The Beau

This is a must read book for singles and parents. Relationship based eBook that is targeted at correcting the basics and act as a guide especially during complex decision making.

As youths sometimes we think handling relationship is very difficult but when you have basic understanding of the rudiments involved, it simply becomes a breeze through. Relationship goes beyond love and the body demands, we need to learn how it is designed to work.

Also as parents we have to understand so many things have changed, growing up has become more demanding, the effect of peer group alone is worse than it used to be, our kids need us to identify with what they are going through. We want them to talk to us but we must also know we have to be on the same page with them before we can make sense of what they are saying.

We must read this book. – Omotayo Abosede (Selahsomeone)

Love is nothing but good. If it is not good, it is not love. But then, love has its nuisance value. Love is a very important ingredient in working out a successful relationship. However, it is not all there is to it.
This timely book “The Beau” expresses the basic and fundamental virtues needed to get into a working relationship and sustaining it.
I met Onome about 3 years ago and her passion to see men and women walk into their God ordained marriage actually beats my imagination. Onome would do anything humanly possible to ensure you get it right in your relationship.

Practically, she played a very critical role in ensuring that I’m in the right relationship. So, I’m talking from my personal experience with her.
When Onome told me about this project, I was both glad and happy. I promised my full support and encouragement. – Ajayi Adeshina (Mr Wordline)

Thank  God it is finally here!

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Click the link below to download the eBook

 The Beau

The Beau

Posted in Author Onome, Relationship

Relationship Tips From Onomewrites

Relationship Tips From Onomewrites

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#OnomeWrites is a compilation of thoughts on relationship that is designed to guide your choice of life partner, to help foster your existing relationship and to light up dark areas in marriages. For clarification and personal counseling you can email me at  onomewrites@gmail.com.

Stay blessed.

Omodara Onome
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A good relationship consists of two people who are ready to learn from each other. Don’t be rigid, it is a partnership that’s why he or she is called a life partner and your partner’s opinions should count, if you want the best for your relationship.

Feelings could be deceptive and often times temporary but true love stands the test of time. Time reveals that which is true. Give yourself time before you take decision and when it comes to love never be in a rush!

In an ideal relationship there is a need to respect and value each other’s opinion! Your partner’s opinion should matter to you so that you can agree.

True love communicates. Communication is a vital key in any relationship. If you’re not doing that something is wrong.  Fight to resolve differences  but never estrange communication!

If you have to beg for affection and attention then something is wrong in your relationship. Fix it before you tie the knots. You are both worth more, don’t manage into marriage.

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It’s okay to have fantasies but it should never be a yardstick, there’s no perfect person but people could be better with lots of love & encouragement.

If she is not ready to build your dreams with you then she’s not worth it&if he’s not ready to help you in making your good dreams a reality then you need to do a rethink. Love is all about working & celebrating successes! Dreams should be built together cos it takes two sane mind to tango!

If you want to have a good relationship, you need to desire and then resolve in your heart to give as much as you expect no matter what it takes!

As a lady, If he doesn’t respect you now, then you need to think twice before you tie the knots. Raise your self-esteem, you are not to be messed with, you are to be celebrated.

We don’t attract what we want but who we are, if u want to get a better mate then be a better person. You attract who you are.

Selfishness is anti-relationship. If you want to make your  relationship work avoid self-centeredness! The word is not “mine” but “ours” if the relationship is to work. Compromises, sacrifices and dialogs are what relationship thrives on.

One of God’s greatest gift is an unanswered prayer, we may not understand now but He sees what we cannot see! All we have to do is trust Him.

A soulmate is someone you can connect with spiritually, emotionally, mentally and intellectually and at the same get attracted to physically. That is the ideal partner!

Sweetheart, your beauty will attract him but to keep him you need more than that. To your beauty add character, intelligence and diligence; (in all) be a better person!

Don’t marry him or her because somebody you respect told you to. They won’t live with that person for you, you are the one who will. Make your choice wisely!

If he does not respect his mother, he’s never going to respect you and she’s going to respond to you the same way she responds to her father.  If his own parents cannot correct him, then “who are you?”  Fight it out now, don’t be fooled, “marriage changes no one”…

Sweetheart, no matter how angelic and “holyghostic” the person the vision came from, I don’t care if it was passport photograph you saw before proposing to her or before accepting his proposal, you need to understand that there is a place of working it out. God will not do for humans what humans should do (for him/herself). True love is achieved when two people deliberately and consciously decide to make it happen. You are not perfect so is your spouse. Work on your character and keep growing (together).

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Hi lovebirds,  can I please borrow a little bit of your time?
There is more to love than candle light dinners,  going to picnics together,  getting matching wristwatches and shirts, going to cinemas and all the other emotional stuffs.  Hey,  don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying its bad, it’s good. It’s shows how much you care but there is more to love. True love is about growing together, learning together, working towards achieving the same goal and then celebrating success together.

