After a long thought myself, I still find it difficult to answer. It is easy to say purpose but can purpose be fulfilled without money? And if I choose money, is there a life without purpose? It is like being caught between two fantastic options and being asked to choose one while it is obvious one cannot function well without the other.
However, I also know that chasing after money first is like putting the cart before the horse, one is bound to have regrets. Having said that, what we see in reality is most people abandoning their purpose for money. Sacrificing that little boy or little girl’s dream inside of them because they need to meet immediate expenses.
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It has been a long hard life that money somehow seems to be the only solution we can think of. The story of a man, his hammer and every problem that comes his way. Society has somehow put it in our subconscious that living is all about how much you make rather than how well you impact.
So true, all race have that same end goals of money, fame and self actualization. Unfortunately, most prioritize money and fame that they forget self actualization. Desperation, too often, overwhelms that we are in such a haste to get results hence we sacrifice passion and purpose, and all that is left is lust after money.
Everyone has got a purpose, it’s like the reason for existence, a kind of vacuum to fill. You know life has this big picture and everyone of us, somehow fit in some place. To put it in a simpler form, we can say life is like a giant puzzle, and each of us has a role to play. So whichever role you are assigned is your purpose. It manifests in talents, gifts, obsessions, desires, passions, hobbies etc and how these can be used to solve problems and improve the well-being of everyone. Also some have been called to rule while others to follow, some to mend while others to break. We can argue this later but there wouldn’t have been crucification without a Judas, we all have a role to play.
Some are so good that one encounter with them and you know what their purpose is while others have had to struggle and learn the hard way before they figure out what their purpose is.
Unfortunately, most have somehow been lured away from their purpose because…
* all they cared about is here and now (the urge to satisfy immediate needs), the quick fix syndrome.
* they are scared of failing
* of pressure from family, peers and the media
* of pressing demands, the need to meet up with immediate expenses…
If you are someone like that, retrace your steps, it may seem like money is everything now but a time will come when you will want more and realize you haven’t lived.
However, If you are chasing after your purpose and it seems pointless now, hold fast, it will soon pay off. Hot iron, hammer, continuous hitting would eventually produce the desired result.
Don’t give up on your dreams!
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I had a mind-blowing encounter with a mentee and you know what I realized, most of us want success or change so bad that we don’t know exactly what we want and basically we are not ready for anything.
Okay, so my mentee and I got talking and it got so intense that he had to voice out…
He said, “Selah what I need is help not talk”.
So I asked he him, what kind of help do you need?
He said, I need someone to change my life, set me up and make me rich.
So I asked again, set you up in what area, do you have a business or an idea that you are sure would work?
He said No but when I have the money, I will figure something out.
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At that point I realized he wasn’t ready for anything. Of course, he is tired of his situation and he wants out but he isn’t ready for what he wants.
If you can’t make good of little resources, having abundance of it won’t change a thing. Check most people who have won lotteries in the past more than 70% of them often go back to being poor within the first 5years of winning (facts from Time, Fortune Magazine). The reason for this is simple, luck can get you huge sum of money but luck can’t help you make the money stay.
A quick question, “if you meet someone today who asked you what you want, what would be your answer?”
When someone offers to give you a blank cheque, such people expect you to have an idea of how you want to change your life. If you are thinking of going into business, then I would be asking you what do you know about the business? I once knew a man who got N6 million (Six million Naira about $18,000) as his gratuity from the bank, went into tree felling business and lost everything in less than two years. Yes, he was a banker well grounded in banking but tree business for him was an uncharted territory. Whatever opportunity you are given if you are not prepared for it, it is always hard to sustain success.
Have you ever been in this situation before, you are expecting a huge sum and you are thinking, once I get this money I will start a business, only for you to get the money and not start the business. You know why? Deep down you know you are not ready for that business and before you can say “Jack Robinson”, you have started spending the money and soon you are back to square one.
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Dear friend, you need to put your ideas on paper, and do your findings.
