) I found my room had been turned upsidedown; miss B’s letters were scattered on my bed, my TV,video and other moveables thrashed, instantly I knew the bubble is bursted and I had lost her. Till today we have not spoken of what happened. It all ended that day; though being in the same class and because we shared same friends, we tried to maintain friendly disposition and when people tried to ask questions, we do our best to avoid giving any tangible answers.

Selahsomeone: Ugh! You lost her eventually. That was expected. You can’t eat your cake and have it, so also, lie can only sustain a relationship for a while, truth always have its way in the end. Hope that serves as lesson for you and changed you.

Mr. A: Yes, I did my best to change but then life had other ideas. In less than 2 months i started dating another lady, miss T (I met her at the law dinner, also happened to be in my class). Honestly, I believed I had learned from my relationship with miss F, I stopped writing miss B and I was so sure nothing could come between me and miss T. Miss T was that social dream girl; parties, clubbing, raves and what have you. We never missed an event together, though some I insisted we won’t attend but people came to tell me she attended without me. I wasn’t ready for any gossip to spoil the relationship, so I just ignored all the hearsays.
I met almost all her family members, and she used to take me to her uncle’s workplace (the bank). The man was very accommodating, he gave us money from time to time and advice too. I was really down with miss T, she knew how to turn the heat on; she was pretty good and made sure no unwanted aftermaths like pregnancy. However, on this faithful day, I dropped my car at the mechanics and since miss T’s  place was a stroll away from my mechanic’s place, I decided to breeze in. I got to her place, the brothers were playing soccer outside, they were too engrossed to notice me and so I just went straight inside. What I saw was blinding; miss T and the supposed uncle smooching and moaning on her bed. I was confused, i couldn’t process what was happening but when it eventually dawned on me, I almost ran mad!

Selahsomeone: *laughing* sorry I can’t help it. I know it must have really pained you but that’s like God’s payback. How fast the table turns, so how did you handle it.

An adeage says, “when an evil man thinks he is done with his last evil deed, somehow repercussion starts looking for him”. Life is simple but in a complex way, the past always catches up, no matter how fast we think we can run.

Mr. A: I left for my place, not crying but obviously very sober. This was early 2004, we had mobile phones then, so she called but I didn’t pick. Next, her brothers came to my house, forgot to tell you, she had these three hefty guys for brothers and they were cultists, they came around and beat the fear of God into me and then warned me that if I ever tried to leave her again, I would be dead.
So Selahsomeone, I had to stay in the relationship. She didn’t even bother to apologize neither did she stop seeing the said uncle. At this point, I became a slave in the relationship. I couldn’t leave neither could I stay. One day she was around when miss B called (miss B somehow got my number and seriously I was so pleased to hear from her after a long while), miss T forcefully collected the phone from me, on hearing a lady’s voice at the other end, she started cursing. She ended the call and I can’t forget what happened afterwards, she gave me a destiny resetting slap (I definitely saw billions of stars with colours IPhone7 won’t be able to place) then she said “imagine that idiot telling me, you don’t know me, I took him from my sister and I don’t think I am going to give him up for you. Who is she? Talk before I sound you again?” Selahsomeone, good slap activates the brain, every word she said stuck but then I wasn’t going to let it go just like that at the same time, I wasn’t ready to die at the hands of her brothers…

To be continued

click link to download https://selahsomeonetotalkto.files.wordpress.com/2016/09/the-beau-ebook.pdf Quote

The Beau

This is a must read book for singles and parents. Relationship based eBook that is targeted at correcting the basics and act as a guide especially during complex decision making.

As youths sometimes we think handling relationship is very difficult but when you have basic understanding of the rudiments involved, it simply becomes a breeze through. Relationship goes beyond love and the body demands, we need to learn how it is designed to work.

Also as parents we have to understand so many things have changed, growing up has become more demanding, the effect of peer group alone is worse than it used to be, our kids need us to identify with what they are going through. We want them to talk to us but we must also know we have to be on the same page with them before we can make sense of what they are saying.

