Being single could be by choice, especially when it is not your priority at the moment and for people in this shoe, I respect you. You should not be in a relationship you are not ready for. Relationship is like an investment, it requires hard work, time, compromise and selflessness, so if you are not ready to give what it takes then it is wise to stay single till your are ready.
Some people are single not by choice but by circumstances. Either circumstances they created or the one they fell into, if you are one of these people then you need to read this. I am going to give you 12 reasons why you are still single, this is the ladies edition, the guys edition would come soon.
1. You don’t know who you want
You want a relationship but do you have an idea of who you want? I am not talking about tall dark and handsome or six packs fun to be with. Who do you want? A family man, a business man, a gentle guy or a man that wants to be in control. You need to know who you want, you don’t just go for a man and hope for the best. However, you can’t know who you want until you understand number two.
2. You don’t know who you are
To have a successful relationship you have to know who you are. I am not talking about your resume, who you are with regards to relationship as to do with your temperament, your life goals, your current lifestyle and your expected lifestyle, your likes and dislikes in a person and finally are you a drama queen or controlling. People nowadays tend to blame their attitude on their zodiac sign but honestly if you can’t own your attitude you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Knowing who you are goes a long way in helping you decide who you want.
3. Where to get who you want
Where you get a man says a lot about who he is. I won’t mention places before I am accused of being a stereotype. But you would have noticed that what you meet a man doing where you met him is something he does on a regular and most likely he isn’t going to let it go because of you. So if you know the kind of man you want, then frequent places where those kind of men visit. Bottom line don’t stay at home and expect a miracle.
4. You are not willing to compromise
You can’t find a perfect fit. You can’t even find someone who is 90% fit. So let’s say for argument sake you find someone who is 80%, then you will have to compromise on 20% to keep the relationship going. This means you would have to drop someone of your expectations and same time you will have to change some things about you. Stop saying I can’t change for anybody, when you are expecting someone to change for you, life doesn’t work that way.
5. You compare everything
We do not live in isolation so there will always be basis for comparison. However, you need to understand that most people project lies especially about their relationship. You know what you want, you know who you want and you have your basic expectations from the relationship, so work with that. Don’t let a friend project his/her own expectations or achievements into your relationship thereby putting your relationship under pressure. Do not compare notes with your friends especially on relationship.
6. You are afraid of risking it all
Commiting to someone is a risk. What if he is playing you? What if he is pretending? What if he is in a serious relationship with someone else? There are many what-ifs that can scare you and make you become nonchalant to having a steady relationship. So I understand it is a risky venture and you are right to want to be very careful. However, no risk no reward. If you have done your homework very well your chances of not being scammed would improve.
7. You have male bestie
I am not against having a male bestie, I have seen many people it worked for and together they have grown to become family friends. But if you are sexually active with your bestie then you will definitely have a problem keep your own relationship. Guys can compartmentalize their heart, keeping several ladies in different compartments however, for ladies this is almost impossible. Once a lady gives a man her body, a good part of heart goes with it. This makes it difficult to accommodate and care for another man.
8. Too high expectations
You should have a standard but not an outrageous standard. Remember the goal is to have someone you can grow together with not someone who has finished growing to leech on. So follow the saying “set the bar but not too high”, cut these guys some slack. Like I said before, 80% is a very good score. So list what you want in a man, prioritize or rank what you want, from most important to the least important, then if a guy is between 70 to 80% you should give him a chance.
9. You are laid-back
I won’t ask you literally to ask a guy out and this is why, most guys will take advantage. However, when you see someone who fits who you want, make efforts to get close to him, even if he is in a relationship. I am not saying steal him, I am saying compete for who you want. You might think he is happy with his relationship meanwhile he has been waiting for someone like you to make him see he deserves better. So if you see who you like don’t hesitate to become friends with him, exchange numbers, smile to get his attention, introduce yourself and probably extend compliment such as you look nice, I like your smell, nice shirt and so on just to get his attention.
10. You are too lazy to respond to DMs
You can’t be successful if you stay 24/7 on social media except social media is your work. However, you have to leave at least 1hour daily to respond to messages on your social media. You need to give guys audience, especially those who fall within your preference. From Hi to Altar, there are many stories like that, this is happening almost every other weekend. You can be next.
11. You have drama
Trust me, most guys are quick to leave a dramatic woman. Someone who makes a storm in a teacup, would probably find it hard to hold down a relationship. Honestly, some little drama can help test the bond but outrageous ones would frustrate the relationship. Keep your drama in check, work on yourself, hide it till you forget it. I know most ladies who are dramatic are emotional and deep lovers, most guys know this too but in the spirit of compromise, you will have to put a latch on it.
12. You don’t look your worth
The first thing people see is how you look before they see how pleasant your personality is. So dear, look your worth. I don’t believe ladies dress to attract men, my believe is that ladies dress to express who they are. So speaking from that perspective, when I see a lady dress shabbily, I conclude she is direction-less, most people share this idea too. Imagine a guy badly dressed walk up to you, now you know how guys see you when you dress shabbily.
I hope this article has been helpful. I am sure you probably realized you are guilty of few of these. Don’t worry, you have time to get it right. Don’t stop believing in yourself and what you are capable of. Remember to share with friends, together we can grow.