If you are looking for employment and say you met the president and he asked you where would you like to work? You can’t just say The Petroleum Industry, when you know nothing about the petroleum industry. You have to be prepared for what you desire. It is said, that “Life changing LuckIs What Happens WhenPreparation Meets Opportunity“.
You can’t keep what you are not ready for; money, relationship, opportunities, love, greatness, Fame etc. The power to make what you have lasting depends on how ready you are for it. It is true you can’t be ready for all life has to give but the much you are ready for the more successful you will get.
After our conversation, my mentee realized that the talks would always be needed because desire is one thing, readiness is another and our talk is part of his time he is investing in his desire and what keeps him on track.
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I love sci-fi movies especially Marvel Movies and you know what I love most about them, watching super heroes rise above everything, to me it serves as some encouragement that I, You and Everyone can rise above our immediate challenges.
Now to the movie, well not as much as I expected, considering the hype and the fact that all hopes in Avengers Endgame rest on what Captain Marvel brings to the table else Thanos would get away with destroying everything and everyone we have all come to love. Anyways, what really got my attention and led to this article were the hidden motivations in the movie.
Carol Danvers (Captain Marvel) woke up to realize she had a trilling power which was brought under control by a latch (a computer chip) planted on her neck by the Kree and the Kree warriors trained her on how to get the best of her powers, though they pointed out that her emotions were her weakness and couple of times they showed her how this made her vulnerable.
As the movie went on, soon she got her memory back, she realized her powers weren’t from the Kree or the Warriors that trained her, and in fact the latch on her neck was to limit her powers, against what they told her. The most interesting fact is that what they called her weakness (her emotions) was what eventually set her free.
Now my point in all these:
People will try to limit you and disguise it under mentoring, controlling, protecting, supervising guiding and other whatever-ings you must have heard before. But you would have to discover yourself first to be able to set yourself free. Your strength doesn’t come from what people think or how best they think you can live, your strength is from what you want for yourself.
Parents, guardians, friends, family and so on would try and tell you what you can or cannot do, as much as I would urge you to listen, I would also beg you to be yourself. You have unlimited powers as given to you by God as manifested by your talents don’t let anyone limit how you use these powers to change the world.
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There are cultures that perpetually limit women and people of color because of the imaginary bar (latch) they have put on them and what is expected of them, don’t live in these shackles. You should not be limited because of your gender, color, language, religion or opinion. Break free! Not in rebellion but with every sense of purpose to attain your full potential.
Whatever anyone tells you, this or that is your weakness, please don’t believe them because in fact you have none. What they have been able to prove is your weakness if better understood and harnessed is in fact one of your most powerful weapons.
God doesn’t deal in faulty parts, you are a complete fully functional life changing individual designed to fulfill purpose, if you have a trait that seems like a flaw, it is because you have not fully understood yourself.
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Opera Winfrey was once told she was too emotional and you know what, her success was built on her emotions.
People will try and point out what they are not comfortable with about you as your flaw, don’t ever suppress who you are or what you are capable of because of what people say, no matter how close you think they are to you.
Many would have told Peter Dinklage (the dwarf in Game of thrones) that his only flaw was his height but you know what, that has been his strength all his movie career. His height doesn’t only make him fit for some characters but his ability to embrace who he is made him flawless in the eyes of fans.
It is a tough world and most people put themselves first, whatever is about you that doesn’t make them feel comfortable they try to paint it as your flaw and in their selfishness, if you allow them they will make you second best of what and who you should be.
So friends, know you are capable of so much more, don’t allow yourself to be limited, the world deserves all you can give, so love like Captain Marvel, bring it on.
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The expectations are so much, there are so many people we don’t want to disappoint.
“Silent promises”, we have all made them, vows to repay people who have invested in us; parents, guardian, friends, family they all assisted at one point or the other and deep down we want to say thank you.
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This is putting pressure on us, to try, to give our best, to see things workout but… Some times we have to understand success is not overnight.
