Does God Prefer Polyester or Denim?

I used to be so judgmental about the way some people dressed. Not long ago, I thought that I couldn’t wear jeans while I was teaching at a conference, but my son said to me, “Do you really think that God anoints polyester more than denim?”

It took some things like that to shock me into the realization that I was just holding on to a religious attitude when God wanted me to freshen up my look in order to reach more people.

Sure, it’s good to dress nicely when we go to church. But the bottom line is, we shouldn’t be so focused on our outward appearance that we lose sight of our main goal: developing a close, personal relationship with God.

To sum up the complex matter of God’s desires, as we can understand them, we can look to one word: relationship. – Wesley Baines

God simply wants us to fellowship with Him, which means communicating with Him throughout our day just like we do with someone who’s our close friend or family member. He doesn’t care about the outward appearance, only real relationship.

Spend time with Him, being grateful for what He’s done and is doing in your life. Have a real relationship with Him.

Prayer Starter: God, help me to have Your attitude about outward appearance. Help me not to judge others who don’t dress the way I think they should, and help me to develop a strong inner relationship with You.

Does God Prefer Polyester or Denim?


How to Bring Your Dreams to Life

There is nothing quite as empowering as the moment you realize you have reached your dreams.

Sometimes we can allow our excuses and self-limiting beliefs to prevent us from setting our dreams and goals as high as we truly desire in our hearts. There are hundreds of reasons we can tell ourselves about why we will never actually achieve what it is we are yearning for. It could be we feel we don’t have the time, money, strength, or support. Perhaps we believe we aren’t smart enough, talented enough, or good enough to have what we dream about. Maybe it’s because we are overwhelmed, or we believe our dream is an impossible undertaking.

When we live life believing we can’t reach our goals, we will prove ourselves right every time. Not only can we lose that sense of hope and passion, over time we may stop dreaming altogether.
The truth is we are all deserving of success and happiness. We are meant to live fully and experience what life has to offer. When we stay on the journey of pursuing our dreams and goals, we receive opportunities to learn valuable life lessons that help us see anything is possible.

Years ago, I dreamed of doing work in the world that would help empower others to believe in who they are. I knew and felt firsthand how debilitating it is to not believe in yourself. I wanted to somehow help others see their potential and true essence. I started out with a desire to create a resource that parents and educators could use to help instill a sense of empowerment in children. That was my initial goal. It turned out that this dream involved countless goals. Over the course of nine years I published eleven books with the intention, the messages would resonate and help others believe in themselves. Each of these projects was an enormous undertaking. The creative process involved many months of dedication and patience. Most of the projects took well over a year to create. I had to meet thousands of small goals on the journey to reach my original dream.

I had no idea how much time, effort, and perseverance it would require to reach my initial vision. I’m pretty sure if I had known it all before I put my dream in motion, I would have been too overwhelmed to take that first step. When we look at all of the steps and unknowns involved in reaching our dream, we can very quickly lose focus. The bigger the dream, the more daunting it can feel. Often this feeling of ‘overwhelm’ can prevent us from ever taking that initial step.

Over time, I have come to see that my life has been enriched because I have pursued my dreams and goals. Having the willingness to consistently show up and take a step forward is what has helped me truly believe in myself.

7 Proven Strategies To Transform Your Dreams And Goals Into Reality

Here are the 7 proven strategies I utilize to transform my dreams and goals into reality.

Strategy #1
Have fun setting your goals. Imagine how you want to feel when you reach them. Step into that feeling as though it was already a reality. Visualization is a powerful tool to help you know where you are headed. When we know where we are headed, it is easier to trust our instincts and stay on our path that’s aligned with our truth.

Remember to make your dreams and goals BIG, and create visual reminders of what they are. Keep those reminders close by. You will need them when you hit your stopping place and need to be reminded ‘why’ you started out and ‘why’ you don’t want to quit.

Strategy #2
Focus on taking baby steps in the direction of a goal. Instead of worrying about how many steps it will take, give yourself permission to simply take one step at a time.

Strategy #3
Write your goals down. Start with a monthly plan for what you want to focus on. Then create a weekly and daily snapshot of what you will work on — make sure your plan is realistic and attainable.
When you move all of the details from your mind onto paper (or computer), you end up spending less time overthinking and worrying about all of the many tasks and projects you have to do. Spend a bit of time each month downloading your game plan. Then instead of wasting a whole bunch of time fretting, you can use that time to actually get stuff done.