We must read this book. – Omotayo Abosede (Selahsomeone)

Love is nothing but good. If it is not good, it is not love. But then, love has its nuisance value. Love is a very important ingredient in working out a successful relationship. However, it is not all there is to it.
This timely book “The Beau” expresses the basic and fundamental virtues needed to get into a working relationship and sustaining it.
I met Onome about 3 years ago and her passion to see men and women walk into their God ordained marriage actually beats my imagination. Onome would do anything humanly possible to ensure you get it right in your relationship.

Practically, she played a very critical role in ensuring that I’m in the right relationship. So, I’m talking from my personal experience with her.
When Onome told me about this project, I was both glad and happy. I promised my full support and encouragement. – Ajayi Adeshina (Mr Wordline)

Thank  God it is finally here!


Click the link below to download the eBook

 The Beau

The Beau


When Men Are Cast Down…

When Men Are Cast Down…

Times are pretty hard and even the world’s smartest economists attest to this, recession is biting so hard, we can even see the bite marks on the rich and famous. The slogan now is adjustments, restructuring, change, downsizing, cutting costs and so on. “Things are hard” is no longer the excuse of the stingy, it is now the reality of the selfless. Things are so bad that even the faithfuls might want to beginning to accept that fact; I almost did until I understood Job 22: 21 – 30 emphasis on 29a, “When [men] are cast down, then thou shalt say, [There is] lifting up…”

Then I realized, I don’t operate based on what the economists say, how the rich and famous feel, what the trending slogans are nor what has become the reality of the selfless. I am a faithful, I trust a Father who is beyond the natural, I trust a God that delights in doing wonders and I serve a master who has everything, and has promised to satisfy me according to His riches in Glory…Wow! What more assurance do I need!

Now if you happen to share the same Father with me,then you have to know this applies to you too. Grace is like an inheritance, but if you do not know you have it, you cannot use it. Now I am telling you; you have it, it was given to you by your Father, tap into it and use it. You are above the economies of this world because the inheritance you share is not of this world and you do not operate within the limitations of the natural because your Father is the master of the supernatural.

When people are saying it is a hard time you will be saying it is a time you had more. When people are being sacked, you will be sharing testimonies of promotion. When other businesses are folding up, yours will be unfolding new branches and growth ideas. When others find it difficult to make ends meet, you would be tying both ends and helping others too.When most find it unbearable you will be bearing fruits of abundance. You are not of this world!

You are a child of the most high, you are the seed of Abraham with wisdom of Solomon, the heart of Christ and designed to fulfill purpose. Be what you have been designed to be, take bold steps towards achieving your dreams and trust your Father to make all things work in your favour.


When You Don’t Follow Your Dreams

When You Don’t Follow Your Dreams

We all have dreams no matter how small or big they seem, we all have ideas, opinions, things that we think could work and change both our lives and the lives of people around us. Some may have been dreams we had while we were younger, some as a result of brainstorming while others could be just spark of imagination but not all of us will do something about it. Very few wake up the next day to pursue an idea that kept them awake all night while most just move on like nothing happened. 

To the few who have followed their dreams, on behalf of everyone, I want to say thank you! Thank you to Mark Elliot Zuckerberg for changing the face of social media, to Alexander Grant Bell that made the first telephone, to Benjamin Franklin that dedicated so much to electricity, to Bill Gate for Microsoft, Steve Jobs for Apple, Galileo Galilee for new science, General for Kentucky fried chicken and to so many others whose dreams have changed the world, you guys are appreciated. You guys gave lots of time and efforts; you endured criticism, fought against demoralizing comments and resisted the naysayers. You guys were persistent even in the face of inconsistent results; you did not give up on us, you did not give up on making life better and living your dreams. You are worthy of emulation!

But to you who see no reason to follow your dream, here is what you are actually doing. You are denying the rest of us a better life; that dream you are trying to bury is supposed to make the difference for so many people. Even when you think it is small and insignificant, it could actually be a light to guide someone else to doing greater things. Don’t be mean, don’t be selfish, know that a lot depends on what you do with your dream, not for you alone but for everyone of us. If you have conceived it, then it is part of the master plan to make the world better. Don’t bother yourself with how realistic it is, start first, act and somewhere along the line people with same dream will come around and help you fill in the missing parts.