The fruits we see yearly on trees was not what was achieved in one year but the years of gradual growth from seed till when it became a tree.
Baby steps, one before the other, inch by inch, we make progress. The consciousness that we are not where we used to be.
The changes might be marginal but you became better, from someone who needs people for daily bread to someone who owns things.
Be thankful for what you have achieved, don’t lose focus of what your dreams are, channel all your efforts to making it big because you have no excuse not to.
Don’t rush the process but make use on the catalysts you find along your way to make the struggle less stressful. Ride on shoulders, don’t be too arrogant to ask for help and never forget to remain loyal to the human ladders that got you this far.
People will betray you, it is just human to become jealous of success. Nonetheless, don’t be vengeful.
Remember, you are taking baby steps, you stagger, you stumble, you fall, you learn, you stand up then you try again. In the end with each experience, you get better.
No one starts climbing the ladder from the top, it has to be from the base. Be prepared to learn to walk and most time stumble, till you become smarter, faster and more purposeful.
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At 24years I had so many things on my mind, some of my friends were lucky to have had life figured out before 25 but for me I wasn’t that lucky.
I had so many thoughts running through my head. It seems there was more I could do and all at the same time. I remember at a time I wanted to be a radio presenter, even though I read Economics, then I wanted to work for World Bank, I wanted to be a lecture and I also wanted to be a motivational speaker not forgetting I wanted to marry an Indian. All these left me so confused, they seemed mutually exclusive but then something in my head told me I had to be all at the same time.
I remember talking to a mentor then and you know what he told me, he said, “It Is Perfectly Normal to Be Confused at 24 but if I want to succeed I should sort my confusion before 30”
There are basically five (5) Stages of Life from what I have learned and experienced, and here is my breakdown
Age 0 to 18years you have no responsibilities and no real worries, life is sweetest at this time. I often advise folks within this age not to be in a hurry to grow up, as much as possible avoid doing adults’ stuffs. Savor this moment, you may think things are difficult and lots of people are trying to control you but trust me, this is the fun part. Another good news about this stage is, it is when the mistakes you make can be easily corrected with little gaps to fill, if the mistake is not fatal, that is death. So at this stage, please just stay safe!
Age 19 to 30years: at this point you are still trying to do life. I call it Testing waters. You are weighing options, testing your strength, will power, control, capabilities etc. This also applies to all areas of life including relationship. However, the earlier you are able to figure out yourself, define who you are, what you want and act on it, the sooner you are likely to succeed.
Note this, because you didn’t find your feet early enough doesn’t mean you won’t succeed neither does it mean that people who became successful before you would be more successful than you. The rule is “It is better late than never!” So you know what, take your time.
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Life Begins at 30! Gone are the days when life begins at 40, this is jet age and you know what, life really does not wait for anyone. If you have not found your bearing by 30, my friend it is okay if you press the panic button.
Seriously, it calls for prayers, self evaluation, change of approach, redefining what you believe and your whole thought process. Yes dear, press the panic button. Sorry, if it seems I am scaring you but this is the honest truth, the earlier you become forceful in your approach the better, at this stage. If doors won’t open, you might as well break them down. Do whatever it takes legally to change the game.
At age 50, you are already thinking of taking the backseat and watch what you have worked for grow in leaps and bounds. I call this the Time of Reflection, because now you want to look back at what you missed, did wrong or could have done better, though you can hardly make amends but you tend to want to teach it to others so they don’t fall into that same trap.
No matter how successful you get or otherwise, you always have things you could have done better. Some books called this stage “Moment of Regrets”, but I think the word regret is too strong. Definitely there would be regrets but also this would be the time to enjoy the proceeds of all your hard work and fulfill fantasies.