Only humans possesses side mirrors to check cars coming behind God does not. You know why? Because in God’s kingdom there is no reverse, He only looks forward to the good you are doing now (the present)…. Don’t hold on to the past when God has already forgiven you, God is not mad at you. So move on!

Sweetheart, being fulfilled should not come from your spouse, please get a life! Your spouse is meant to complement you not redesign you! Don’t wait for your partner before you do something let him meet you doing something let her meet you fulfilling your dreams…

Can you please stop nagging and complaining, try to compliment him and pray for him, he’s not perfect, you are neither. Treat him like a king!

Sweetheart, you were created for so much more, stop living a shallow life, inside you is a great woman, a woman with ideas that will turn the world around. Find the real you. You were designed to excel.

If you are one of those who has this long list of what you expect from your partner, let me ask you a question, how many of those qualities do you possess? Stop chasing the perfect person be the perfect person you want to chase. Invest in you and be a better person!

If he/she does not support your God, please do a rethinking, losing your God over a relationship is not worth it…

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7 Relationship Facts
1. Just because she comes to your house every weekend to do your laundries, she cooks good meals for you and she cleans your house, that does not guarantee a submissive wife she might just be talented in house chores…

2. God designed you to be her lord and king to protect her and move her to her promised land, He didn’t design you to boss her around and treat her like your maid servant, she is a queen and she deserves to be treasured treat her like a queen!

3. Just because you met him in church and he is a worker, does not mean he is broken…. Don’t just assume be very sure! Everyone is a saint in church…..

4. A good relationship consists of two givers, it is not only a man who should give, surprise him with gifts and encourage him…..

5. Stop looking for the perfect person, become the person you want to chase! Become a better person everyday….
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6. Don’t generalize your belief system, just because somebody broke your heart does not mean every other person you meet wants to hurt you, people are different!

7. This is the final fact, this goes for everybody whether single or engaged, don’t stop learning, build your intellect! Build your relationship with God! God dreams a bigger dream for you than you can ever imagine! You are created to excel don’t settle for less…

Posted in Author Onome, Inspirational Stories, Motivational

I Dare You

I DARE YOU!

Is that a threat or something? Nah, just calm down I’m not threatening you neither am I calling you up for a fight I just want to challenge you positively. Let me start with the story of a man we all know very well some people call him “the godfather of comedy” others call him “the ancestral spirit of standup comedy in Nigeria” take it or leave he was the first man to start standup in Nigeria he’s no other than the man called “ALIBABA”

He is Atunyota Alleluya Akporobome with the stage name Alibaba born in Warri, Delta state to a royal family studied Religious Studies and Philosophy at Ambrose Ali university Ekpoma after acquiring a degree in 1990 he relocated to Lagos having discovered his comic talent and funny bone in his third year in the university, he initially had a passion to be  a lawyer and he had planned to go back to Ekpoma to study law but he changed his mind when he discovered he could make money from making people laugh than defending them!

He started his professional career with corporate events appearing on television shows with the likes of Patrick Doyle, Charly Boy and Danladi Bako but he made up his mind that he was going to do everything possible to enhance himself, improve his skill and the service he offered in other words be professional but at that time there was hardly any precedent to follow because the funny men then were not into standup comedy.

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Through guts, sacrifices and creative dynamism, Ali Baba carved a niche for himself as a comedian for both corporate and non-corporate events. In less than 4 years, he had become the preferred Master of ceremony at some events. Alibaba made the rules, broke them and sometimes even discarded them depending on how effective they were. These days no event is complete without a comedian to MC that event. The comedy industry in Nigeria today is growing fast and strong to the credit of the God father of comedy. He has been a professional standup comedian for the past 22 years and has in the last 13 years received several awards.  Today, Ali Baba is nothing but a success story! (Culled from Wikipedia).

I don’t know what your dream is, it might be to start up something nobody has ever done, don’t be scared about it, there might be a lot of opposition around you because your dream sounds crazy but I bet you when your dreams become reality the same people who told you it was impossible will celebrate you. The same people who gave you no chance will tell tales of how they knew you. But you have to bring your dreams to reality before you can sing the triumphant songs.

So I dare you…
I dare you to start something,
to take that great risk
to take that giant step

I dare you today…
to visit your dreams and even make them bigger
to bring to life those ideas that have been giving you sleepless nights
to go out there and be yourself

I challenge you…
to stand up and try again and again and again
to keep going till your dreams become reality.

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!” (Goethe) Don’t just dream be bold enough to take a step of faith and courage to make that dream a reality. So, I dare you to write that letter, to make that phone call, to visit that office, to take that great risk. Remember, life itself a risk don’t be too scared to live your dreams! I dare you to pursue your dreams!

Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome

Posted in Author Onome, Digest, Inspirational Stories, Motivational

NEVER TOO LATE

NEVER TOO LATE

“Laying on my bed, can’t help but keep rolling from one end to another, and I could barely hold back the tears; my dreams, all I hoped to become slipping away and all I could manage from my heavy mouth was, “Why? Why is this happening to me?” but I got no answer.” I was taught better but now I have no choice than to run away.

