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*Each second, is a new chance.*

Find reasons to go on! – Selahsomeone

“Each second, is a new chance”. I’ve heard these words before but now they ring differently. It’s funny that before when I heard them, they didn’t have the same impact. They didn’t make as much sense then as they do now. So I questioned myself, “what have I got to lose?” I am down already what choice do I have? Now, I’m have to act on these words like this is the best piece of advice in the world.

It is true I can’t change what comes next, I can’t change where the wind of opportunity will blow to, I can’t determine what nature has in store for the world but I can change how I respond to life, what I do next is key, a key in my own hands.

Each second, is a new chance. So I will leave the judgement to those that have given up. As for me, I’ve got living to do. A second ago doesn’t matter even if it was adverse. Because I have the next one to look forward to. And the next one after that, and the next one after that. All I must do, is dare to take another step, it is clear to me that giving up is not an option.

Behind the mysteries of life is also the mysteries of choice. Life throws its canon and I shield with my choices. Often times, it is not convenient but if i must survive, I have to make the tough calls. I don’t question the fairness of life because I know it is all in my choices of response to life.

Each second, is a new chance. So my head will stay in an upright position. Keeping my mind on the future, yesterday is meant to be built upon and not to be caged by; If I lose, if I win, I will always have something to build on. It’s all in the same circle of knowledge, wisdom and understanding. So in the end, I will be, just fine. And I won’t waste time judging myself because now I know better.

Each second, is a new chance.

Each second, is a new chance

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BE HOPEFUL IN HOPELESS SITUATION

Hello!
I heard, you wanna die
How true?
You really want to get rid of your life?

Anyway,
There are many ways to say goodbye;
But, I would suggest one,
Throw yourself in a deep sea
Splash! splash!! splash!!!
There you go.
You would definitely start struggling
To save your life.

You would find it hard give up the struggle.

Why?
Well I know
Life might be hard,
Bitter, painful, and seem unfulfilling.
But there are people making headway
In this same unfair world.
Why then do we want to kill ourselves?

We definitely don’t want to.
But we are trying to kill something else inside of us.
The resentment, the stigma, the anxiety and the sufferings
Are what lies within us
And we are trying to kill ourselves to get rid of them.

Some of us live recklessly
Just to prove we don’t care
Often in rebelion against our family, friends or soceity
This doesn’t change what they feel about us
It only kills the little respect we have left
Good only comes from effort

Here’s what I have for you.
There’s an immense beauty, fruitfulness
And goodness that abounds in this World
Many success stories point to this fact
Life is a potent sign that there’s hope!
You’ll surely overcome your travails.
Just live, learn, love and enjoy your days.

Stop trying to kill yourself!

©Basiru Adebayo Emmanuel

Your Life is Precious

You are a Success!

You are a Success!

I didn’t say ‘You are successful’. I chose my words carefully. Success is one concept that is difficult to pin down to a specific universal definition. It’s an elusive, evasive and slippery idea. Frankly, what really is success? What are the yardsticks for determining a complete success story?

If getting married was success, Jesus was a failure.

If being unmarried was success, Mohammed was a failure.

If amassing college degrees was success, George Washington was a failure.

If growing gray hair and dying old was success, Alexander The Great were failures. (He died at 32years of age).

If being the wealthiest man was success, Albert Einstein was a failure (in his time).

I think you get the gist by now.

There’s no way you’d define success universally without making light of and alienating many notable names; apparent success stories.

I wouldn’t say success is relative, but I’d say it is subjective. If it was relative (to persons), a murderer may define serial killing as his idea of success. But nobody in his or her right mind should see that as success. The fact that he kills people successfully doesn’t mean he is a success story. But when I say success is subjective, it means that the meaning of success is subject to circumstances and/or experiences of one’s life. For instance, a man who was physically and sexually abused as a boy is a success if he grows up to empower rather than abuse others. Rising above negative circumstances and experiences of life is my definition of success. The moment you rise above your negative circumstances, you are the real MVP (a success story).