Finally at this point (60years upward), life moves from what you have done for yourself to what you have been able to do for others and that’s why most people at this age are no longer contented with making money, there is a new urge in them which is usually in form of seeking power or will to touch more lives. Some go into politics, seek chieftaincy titles and honorary titles while others become philanthropist and most without means to do the aforementioned tend to become life counselors, critic or preachers that most of you tend to run away from because they have that-man-talks-too-much syndrome.
So you can see It Is Perfectly Normal to Be Confused, it is perfectly normal to have too many ideas pulling you right, left and centre. In fact you would be influenced by what friends are doing and you would be tempted to try what is working for others but here is my true advise “you are different, you are a person of your own and only what you feel comfortable doing would work best for you, if you haven’t discovered that yet then just go for what emphasizes your strength, with either of this you can’t miss it“.
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I heard you said you are giving up, I was told you said you can’t take it anymore, some even said you might be contemplating suicide but whichever the case is, can you spare me few minutes and read this then after you can do as it pleases you.
I am a practical example of how mean life can be, I have fallen from Grace to Grass in less than 20minutes, I have wined and dined at the table of abundance and I have had to pick crumbs off the table people who used to look up to me but here I am today. I can’t tell you I fully understand what you are going through, however know this, “I have an idea” because I once had to take refuge in the hottest part of hell.
The humiliation, the disappointment, the shame, the lifelessness you feel at this point is enough for a lifetime. I know disaster has struck already and coming back feels certainly impossible. The cards are all out and there is nothing to hold out on and it feels like the game is lost. But you know what, nothing is for certain not even the doom that stares you in the face.
I won’t tell you, you can turn things around, I am sure you have heard that too many times and it has become a cliche motivational speakers use to collect the little people have. However, I want you to do me just one favor, and I would be glad if you can do this for me; “Can You Please Try One More Time”.
I know you might be thinking, “is this one crazy or something? Try what again”. But I also know you are wiser now, stronger and more calculating, and you know what, ‘you have earned this’, what you have been through; your fails, your disappointments, the rejections, the humiliations were all a build up to this one more try, so you see you earned this one.
So this is how it is going to be; you will give this your all, you will cast away all doubts, you definitely need at least some level of spiritual connection with God and you will have to put your ego aside because this might mean going very low just to get yourself back – the springboard way. Starting afresh is not as bad as people will like to paint it, in fact it is one experience that would leave you sharing testimonies.
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Now that you have heard me out. You will have to still make your choice. I hope you oblige my request and try one more time. You are special and you have so much to live for, you might not see all these now but trust me, you will very soon.
“Only a test of fire makes a fine steel” and YOU, my friend, are the finest life is making at the moment!
We are grateful for the life we have; the family we belong to, the friends we allowed into our life, the relationship we have built, our sources of income and the chance to see another day to correct the mistakes of yesterday.
This is the life we have and we are grateful for it and most of all we are grateful for the chance we have been given to make it the life we want; to bring our dreams to life, to give our thoughts soul and to be of help to others who are lost and are willing to be found.
It is hard no doubt, making things work is never as simple as it used to be. The world is ever changing, things that used to matter less are what we struggle to get. Days gone by when you don’t want the attention, now it is all about likes and comments. Gone are the days when private life was private, now if it is not grammed or tweeted then it wasn’t lived.
Love over the air has replaced real love. We profess love in public yet we hate on each other in secret. Visits have been replaced by chats, feelings have been replaced by emojis and people just check status to know if the other is okay. It is becoming more difficult to bond as everyone is busy doing something on a device. But it is the life that we have and we are grateful for it.
Gradually we are losing our power to make informed decisions, all we do now is wait for trends then we follow. At every turn it seems without someone’s approval we can’t progress. The models we look up to, are modeling those things mama warned us against but who cares, it is the trend, it brings quick cash, it quenches the thirst of our body but sadly, it also brings destruction. Then we wish we had lived differently, alas someone cares.
We are thankful, as we are reminded that we have a choice, a choice to be different, to stand for what we believe even though multitudes are going different direction, to yield the call of purpose as against quick money though this is the life that we have and we are grateful for it, yet with wise choices we can make it the life that we want as our thanksgiving for what we are grateful for.
