The Best Kept Secret

The Best Kept Secret or The Worst…

I think I can safely say that 95% of  girl child and about 50% of boy child have a common secret they hope the world would never find out, not even their parents, mostly because they are scared of someone or something. I call it the best kept secret or better still the worst kept secret. It is a secret that is tearing them apart from the inside and making them take very rash decisions. They often become vengeful, misogynist or misandrist, suspicious of everyone, lone ranger, they lack self belief, become rebellious, less accommodating and in extreme cases serial killers (watch movie “October 1st” by Kunle Afolayan)

Hmm…. Headlines like these serve as a pointer to this secret…

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Image Source: Google
The above tells you this secret is not restricted to a particular country or region and that many bottle it up till they become superstars, celebrity or made before they eventually summon the courage to spill the beans.

What is the fate of those who have been destroyed by this secret? In particular, people who are put in this situation by the same people who should have protected them… Hmm!

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Image Source: Google
Lecturers, brothers, sisters, friends, fathers, role models, maids, acclaimed men of God… everyone seems to be guilty one way or another. While many issues are covered up for lack substantial evidence like the case Jackson, Gibson, Cosby, Tyson to mention a few.

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Image source: Google
It seems the age of the victim is inconsequential and this could  go on for as long as possible, so long as the victim still keeps it secret.. The best/worst kept secret.

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Image Source: Selected Headlines

Some time ago, a young lady shared her experience with me, which she wants me to share, so that everyone can learn from it, especially children and parents.

She said it all started when her cousin (a boy of 14years) came to Lagos to stay with them. She is from a struggling home, their house’s a two bedroom flat, a family of 4…The dad, the mum and her sister… pairing the rooms. So when the cousin moved in, at that time she was just 10years and her sister 8years, her mother insisted that the boy shared the room with the two sisters (like the average Nigerian woman, she wouldn’t want a member of her husband’s family to sleep in the sitting room, that could be termed as maltreatment by other family members).

She told me that she rejected the idea but the mother overruled her objections. The dad was indifferent though but the mother wouldn’t want anything that will cause wahala (problems) with her husband’s family. As the story will play out the young cousin would wake up in the middle of the night fondle the two girls. At first he would pretend to be asleep when they jolt back to consciousness but over time he became bolder, he soon wasn’t bothered if they woke up. She said, when she tried to tell her mum, the mother shouted her down claiming she is wicked and just doesn’t want the boy around while her little sister just seemed to be enjoying the new found night play. She was afraid to confide in anyone as the cousin also kept threatening her.

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Image Source: NSPCC website

It however blew open about 1year down the line, the cousin was now about 15years and now more adventurous. She said, On this fateful night, the cousin started off like before, just fondling which by now she was used to but what happened next shocked her. The cousin mounted her and forced his way into her, she tried screaming but the cousin pressed down a pillow over her face, at this point she was scared of death more than she was scared of what the cousin was doing, as she could not breath well.  When he was through there was blood all over, this her sister saw and screamed. The dad and mum rushed down to the room, they could not believe their eyes. The dad almost killed the cousin but that would not right the wrong, she concluded.

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Source: Google
James Safechuck unsubstantiated claims against the Legendary Michael Jackson.

It is easy to blame her for not telling someone but in truth what about you and people around you; if it is not happening to you, if it has not happened to you trust me the person next to you is a victim of “the best kept secret”. It may be convenient to conclude that the parents failed to protect their kids but let’s not also forget that it is easy to assume everyone has good intentions when you are just trying to be good. The boy is evil, many young ladies will want to say but not being in his shoes makes it difficult to know what must have led him to that, like I said earlier about 50% of young boys have been molested in their formative stage which makes them become a pervert or insatiable when it comes to sexual activities.

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Image source: Event in suburb of Lagos
Above is a 5years old boy being abused by a Togolese maid… Abuse is not limited to girls, a boy child can also be a victim.

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Image Source: BBM chat with a lady who was also a victim of Abuse

My Advice
Parents should never trust their kids with anyone, especially overnight or having them in a secluded place. The lady in the chat above told me, she (age 6-9years then) was abused by children of neighbors she was asked to stay with while the parents were not around and also by students of her mum who were often asked to help take her home from school. She became misandrist and vengeful something she is still battling with.

Parents should separate the rooms for their wards, according to their sex as early as possible. On no account should either parent sleep in the room of the opposite sex child, no undressing before them, parental guidance on movies should be strictly adhere to. A young man recounting his ordeal said he was continuously abused by his mother’s maids, these ladies would take turns on him and ended up making him a sex addict.  He eventually became a menace to young girls when he could no longer have the maids to satisfy his ever demanding urge.

When sending your kids on holiday with family or friends, parents should be very careful. This reminds me of a lady who her parents asked her to go and spend her holiday with their Pastor (Now a Bishop and was at the inauguration of Ex.President of Nigeria Obasanjo 1999) This young girl, 15years at the time, became a sex toy for the “man of God” who will leave his own wife on their matrimonial bed at the dead of the night to the room where the lady was. He deflowered her, got her pregnant and aborted for her all before the end of the long vacation. She said, she was terrified as the Pastor made her swear with the Bible to keep the secret. Eventually the wife caught them, begged the family to cover it up, to protect the image of the church.

Finally parents need to teach their kids sex education and body part awareness. From as early as possible, they should know how to sit properly, what part of their body should not be touched and how to behave when they are with or around the opposite sex. Parent should be aware of changes in their children’s behavior and even though the child says it is nothing, parent should still investigate until they are satisfied. Above all, parents should encourage their kids to speak freely with them and freely in public. Parents should not only be custodian of their kids but also their best friend.

Abuse thrives under secrecy, don’t harbour it hoping it will stop or it will just go away, neither should you yield to threats from the perpetrator, no matter how high or low the person is placed or how intimate the person is to  your family. It is not in your own interest to keep it a secret because you are scared of what will happen to the person if people knew. Expose the person, confide in someone that can act and you will be able to breakfree from the clutches of abuse. Once, you see that someone’s conversation is tending towards “weirdness”, distant yourself from the person, often times this is how the perpetrators size up their victims. Stay focus and sharp no one can be trusted.

But if you are already a victim, then you have got to let it out and know IT IS TIME TO LET IT GO , what you have been through doesn’t define you but when you harbor hatred it will limit you.

Don’t let anyone destroy you or your future, you deserve to be happy, let no one take that away from you. Freewill is God’s gift to you, let no one take that choice away from you.

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