A friend told the story of his life thus;

I remember when I was admitted to Nigerian Law School. My hope of being called to the Nigerian Bar was almost dashed. The problem was the Law School Tuition. It was #230,000. This was 2007/2008 Academic Session. You see, in my family at that time, #230,000 was a fortune. It would be a fortune if your Dad was a retired low-level NEPA official (Pensioner) and your Mum a medium-scale trader. My Dad literally called a nuclear family meeting to discuss how we would raise the almighty tuition so that I could make it to Law School. He even considered selling his car at the time.

Folks, that amount was a big deal to us. Well, to cut to the chase, through sweat and blood, my Dad raised the money. I don’t even want to know how. All I know is that on the day I was given the cash to pay into the Nigerian Law School designated account, I became paranoid. It felt like I was being followed. Until that day, I had never held that much cash in my life. I was more vigilant than an FBI agent even in the bank premises. I only regained my sanity after the cashier gave me my Bank Teller and said, ‘have a nice day’.

Today, for one court case, I charge almost twice or triple that amount. Someone might wonder, ‘but I spend #500,000 on feeding every month and you charge that for a lawsuit?’ Exactly! And that’s why success is subjective. One man’s lunch money is another man’s weekly budget. And they may both be success stories because their circumstances are radically different. My parents went to great lengths, running from pillar to post just to get #230,000. I make double or triple that amount in one brief. That is Success to me and my parents especially. They did for me what was not done for them. They rose above their own circumstances.

You too can. And when you do, you are for all intents and purposes a Success. No matter what your bank account reads, if you can rise above your challenges, You are a Success!

A Little Adventure

An adventure is something challenging. An adventure takes us out of our ordinary lives. It usually involves challenging ourselves or trying out something new. The word ‘venture’ can mean to try something without knowing where it will take us, while ‘adventure’ has positive connotations. Though it may be challenging, an adventure usually makes us feel excited and energized.

There are many different types of adventure. It might be argued that even something that other people might think is ordinary is an adventure to someone else. If it makes us feel challenged and excited, trust me, it is an adventure. For instance, an adventure might be:

  • Climbing a mountain
  • Learning a new language
  • Learning new culture
  • Traveling to a new city
  • Going to the top of a tall building in the city
  • Going white water rafting
  • Going after your dreams against all odds
  • Doing something people consider “crazy”

From the above, I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live with unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a life with no risk. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

If you want to get more out of life,  you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a more adventurous lifestyle that may first appear to you to be crazy but once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty. Get out of your abode, leave your comfort zone and hit the road, and I guarantee you will be very glad you did. 

But I fear that you will ignore my advice. But for some reason incomprehensible to me, you want nothing but to bolt for home as quickly as possible, right back to the same situation which you see day after day. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us to discover. Please don’t bring my fears to reality, don’t ignore my advice.

Don’t settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new start to consolidate on yesterday. You are still going to live to see many days, and it would be a shame if you did not take the opportunities today is offering you to revolutionize your life and move into an entirely new realm of experience. You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships, God has placed it all around us, It is in everything and anything we experience. We just have to have the courage to try something new and worthwhile.

My point is that you do not need  someone to change your life for you, there is already a light to the path you know you must follow, It is simply waiting out there for you to grasp it, and all you have to do is reach for it. The only person you are fighting is yourself and your stubbornness to engage in something new.

Here are few of the things you stand to gain:

1. Mental health.
The excitement and happiness we experience during an adventure release hormones that are great for our mental health. Moreover, surmounting a challenge during an adventure is a brilliant way to leave us feeling positive about ourselves. Adventures give us a more positive attitude about ourselves and about life, all of which is just great for our overall mental health.

2. Expanding our horizons.
Trying new things or traveling to other countries for adventures really expands our knowledge and experience of the world. Sometimes, it takes an adventure to show us just how rich and varied the world out there is. We realize that our perception of the world is not the only one, and that there is so much more for us to see, do and learn. Rest assured, after your first adventure you will be hungry for more!

