A Taste of My Own Medicine

I feel like sharing this with you all, it is my personal experience; how I learned a lot about relationships and few of what I have learned.

I remember when i just started dating, i feared heartbreak so much, yet i was good at breaking hearts. My philosophy was “before she breaks my heart, I will break hers first”. However, knowing what I know now, I am not proud of my past and I still feel very sorry for what I have done. The first time I got a dose of my own medicine, it felt like a sharp arrow in my then hard heart. I knew the karma train had arrived at my station. It really hit me so hard and it made me do and say a lot of things out of pain and anger. It took a lot from me to get over my first heartbreak but i managed with time.

When i was fully healed, i had to date again. This time around, i was more cautious with my heart and actions because I thought that would make things different. I became a nice guy in that relationship and i gave it my best. It lasted for about a year but due to irreconcilable differences, we had to part. I had invested my time, affection and money, so I was really discouraged about love that i chose to give it a break. However, my decision was short-lived, as you all know that it’s never easy to stop or avoid something you are used to; I couldn’t stand the loneliness. So I tried again and again, I experienced four heartbreaks in a row. Each time, I tried dating ladies with different qualities, background, class and ethnic group. The outcomes were devastating, I started hating the idea of love and relationships, at this point, I almost concluded all ladies are the same.

But I wasn’t ready to give up, I tried again and again, and with each try I learned new things about myself. I understood people better and I saw life in a clearer perspective. All those painful break ups i experienced changed my life for better. They taught me a lot about relationships. Honestly they were excruciating but i benefited from them.

I know you are wondering, “how?”, but the thing is, I have learned…
I learned to dig deep and care without expectations
I learned to appreciate what i have while i still have it
I got to rediscover myself; well i have problem with my temper but i am learning to manage it
I got to know my weaknesses and worked on them one at a time
I learned to love myself and to be first of all my own best friend
I learned not to trust indiscriminately but to chose wisely
I leaned to love with my heart without leaving my brain out of decisions
I learned to understand the difference between platonic and serious relationships
I learned to love, to hope but to also understand we are all humans and that disappointments are inevitable… And yes, I am still learning!

All those experiences made me realize that break-ups are not really meant to break us, disappointments should not stop us from having faith and let downs should not make us become stereotypes. All those experiences are meant to teach us, save us from lifetime of regrets and shape us into good people. Disappointments are inevitable in life, they are avoidably unavoidable. If you have never experienced one, thank God but brace yourself because one day it might hit you hard, however know it is always for the best.

As long as we chose to love, we will always have expectations and we will always find ourselves in positions where we have to hope and trust in someone else. They won’t always live up to expectations; we will feel the hurt, the sense of betrayal, the sadness of being let down but in all we can chose to learn from our mistakes, build from the ruins and create a new dream. If we take the lessons, we will understand that the pains never last forever. Hurts will heal with time, life will go on and today’s bad stories will become tomorrow’s bedtime stories.

By Basiru Adebayo Emmanuel