Relationship Violence

In my last post on this group (Selah’ Relationship Management (SRM) -facebook group), I asked some questions which I guessed everyone was too shy to respond to. Well here are the questions again, “Is there a sufficient reason for a man to beat a woman be it wife, girl-friend or sister? If there is what could it be?”

I asked the above questions when I heard the story of a beautiful young girl (banker by profession) who despite having so many admirers stuck to a guy (Teacher by profession) who beats her blue-black at the slightest provocation. Why was I puzzled?!? Well, despite all the beating, the girl would not leave the guy. I asked myself is that true love on the part of the lady or low-self esteem? If it is true love then what could she have been doing to provoke the guy’s wrath? And finally, is there a sufficient reason to beat a lady?

These questions, difficult to answer though, underline the increasing relationship violence amongst youth and newly weds. Few months back, a lady I used to know was pushed intentionally and fell in front of a moving vehicle by her boyfriend over allegations of cheating, this happened in a town in southwest Nigeria. The vehicle ran over her and she eventually died. Being jealous shows that you care but when it becomes excessive, it is termed as obsession and that is dangerous.

Amongst other personal issues, things that could lead to relationship violence includes: social media usage, bad temper, poverty and frustration, obsession, drunkenness, controlling mentality, lack of trust, kept secrets, discoveries that were not discussed etc. Some people are just that way though, for them it is more about their upbringing and their believe about life and role of women.

In any book, divorce or breakup is not the solution to relationship violence but neither will I advise a brutalized lover to wait till fatal accident or death comes knocking. My sincere advice is that whoever is caught up in this situation, should do the following…(1) seek the expert advice of a therapist and/relationship counselor, (2) get both families involved in the conflict resolution, (3) if not married yet make sure he changes before you agree to marriage, (4) if married study him to know when you need to avoid him so you don’t get battered and (5) finally pray for God’s intervention and guidance, remember the heart of kings are in his hands.

Share love not violence!