Can’t Pay For What I Have Had For Free
A friend narrated her ordeal to me, and I think it is worth sharing for you all to learn. Here is her story and my analysis of what she could have done smarter.
About 3 years ago Ruth (not real name) met a wonderful guy named Innocent (not real name). Innocent works with a construction company from Germany. Innocent is a very quiet, likable, and fun to be with guy. He listens to her every girl talk, takes her shopping, movies, outings and most of all, according to her, makes her feel like a real woman. It could be said that they painted Lagos red with their love, in fact Innocent was just the answer to Ruth’s every prayer.
8 months after they met, they got “engaged” in the sense that the guy came with a beautiful ring to affirm his love. In the euphoria of their “self-engagement”, they got an apartment together in Lekki Lagos. They started living together.
Ruth had no more friends, she built her whole world round Innocent. However, Ruth refused to get pregnant for Innocent, insisting that would only happen when innocent visits her parent, take proper permission and they tie the knots.
A year went-by, every time Ruth brings up the issue of formal introduction and marriage, they end up fighting. Innocent wouldn’t hear of it, insisting that he needs more time to plan. One day, after over 2years of “self-engagement” and living together, apparently few months to the expiration of their rent in the tastefully furnished apartment, Ruth came back from work to find a note on the centre table, with these words boldly written:
“Can’t pay for what I have had for free…sorry love I have been sent to Germany on a year course and I don’t think I would come back to Nigeria or to you, see you next life!”
With tears, she read over and over again, it felt like her whole world came crashing down. She couldn’t believe her eyes, is this some practical joke? She called Innocent’s number but it wasn’t reachable. She said she almost committed suicide but for God.
As she rounded off her story I couldn’t but notice tears in her eyes, I felt her pains, trusting someone and being let down but then I couldn’t loose sight of where she could have been smarter.
Where She Could Have Been Smarter:
God in his wisdom gave us some laws and too often we think these laws are for God’s own good but in reality these laws are meant to keep us safe.
– Honor your parents: I am very sure if Ruth sort the opinion of her parents before moving in with Innocent they would have advised her against it. Many of us won’t listen to our parents, some hide things away from them but the truth is “things we can’t see standing they see it while sitting”
-Do not commit adultery or fornication: in the century we are in now, being a virgin is like being a caveman. It is just not fashionable. The truth however is that I have not seen, I may be wrong, but I have not seen a virgin labour to get husband. Even when she is jilted she has really lost nothing, maybe her time but her integrity is intact. Sex is worth waiting for, what a man has enjoyed free he wouldn’t want to pay for it.
-Covetousness and Greed: not all that glitters are gold, not all smooth talkers are innocent. Also what is yours would never pass you by, you don’t have to force it. When you are not greedy, you will take time to find out the truth about where you are going. If Ruth was true to herself, she would have seen the writing on the wall. If she wasn’t greedy, she would have seen beyond the good things she was getting at that moment.
-Self Discipline: I understand many are sexually active already and it could be difficult to control the urge but there is what we call self discipline. Ruth wasn’t a virgin when she met Innocent but if she had been disciplined enough she would have cautioned her sexual relationship with him. The truth is, the more a man has sex with a lady, the less of her he will want and only the wedding vows can keep him down, not more sex. If Ruth had insisted as she did with getting pregnant, that if Innocent wanted sex on demand or live-in partner, He should marry her, the story might have had a different end.
We all have to be careful, man and woman alike, we have to retrace our steps back to our origin, our God and our up-bringing. We shouldn’t let peer pressure, family pressure and modern excesses ruin our life. It may be difficult but the end is rewarding.
Ruth is still single hovering close to 35years now. I pray God will answer her and others in her shoes. Amen
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