It happened on the 12th of May, a day I would never forget. It felt like everything was working perfectly well… Mum was looking so beautiful in her wine tailor-fitted lace and dad was dashingly handsome in his wine lace; they looked so cute together, I had always been proud of them, they were what I call “The Perfect Couple”. My brother Richard was so gorgeous in his black tuxedo and I was looking pretty cool too in my red gown; mum had bought for me a month ago. We were all prepared to go for Uncle Jim’s birthday party; Uncle Jim was dad’s best friend and the only family we knew. It was an evening event, the party was scheduled to start at 19:00 hours.

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We all got into the car, we were running late, mum actually spent like eternity getting dressed, dad had to drive a little faster than usual, so when we met these fierce looking soldiers who shouted “Park! Park!!”, dad stopped the car thinking it was about his speed. When he parked, they started asking questions and looking into the car. We never knew they were not real soldiers, they were armed robbers with guns like you see in movies. I was so scared, my brain stopped processing and I became numb. I could hear arguments followed by gunshots, then came the police siren… Gradually, I started piecing it together, my family had just murdered in cold blood, it was just like a mare. I screamed!  Dad wouldn’t answered my call to him, mum refused to look at me and Richard couldn’t yell back. With tears in my eyes, I was rolling in the pool blood, tugging at each of them but they were gone! 

The cops came around and right there, I watched them carry the corpse of everyone I ever loved, my family that meant everything to me. Uncle Jim and his wife came around later to take me home, telling me everything was going to be fine. It felt like I was alone and my dream of making mum and dad proud was dead as a door nail. I was only thirteen at that time and all I felt was hurt, brokenness and hatred.

Uncle Jim and his wife were so kind, they took up the responsibility of sending me to school but as years passed-by, Uncle Jim’s wife, aunt Rhoda, changed. There was nothing I did that was right in her eyes; she just hated me. She kept poisoning uncle Jim’s mind till he stopped sending me to school, right after my secondary school education. They decided I should learn fashion designing,  I took it in my strides as my father taught me “to always make the best of a bad situation”. Although it seems the more I soldier on, the more bleak the future looks. Sometimes it seemed I was clueless, other times hopeless and I can’t but ask God why Life had been so unfair to me. I lived every day with pains and hurts; I couldn’t forgive my uncle and aunt for not allowing me to go to school because I had hoped I would someday become a lawyer.

Three years later, I got certified as a fashion designer, uncle Jim bought me a rundown second hand machine, that often needed repairs after every sew. But that wouldn’t deter me, I started to sew and as God would have it, I was very good at it. I am very creative and this helped me, I started getting customers but aunty Rhoda will always collect the money I made. One day, I decided I had had enough, I was 23years old now, so I decided to run away from home. It was a tough decision as I really had no where to go, no friends and no families I could run to but then I knew staying with my uncle would only destroy me.

Very early in the morning, I left the house with less than 1000Naira I had saved, I took a bus to the closest town and started living as a destitute; I begged to eat and slept wherever nightfall caught me. After a while a woman picked me up and I became a maid in her house but I wanted more. My boss is a kind woman, all her kids are grown and married, it was just the two of us almost all the time. One day I opened up to her, I told her of my dream to be someone, to be successful and I told her about my fashion design training.

As God would have it, she was willing to help. She decided to send me to a fashion school and that was how I picked up the broken pieces of my life. My dreams came alive again and today I’m not just a fashion designer, I am a fashion consultant; I design for models, companies, consult for other designers and I organize my own fashion shows. Lately, I went back home and told my uncle and aunt that I’ve forgiven them because I realized that if they had not pushed me, I might have not amounted to something.

My dear reader, life is what happens after we have made a perfect plan. Tragic event might have occurred that left you hopeless and dreamless but I want you to know that it’s not too late for you to start again, it’s not too late to pick up the pieces of your life. I want you to know that you can still be who you want to be, it’s never too late to start again.

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Colonel sanders started KFC at the age of 62, Morgan Freeman didn’t get a movie big role till 52, Joyce Meyer was molested by her own father for so long, Oprah Winfrey got pregnant as a teenager…on and on like that every success story is also a story of great failure . So stop giving excuses, stop looking for shortcuts and stop complaining. Every failure, all the challenges you are going through is to make you better. I know you are broken and you are hurt, it’s okay to cry, if you need to cry, and let the pain out as you shed those tears but when you are done, start seeing a brighter future, start making new plans and begin to see a brighter day. Most importantly, forgive everyone who had hurt you and forgive yourself, because we can’t move on till we let go.

It doesn’t matter how many times you have failed, how many mistakes you have made or how many times you’ve been hurt, know this, it’s not too late to start all over. You are created for so much more and your story will be heard if only you don’t give up. Every great man had a story, it’s just a phase and you are coming out stronger and better. I am sure, one day you will look back, smile and appreciate this moment and the hard times that taught you to be strong.