Strategy #4
Commit to allotting some time each day where you ‘laser focus’ in on completing one small task related to your weekly or monthly game plan. Consistency is key. When we spend too much time looking at the big picture, we can get overwhelmed and forget where to start. Know it is okay just focus on the one small thing at a time. Dream creation is a journey, not a race.

Strategy #5
Talk about your dreams with the special people in your life to create lots of energy around what it is you are doing. When you keep your dreams hidden, it is way easier to leave them in the dark and never bring them to light. When we have people behind us who know what our big dreams are, they become our support team. They are the ones we turn to when the journey gets discouraging and we need people we trust to remind us ‘why’ we ever started in the first place.

Strategy #6
The road to reaching our dreams is often bumpy — that’s normal, it’s not meant to be smooth and overly easy. The bumps are where all of our rich learning and opportunities exist. We may question ourselves (often) and we may feel vulnerable and discouraged. We may even be tempted to work ourselves to the point of burnout to try to combat all that is hard and uncomfortable.
When the journey feels overwhelming, that’s usually the first sign we need to take some time out for ourselves. Make a serious pact with yourself to NOT become so laser focused that you lose your joy in the journey.
Regular self-care is a mandatory part of bringing your dreams to life. Know you can take regular breaks to regroup and recharge and you won’t actually get behind. Recharging your batteries gives you a renewed sense of energy and passion you can put to good use. We can hit the restart button at anytime — a much better alternative than quitting or losing our faith in the dream itself.

Strategy #7
Remember to celebrate the achievement of each mini-goal along the way. This feeling of excitement and gratitude will create the momentum and confidence to help you feel like you will reach your BIG dream. Remind yourself often that turning your dreams into reality is not a race — it is a journey. Celebrate and enjoy your journey as much as possible, and above all be kind to yourself through it — you will thank yourself later.

A couple years ago, I had the opportunity to be in the same room with five of the children who inspired the characters in my children’s empowerment books. It was a surreal experience. The children were gathered together to take part in an esteem-building workshop. The books I created, that they inspired, were resources in the program. In that moment, I suddenly realized I had actually reached my dream. It became very apparent to me then that the journey of reaching our dreams is the most memorable part — so enjoy each step as much as possible and make your dreams as big as your heart desires.

On the journey to reach the goals you set, you build yourself up. When you experience what you are capable of first hand, you continue to create dreams that will ensure a full, happy, and satisfying life journey. When you turn your ‘impossibles’ around, it has a way of opening up the world and allowing you to see your limitless potential.

This is an adapted article from Emily Madill’s book, ‘Fall In Love With Your Life, One Week at a Time’ .

How to Bring Your Dreams to Life


Ways To Overcome Negative Thoughts

Your thought pattern is responsible for 99% of what you become. As the saying goes, “he who thinks he can and he who thinks he can’t are often right; your thought your destination”. Having said that, one cannot rule out negative thoughts from time to time; intentionally or unintentionally, those gloomy moments have a way of creeping in and disrupting a perfectly planned day.

So I was researching on how to deal with the down moments when I came across this article and I wish to share it with you. So sit back, relax and see if this can help you deal with those ‘I don’t feel like anything’ moments. 

PS. As for me, options 8 to 12 are just what I need!

13 Ways To Overcome Negative Thought Patterns

​1. Have Daily Negative Thought Time

A paradoxical strategy to gain control over negative thinking is to commit to 10 minutes a day ruminating and reviewing them over and over again. Negative Thought Time (NTT) must be 10 minutes and must be every day. When you have a negative thought during the day, jot it down, and tell yourself that you’ll review them during NTT. Over time, you will gain control and negative thinking will stop. – Julie Kantor, PhD , JP Kantor Consulting

2. Replace the Negative Thoughts

We don’t overcome negative thought patterns, we replace them. For most of us, those negative thought patterns are well-worn neural pathways. Four simple steps:

a. Notice when you have started the pattern.

b. Acknowledge that its a pattern you want to change.

c. Articulate what you want to be different.

d. Choose a different behavior — one that serves your goals.