Pressure is one of the leading reasons why people take wrong steps. Pressure can come from anywhere and anything; family, work, friends, enemies etc. When you are under pressure and you give in to that pressure you are most likely to act outside your normal self. However, pressure would not push you unless you give in first.
Recently, I had this conversation with someone who was trying to retrace his steps after losing his job. He said “I lost my job because I stole from my company and this was all because my wife kept comparing us to her friends”. He said the wife kept putting him under pressure, because she wanted their kids to attend expensive schools, use exotic cars and do holiday trips like her friends; it was like they were in a competition. He said but he couldn’t afford all these on his income so he had to start borrowing and when borrowing could not sustain his wife’s lust for expensive lifestyle, he decided to borrow (steal) from office fund. The rest is history.
It was saddening to hear him talk, especially when he explained his background and how hard he struggled to get the job, only for him to lose that same job because he couldn’t manage the pressure around him. Of course we might want to blame him or the wife, but I won’t want to go into that, I will rather leave that to The TYs Show and @onomewrites , however one thing is certain irrespective of who we blame, it still comes to the fact the someone gave in to pressure. An entire sea ofwatercan’tsinkaship unless itgets inside theship.
Now, of all the causes pressure earlier listed and much more, the most “pushy” for youths is the peer pressure, i.e. pressure from people within their age group (I have been there before). This pressure can be direct or indirect and dealing with pressure often depends on the type of pressure and individuals’ mental strength.
Dealing with Peer Pressure
A. Direct Peer Pressure
Direct peer pressure can be explained as peer pressure coming directly from one’s peer; either a friend or an enemy, who is within one’s age group, status, ability or profession. Take for instance, a friend you finished school together with, who is now married asking you when you will get married? That kind of pressure could push one to “unprepared for marriage” and if not careful one will marry the wrong person. Also for instance, because one hasn’t gotten a job yet and one’s close friend who has a job calls one lazy or bullies one with money, one becomes pressured to make money by all means just to prove a point. These are examples of direct peer pressure.
How do you handle it?
1. Give space: Give as much space as possible to the particular person or group of persons putting you under pressure. This doesn’t mean you should not get in touch but ensure it is at arm’s length. It is a negative energy and staying away is the best solution. It is good to get motivated to want more but let the motivation be from within not because someone bullied you.
2. Focus on your big picture: At 25years, it is expected you have a rough idea of what you want and how you want to go about it, don’t lose sight of this. Even if your friends have taken a different route and it is working, if it doesn’t fit into your idea of living don’t do it. Running one’s race on another man’s time would only cause untimely end to one’s race. Focusing on your big picture makes it difficult to be carried away by peer pressure.
3. Don’t try to satisfy anyone at your own expense: You know what, playing the hero is for movies and story books, in reality you don’t put others before yourself. If you keep this in mind when friends pressure you, the first thing you consider is “how does this affect me, my personal plans and my future?”. Then you will be able to make an informed decision.
B. Indirect Peer Pressure
Peer pressure becomes indirect when no one is hipping it on you but yourself. Indirect peer pressure is self inflicted and this is more dangerous. You can easily walk away from a direct peer pressure but an indirect peer pressure requires winning the battle from within. For instance, after a long thought of how other friends and school mates have succeeded, one finally concludes one is the worst and then decides it is suicide time. This isn’t a pressure from anyone, it is just you. Or A man who feels he is too quiet, he wants to be loud and lively like his friends so he turned to hard drugs to get the ginger. Self inflicted peer pressure.
How do you handle it?
1. Pray: As much as I don’t want to sound spiritual in this matter, the spiritual facts cannot be denied. Our thoughts are meant to be guided and the only guide we can get is by screening what we allow in, as simple as words can put this, in practice it is not all that simple. It takes a high-level of spiritual discipline once you realize you are under this kind of pressure. So yes! Pray because that’s all the spiritual I know.