Your dream is a blessing to the world, don’t deny us. Act on it now so it doesn’t be another “what could have been”. Take it a step at a time even when you cannot see the big picture, it will come together in due time but you have to start first. Don’t take life’s beautiful gift back to the grave, live your dreams and start that now!


Interview With a Player Part 2

Interview With a Player Part 2

This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series. 

Previously on interview with a player

Selahsomeone: Welcome back readers, let’s learn as Mr. A continues with his story.

Selahsomeone: So Mr. A, you were dating two sisters under same roof and you were comfortable?

Mr. A: I wasn’t comfortable, no! far from that but I felt like I had all I had ever wanted. Everything was kind of going in my favour. A girlfriend that provided basic necessities (food, money and sex), the little sister that gave love a new meaning to me and I was really doing good at school, I was best in my class at the time. That was like everything a guy could pray for at that level but like I said when I thought it could only get better something bad happened.

Sometimes bad things bring the best comfort, but even with the comfort, it still doesn’t make them right. And when we lose ourselves in the bad, we should be aware that there will always be consequences!

Selahsomeone: I doubt these were answered prayers but anyway, what bad happened?

Mr. A: While Growing up, being the only child of my parents, there were some habits I picked up and one of them was keeping a diary. Then I needed to share my thoughts with someone but because I had no one close enough, I shared them with my diary. So on this faithful day, I went to play snookers with my friends, so I left Miss F and Miss B at home. It was always a nice time with the guys, you learn new tricks, compare notes and share experiences. So often I get so involved that I lose track of time.
So on this day, I came back home late, around 8pm to find Miss F packing her stuffs while Miss B stood there crying. I wanted to ask what the issue was but what I saw shut my mouth. There laid my diary on the desk in the sitting room. I remembered, keeping my diary under the bed, where I was so sure no one would check. But here it was, somehow, Miss F found it and read everything. When I say everything; I mean everything… chasing Miss K, game plan that led me to Miss F, the secret affair with Miss K and my love declaration for Miss B.

Selahsomeone: Wow! This is not funny. That’s why the saying goes, “a thief won’t get lucky every time“.  So what did you do?

Mr. A: As a player, I knew I had to find my way around the scandal and the first thing is to make sure she doesn’t leave. When you allow issue to get out of sight, it often ends up getting out of hands. So I locked the door, pulled her into the bedroom, leaving the sister in the sitting room, then conjured a fool proof scope.

Selahsomeone: By ‘scope’, do you mean lie? 

The trending thing nowadays is to give bad things good names to make us feel less guilty but deep down we have to know it is what it is and even a good name and cool emoji will not change what it is. If it is not right then it is bad!

Mr. A: Well, I would not want to go into the difference between scopes and lies now but then I had to get out the current mess and I had to do it really fast.
As soon as we got inside, I went on my kneels, started crying and began to talk at the same time, so I started my scope, ” Miss F, it is true I wanted Miss K at first but since I set my eyes on you, everything changed for me. You are my life, the reason I think I can beat the odds (appealed to feelings). I know you have read my diary but see every thing you read in my diary were all fantasies, make believes, just a story I write to catch fun. You know I could never share my love for you, not with someone like Miss K, you are better than she could ever be and we both know (playing on her ego). Then Miss B is just like a sister to me, yes I love her like I would love my own sister, that’s what I meant by “I love Miss B” that you read in my diary (word semantics). Believe me Miss F, you are all that matter to me”.
I studied her response, she didn’t utter a word but she was a bit calm now. I was hoping for a much better response though but that she was calm was a step in the right direction. I knew I needed to play a trump card, a kind of reverse psychology should do the trick. So I stood up, looked at her and said, “but you should have trusted me, but then I don’t blame you, it is just because you know I depend on you for everything. Just know this is not fair!” I made sure she saw the tears in my eyes then I went straight to bed. I was 90% sure, I had won her back and I hoped the night will do the remaining 10% for me. So pleased with myself, I slept off.