– David Taylor-Klaus , DTK Coaching
3. Be Your Own Best Friend

We are mean to ourselves. Nearly 90% of self-talk is negative. Three steps:

a. Release it. Let it out to help process, not to dwell. Three minutes, then the pity party is over.

b. Track it. Identify when you have negative thoughts. Awareness will enable reframing.

c. Reframe it. Once you know why you are being mean, consider what your best friend would say to you. Then tell yourself what you need to hear. – Michelle Tillis Lederman, Executive Essentials

4. Write Instead Of Think

Write down why the negative thought is present. Writing versus thinking helps purge the thought out, and when you can see the words on paper or a screen it is easier to make sense of it and move forward. –Steven Cohen , Meyvn Global

5. Make A Conscious Effort To Find Things To Love, Like And Appreciate

Instead of fighting negative thoughts, consciously reach for better feeling thoughts. One powerful way to do that is to speak (out loud if you can) to what you love, like and appreciate. Heading into a tough talk? “I love the way the coffee tastes today.” “I like the way this chair feels at my back.” “I appreciate the chance to process ideas with my team.” Reach for the relief, and you’ll find it. – Wendy Pitts Reeves, C2C Consulting, PLLC

6. Ask Yourself Some Tough Questions

Reflect on your answers to some tough questions. 1. What do I get from having negative thought patterns? What’s the reward for me? 2. What do I lose by engaging in negative thoughts? What are the costs? 3. What benefits would I receive from engaging in positive thoughts? What costs are associated with thinking more positively? 4. What in my past made me think negatively? 5. What will I do now? – Bill Gardner , Noetic Outcomes Consulting, LLC
7. Establish New Habits

Rather than thinking of it in terms of “overcoming” negative thought patterns, think of it in terms of establishing new habits. You do that by directing your attention to subjects where there’s nothing to “overcome”: subjects that you already feel good about, and therefore think positively about. That could be your pet, your painted toe nails, being outside, the beach… Start with something easy. – Christine Meyer, Christine Meyer Coaching

8. Stop Watching The Morning News

Research has shown just three minutes of negative news in the morning will significantly increase your chances of a negative experience over the course of the day. Research has also shown that positive mindset increases productivity and satisfaction while reducing errors rates. Mindset is a choice, but not always an easy one. Look to eliminate negative influences and stop watching morning news! – Dr. Woody Woodward , HCI

9. Use Affirmations

When you wake up, open your eyes and feel gratitude for the new day. Write down daily affirmations: “I love the people I work with,” “I make positive contributions every day,” or “I am open to inspired thoughts.” If a negative thought creeps in, think of a success you’ve had and the feeling that went with it. Positive thinking is a daily task, but worth it. – Erin Kennedy, Professional Resume Services, Inc.

10. Develop Your Success Routine

Every morning for fifteen years, I’ve done a process I created called “Quantum Programming.” It involves taking time each morning as you wake to meditate and focus on the person you want to be and the quality of life you want to live. You also set a few important goals to keep your momentum building toward your dreams. When you know what you want and are driving at it daily, negativity will fade. – Brett Baughman , The Brett Baughman Companies, Inc.

11. Channel Those Thoughts Into Something Constructive

Negative thought patterns can easily take over, but a fantastic (and constructive) trick is to identify what the negative thought pattern is and a project you’re excited about. Then, consciously commit to this: Every time you find yourself focusing on the negative, refocus your thoughts for five minutes on your exciting project. I did this recently and a new initiative is now ahead of schedule! – Emily Kapit, MS, MRW, ACRW, CPRW , ReFresh Your Step, LLC

12. Focus On Gratitude

Gratitude is underrated by most but is essential to a happy life. Life doesn’t get easier, but we become stronger as we reframe difficulties by recognizing all of the little good things going on around us. Keep a Good List and refer to it daily. Also, focus on what you really want and be very specific. A focused, positive mind will attract what it is seeking over time. – Jen Kelchner , TeenTrep.co

13. Try Movement And Meditation

As a registered yoga teacher (RYT-200) and a writing coach and author, I know that you can’t escape negative thoughts without physically disrupting them. To get out of your head, get into your body. A few minutes of deliberate breath work (seated 10-15 minute meditation) or body movement (like a yoga class)can dican’tpt those thinking patterns. To get out of your head, move more. Feel more. – Dave Ursillo, The Literati Writers

Written by: Forbes Coaches Council

Top coaches offer insights on leadership development & careers

Definitely you can’t do all these at a time but I am sure if you can combine two or more, you should be free of negative thoughts holding you back. Your life is precious, you can do so much if you have your thoughts where they should be – in the game!

Ways To Overcome Negative Thoughts


The Cracked Pot (We Are Imperfect)

He got up from his cot, and went to lay alongside his grandfather. Dev made way for him, but did not speak.

He silently nuzzled into his grandfather, feeling the familiar loving warmth from the old man.

“I am flawed,” he whispered silently, his body shaking with the force of emotion now breaking loose.