2. Win the mind battle: Indirect peer pressure like I said is more of a mind thing, so you have to win that Battle to have a clear mind. You may have to do affirmations or speak reassuring words to make you keep believing in yourself, because without self believe this battle is already lost. The truth is, others would have what you think you deserve and one could easily be tempted to compare and do the unimaginable but when you believe in yourself and you are ready to trust the process, you would find reasons to wait for your own time.
3. Talk to Someone: A therapist, a mentor, a godfather talk to someone who is older or more experienced when you are caught up with indirect peer pressure, this would save you from ruining your life. In fact, talking to people is not only going to help you with better decisions, it would also help unburdening your soul and spirit. You would also learn from their mistakes in similar situations. Please don’t underestimate how far seeking counsel can help.
Above all, LEARN TO SAY NO! Don’t be too shy to reject what you don’t want. Use the word “NO” as often as it is required. Whether someone is trying to influence you, persuade you or even when it is your thoughts playing tricks on you, let your NO be resounding. When it seems everyone else is heading that way, if it doesn’t work with your plan(s), pull out and let everyone know you have made your choice.
We are who we are and we got here being ourselves. Even if there are reasons to be different, they should be about improving on who we are. We would always have many questions and there would always be lots of options, but we best be wise in choosing. Don’t get pushed, don’t get pressured because when you fall, it is going to be big and it is going to be only you!
Some years back, I was just in my first year of senior secondary school, so I tried out for the football team of my house, Green house or as we call it in G.C.I, Field House. Goal keeping was my thing, so I tried out for the goal keeper’s position and I was selected. To cut the story short, I was excellent in training but when our first big match came and I saw the crowd, I became very nervous.
The first shot that came towards my goal, trust me, i could have sworn i saw a lion coming towards me instead of a football and so I fumbled it. After that, I practically begged the coach to remove me because I just couldn’t cope, it was overwhelming for me, a lot was going on in my head and I lost it. My mind was playing tricks on me and somehow it was way out of control. So I was substituted barely ten minutes into my first game.
Ladies and gentlemen, the first place we lose or win is in the mind. The projection of the problem by the mind is often greater than reality, simply put the mind exaggerates the problem. Playing in a big match was overwhelming for me then because I just could not hold it together in my mind. I lost it because I had lost all confidence in myself when my mind overestimated the situation.
The most complex battle is the battle within. That argument that goes on within you; should I try again, should I quit, should I lie, should I say the truth, should I run, should I stay, I can’t pass, it is too hard and so on. My friends, if we are going to step up we will have to shape up and the key to that is to win the battle in the mind.
The war within is crucial. It must be won if we truly desire to move to the next level. Yes! There are problems, overwhelming tasks ahead, and we are probably at a disadvantage but honestly, not as bad as our minds are projecting it. If we can only overcome the thoughts of failure, the feeling of incompetence and that consistent urge to quit every time things go south then we would have won the first battle. Note this, our minds will amplify the obstacles but it is a war we must first win.
How do you prepare your mind if you want to always win the battle within?
Read: Reading is very important, it is not just food for the soul but an exercise for the mind. It opens the mind to vast knowledge and new horizons. Reading self development texts show you how others have done it in past, remind you it is not impossible and give you confidence you need to overcome whatever it is you are facing. Nothing wins more than an open mind, and no one improves better than a man who is always eager to learn something new.
Affirmation: Positive words go along way in improving our self esteem and self awareness. When you focus on your good qualities, it drowns your weakness. The mind feeds on what we constantly hear; negative words demoralize and make us feel small while positive words make us feel invisible. Imagine waking up and the first person you met said “you are beautiful”, trust me, you would have a wonderful day; it is a mind thing. So why not be that first person for yourself, compliment yourself and feed your mind with positive words.