I leave you with the words of Carl Bard, “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

I believe in you because You are special!

Written By:
Onome Omodara Oluwabunmi

Posted in Author Onome, Digest, Inspirational Stories, Relationship

STOP IT!

STOP IT!

“Are you not tired of being treated this way?” Esther asked Monica, both of them had been friends and roommates since their second year on campus, Esther had always been the gentle one; easy going, cool and calm while Monica on the other hand was the opposite. She is always excited, free and lively (loud). They are two different individuals who have different goals and ambitions. Esther’s very intelligent and quite smart; always trying hard to set Monica right, especially when it comes to relationship but often times she shuts her up and some times she shuts her out completely.

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This particular day had gotten Esther pissed off, her roommate came in to report her boyfriend Dave. Dave and Monica had been in a relationship for about a year but it had always been from one problem to another. Dave had never respected Monica and he had always treated her like she was one random girl. This particular day Monica went to see him and he had embarrassed her in front of one of his female friends, he just pretended as if she was not there. He kept on talking to the lady as if Monica never existed. Monica walked out of his room with tears in her eyes. When she got home, she opened up to her friend Esther. Esther was used to her coming home and complaining about Dave all the time but she was getting tired of listening to the same story, so she had to voice out and asked her the daunting question, “are you not tired of being treated this way?”

Our actions or inactions, consciously or unconsciously gives people the idea of how to treat us. We give people the power to treat us the way they do. Show class and people will treat you with respect – Selah

Monica’s eyes lit up, she replied “What do you mean!?!”. “You need to stop it!”, Esther replied. Monica was confused “Stop what? You are confusing me”. Esther moved closer to her, held her two hands and looked into her eyes “You need to stop Dave from treating you like nobody, you are beautiful and you deserve the world, you need to stand up and find your worth, love is not selfish, love does not dishonor others! If he loves you he will treat you like a queen that you are”. Esther continued, “let me ask you? How has this relationship added to your life?” Monica was speechless, she knew she had made lots of mistakes in that relationship, she knew she was just enduring the relationship, she knew she had to stop it.

It was like those words set Monica free. She was able to summon courage to end the slavery she called relationship. She ended the relationship with Dave and worked hard on herself to became a better person. Over time Monica found true love, a man who treats her right, puts her first and shares her dreams.

“You are beautiful and you deserve the world, you need to stand up and find your worth, love is not selfish, love does not dishonor others! If he loves you he will treat you like a queen that you are” – Onome

Love is a sweet thing. Everyone’s desire is to meet the right person who will make them feel so special and feel on top of the world but there is more to love than candle light dinners, going on dates, getting matching wristwatches and shirts and all the emotional stuff. Love is about growing together, learning together and respecting each other. Stop forcing yourself on her, stop forcing yourself on him, you worth so much more! Stop  tolerating relationship, you are meant to be celebrated not tolerated  and until you know your worth nobody will see you as worthy. My dear reader, you need to stop chasing people and become a person worth chasing. Trust me, if you become a better person, you will attract the right person.  Make conscious efforts to be the Right and you will be someone’s Mr or Mrs Right. Overall, be a man or woman your partner will be proud to have.

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Finally, treat your partner the way you want them to treat you; stop disrespecting your partner in front of your friends, family, colleagues, classmates or clique. If you don’t value your partner nobody will, if you don’t respect him/her your friends won’t. Don’t be bossy, don’t be controlling, don’t dominate discussions, don’t be too protective, don’t become obsessed and remember, she is not your maid and neither is he your source of income. Relationship is meant to be an advanced partnership, both of you have to bring something to the table; you have to trust, respect, reach compromise, make sacrifices, forgive and above all love truly.

Love is achieved when two mature minds decide to make it work, it is never one sided. Love should start from you, if you don’t love You, nobody will. If you have found true love hold on to it, if you have not, be patient and while at it be a better person, true love will surely find you. You are meant to be celebrated and loved not to be managed!

Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome
Onomewrites@gmail.com

Posted in Author Onome, Digest, Motivational

SHARE THE FEELING

Share The Feeling

The Coca-Cola company started the share a coke campaign in Australia in 2011, they brought the campaign to Nigeria in January 2014, you can even go to their website and design your own customized picture of a Coca-Cola bottle with your name. This idea took the coca-cola company a step further in their goal of being the highest selling bottling company.

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I thought about it for a long time and it occurred to me that all this company did was to give their customers a feeling of importance. It is true that the sweetest word to any person is the person’s name. Little wonder, that excitement you get when you see your name on a bottle of coke. I could remember the day a friend of mine saw her brother’s name on a bottle of coke she bought that bottle with the last #100 on her, even though it took couple of months before she could take it home and show the brother. There are also stories of similar incident all over the nation, some had the names of their loved ones inscribed on a bottle of coke while others went ahead to get their own customized bottle and even took celebrated pictures with it. A bottle of coke made them feel special.