Selahsomeone: This is unbelievable, you mean you played your way out of that much trouble. Wait! Do these ladies stay in your house and share same room?

Mr. A:  We stayed together at my place, although Miss F had her own place and she only went there when her parents were coming to check on her. Kind of student live-in lovers. And we shared same bed; I sleep in the middle of the two sisters actually.

We make some bad decisions out of love often because we leave our head out of the decision making process. It takes the heart to love but without the head having things in the right perspective, silly decisions can’t be avoided. Giving someone your all can’t make them love you more if they don’t love you before, there can’t be more if there was none in the first place!

Selahsomeone: So what happened the next morning? Did she believe you? Did she stay?

Mr. A: I was 90% sure my scope worked. I slept off only to wake up around 5am, none of the girls were beside me. My heart skipped, this can’t be happening to me.Remember, I told you I came from a struggling home and as at then my entire allowance was about N500 which barely covered my transport. My feeding, spending and provisions were covered by Miss F. In fairness, she gave me all but then even though the way to a man’s heart is his stomach, if the heart is occupied already, feeding him can only get the woman used, and worse if the man has no heart.
I am not trying to exonerate myself or make reasons for what I did but then I also believe women give themselves too much credit. They always have the believe that they can change men, and believe me, with the life I had lived, I can boldly say only God can change man.

Selahsomeone: I agree with you on that. People change only when they are convinced they have to change and not because other people asked them to change. I agree it is only God that can change man. Back to your story, guess she left after you slept?

Mr. A: That was my thought when I woke up but then playing the crying card had never failed a player before or so I thought…

To be continued.

Next on Interview with a player


Interview With A Player Part 1

Interview With A Player Part 1

This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series.

Selahsomeone: Kindly introduce yourself and why you are here.

Mr. A: Firstly, let me say I am not proud of these stories, at the time all these happened, I was young and foolish. My name is Mr. A and I am bound to share my story, so that ladies will learn to be smarter and guys will learn that for every action there will always be consequence(s). All names will be restricted to first letters, to protect identity. Please read my story as I share with Selahsomeone. Thanks!

Selahsomeone: I am sure no one is born to hurt others, so how did it all start?

Mr. A: You are right Selah. I wasn’t always a player or heartbreaker. I had a rough childhood, molested by adult females while growing up and some lessons you learn the hard way and such is this, and how I became insatiable for lust, women and revenge.

We all love to find excuses to absorb us of the blames but the truth is whatever may have happened before or after are no sufficient reasons to inflict pain on others. Whatever we have done, we are responsible!

Selahsomeone: You know what you went through is not an excuse to put others through pain and heartbreaks? So tell us how it all started.

Mr.A: It all started when I was in the polytechnic. It was my first year and there was this pretty lady (Miss K); it was like I have never seen such beauty before, like a lady out of a bollywood movie. Smart, beautiful and charming at the same time but she also happened to be the daughter of the Rector of the polytechnic; so a bit out of my league. I did everything I could to get her attention, I got it alright but she only wanted me as a friend, unfortunately i wanted more.
A bit about me; I came from a struggling home, I am not ugly but at that age, zits were all you could see on my face (my mother said it was just a phase at the time). So there was this time I went to Miss K’s class to pester her as usual and see if I could score some points (I have been occasionally left standing outside her house before now, so I changed the tactics to visiting her in class) but well, it didn’t go as I hoped. I remember those words like it was yesterday, she said, “I guess you don’t have something good to do with your life than to be chasing girls everywhere, someone needs to tell your parents they are wasting their money”.

Selahsomeone:  That must have hurt you so much, for you to still remember the exact words. How long ago was that?

Mr. A: 1998…you can do the maths. And yes it was painful, words from someone you actually care about has a way of sinking deep and  again those words made me look so stupid, not just because of those words but people around who heard her. That was humiliating! Well, I left her class in shame and the only thing on my mind was getting back at her till she sees that I truly love her. 

Our words are so precious, even though we can say, ‘I take it back’, we can never take back how we made the other person feel. If it is not a compliment or an encouragement, it is better swallowed!