3. Building friendships.
Sharing an adventure with someone is an excellent way to strengthen your friendship. When you both experience those heightened emotions, and help each other to overcome the various challenges along the way, you develop a lasting bond.

4. Learning new strengths.
Sometimes it takes an adventure to teach you just how strong, clever or brave you are. All of us have hidden strengths that we do not always know about. And, it can take an unfamiliar situation to allow those strengths come alive. After all, if we simply stick to our ordinary daily routine, never challenging ourselves to try something new, how will we ever discover anything new about ourselves?

5. Making daily life richer.
Leaving our daily routine for a while to have an adventure means that we come back to our everyday life refreshed, and with a new perspective. After an adventure, our daily working day routine itself seems richer and more exciting, because our adventures have taught us to see the world in a new light.

Everyone needs to add a little adventure in their lives. What counts as an adventure is up to you. What was your last adventure? And, if you could have an adventure in the future, what would you like it to be? Adventures do not need to be costly – in fact, you could start planning your next adventure right now.

A Taste of My Own Medicine

A Taste of My Own Medicine

I feel like sharing this with you all, it is my personal experience; how I learned a lot about relationships and few of what I have learned.

I remember when i just started dating, i feared heartbreak so much, yet i was good at breaking hearts. My philosophy was “before she breaks my heart, I will break hers first”. However, knowing what I know now, I am not proud of my past and I still feel very sorry for what I have done.  The first time I got a dose of my own medicine, it felt like a sharp arrow in my then hard heart. I knew the karma train had arrived at my station.  It really hit me so hard and it made me do and say a lot of things out of pain and anger. It took a lot from me to get over my first heartbreak but i managed with time.

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When i was fully healed, i had to date again. This time around, i was more cautious with my heart and actions because I thought that would make things different. I became a nice guy in that relationship and i gave it my best. It lasted for about a year but due to irreconcilable differences, we had to part. I had invested my time, affection and money, so I was really discouraged about love that i chose to give it a break. However, my decision was short-lived, as you all know that it’s never easy to stop or avoid something you are used to; I couldn’t stand the loneliness. So I tried again and again, I experienced four heartbreaks in a row. Each time, I tried dating ladies with different qualities, background, class and ethnic group. The outcomes were devastating, I started hating the idea of love and relationships, at this point, I almost concluded all ladies are the same.

But I wasn’t ready to give up, I tried again and again, and with each try I learned new things about myself. I understood people better and I saw life in a clearer perspective. All those painful break ups i experienced changed my life for better. They taught me a lot about relationships. Honestly they were excruciating but i benefited from them.

I know you are wondering, “how?”, but the thing is,  I have learned…
I learned to dig deep and care without expectations
I learned to appreciate what i have while i still have it
I got to rediscover myself; well i have problem with my temper but i am learning to manage it
I got to know my weaknesses and worked on them one at a time
I learned to love myself and to be first of all my own best friend
I learned not to trust indiscriminately but to chose wisely
I leaned to love with my heart without leaving my brain out of decisions
I learned to understand the difference between platonic and serious relationships
I learned to love, to hope but to also understand we are all humans and that disappointments are inevitable… And yes, I am still learning!

All those experiences made me realize that break-ups are not really meant to break us, disappointments should not stop us from having faith and let downs should not make us become stereotypes. All those experiences are meant to teach us, save us from lifetime of regrets and shape us into good people. Disappointments are inevitable in life, they are avoidably unavoidable. If you have never experienced one, thank God but brace yourself because one day it might hit you hard, however know it is always for the best.

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As long as we chose to love, we will always have expectations and we will always find ourselves in positions where we have to hope and trust in someone else. They won’t always live up to expectations; we will feel the hurt, the sense of betrayal, the sadness of being let down but in all we can chose to learn from our mistakes, build from the ruins and create a new dream. If we take the lessons, we will understand that the pains never last forever. Hurts will heal with time, life will go on and today’s bad stories will become tomorrow’s bedtime stories.

By Basiru Adebayo Emmanuel