Dare: I remember those days when we were still very young, we dared ourselves to put our hands over the candle light, at first we barely lasted a second but as time went on we could go over a minute. The thing is when you become daring, you don’t easily get scared and your pain threshold becomes stretched. Daring actually toughens the mind. A daring person wouldn’t mind taking risks, trying new business, going into a virgin field or even going against odds. It takes practice to toughen up the mind.
Believe: Self is one word we need to work on. Yes! Team work is good but self work is the best foundation. You can’t function well with others if you are always second guessing yourself. You must believe in yourself, I always say this, if you don’t believe in something it will be hard selling it to someone else by implication if you don’t believe in yourself you can’t make others believe in you. Each time you are not sure, you lose the Battle of the mind, in fact some people/rivals would play mind game on you so you can doubt yourself. That’s how important believing in yourself is, if you want to move to the next level.
Enjoy: Have fun doing what you do, by doing this you play down the importance of what you are doing and relieve yourself of the pressure. By enjoying what you are doing, you become more relaxed and you able to access stored memories; past experiences, knowledge acquired over the years and intuitions to guide your every step. When you see the fun side of what you do your mind eases up, you see things clearly and you make better decisions.
It would be too much to ask that you imbibe all you have read here at once but I believe you can take it a step at a time. You can overcome the fear projected by your mind, it is doable and once you win that Battle within you nothing else can stand in your way.
You are special my friend, I absolutely believe in you but please do me a favour and believe in yourself too.
Disappointment is part of life and how we handle it would go a long way in determining how we relate with others. One of the things I first learned about living is that disappointment is inevitable.
Some people will say, “when you put your trust in people what you get is disappointment”, well this is true but how can we live life without trusting someone? Yes, we should trust God but if we can’t trust humans we see how can we trust God we cannot see? Hence, my conclusion that disappointment is just part of life.
In a matter of speaking, you and I have also disappointed people before; our parents, friends, lovers and ourselves. Even though these acts might not have been deliberate, we just find ourselves not living up to the expectations of others, no matter how much we try. On this basis you will probably agree with me that anyone can disappoint and most times not intentionally.
We should be bound by our words, we should uphold whatever we give promise to do that is how it should work but life has also taught me that sometimes things can really really get out of control and we find ourselves where our words and promises become the least of our problems. Ultimately, we disappoint people who ordinarily we would do everything to put smiles on their faces.
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Having understood that disappointment can come from anyone you included, so how do you manage disappointment:
See the positives in everything: I think why being disappointed hardly gets to me is because I see the positives in everything. I believe to everything is a reason and not all reasons are comprehendible. So even when I see no reason why someone should disappoint me, I still tell my self, it is for the best. A mentor of mine once told me that there is good in bad and there is bad in good. So whether good or bad, every situation provides reason to be happy and sad (#deep).
Always have a backup plan; When I make plans, I always give room for “what if”, hence, a backup plan. If you observe this too, disappointment won’t hit you too hard. Call it plan B or Plan 2, always ensure you have what to fall back on so you don’t hit the solid ground after a disappointment.
Build on what you can achieve: My ground zero has always been based on what I can personally achieve, then I commit people to helping me from there. Invariably when their help ceases or doesn’t come I will still have my ground zero which is better than nothing. See whatever anyone wants to do for you as just the icing on the cake you baked with your sweat. So even if they disappoint, you still have your cake.
Focus on the big picture: There is this big picture in my head of where I want to be and you know what? I have come to understand that it only takes my commitment and God’s grace to get there. Whoever helps along the way is God sent and whoever chooses to quit on me is just someone God grew tired of using while those who failed to help at all are just people God won’t use for me just to protect my dreams. What do you think?
Have a big heart: Forgiveness used to be one of the most difficult things for me to do, unconsciously I find myself referring to wrongs people did to me and I acted it out. But I think I have grown pass that now. I have grown my heart to accommodate the good, the bad and the ugly without thinking of getting even. This wont happen in a day but as you grow in point number 4, it becomes a piece of cake.
