Premarital Sex… Why Not!?!

Premarital Sex… Why Not!?!

Often times the biggest question asked in relationship is, “is it right to have sex before marriage?” and my answer would always be “why not?”. Religiously, there might be several pointers to otherwise but in truth none actually gave us reasons why it is forbidden…thou shall not defile the bed, thou shall not fornicate etc yes! we get it but why not!?!

Sex is like cravings; similar to your cravings for chocolate, ice cream, alcohol, assorted foods etc and some times we just want to indulge ourselves and satisfy our desires while other times we want to deny ourselves and tell those cravings we are still in control.


I have heard, read and in fact given several reasons why sex before marriage is not a bad idea and the truth is, ladies and guys, most especially, come up with new ones everyday. Some reasons are founded while others are just circumstantial.

Here are some common reasons for premarital sex and my take on them;
* Some guys claim without sex they have this incurable stomachache. This is unfounded, sex has nothing to do with the ache. The stomachache boils from their desire to yield to an addiction. Just like an addict saying he can’t think straight without drugs or a drunk saying he can’t be okay without a bottle… Just excuses the body gives to get what it wants.

* Some guys say, “since we are ‘sure’ we will get married, there is nothing wrong with having sex”. I agree to this but on one condition, if the “sure” is 100%, then why not? But sadly, even people who are engaged are not 100% sure of marriage. So I doubt, if people who still have at least a year before marriage can be really really sure.

* Some ladies say, they don’t want to end up with a man that can’t satisfy their sexual thirst. Again, this is another very excellent point. Sex is an important part of marriage, if you can’t get someone that matches your appetite, it could mean infidelity in marriage. But then, you only know you like one ‘food’ more than another because you have tasted more than one ‘food’. Now let’s say for some reasons you have tasted more than one ‘food’, the dilemma is, no matter what you have and how sweet it is, you will always have that feeling that there is something sweeter out there… and we are back to infidelity.

*Some guys say sex is a proof of love. To this I don’t agree; not everyone we love, we demand sex from. We love our parents and siblings and yet incest has (in normal cases) never crossed our minds. Sex is not a measure of love, not a measure of feelings and definitely not a seal for emotions.

*Some ladies say, “it seems that should hold him down”. This is laughable and I am sure deep down, no smart girl would think that would work, except the target is being a baby mama (that is reigning these days though). Well in case you need to hear it again, “you can’t hold a man down with sex nor can you tie him down with pregnancy!”. He only stays because he wants to.

Pregnancies, STDs, STIs etc no longer qualify as reasons to stay off premarital sex, if you ask me, even adolescents know the importance of sheaths, so I won’t bore you with that but then I still believe giving out one’s body requires a second thought. So, here are reasons why I think it is worth a deep thought and time in decision, before sex is agreed to, premaritally. Like I said I am not against it but I just have my reservations for these reasons, especially from ladies point of view.

1. Insurance Policy: Most times why ladies are so emotional and heart broken after a relationship break-up is because they felt they have been cheated or robbed. To a lady sex is like a gift of trust, while to a guy it is more like handshake. So not giving sex is actually the insurance policy, even if he leaves, you have lost nothing and if he stays you have gained everything.

2. Bragging Right: Men are born to brag and sex happens to fall into one of the things they brag about especially if they are done with the relationship. As a lady, you don’t want to walk pass, when friends of your ex are laughing because that will always make you wonder, if they were laughing at you. But when you know you haven’t been bedded by him, you really don’t care if their laughter turns to laughter-fest.

3. Personal Pride: A man can, at anytime, claim he has never had sex, this is hardly possible for a lady. There is this pride that comes with giving virginity, it makes a lady feels like a queen giving up her royalty for love,  now imagine that feeling on a wedding night…priceless I must say.


Sex is a great act, with lots of medical, emotional, physical and spiritual benefits but the timing must be perfect because it is a gift you cannot take back. No matter what time you decide to share this feeling with someone, be double sure you know what you are doing.


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