Tears rolled off his cheeks and were soaked up hungrily by his grandfather’s cotton shirt.

Love cleanses, Dev knew, and the boy had to be taught a lesson to last him a lifetime.

Catharsis is never painless. But the earlier the treatment could be administered, the earlier the recovery could begin.

When the boy’s violently racking body had finally settled down into infrequent spasms, Dev turned around towards him.

His warm compassionate hand reached across to smooth his grandson’s hair.

“A water bearer,” he said, “had two large pots. Each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck, as he walked a long walk from the stream to his house daily.”

“One of the pots had a crack in it. So, each day the cracked pot arrived home only half full. The other pot was perfect, and always delivered a full portion of water.”

“For a very long time, this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.”

“Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfections, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been designed to do.”

“After years of shame, and guilt, and what it perceived to be a bitter failure, the cracked pot finally mustered the courage to confess his shortcomings to the water bearer.”

“I am ashamed of myself, it said, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because a crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.”

“Did you notice,” the bearer replied, “that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the perfect pot’s side?”

“I have always known about your flaw. So, I planted flower seeds on your side of the path. And every day, while we walked back to the house from the stream, you’ve watered them for me.”

“For years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my home. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace my house!”

“The moral of the story is that we all have our faults. Nobody is perfect! Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all cracked pots, but can still be useful in our own way.”

“Succeeding despite our imperfections leads to a fulfilled life. This is what can bring out greatness in us. For our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

“It’s the cracks, the faults, the flaws we all have, that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. Yep, we’ve just got to take each person for who they are, and look for the good in them.”

“Strength lies in weakness?” Rosh was trying to understand. “You’re not just giving hope to a loser to make him feel good about himself?”

“No,” answered Dev, “a good builder works with all kinds of materials. Wood and metal have different strengths and weaknesses. Clay and cement are different. Yet, there is a place for all of them when one is creating a home.”

“Everything serves a purpose. Even our weaknesses and imperfections. What one can do, the other can’t. So, a good tradesman doesn’t blame his tools. He just learns to make the best use of whatever he’s got.”

‘Indeed!’ thought Rosh, as he contemplated the story. ‘Without the water-bearer’s compassion, his observation of the pot’s weakness, and without his putting it to good use, he wouldn’t be collecting flowers at all!’

‘But if he hadn’t had the foresight and intelligence to plant flower seeds on the path, the cracked pot would have still watered something. What? Weeds, perhaps?’

‘These could still have benefitted insects and our herbivore friends. So, weakness could still turn out to be strength really. Blessings to all of us crackpots! But how do I learn to see things that way?’

‘Would I rather be a perfect pot,’ Rosh asked himself, unaware that his grandfather beside him was already fast asleep and snoring heavily, ‘or a cracked pot who strives to become useful?’

‘Neither!’ he concluded. ‘The pots are what they are. They don’t have a choice in the matter. I am who I am – perfect or flawed – and I have no choice in the matter of my being.’

‘But I can still choose to become. I would like to become the water bearer, the one who knew how to make even a cracked pot lead a full, useful life.’

‘A compassionate, caring person. Smart! Not wasting anything. Not my talents, not my imperfections. Not even a drop of water!”’

Written by Rajeev Wadhwa

The Cracked Pot (We Are Imperfect)



So sometime this year I had to run away from everybody and went for ‘vacations’ just to think, clear my head, regain my sanity. That’s what I always said when I was asked what the vacations were for. But really I was just running away from situations I thought I could not handle believing that when I came back they would all be gone, gone, disappeared for good. But life is never like that. Life is not for the cowards. When you run you will surely come back and if you eventually don’t come back, the world is the same everywhere else. The situations appear again wherever you run to, this time around clothed in royalty.

So for me, I came back because I had a lot of commitment here- actually I came back because of school. And guess what? Every single situation I left behind was waiting for me right at the entrance of the state. LOL…I would have never imagined that they had missed me so greatly. Damn, it was not easy but I knew I had nowhere to run to anymore- mainly because of cash, cause trust me guys, if I was bucked up I would have fled the country to start my life all over again. I did this twice and I always came back to face life in the face again.

An opportunity arose to run a third time and I am like ‘so young lady, you still have not learnt your lesson. Keep running, keep being a weakling, everyone sees you as a strong woman but you don’t believe in what they seem to see not to mention believing in yourself. After running off, you return back to the very same spot and start thinking of ways to solve them. Life would keep throwing shit at you and beating and hitting you from all sides if you keep running. Stay back, look life in the eyes and make her know who really is in control. Don’t let the wind of life toss you to every corner, stand your ground, have an anchor and show life how shit really is run.’