All people need from you is a feeling of importance, a feeling that they are special to you. No matter who that person is, everyone wants to feel loved and that exactly was the feeling Coca-Cola gave you and I.  “Make people in your life feel important and do it sincerely”, it changes the playing field for you and makes it comfortable to be around you. Imagine if everyone in the world wants to be around you, wants to listen to you, or maybe eager to associate with you. That feel right, yeah? So when next you want to start a conversation with your friends call them loveable names, tell your folks they are special to you, encourage your neighbors and make your siblings feel appreciated.

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It was Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire, who said “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours”. Everybody feels important in their own little way, so all you need to do is to praise them and give them that sense of uniqueness. A lot of people are going through emotional pains and hurts you can help them with your words of encouragements. Help someone cross the road, put a smile on somebody’s face, a gentle touch shows you understand, tell someone you believe in them, whisper encouraging words and in return somebody will do the same for you.

Admit your faults when you are wrong, saying “I’m sorry” does not mean you are weak, it shows how matured and how much you value that relationship. Keep your pride when others need to be celebrated, don’t always keep the focus on you. When a subordinate has done well don’t take the glory, when you celebrate people they become more loyal to you. Give credit to whom deserves it, encourage people who haven’t really measured up by identifying things they are doing right. Emphasize the positives and watch people strive to keep getting better for you.

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When next you come across a bottle of coke with your name or your loved ones name remember that Coca-cola has given you a feeling of importance, it  will be so unkind of you not to share that feeling. Don’t just share a coke share the feeling!

I love you!

By Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome

Posted in Author Onome, Relationship, Series

DON’T JUDGE ME (Grand Finale)

DON’T JUDGE ME (Grand finale)

Charles and I were so much in love he became my confidant, I told him all about my past and my family. He told me he didn’t care about my past that what we have is the future and he was willing to go all the way with me. He was my Prince Charming, like the dragon slayer, I found peace with him.

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Charles was different from all the other guys, he has some rules though;
He believes people do things intentionally, as such apologizing doesn’t change anything.
He doesn’t believe in forgiveness, he believes “only God has the power to do that”
He believes a woman could be beaten once in a while, in his words “sticks drive away foolishness”
Finally, he believes the man is the head of the family (relationship) hence, his decisions should be final.

I had no serious issues with all his rules; I was so desperate for love and in truth, He was giving me love, I wanted a man to call mine and Charles gave me no reasons to doubt him. He slapped me couple of times, he called it “hard reset”, especially when, according to him, I was being stupid; like talking too much, arguing with him, running late on appointment with him or getting too close to other guys. However, after such actions, he would sit me down make me see why I deserved it and how it was a favour to be corrected, so I don’t get destroyed. I really understood him and I did my best not to walk into “destruction”.

Note: Love is not giving up your happiness, freedom or dreams. Love is meant to enhance and not limit you.

It was over 3months into the relationship, I went to pass the night in his house, this wasn’t the first time and most times when I come like this, we made-out but we always stopped before it got out of hand (I was still a virgin, I had never gone all the way), however this night was different. We were so in the mood and have reached a point of no return, I was a bit reluctant at first but he told me lots sweet things, like; how he’s madly in love with me, since he was going to marry me it’s not a sin, and that I should not worry about getting pregnant he’s got that covered. I knew him to well, arguing with him always end up bad, and in all fairness, I so much wanted to feel it too, so I yielded.

A bit of pain, a bit of fun, I lost my virginity. I didn’t care though, I was in love and that was all that what mattered. It happened few times again and I was no longer getting too comfortable with the idea. I started avoiding sleepovers and he started misbehaving. He stopped calling on a regular basis and when I call he won’t return my call. He became passive and all the passion he showed me ran dry. I was really scared of losing him, I kept wondering what was wrong, so I decided to ask him and he said he had been busy. About some weeks after the charade started, he told me he was no longer interested in the relationship. He said I was a temptation that he had to overcome by leaving me. I begged him but all to no avail, instead he was getting physical with me, so I had to let him be. l was angry with myself, I felt like a fool. Revenge ran through my head, the thought of getting even but I wasn’t raised like that. Eventually I took it in my strides.

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Note: Most men will demand sex before marriage, if you as a lady allow it, you will get all the attention but often times it is for a while. However, If you don’t allow it, you might lose all the attention but often times it is for a while. A good man will always come back because he doesn’t need sex to stay in the first place.

I know what you are thinking, “how could she be so stupid?”, I concur! I was stupid, I was naive, I made a great mistake but like I said don’t judge me. I was so desperate because I didn’t want society to start asking obvious questions? I made relationship my first priority and it landed me in series of mess. I found it so hard to forgive myself but I knew I needed a second chance. I had to let go, pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Eventually I was able to, Mercy found me, Grace found me and I made up my mind to be patient until my man comes. I became determined to get the best out of my life. I may have some explaining to do to my future husband but I know if he is the right one, he will understand and forgive me.

