Why Do You Need People’s Approvals?

“Do you need people’s approval before you act on your burning heart desires?”

Many people have asked me this question in different forms and each of these questions come with its own peculiarity. The first question I always ask is, “who are the “people” involved?” and answers have ranged from family to acquittance.

So what I am going to try and breakdown is how much do you need people’s approval. I will divide the types of people into five and then explain

1. Family: Your family most likely don’t want you to get hurt, they want to protect you but most of all the want to protect the family name. Hence, they will most likely stop you from trying something crazy, something they are scared may bring the family name to disrepute or something they are convinced would fail.

So with family, it is often best to listen to their side of the story but don’t let them transfer their fears to you. You don’t need their approval to follow your dreams (even when there are your only source of finance) but you need to hear them out and find a way to handle their worries.

2. Friends: Friends want you guys to roll on same level, it is not about envy, it is just what friends do. Little wonder when you are doing better your circle of friends become smaller or change. So if your next step will take you out of your current friends’ level, they would probably not support you. Usually, friends won’t tell you don’t do it but they will try and show you why you can’t succeed doing it, giving examples of people who have tried and failed it at.

So with friends, just like family, you don’t need their approval but listen to all their points and take it for what it is “what you should watch out for”. Most of the fears your friends will project are real but they are not insurmountable as they have painted them.

3. Professionals in the field: These are people who are eager to get you on board. You get to here stories of how hard it was before they got to where they are and how they feel it is not impossible. Some paint scary pictures just to show you how strong they have been over the years (just to massage their own ego) while others only tell you the fun side just to alley your fears.

With these sets of people, be smart. Be sure you have made the right choice before you talk to these people because they can easily infect you with their passion or totally kill the little passion you have. However, you don’t need their approval but you need their endorsement. To be honest with you, to move up very fast, someone up there may have to hold your hand up, so on that premises you need them but not their approval to start.

4. Target market/audience: Once you are providing a solution to someone’s problem, the person doesn’t care about who you are, all the person cares about is the solution you are providing. The market/audience even though buys packaging alongside the solution but most often the solution is the cake, the packaging is just the icing.

You don’t need the approval of the market to start your business but you need to understand the need or problem you want to satisfy; you need to understand the market/audience. Gone are the days when supply creates it demand, these days you will have to identify the demand before you create what you want to supply.

5. Others: Others could be anybody for you, your pastor, your imam, your mentor, a motivational speaker etc., anyone that falls outside the first four group of people. For certain reasons you must have felt they need to give you the go ahead, but let me shock you, you owe nobody an explanation for why and how you wish to follow your dreams.

There is only one person that needs convincing and that is YOU! You need no approval from anybody to do something meaningful with your life. I always say this, “whoever loves you will eventually come to terms with who and what you are”, it is as simple as that.

You want to write, so what’s stopping you; you want to be a social media celebrity, do your thing; you want to drop out of school to follow your passion, by all means help yourself; you want to travel out to pursue your academics, may God so help you! look for scholarship abroad; you studied law but realized your passion is fashion, quit dilly-dallying and start looking for fashion school already; trust me you need no one’s approval to become who you are meant to be.

Your only limitation should be that which you have set for yourself, come on, don’t live life waiting for one command center to tell you when to jump. Check history, those who have stood out were those who have gone against the odds, even when loved ones tried to stop them from doing it they did it anyway.

This is your chance to join people who made history, don’t let “seeking approval” stop you!

So Why Do You Need People’s Approvals?… Because YOU DON’T

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Why Do You Need People’s Approvals?

2019 Message

Hi dear,

I know the temptation to make list of things to accomplish or goals for the year is so high right now and believe me when I say it is a right step in the right direction but pause, take a deep breath, do you thinking listing so many goals make you more serious about life or you are just flowing with the tide?

Honestly, whatever your answer is, know this having too many targets don’t make you look smart rather it makes you lose focus.

How about we try this, ” one step at a time”, that’s, one goal at a time. When we achieve one we move to the next one and of course we set each goal with the full consciousness of what our ultimate goal is.