Selahsomeone: So how did you deal with it and what has that got to do with you becoming a player?

Mr. A: So I came up with this plan, I know the best way to make a girl you love jealous is to show more care to someone else around her, so I started giving more attention to her cousin (Miss F), who happened to be in same class with me. At first, Miss K ignored the whole plot, so I intensified the care but unfortunately when she realized the attention was shifting away from her and was now trying to play nice with me, Miss F had already fallen in love with me and asked me out.

Selahsomeone: Wow! Miss F asked you out?!? Didn’t she know you had already asked her cousin, Miss K, out?

Mr. A: To both questions, Yes she did! I couldn’t say no because that would hurt her feelings and I couldn’t tell her getting close to her was just to spite Miss K, who I was actually truly in love with. So I kept the acting on, I was dating Miss F officially, while my heart was with Miss K, who by now was very jealous of Miss F and was now trying everything possible to get my attention. I didn’t want to lose the person I truly love, so I and Miss K started a secret love affair and that was how I started dating two ‘sisters’.

It is one thing to fool one person, it is another to fool yourself but when you start believing you are fooling everyone else but yourself, then somewhere along the line, you have lost all sense of reality because in the end when reality comes knocking, you will realize you have been the fool all along.

Selahsomeone: Two sisters? what were you thinking? That’s a taboo you know?

Mr. A: Yes I know but it was a game plan just that it went awkward. Anyways, things eventually got better to save my secret. Miss K, got admission into university, so she had to leave us at the polytechnic. I had to face Miss F, even though I still find time to send letters to Miss K. When Miss K left, it was like I lost the most important person to me. On one weekend, Miss F showed up with another of their sister (miss B), apparently she came to rewrite her seconday school cert exams, she was a split image of Miss K and Miss F, she took all their positives; just like having the two of them all rolled up into one. The moment our eyes met, it was like love at first sight. That was how I started having secret affair with Miss B. She was good at keeping secrets just like Miss K, even though she was just 18years, she understood how I felt about…

Selahsomeone: Sorry to cut in… you are now practically dating three sisters? Taboo no longer qualifies this, not that i am judging you but didn’t you feel any guilt at the time? Hope the relationships were not sensual?

Mr. A: Yes I was dating three sisters but I didn’t have sex with Miss B at the time however both Miss K and Miss F lost their virginity to me. I just felt Miss B was all I have been waiting for. I felt guilty but I saw it as fun at the same time, like I said I was young and foolish. My relationship with Miss K was strained by distance as school became tougher I stopped writing letters and unfortunately there were no mobile phones then. I, Miss F and Miss B practically lived in the same house and it was like i was eating my cake and having it at the same time. But then about the time I thought the fun was just getting started something very bad happened…

To be continued!

Next on interview with a player


Why Most Smart Ambitious Ladies’ Relationship Won’t Lead to Marriage

Why Most Ladies’ Relationship Won’t Lead to Marriage

Firstly, let me clear this, your not having a healthy relationship is not because you are ambitious, independent or of high standards, in fact those are exactly what real men are looking for. However, you are having issues sustaining a healthy relationship because of other things you are not conscious of. Unfortunately, marriage most often can only happen when you can sustain a healthy relationship over a period of time.

Marriage, as it were, is not for everyone, this i have also come to understand, so get that clear too! Marriage should be by choice because it is by far the longest compromise anyone can make and the most energy sapping venture anyone can be involved in but even with all that, it is by a long shot the most rewarding investment.

Having gotten the basics out of the way, now let’s talk about why most ladies hardly have a healthy relationship, capable of leading to marriage. I will like to point out that this is a product of research, using the life of 20 ladies who are of marriage age but still searching or in one complicated relationship or another. This might not be absolute but believe me this is conclusive.

3 Reasons smart ambitious women have unhealthy relationship


1. Attitude

Attitude is just who we are and most times because it was formed over the years, we have tendencies to have difficulties changing, hence we conclude people should take us the way we are. My question is, “can you eat a rotten apple because you have accepted it is rotten?” I can’t and I am sure you can’t too. So when you ask people to accept you the way you are, it is like asking them to eat a rotten apple because they have accepted it is rotten.