Life is not all about candle light dinners, going to eateries and getting the best bouquet every valentine. You need to get a life that attracts the right people. Stop making relationships your reason for existence, rather build a life that will make your future spouse and children proud of you. You might plan to marry a man who has a range rover, has a big company… those are good dream but what are you doing to make that kind of man attracted to you? What value are you bringing to the table?  Stop looking for the perfect man become the better person and attract the right people.

You don’t have to be so desperate about getting a partner, your own spouse will locate you. Why not build up yourself and be someone worth waiting for. Reflect what you think, spend lots of time investing in yourself.

Your own story might even be worse but don’t feel so bad about the past. Forgive yourself and get on with life. You were created for so much more, forget about your mistakes and keep your focus on the bright future ahead. You made mistakes, yes! but every great man has a story. So why cry over spilt milk, when you can get up and get yourself a whole new bottle. Forgive yourself, you deserve a second chance, move on because life is worth it!

I know its valentine and love is in the air, enjoy it but don’t forget to be the best of your kind. Build your self-worth, you don’t have to be so desperate for a date or gifts, tell yourself you deserve so much more! Become a better person every day, if you have found love hold on to it and desire to make your partner proud of you, but if not, I believe there is someone wonderful out there looking for you just make yourself worth the search.
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My name is Ebunoluwa, this was my story, it was my past, they are things I have been through, they don’t define me and I hope you would understand and not judge me. Happy valentine!!! Enjoy the season with love. You were created in love so you deserve to be loved.

Written by Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome

Posted in Author Onome, Relationship, Series

DON’T JUDGE ME (Part 3)

DON’T JUDGE ME (Part 3)

Note: Not all bad things happen to destroy us, most bad things happen to build us, to put life in clearer perspective and often to let us know, who lies behind the veil of friendship.

I was eager to see Josh, It is being a while, so I long for his touch, his face, like a deprived child in search of love, I couldn’t wait, I was even hoping to surprise him with more than my visit. On getting to his house, I knocked the door but no answer, it was a Saturday, I was so sure he wasn’t going to school and from our last discussion, he didn’t have any party that weekend. I decided to try the door to see if it was not locked, to my surprise it opened, so I let myself in. There was nobody in the sitting room, but then this awkward sound and seemingly whispering coming from Josh’s room. I became curious, a part of me wanted to go back but my curiosity got the best of me. My eyes could not believe what it saw, Josh was with another lady, in a position my innocent words can’t describe. I dashed out, like a man on a hunt, straight home to wet my pillow as usual.

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Over the course of the Week, he called, sent text, sent friends but I wasn’t ready for any explanation. It was clear to me it was over. I was broken, I was hurt, honestly I loved Josh. Lot’s of questions where left unanswered like; what was I getting wrong? Was there something about me that needed to fixed? Was it the laws of attraction bring a good girl like me to bad boys? Was God punishing me for something I did in the past? Or Was I just unlucky in love? I was tired of flings, I wanted something real, I wanted something that would last forever, I wanted sincerity; a man who genuinely cares about me, who will treat me like I was the only woman in the world. “Someone to respect and cherish me, that isn’t asking for too much”,  I concluded.

All my colleagues were either engaged or in a serious relationship, this kept the pressure on me. It was my final year in the university and I was so desperate to have a man. Lately, the phone calls I’ve been receiving have been “guess what? He just proposed”, when will I make such a phone call? This became my daily routine of thoughts, I became withdrawn and a shadow of my usual self.

Note: Don’t run your life based on another man’s schedule, you either end up doing too much or doing too small.

One evening after class my phone rang and it was Tomi. Tomi has been my good friend since my sophomore year, we were so close and I had a serious crush on him. However, he friend zoned me, so nothing really happened. Our friendship reduced drastically in my third year because  he found out some truths about me, which left him disappointed. I apologized but he wouldn’t let it go, so I let him be.

I was surprised when he called to check up on me. He said he had missed me and asked if he could see me. I was eager to see him too, so I cleared my schedule and fixed a time to see him. When we finally met, He apologized for walking out on me and abandoning our friendship, I also apologized for not being totally straight with him. I couldn’t explain what happened with the look on Tomi’s face but I knew I was up for trouble, he held my hands and looked straight into my eyes before I knew it we started kissing. (I am a bit sensitive, that kind of girl that the faintest of pecks drives her passion.) I knew Tomi wanted a perfect lady, so I wasn’t sure if the kiss was to test my looseness or just his passion running on overdrive, my thought ran riot. He broke the kiss apologized and left.

Note: If you find it too hard to control your emotions, you might find it even harder to control your relationship with others. Anger, passion, joy, worry, excitements are part of emotions that determine how we are able to co-exist with others.

It has been three days, since the kiss incident and I’ve not heard anything from Tomi. In my heart, I told myself I had blown it again; I failed a simple test. On the fourth day, to my surprise, Tomi called. He asked if I could come to his house and like a lamb being led to slaughter, I didn’t object. On getting to his house he apologized for kissing me, he said it was a mistake but I told him it was okay. He said he wanted us to be back to being friends and nothing more. I agreed, at least that is better than losing him all together.

