I need you to watch this video first. It is less than 30secs, very funny and it is very important to this article.
So from the video, the kid insisted she needs a boyfriend. This could be because of the attention her mother was getting from her father and therefore she concluded, to get so much attention like that she needs a boyfriend. Honestly, her assertion isn’t wrong but what made it awkward were two things 1. Timing and 2. Capability.
Like this little girl we are also faced with similar decisions on daily basis, either due to peer pressure, pressure from parents, relationship pressure, or some times lack of good examples such as people we look up to (role models), we choose to want things we do not need and when there is no one to put us in check we get burnt.
Just like I said earlier, two things would determine if what we think we want is actually what we need.
1. Timing: Timing is all about the question “when is this right for me?” Or “is this right for me now?”. The answer varies from people to people. Timing has little to do with age but much to do with how important what you think you want is to your existence at that particular time. You are a fresh graduate and you just got a job and someone is pushing you to get married. Yes! A new job is a pointer to being self-sufficient but you need to be able to sustain yourself first before you add extra responsibilities.
Or a deal just clicked and the next thing you are thinking of is how you will show your friends you have made it in life. First of all, it is just one deal, you have not made it in life. It is in our nature to want to let people know money is here, in fact when you hide money, money will still reveal itself in your attitude, it is a given. It is the nature of money to be loud so spending lavishly, understandably, maybe what we want or what our instinct is telling us however it is not what we need because it is the time to reinvest.
So when you feel you need something, ask yourself, is this the right time to want this thing? Is this thing a priority right now? Does my current status suggest I go in this direction? Timing is everything in life.
2. Capability: Capability is the test of wits, physical and emotional strength. Whatever you think you want would come with its own challenges, are you ready for them? If mentally you think you are, what of physically? And if you think you are physically prepared, do you have the right emotions to cope? For the little girl, everything in this regard is just wrong, as in, no debates about it.
Same way it is when you don’t have a steady income and the little money you raised you used it to buy a leisure car, it is always going to end in tears. You may think you need it, but are you prepared for the challenges that comes with owning a car? Remember, no steady income and the car is for leisure and not an investment.
Or you just want to party like your friends, hangout and live fly. You might think it is what you want and really you want to feel among like your friends but then can your emotions sustain that kind of life; getting drunk and ending up abusive? How healthy do you think that is for your immediate family (if you are married), your self development, and your conscience as a person. Living simple is not a crime, to be honest, it often saves you a lot.
The fact that we want something doesn’t mean we need that thing. There will be pressure mounting from different quarters and people projecting different ideas and semblance of eldorado but always take your time to make that choice. When an immediate need is satisfied at the right time, within the right capabilities, every other things would fall in place.