Know this, bad attitude has nothing to do with how religious, faithful or witty you are. I have seen faithful and religious ladies with very terrible attitude; like obsession, pessimistic behaviors, mood swings, always being suspicious etc, all these have nothing to do with how religious you are. Bad attitude may have been formed due to personal past experiences, stories shared by others or just by habit.

In all fairness, often times people with bad attitude don’t know, they just think it is them acting normal and conscious. But here is the truth, whatever two or more people complain about of you most likely needs to be looked into. Reality is, random people won’t just pick the same fault in you, if it is not there. It may be hard to accept it but if you can put your ego aside and be critical of yourself too, you would be able to spot and fix it.

2. Being Petty

Being petty simply means giving importance to something so insignificant when you look at the big picture. Usually, most women have what I call a ‘wish list’, a list of what their dream man should be or look like, this is not bad but then if you carefully review this list, it is 95% of insignificant things when you look at the big picture of healthy relationship and marriage; this list has made many ladies petty and end up in relationship with the wrong personality. This explains the high rate of divorce among elites.

People who are petty may not know because often times it is fueled by things they can hardly control like anger issues, unresolved emotional crises, ego issues, upbringing and fictional fantasies etc, which clouds their judgement, sense of priorities and open mindedness.Imagine a boat refusing to sail because it once capcized; it just defeats the purpose of being called a boat, if it won’t sail.

Being petty also means blowing issues out of proportion, I have seen a relationship end because of toothpaste, YES toothpaste! She doesn’t like the toothpaste to be pressed from the middle but he is used to it and the next thing, she calls the relationship quit. Being petty is why most people find it difficult to place their hands on why they ended a relationship because when they sit down to think about it, the reason no longer makes sense to them. 

The antidote to being petty, is to open your mind and critically review your options. Focus on the bigger picture and ask yourself what you really want in life; happiness or empty wishes?

3. Communication

There is no way a relationship can exist without communication. By communication, I don’t mean just having something to talk about but rather talking about what really matters. Yes, romantic and sexy talks make relationship fun but talking about plans and future expectations makes it even more fun and more healthy; it brings about hope, confidence and at the same time helps integrate dreams.

Most ladies would just rather smile and nod; sister, no guy would want to stay with a dummy. While others would rather dominate discussions and lord opinions, sis, no guy wants to be dominated. Communication only happens when roles interchange; speaker becomes listener and after some time listener becomes speaker.

When your man starts saying “talk now” or “just listen to me too”, communication breakdown is imminent, you either pick up or slowdown. I understand you can be an introvert, you don’t talk much but to have a healthy relationship you just have to learn to talk. And if you are an extrovert, always jumpy, you just have to learn to slowdown and let your man pick up pace.

This is not to say that there are some ladies out there who have not been lucky enough to find a good relationship even though they are 99% what a man should want. To this very few, I say to you, good things take time, don’t comprise on your standard, somewhere a man that can match up is looking for you and very soon will locate you. However, don’t stay hidden too, stand out, socialize, don’t be shy and don’t be too self righteous.

You can make a happy home happen, trust yourself you can do it!



​                                               THE MAN WITH THE HOE

‘’We all attend schools with big bills, all three of us. We don’t worry about household bills, they always get paid, and on time too. Still, Daddy always complain of little sales. He say it like God has forsaken him, or perhaps that’s just how it sounds to me.’’

As I walk down the street, I saw my neighbour with a man who has a hoe hanged around his neck. Neighbour showed the man around his house, telling him to clear the weeds and then the bush behind his fence. Expert or not, getting the job done will take two days of hard work. The man with the hoe said he will take three thousand naira for the job but my neighbour offered to pay one thousand naira. After a while of haggling, shifting the price up and down, they came to an agreement, both settled for one thousand and five hundred naira. 

The man with the hoe was Mr. Ayanwole, who lives down the street with a family of five; a wife and four kids. This job for my neighbour might be the only income for the week or might not. And they say success is the reward of hard work? Should this be true, then Mr. Ayanwole should have been a millionaire. Success is the work grace, occurring only when preparation (hard work) meets opportunity.