I never knew I could have such inner savage to talk sense into me. So I told myself, ‘Sharon, you are going nowhere because you are going to face all these and after that when you come out strong cause I know you surely will, you can have your vacation cause you deserve it.’ Guess what? I’m still facing those situations. I’m sure you thought I would write that I have totally overcome the whole stuff. Nope, not at all darlings but trust me I know it won’t be long anymore. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and boy-oh-boy ,I smell VICTORY.

Listen, when you finally decide to face life, don’t expect it to come at you any lesser than before, expect it to come around as a rushing flood. It’s going to throw various distractions at you just to deviate you and once you take your eyes off the prize you might just lose a great lot and find it difficult to come around. Eventually, you have to start afresh and I’m sure I can get a witness that it could be so freaking annoying, discouraging, and exhausting. You would feel like just giving up but please don’t. Never settle for opting-out because once you do you will eventually have to start all over with greater obstacles. Once you feel like opting-out be sure that you are making heads way and at that point, life is scared to see the precious gold that would be coming out of that fiery fire really pretty soon.

By Chidubem Sharon

Read more at Chidubem Sharon’s World



Twenty is the formative age for success, the further you move away from this age the more pressured you get to succeed. However, there are some life facts that you need to know as you approach this age if you want to be really successful. I implore you to carefully read this article.

What You Do Defines Who You Are (and What You Get Out of Life)

We’ve all got that friend – the one who is always talking big, like they’re going to start this amazing new company, write an inspiring novel or change the world. In fact we probably have more than one friend we hear constantly talking about big future plans.

The problem I have noticed with not all, but many of my peers (20-somethings) is follow-through. Ideas are everywhere, but motivation is seemingly nonexistent. Life doesn’t start tomorrow, life is happening right now. Successful people know this and are focused on achieving their dreams and goals 24/7.It’s more than an obsession and a passion, it’s what they are living. Instead of talking, they’re doing.

Does what you’re doing at your day job support your overall life goals?

Are you equally excited for personal projects as you are projects at work?

Do you actually have any personal projects?

Do you have a passion?

Are you refining/advancing your skills and knowledge of something daily?

Do you know exactly what you want in life?

These are all big questions. But I guarantee you successful, motivated and passionate people not only answered yes to all of them instantly, but they even knew the what and why as well without much thought. If you didn’t answer yes to all of these, it may be the day to rethink your life.

I’m 25 and know exactly what I want out of life and the ways I plan to achieve it. In fact, I’ve known for years. One of my peers told me, that “I’m lucky to have found something I’m passionate about.” I disagree with that. I’m not “lucky” to have found it at all, it was a combination of my unquenchable thirst for knowledge, my desire to pursue independent learning and the fact that I can’t stop reading and consuming information.

If you haven’t found it yet, that incredible spark and excitement for life, here’s the reality: it isn’t just going to randomly happen or fall into your lap. It isn’t the result of lots of money, nor is it the result of chance and circumstance.

It is the result of freeing yourself mentally and engaging your intellect. It is the result of breaking away from your peers and delving deeply into a niche. It is the result of focus, determination and motivation. It is the result of an internal drive that is unstoppable.

How do you find a passion? There’s so many engaging, interesting and ultimately fulfilling things to spend your free time (and your work time) doing. The question is how can you not find a passion?

Once you’ve found it, it’s amazing and indescribable – no one can sway your thoughts and your concentration. When you know exactly what you want in life and what really drives you, you’ll never again be bored, tired or unfulfilled. Seemingly boundless inspiration and motivation will be brought forward.

Friends have called me “because they are bored” and I never understood it. I’m not sure how it is possible to be bored, life itself presents infinite challenges and mysteries, but only finite amount of time to explore them. That’s why having a focus is vital – we’re all only given X amount of time to accomplish what we set forth, and you certainly cannot do everything.

People who spend their free time engaged in a passion are happier, more creative and more dynamic in their personality than those who merely spend their time as consumers of vapid entertainment pop-culture. Getting sucked into that is a waste of life and (in my opinion) leaves smart people unfulfilled. It’s essentially fast food for your brain – small amounts once in awhile are fine, but I can’t understand how people live off of it.

