WHAT’S WORTH LOOKING FOR?
“While growing up, I wanted just anything in skirt until a time when I wanted more, a bit of beauty and more of exposure. When it was time to get serious, I wanted someone perfect but what I got is what I needed, I wasn’t sure again what I wanted”. Pa Adeyemi answered.
It was a day after Pa and Ma Adeyemi’s 45th wedding anniversary and we were seated on the verandah cooling off; the Sun had been on a revenge mission all day. I had been asking series of questions from the old couple, how they met and a bit about their early days. It was mama’s turn to answer,
“I was your complete town girl, the kind to rundown men and still wanted more, and it took me a while to discover myself. I thought good looks, fiesta and fashion were all I needed to find a ring, but thank God I learned what I am about to share with you today, because they made me a better person you know today”. And the she began;
Many a time in life, we think we are sure of what we want but we are just living what life needs us to be, to keep its own balance. Our basic assumptions are that blending with trend will get us the attention of the opposite sex but what we fail to realize is, our life changes everyday and a time will come, when all that glitters won’t matter again, even when they are precious stones. People will trade gold for peace of mind, beauty for brain and trend for love. Don’t bother about what you think the other sex will like, just give them what is worth looking for! Here are few of the things I learned:
1 Appearance: It is true that appearance shows the manner but it is not so that we could change our appearances to please the world. What you wear defines who you are at first glance and no matter your content, people will not allow you to present it unless you look presentable. Expose your body all you can, it will only attract the ones who are like Pa Adeyemi in his early days, going after anything in skirt (a mischievous smile on Mama Adeyemi’s face) but when the realization of time dawns on them, they will dump you like a dress out of fashion.
2 Independence: ‘Done’ are the days when a family survive on the initiative of one of the parent. Family is couple inclusive now. Nobody wants a partner who cannot make decisions on the go, especially when it is survival based. People want partners that they can leave the affairs of the family to when they need to be away. Like I said dear, trade beauty for brain, that’s the slogan of the ready to marry type. Both partners must bring something to the table gone are the days when the lady is allowed to come empty handed.
3 Emotion: Human Psychology have shown us that often times females are more emotional than their male counterparts, so this is more of a feminine matter. Men naturally get drawn in by tears and the tenderness that comes with it but they also begin to feel distressed when it becomes excessive. Naturally, crying doesn’t solve any problem, it only prevents us from gearing up to face our problems. While it is human to cry when unfortunate things happen, let’s learn to find solace in our partner, stand to our feet and find solution to whatever the issue is. Men love women that can turn things around with minimum help from outsiders.
4 Tidiness: It is no secret that it takes the two in a marriage to build a tidy home. A woman needs to be neat and tidy however for men they may be neat but tidy men are rare. When a woman comes across a tidy man, trust me it’s already a bus stop, all things being equal! Men naturally like tidy women to complement for something they are obviously lacking. Often times, we ladies think men don’t take note of our efforts to make sure the house is tidy, though they may not comment when it is clean, their expression when it is messy says volume. Unfortunately, I had friends lose their men because they are not clean-conscious and I had friends leave men because they can’t cope with a pig, seriously my boy, it goes both ways.
5 Maturity: This is important especially when you are already in a serious relationship. It is part of what determines if the wedding bells will ring or not. No one, either male or female can deal with excessive childishness. While it is permissible for a lady to show childishness sometimes (sentimental and attention seeking), it is completely unacceptable for men. Women need to have a feel of protection and security when around their men. To a daughter, daddy is meant to be a superhero, someone who can fix anything; from a broken toy to a broken heart. To a wife, the husband is meant to be the “macho” who can protect and provide. No one can feel secured around someone who hasn’t secured himself. Immaturity is a turn-off, in serious relationships.
6 Control: Science is right, we are all animals (as derogatory as this assertion may sound). What distinguish us however from “lower” animals is our control over “our world”. People want to add value to their lives through their partners and these affect their choice as they tend to avoid people who don’t have control over things like anger, sex drive, emotions, words, excesses, and character. That’s why you see some beautiful ladies in their 40s and still searching, men want ladies that have both good looks and inner beauty, and why you see men who are unnecessarily violent and abusive. My son, this is the part people tend to hide a lot but if you are very observant it is as clear as crystal. Some women believe they can change men who can’t control themselves but experiences had shown that the success rate is negligible. So control is key.
7 Human Relationship: Asides sensual relationship even companies require good human relationship from their workers. The truth is, we are drawn to people with good human relationship. Good Interpersonal relationship goes a long way to assure your partner you will be welcoming towards their families and friends. Men and women want partners who are warm and receptive, you don’t want to introduce your partner and the next thing, civil war is unleashed. So yes! This is very important and I must confess, it’s one of the reasons I fell for your Grandpa. I come from this large family where each person’s opinion matters but your grandpa has a way of melting hearts. She concluded.
As she rounded off, (of course it was now very late), Pa Adeyemi teased her saying “you forgot to add that I was irresistible then” and we all laughed.
I was so delighted to share from her wealth of wisdom, it seriously changed my idea of criteria for choosing life partner, how to be a better person and how to be a desired partner. I had to share with you because I don’t want to be selfish and I have faith you will share with others too. Cheers!
Aremu-ibraheem A. Adefabiola.