A lot of time in life, we look at people above us to question God but what we should rather have done is look behind us to appreciate God. There can only be so much money for a man to take care of his family and meet his needs, the rest is show off. In our state of grace, we forget about those that possess just a tiny fraction of what we have; in their world, our little building is an empire. We rather concentrate our mercifully perfected health towards comparing our lot with that of some others better than us. Yet we all know that fingers are not equal. We think as if our problems are solved with increase in the statements of our accounts. The bitter truth is problems are not associated with money, after all ‘the rich also cry’. We can’t all be at the same level of wealth, there will always be someone who is/was wealthier than you are and someone who is/was worse than you are.

I was discussing with my neighbour son the evening, same say his father hired the man with the hoe. We started with youthful tantrums and the discussion soon got serious. We watch as Mr. Ayanwole work with sweat stratifying his entire body, when suddenly my friend said, “We all attend schools with big bills… or perhaps that’s just how it sounds to me”. I could not understand the sudden change of topic, butni was curious, so I edged him on to continue. He argued that his father could afford to pay the man more than the stipend that was agreed upon but he could not understand why he decide on laboring the man for such a meagre amount. 

A friend that was with us countered that money is justified, after all, it is just cutting of grasses. Our friend can say that in his own state of grace, his father owns the biggest mansion in the neighborhood, drives the sleekest car around and has this tight security all the time. My friend probably has never touched a cutlass, not to talk of cutting grass in his life.

We all live in different states of grace and our state affects our judgement. Not that they should! We exist in this world as keepers to one another. I think the major aim of economic policies and every religious group in the world today should be to find a way of shortening the longer fingers while increasing the shorter ones till equity is reached and all fingers become equal. When this is achieved, fingers become fist (a bond), and fists can only be when fingers support one another. 

Why then should we live like poles that stand alone? Whether we help them or not, whether it’s a consequence of their actions or not, there will always be a Mr. Ayanwole somewhere around us. We are not God’s militants, we do not live to punish those who offend God. We should help the people we have the capacity to help; even a man like Mr. Ayanwole still has people he can help.

“He says it like God has forsaken him, or perhaps that’s just how it sounds to me”. My neighbour seems to have forgotten that meeting his needs was not a result of how faithful he is or how diligent he works. He fails to acknowledge the fact that there are others around him who cannot afford such, so when he complains his son also picks up a hint of ungratefulness in his demeanour.

 The question is, is my neighbour alone in this state of mind? Do we not all in our state of grace give God a reason to take away everything? Does He? Remember, the difference in our lives is not by mere strength, the work of grace goes a great length. 

Be grateful to God and be helpful to your fellow men!
By Aremu-Ibraheem Adefabiola

Are You Sure of What You Are Doing?

Are You Sure of What You Are Doing?
Are you sure of what you are doing? This is a striking question that I am sure we must have asked ourselves at one time or the other. The truth is, no matter what answer we must have arrived at, we cannot say for certainty that we are 100% sure. Let’s break it down like this, the word ‘sure’ here means that we have an accurate information of what we are doing and what the outcome will be. Except one can see into the future, you will agree with me that no one is certain of what tomorrow holds. Having understood the question, I will like to review the 3 possible answers and their implications.

1. Yes I am sure
If you are sure of what you are doing, then to you I say, ‘congratulations’, at least this means you have an idea of what is required of you and the likely outcomes. You have direction, goals and the desire to achieve them but you have to know this, even though you think you know doesn’t mean it will turn out just fine, at the first time of asking. There are variables we can’t really account for, some call it life but I call it tests. They will come, they will try to make nonsense of what you think you know but  if you are steadfast, eager to learn and flexible in approach, you will find a way to reach your goal.