Few days after, I went to his house. After exhausting all the available gist, we decided to play games. We started with question games, then guessing games, finally we decided to play the truth or dare game. He then dared me to kiss him, I laughed about it (trying to figure out if he meant it) but he was serious. “Well it is just a game” he said, so I did. This time it lasted longer and I really felt all the tingling sensations. There were couple of more sexual daring requests and I obliged all. When it was getting late, I left his house but I could not stop thinking about the kiss and other stuffs we did. I knew I was definitely in love with him and I secretly prayed the feeling was mutual.

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I became restless, I wanted to know what I was going into. Was it all games to him or he was just shy to come out clean. We were in our final year and dating was no longer a taboo. One day, I summoned the courage to ask him, Tomi, “what do you really want from me?”. My palms were all sweaty, my eyes were damp, I was really scared of what his response might be. He smiled, as if to tell me, “I understand how you feel”. He then spoke softly but with all sense of seriousness , “you know I like you but I can’t date you”, that sent shivers down my spine. “It is not that you are not beautiful but I just can’t see you as a girlfriend. Maybe friends with benefits, satisfying each other’s sexual curiosity but then, I can’t even see myself  having sex with you”, he concluded.

Note: Giving a man your body doesn’t make him indebted to you. Sex is 95% passion to a lady but 95% fun to a man. Sex is never a yardstick to measure love.

This was the final nail on the coffin, I am willing to give my body and it is all being thrown in my face. Tears rolled down my face, I stood up, told him as gentle as I can, that I was not interested in such a friendship and I walked away. I felt used, in the name of games, I felt betrayed in the name of friendship, I wondered how he had been seeing me all these while; a toy, a play thing, a fool who kisses men before they ask her out, in fact maybe a loose girl that kisses every man… I felt empty and was really ashamed of myself.

So I decided to change my approach, if I wanted a man who would care, be God fearing and not sex driven, I would have to look elsewhere, like somewhere more sacred. So it occurred to me that kind of man would definitely be in the Church. So I became more receptive in to brothers, I waited for all meetings; single’s meeting, prayer meetings, business meetings, house fellowship meetings, name it and you will find me there. I started giving all the church brothers asking me out hope because I was tired of romance, I wanted something different. Then it happened, the ushering unit president asked me out, apparently the Lord laid it in his heart to approach me, his name is Charles and I didn’t even think about it, I just said Yes. Charles was so loving, spiritual, caring and I enjoyed all the attention he gave me.

Note: Ladies, don’t ever make relationships your source of happiness, God didn’t just make you a wife alone! Get a life, it’s not all about having a boyfriend.
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What really happened between me and Charles? let’s see in the final episode….

By Omodara Onome

Posted in Author Onome, Relationship, Series

DON’T JUDGE ME! (Part 2)

DON’T JUDGE ME!  (Part 2)

Note: Anxiety is a good feeling but don’t get yourself lost in it. Too often it takes one’s eye off the goal and puts all good things on hold.

…Peter meant the world to me. One day he dropped a letter in my school locker, saying we should meet after school hours that we need to talk, I was confused and I prayed in my heart that all was well. I could no longer pay attention in class, I just wanted the school to be over, I became very anxious.

We had a meeting spot, so I got there immediately the closing bell rang. Fifteen (15) minutes later, he arrived and he apologized for coming late. He told me he was going to walk me home, a bit hesitant though, so I demanded to know what’s going on. He held my hands gently, locked my eyes in gaze then leaned in and kissed me. I can’t deny the fact that I enjoyed the kiss though something in me, told me it was not right but I was lost in the moment. He reached to unbutton my shirt, when we heard footsteps and we had to pretend as if we were reading.

Note: Love, lust and infatuation are all passion filled, most times it is difficult to draw a line. Little wonder, it is said that if you are not ready for the sexual side of relationship, you have no business being alone with someone you are in love with.

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Behold, the Calvary was our mathematics  teacher, Mr. Davies, he asked us what we were still doing around and we told him we were reading. He was surprised though, as our meeting spot was neither a classroom nor library, it was obvious that whatever was going on, wasn’t reading. With doubt written all over his face, he asked us to pack up and go home immediately, then he left. I picked up my bag and I told Peter I was going but he held my hand back. He looked sad, then he began, “I am sorry that I did that, it was because I love you and you are irresistible”. I told him I love him too but what just happened made me feel so low. In truth, I felt so cheap, I wished I had the right words to explain it but I was just not myself, I felt I deserved more.

By the time I got to school the next day, I met another letter in my locker from Peter, telling me how sorry he was and that he was not going to rush me again. He said he was willing to wait till whenever I was ready. I replied the letter telling him I wasn’t angry, just a  little confused. Our love grew strong and everything was fine until his mum withdrew him from our school. She claimed he was not serious and he was taken to a boarding school.  We couldn’t really communicate like before, afterwards but we always stayed in touch.