Do you come home from work and simply fall down in front of the TV where you spend your time until you sleep? If the answer is yes, perhaps you should consider living life yourself instead of by proxy. You’re going to wake up one day regretting how you spent your limited time in existence. A human lifespan is but a cosmic blink when you consider the age of the Earth, our galaxy and the universe. It’s precious, it’s rare and it is happening right now. To waste it is to give up the ultimate gift.

I feel like most of you reading here understand this, and if you do this post was not for you. It’s for everyone who is living life by proxy and for those of you who haven’t yet found a passion and embraced your true, creative self. It is not too late, you can do it.

Start today!



What You Need To Know At Twenty


A Lil’ Help!

As Leslie watched the pregnancy test stick on the bathroom counter, she couldn’t help but silently pray it was positive. That would be a whole lot of weight and stress off her shoulders.

It wasn’t like she and her husband Kane, were old or (have been) searching for a long time. In fact, their marriage was barely six months old and neither Kane nor their families was pestering her for a child. Yet, she knew she needed to be pregnant at all cost.

The alarm clock on her phone vibrated, signifying the end of the five minutes wait. She held her breath and gently peeked at the test. She couldn’t help the sudden rush of disappointment that filled her when she realised it was negative. She angrily pushed the stick and every other thing on the counter away.

She sank to her knees and gently placed herself on the bathroom floor as she cried silently. She couldn’t help but think about why it was very necessary for her to get pregnant. She needed it as an excuse for her husband to stop wanting her or touching her sexually.

To her surprise, Mary did not blame her. Mary had understood, even more than she had thought was possible. It was such a great relief.

No, she did not despise her husband. On the contrary, she had grown to love Kane, yet it was pretty difficult to make love to her husband. Each time, she had to think of something else, or in her case, someone else. She didn’t know why, but Kane’s touch repulsed her even though in her head she knew she loved him.

The problem had started in her final year in the University. She had been a victim of a gang rape, which led to bouts of depression afterwards. It did not help that her friend and roommate blamed her for walking at night even though she had been on her way to class to read. She had felt so useless and she never thought she would ever have anything to do with sex again.

Then she met Mary during her NYSC days. Mary was her roommate in the lodge they were given by the company they served. Mary had quickly noticed her skittish nature around guys. After much pressure, she finally caved and told Mary about her experience. To her surprise, Mary did not blame her. Mary had understood, even more than she had thought was possible. It was such a great relief.

Then Mary started becoming nicer, extra loving, attentive and most of all, extra touchy. At first, it was all strange but then she started enjoying it. The little touches became frequent hugs, cuddles then it advanced to pecks. She was very ready when Mary finally introduced her to full blown sexual activities. Mary told her only a fellow woman would ever understand her body and make her feel that much pleasure.

It wasn’t that he was a sex addict, but he had stayed faithful for a whole year of courtship and now, he had to remain celibate in marriage?

After service, she was retained by the company and Mary left, though she would occasionally come over for visits and other things. Then her parents introduced her to Kane who had just been called to Bar and had joined his Father’s chambers as a young Barrister. Both parents had high expectations for them and they did not disappoint because they got married after a year.

Then things became strained when after a month, she still hadn’t let her husband touch her even after making him wait all through their courtship days. It wasn’t like she didn’t love him, she did. A whole lot. Yet, she couldn’t get turned on by him sexually until she had to resort to thinking about Mary and their past escapades.

Things went back to normal for a while until she started finding Kane’s sexual appetite too much for her man-hating body to handle, which was why she needed to get pregnant ASAP. That way, she’ll be safe from his touch for nine months.

Leslie knew she was in serious trouble, she had researched it and the internet had called her bisexual. How was she supposed to get over this when her husband was slowly becoming colder and slipping from her grasp?


Kane sighed as he stared at the files the pretty secretary just dropped on his table. His thoughts weren’t there at all. A glimpse of the petite secretary’s cleavage had stirred something in him. He shook his head and stared at the shiny wedding band on his finger to clear his rampaging thoughts.

Kane explained everything to his Dad, who listened without any interruptions. After he let his son talk, he finally responded.

“You said it does not seem like she’s cheating?”

Ever since his wife had decided to limit their sex life to once or when he’s lucky, twice in a month, he had had to resort to crazy sexual thoughts. It wasn’t that he was a sex addict, but he had stayed faithful for a whole year of courtship and now, he had to remain celibate in marriage?

Leslie considered his sexual appetite too excessive and uncalled for. Sometimes, he caught her expression when he tried to be all romantic and touchy, and he could tell it was usually one of repulsion. She had become so secretive and moody that Kane didn’t know what to do anymore because no matter how much he pressed her to talk, she would never say anything. It seemed her friend, Mary, was even more interesting than he was to her because he could tell his wife showed more life and enthusiasm whenever Mary was around.

