DON’T JUDGE ME!
It’s easy to criticize me, you can say all you want, I don’t really mind but before you judge me please read my story:
I was born about two decades ago to a wonderful family though not rich but we are satisfied. We don’t have more than enough but we were always okay. I’m one of those kids they call “Covenant children”, my mother told me she specifically asked of a girl child from the Lord after having three boys. She wanted a female child and so she prayed and the Lord answered, which explains the reason why she named me “Ebunoluwa” (God’s gift).
My childhood was not so much fun as I was always alone. My brothers had a way of making me feel so different and my mother was a busy woman so she didn’t really have a luxury of time to teach me what it really means to be a girl child. I learnt a lot of things by listening to people and watching movies, please don’t blame my mother I totally understand that she had to work, since my father does not really care about the responsibilities of the home once he pays our school fees and after giving us pocket money he feels that is all, so my mother had to work so hard so that we could be properly fed.
I had problem with my self-esteem, since my brothers made me feel different and inadequate, I felt everybody saw me that way. I am sanguine no doubt, in fact I am very funny but deep down I was hurting, thing is I was not feeling loved!
NOTE: To all parents and parents to be, it’s not a sin to tell your kids how much you love them and how much they mean to you, it makes them feel special. Kids should be raised with love.
I wanted people to love me, I wanted to be accepted so I resolved to lying about so many things. Often times, I would fabricate stories and make you feel pity for me. This worked for me but it was just for a while, friends I made through such means never lasted. Each time somebody walked out of my life I felt so bad, I would just go home and wet my pillow as usual.
NOTE: Don’t force friendship, work on yourself if you are a better person you would attract better people
Growing up with my brothers I was so used to being around men. I was the kind of girl who would tell you “I can’t make a girl my best friend they can’t be trusted” (as if I myself could be trusted). I had a lot of male friends and since I was used to them most of them saw me as another guy. The painful part, is that the minute I start having crush on a guy, he friend zones me and this was getting tiring.
I forgot to tell you; I love adventures and I enjoyed trying something different. I had my first boyfriend in my final lap in high school. I had a lot of boys who wanted to go out with me but I saw dating as an ungodly thing. We were warned in church not to have boyfriends but this guy was different. Peter gave me the attention no other guy had ever given me before. Though we were in the same class, he treated me like a queen. He would send me messages and would tell me that without me he cannot exist.
NOTE: Ladies don’t ever fall for that lie, “without you I cannot exist”, he has been existing before he met you so don’t ever think your absence will kill him.
I was so innocent and naïve I actually fell for that and I decided to give it a try, the love was so hot and I longed to hear his voice and to see his face in school everyday , Peter meant the whole world to me until one day…..
To be continued…………………….
By Onome Omodara Olubunmi