2. No I am not sure
If you are not sure of what you are doing, then I say, ‘well-done’, at least this means you have given a thought to doing something meaningful with your life. Not sure doesn’t mean you do not have dreams and goals, it only means you have not yet prioritize your goals and you are yet to understand what works best for you. But here is the good news, most laudable personalities don’t figure out who they are quite on time, when you have numerous talents at par, it is often hard to place your hand on which one to follow. I can assure you, you will figure out very soon which dream to follow, don’t be shy to try out options, explore as many opportunities as possible, read wide, open your mind and push your limits. No matter what the odds may say, “don’t give up on yourself”.

3. I am not even doing anything
If you are not even doing anything, then to you I say, “it is time to hit the road”. It is never too late to make something out of your life, no matter how old or how young you are, records show you can still make things happen. It may seem a long walk ahead but by all means it a journey worth it. Legacies, ambitions and dynasties were not built in a day, hard work, consistency and passion was what many had to start with and God knows you have that and so much more. So if I were you, I will take notes, I will invest in self development and most of all I will believe in myself. You can make things happen but you have to be willing to, after all Will creates Way.

Now back to the question, whatever your answer is/was, know that it is more of a journey than a destination. You will have to keep reinventing yourself to stay true to your dreams. As long as there is life, there would always be reasons to stay relevant. It is your story, you are the star, you are the writer and you are the director…you can always make the end you desire!


How to Ace an Aptitude Test with 10 Easy Hacks

How to Ace an Aptitude Test with 10 Easy Hacks

Aptitude test are tests of specified abilities on a specific task most of the time they are administered to screen job applicant so that the best fit or qualified are chosen.

The scoring and marking of an aptitude test usually depends on the norm of the population or could be the immediate test group population so that the score are compared with regard to rank and how many are the applicants.

Aptitude tests may be found difficult as most of the question requires adequate thoughts and most times logical many aptitude tests in corporate negative marking to their scheme just be cautions of write answer as there is only one right answer for every question.

The timing in any aptitude test is usually against the candidates but you can be smart enough to tackle all the question some might be so much that many of these question could be left unanswered.

If you want to tackle an aptitude test, these are the sure-fire ways:

1. Be informed
Yes, be informed about the timing, venue, likely questions and a whole lot of tests that can make your anxiety reduce a bit, is a way to getting prepared.

2. Minimize worry
Know and accept that this although might be your first time on test like this, you are not the only one in this shoe. Many other guys have threaded this same path and smart ones, who subconsciously followed these 10 hacks succeeded, you too can be better.

3. Prepare ahead of the time
Consult books, practise past questions well enough weeks before the test or if the test is on impromptu, devise a faster way to assimilate. This is very important as it can help a lot in boosting your reasoning power and processing speed.

4. Concentrate more on your area of expertise
Since time usually works against test takers, it is a good idea to know a lot about what you know, so that you do not perform below average.

5. Cut off on the scheduled time
Have a wristwatch with you for proper timing. While you time yourself , just cut off on the timing> this means if the test is schedule for 45 minutes, plan to finish 15 minutes before the scheduled time (45 minutes), that is, 30 minutes.

6. Manage the limited time
If you don’t know the answer, skip to the next question but re-visit after all others have been attempted.

7. Eat light food but not necessarily junks
Before you go there at all, don’t skip your meal. If you need to not eat for some reasons such as spiritual practices, do it beforehand. Your brain needs energy and glucose is in fact an important source of this energy.

8. Reduce anxiety and high level of arousal
Be positive, happy and consider writing the test a privilege rather than some aggregated difficulties and perceived disappointments.

9. Follow the test instructions on the question paper to the later
Strictly adhere to all instructions and don’t start answering the questions until you are told to start because some invigilators/examiners are very strict that they help employers look for any of your mistake to screen you out. Harsh! You won’t let that happen to you.

10. Be all there with motivation
You might be instructed to write a motivational letter or take a short survey. Don’t take it with levity because this might be the real aptitude test. Be conscious of your grammars and the words you use to describe your personality. Be original but you can put yourself in a positive light in a way corresponding to your strength as described in your Curriculum Vitae (CV).

Hope article helps. Let’s hear your comments. Share this to make a change, you own that job and go get it right there.

Article by: Bukunmi Adewumi
For more post from Bukunmi Adewumi visit http://inspiresavvy.blogspot.com.ng/