A light tap on his desk jarred him from his jumbled thoughts. It was his Dad looking at him with concerned eyes. The older man quietly drew a chair and sat down in front of his son, neither men speaking for a while.

“I have noticed this new far-away look on you for a while now. Is everything okay? Is Leslie giving you trouble?” The older man asked.

She had refused to talk in their first two visits but this third time, she had broken down and started crying when the therapist asked “Are you a lesbian?”

“Hmm Dad. I don’t know what to do anymore. I swear, I don’t. I am so lost and confused, what does she want?” Kane rambled.

“Calm down son and start from the beginning. What is the problem?”

Kane explained everything to his Dad, who listened without any interruptions. After he let his son talk, he finally responded.

“You said it does not seem like she’s cheating?”

“She comes home immediately after work, she only hangs out when Mary is around and they don’t stay out late. She doesn’t lock her phone neither does she fight nor neglect house chores. She just doesn’t want me near her, that’s the problem.” Kane confessed.

“Hmm. This seems like a very serious issue. Since she’s refusing to talk to you, no matter how much you press her, I’ll advise you get her to seek professional help. I’ll give you a number. It’s my friend’s. He is a psychologist and marriage counselor. I am sure he can help you.”


As Kane listened to his wife spill out her guts to the therapist after their third visit, he couldn’t help but feel so sorry for her. She had refused to talk in their first two visits but this third time, she had broken down and started crying when the therapist asked “Are you a lesbian?”

Leslie had thought she was bisexual because she looked at the therapist and said “Maybe I’m Bi.”

“No, Leslie, you’re not homosexual. You were just temporarily confused because your body needed a form of sexual outlet and since it wasn’t responding to men after what you went through, it only made sense for it to respond to the one person that understood your plight.”

The woman advised Leslie to try and stay away from Mary for a while, and she needed to realise, men are not evil. Not all men will hurt her. She also had to forgive herself and stop feeling worthless, but she had to go through this journey with her husband so that a new bond could be formed.

“Don’t rush it Leslie. Take it one step at a time. Find out why you chose Kane to go on this life long journey with you. You also need a Lil prayer every now and then. It will not hurt to commit everything in God’s hands. You might just be surprised at how much everything else will fall in place. Also, advise Mary to come see me. She also needs help.”


Leslie is now a proud mother of two and she couldn’t have been any happier with the man who fathered them. All she needed was someone to show her the best path and everything worked out just fine.

© Oluwaseun Wende, 2017

Seun is a 200 level student of Medicine and Surgery, Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma. Edo State, Nigeria. She is also a creative writer and blogger…

Visit her Webpage for more

Bea’s Aloe (Best of Stories)

A Lil’ Help!



In the game of chess, it is universally known that there are different officials on the chessboard with different level of strength and power, from the puns to the knights, and to the bishops and the rooks, and then to the queen, but the King is the most important of all. In fact, the queen can move both horizontally and vertically, and the King can only move a step to anywhere, yet the King has the ultimate prominence on the chessboard. It is interesting to know that no matter how talented, strong or versatile an official is on the chessboard, its primary duty is to protect the King from being checkmated or captured; the moment they capture your King, even with the queen and other powerful officials around, you have lost the battle, that is, game over. If you are primarily obliged to protect your King from being captured, then, the ultimate rule for playing the chess game is to think before you move.

There lived a chess grandmaster named Eugene Brown in the United States of America. He spent his youthful days as a drug dealer, and when the law caught up with him, he spent seventeen years of his life in prison. However, it was in the prison he finally found the purpose for his life and the ultimate rule of living. He played the game of chess throughout his year of imprisonment, and discovered that life is a game of chess, and everyone is a player. He painfully discovered that in his youthful days, he had only been moving his officials on the chessboard without thinking; he had been living his life carelessly without weighing the consequences, and the consequence of that unfortunately is that his King took the fall. After he was released from prison, he managed to secure a job in a high school as a cleaner. He had the chance to watch over the juvenile delinquents of the school in their confinement room, and showed great prowess in keeping them in order, and that was how he started impacting in the lives of the youths, he started to teach them the game of chess and its relevance to their respective lives. Even though he was later sacked from the school due to the revelation of his being an ex-convict, he later set up a chess club which produced excellent chess players and character-refined youths. Guess what the slogan of his chess club was- ‘think b4 you move’.     