I was at home studying on a Friday evening when I got a text message, it was Peter telling me he was around and that he wanted us to see before he went back to school. I was so excited, I called him back almost immediately and we fixed  Saturday afternoon. I lied to my parents that I was going to my best friend’s place to study. I eagerly left for Peter’s house. He was the only one at home and I sat beside him in their sitting room. We talked for a while playing catch up when he leaned in and he kissed me.

Note: Don’t  sell yourself cheap because with all the money in the world you might not be able to buy yourself back.

In a moment of adrenaline rush,  i slapped him and told him never to try that again. Only for me to start feeling guilty a moment later, so I went on my knees and apologized. Then came his outburst, I have never seen that side of him before, he shouted at me, he told me he was only managing me in the first place. He said he had better girls who are more beautiful and are willing to go all the way. That day I felt so stupid, betrayed and used. I left his house went straight to my room and I did what I know how to do best, “wet my pillow”

It was two years after Peter left me, I had dated two other guys in that space, which did not last. I was already in the university studying Microbiology. After my secondary school, my father married another wife and he started maltreating us. He stopped paying our fees, my mother had to take full responsibilities. This made me hate my dad and I transferred the hatred to every other guy I met outside, I just hated men and hated marriage. I felt every guy wanted to hurt me.

Note: You can’t judge everyone with the sins of few neither can you live your life in fear because of what you have been through. Every second is a chance to make the choice for a fresh start.

In my third year in the university I went home for first semester break and that was when I met Josh. Josh and I attended the same secondary school but we weren’t friends then. It all started when I got his friend request on Facebook. We started chatting, before I knew it I was already addicted to chatting with him, soon I longed to hear his voice.  I was in love with him. I told him all about my past relationships, I also told him all about my parents and he promised me he would always be there for me.  It was like a dream come true, I felt loved again.

Josh plays saxophone, so he was always going for shows. My girl friends used to tease me, they told me, “they were jealous and wished they were in my shoes”. I remember telling them “I’m a very lucky girl”. Six months in the relationship, I went home for mid-semester break and I decided to surprise Josh with a visit, you won’t believe what happened.
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To be continued…….

Posted in Author Onome, Inspirational Stories, Relationship, Series

DON’T JUDGE ME! (Part 1)

DON’T JUDGE ME!
(Part 1)

It’s easy to criticize me, you can say all you want, I don’t really mind but before you judge me please read my story:

I was born about two decades ago to a wonderful family though not rich but we are satisfied. We don’t have more than enough but we were always okay. I’m one of those kids they call “Covenant children”, my mother told me she specifically asked of a girl child from the Lord after having three boys. She wanted a female child and so she prayed and the Lord answered, which explains the reason why she named me “Ebunoluwa” (God’s gift).

My childhood was not so much fun as I was always alone. My brothers had a way of making me feel so different and my mother was a busy woman so she didn’t really have a luxury of time to teach me what it really means to be a girl child. I learnt a lot of things by listening to people and watching movies, please don’t blame my mother I totally understand that she had to work, since my father does not really care about the responsibilities of the home once he pays our school fees and after giving us pocket money he feels that is all, so my mother had to work so hard so that we could be properly fed.

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I had problem with my self-esteem, since my brothers made me feel different and inadequate, I felt everybody saw me that way. I am sanguine no doubt, in fact I am very funny but deep down I was hurting, thing is I was not feeling loved!

NOTE: To all parents and parents to be, it’s not a sin to tell your kids how much you love them and how much they mean to you, it makes them feel special. Kids should be raised with love.

I wanted people to love me, I wanted to be accepted so I resolved to lying about so many things. Often times, I would fabricate stories and make you feel pity for me. This worked for me but it was just for a while, friends I made through such means never lasted. Each time somebody walked out of my life I felt so bad, I would just go home and wet my pillow as usual.

NOTE: Don’t force friendship, work on yourself if you are a better person you would attract better people

Growing up with my brothers I was so used to being around men. I was the kind of girl who would tell you “I can’t make a girl my best friend they can’t be trusted” (as if I myself could be trusted). I had a lot of male friends and since I was used to them most of them saw me as another guy. The painful part, is that the minute I start having crush on a guy, he friend zones me and this was getting tiring.

I forgot to tell you; I love adventures and I enjoyed trying something different. I had my first boyfriend in my final lap in high school. I had a lot of boys who wanted to go out with me but I saw dating as an ungodly thing. We were warned in church not to have boyfriends but this guy was different. Peter gave me the attention no other guy had ever given me before. Though we were in the same class, he treated me like a queen. He would send me messages and would tell me that without me he cannot exist.

NOTE: Ladies don’t ever fall for that lie, “without you I cannot exist”, he has been existing before he met you so don’t ever think your absence will kill him.

I was so innocent and naïve I actually fell for that and I decided to give it a try, the love was so hot and I longed to hear his voice and to see his face in school everyday , Peter meant the whole world to me until one day…..
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To be continued…………………….

By Onome Omodara Olubunmi