I Love You
‘I love you’ probably the most confusing three words in history. Questions like; does it exist, can it be true, is it real, is it possible at first sight, why all of a sudden etc trail these words, often born out of the stories of love we have read and past experiences. In a letter I published sometime ago “what is love?” wherein a young lady tried to explain the unconditionality of these words, I still ask myself this question, “can anything be unconditional?”. I mean can we love without expecting something in return? Life has taught me that these words often create that sense of obligations and expectations such as; reciprocating, obeying, caring for, being best friends with, worshiping, accepting, giving time to, listening to, forgiving when I wronged etc.
‘True love’, as my dear writer friend Onome likes to use, now takes the complication to a whole new level. ‘True love’ has been used in series of articles, often times to mean a love so divine, devoid of anything evil or selfish intentions and therefore creating a picture of an eldorado or place of peace in relationship but then does this really exist? Truth itself is a function of time and state; present, past and future, if you agree with this, then you will also agree with me that ‘true love’ could have a time validity or worse still a time constraint that could render it more or less potent as time passes. This is just an hypothesis though, don’t ha
te me yet.
Enough of my twisting and turning! Love is real, trust me, just that it holds different meaning to different people. Literally, we can say love is a desire to an end; a desire only the confessor of the words truly knows to what intent and extent. Okay, simply put, only the person saying those words (I love you) can really say what he or she real means, that is, how deep is the desire, what are the intentions, the terms and conditions apply and to what length he/she is willing to go.
For clarity sake, we have all been made to believe the words “I love you” should mean; you are the only one, I can’t live without, you are my everything, there is no one else above, I will be with you always and forever etc but in reality this seldom happens.
The truth is when you interpret the words “I love you” from someone else based on your own “desire of intent and extent”, you most often than not get it all wrong. For instance:
From a mother to a son- ‘I love you’ may mean ‘I will make sure you turn out right’. The son would be wise not to mistake it for ‘you can do as it pleases you’ or else he will see rebuke from his mother when he is wrong as betrayal of love.
From a player boy to a side chick- it may mean ‘I want to have sex with you again and again’. The side chick should not mistake it for ‘I will be with you forever’ or else she will see the guy getting married to the main chick as betrayal of love.
From an extortionist to a pure heart- it may mean ‘I like the way you spend on me’. The pure heart should not mistake it for ‘I can cross the ocean for you’ or else he/she will see the extortionist’s walking away when there is no more money as betrayal of love.
From a pastor to the congregation, it may mean ‘I am happy to have you in my church and I pray you make heaven’. The church should not mistake it for ‘I can die for you’ or else when the pastor chooses his family above church members, the church will see it as betrayal of love. And so on
My point is, there is no absolute (in reality) to measure these words or what to expect. What we all have to go on with are merely our imaginations and what we think the other party might be saying. However, if we take time to understand what the other person wants (to what end) maybe relationship will be less complicated and more worth the time. So when next someone tells you I love you, be wise enough to probe further because it is better to know what to expect and your likely obligations than to assume it is just unconditional.
From me to you, I love you (meaning I appreciate you reading my articles, I hope they have positive impacts in your life and I definitely want to see you at the top).