Many youths nowadays also make the same mistake Eugene Brown made and had cost him seventeen years of his life. Yes, he did make a better life out of himself after been an ex-convict, but just imagine if he had been thinking before moving, and he had rather spent seventeen years of his life living his dream and living right, just imagine what he might have achieved. That is exactly the same with youths now, most of them don’t think before making decisions, and they later make costly mistakes which they bitterly regret. It is one thing to be talented or gifted, it is one thing to have big dreams, crystal-clear visions and impeccably structured future plans and it is one thing to have a good character. It is one thing to use the queen, knights, rooks and bishops to destroy the enemy’s defense, and it is one thing to keep yourself from losing by protecting your King. The King is your character, it is something you must protect to earn dignity and integrity, and dignity and integrity are the things you must earn to keep your talents or gifts, dreams, visions, plans, ability, capacity and agility relevant to the service of humanity. Your moral force or character is the stronghold or pillar of whatever you possess or might possess, and the moment things go wrong with your character, all other things like admiration, reputation, personality, prestige, power, honour and even wealth crumples onto the ground, and trust me, the rare chances to build them back up is very slim, and is not worth taking the risk. Therefore, protect your King jealously, protect your character carefully, and do that by ‘thinking before you move’.     

By Gbenga Kajopaiye

Read more from this talented writer especially his latest book

Title: The Married Bachelor

Genre: Modern African Fiction (Novel)

  Description: The story is set in the middle of a Nigerian economic recession; two young couples with an agile romantic were caught up in it. Their marriage is almost a year old when suddenly the roses of romance became pricking thorns of violence. Simi believes Teju is cheating on her and pursues justice. Teju on the other hand strives to show his unflinching love to Simi without knowing someone has come between them. And when he gets to know, he commits murder to save his marriage, but it is accidental. Would he be able get back his wife’s trust, can he save his marriage or would his strong love cost him his life?   

Link to the book: http://www.okadabooks.com/book/about/the_married_bachelor/13851  

Faith or Commonsense

Faith or Commonsense

Shared from Olajuyigbe Olumuyiwa

1Kings18:41, Elijah said unto Ahab, Get thee up, eat and drink; for there is a sound of abundance of rain.

This was a time that Israel was going through drought for over a period of three years in a row. Crops wouldn’t germinate. Thirst was not uncommon. Rivers dried up. Then suddenly, a man came and said that he heard from God that there would be abundance of rain.

“C’mon Mr. Man, no lightning, no thunder, no slightest sign of rain in the skyline and you are here saying you hear the abundance of rain. Come off it.” Someone would have said.

A lot of us are moved by sight which is why they can never receive what the ordinary eyes cannot see. I love what Ahab the king did, despite the fact that he didn’t see the gathering of the cloud or lightning, he went ahead to eat and drink in expectation of abundant rain.

Maybe the angel in charge of rain was off duty on the day the man of God spoke that word, but because Ahab took that step of faith, the angel had to quickly resume for duty. Bible says there was no small rain, but a heavy one.

That there’s economic depression does not mean you cannot prosper; after all, the promise for you is that while others are saying there’s a casting down, you shall be saying there is a lifting up.

Faith plays down the physical sense and embraces the supernatural – the word of God. For the supernatural to take place, the natural needs to be done away with. I tell people that sometimes and most of the times, faith doesn’t make sense because it sees the end of a matter from the beginning.

Faith is going out during the dry season with a raincoat in expectation of rain. Faith sees what the natural mind cannot see. Always remember that to activate your miracle, you need to activate your faith not your commonsense.

Build A Team

Build A Team

Managing people and resources has taught me an important lesson: You win as a team and you almost always fail when you act as if you can do everything on your own. As a team you will have all the resources you need with people of different strengths.

It is so very important to have a strong team at work. Daniel became highly sought after in babylon because he had a strong team – “the Hebrew men”. The coming of our Lord Jesus became successful because he raised a strong team – “the Apostles”.

You need a team, team of friends with same vision as you, with same conviction as those you stand for. In modern time, Mark Zuckerberg had a great team and that was how facebook came to being. People say your kind of friends say a lot about how far you will go. Pick a solid team, pick a team not just friends but family that would always be there for one another.

Dear friend, never underestimate the power of “coming together”. It is true that without vision, the people will perish, it is also truer that without people, a vision will perish! After God, my friends are my greatest asset. They constantly. bring out the best in me.

By Nathaniel Taiwo