Have you ever wondered when is the right time to get married or you are not sure of what men or women look out for before thinking of settling down?

Watch this episode of The TYs Show

Watch now

Please give feedback as the year progresses and I hope together we see many more awesome years.

I hope you get this message guys

Happy New Year #2019 and may everyday of this year bring you something beautiful to hold on to.

Much love from Selahsomeone

2019 Message

When Is It Right To Get Married?

This is one question many singles have battled with especially once that seems to have one aunty or uncle always on their case. Is it when you have reached certain age or when you have achieved certain status?

Also another question often raised is the issue of ladies making the first move. Is it right for ladies to propose? Note this, the lady is not asking the guy out, a relationship has already been established but when the guy is not forthcoming, can the lady take the initiative?

Lastly, what makes a man or woman marriage material? You must have heard this cliche like a million times, “he/she is not marriage material”, how do people judge who is marriage material.

Well, all these and many more were answered in this episode of the TYs Show.

Click the link below to watch the full episode and don’t forget to drop your comments and subscribe to the Channel so you don’t miss any episode of the show.


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When Is It Right To Get Married

Can You Please Try One More Time

I heard you said you are giving up, I was told you said you can’t take it anymore, some even said you might be contemplating suicide but whichever the case is, can you spare me few minutes and read this then after you can do as it pleases you.

I am a practical example of how mean life can be, I have fallen from Grace to Grass in less than 20minutes, I have wined and dined at the table of abundance and I have had to pick crumbs off the table people who used to look up to me but here I am today. I can’t tell you I fully understand what you are going through, however know this, “I have an idea” because I once had to take refuge in the hottest part of hell.

The humiliation, the disappointment, the shame, the lifelessness you feel at this point is enough for a lifetime. I know disaster has struck already and coming back feels certainly impossible. The cards are all out and there is nothing to hold out on and it feels like the game is lost. But you know what, nothing is for certain not even the doom that stares you in the face.

I won’t tell you, you can turn things around, I am sure you have heard that too many times and it has become a cliche motivational speakers use to collect the little people have. However, I want you to do me just one favor, and I would be glad if you can do this for me; “Can You Please Try One More Time”.

I know you might be thinking, “is this one crazy or something? Try what again”. But I also know you are wiser now, stronger and more calculating, and you know what, ‘you have earned this’, what you have been through; your fails, your disappointments, the rejections, the humiliations were all a build up to this one more try, so you see you earned this one.

So this is how it is going to be; you will give this your all, you will cast away all doubts, you definitely need at least some level of spiritual connection with God and you will have to put your ego aside because this might mean going very low just to get yourself back – the springboard way. Starting afresh is not as bad as people will like to paint it, in fact it is one experience that would leave you sharing testimonies.

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Now that you have heard me out. You will have to still make your choice. I hope you oblige my request and try one more time. You are special and you have so much to live for, you might not see all these now but trust me, you will very soon.

“Only a test of fire makes a fine steel” and YOU, my friend, are the finest life is making at the moment!

Can You Please Try One More Time

The Life We Want

We are grateful for the life we have; the family we belong to, the friends we allowed into our life, the relationship we have built, our sources of income and the chance to see another day to correct the mistakes of yesterday.

This is the life we have and we are grateful for it and most of all we are grateful for the chance we have been given to make it the life we want; to bring our dreams to life, to give our thoughts soul and to be of help to others who are lost and are willing to be found.

It is hard no doubt, making things work is never as simple as it used to be. The world is ever changing, things that used to matter less are what we struggle to get. Days gone by when you don’t want the attention, now it is all about likes and comments. Gone are the days when private life was private, now if it is not grammed or tweeted then it wasn’t lived.

Love over the air has replaced real love. We profess love in public yet we hate on each other in secret. Visits have been replaced by chats, feelings have been replaced by emojis and people just check status to know if the other is okay. It is becoming more difficult to bond as everyone is busy doing something on a device. But it is the life that we have and we are grateful for it.

Gradually we are losing our power to make informed decisions, all we do now is wait for trends then we follow. At every turn it seems without someone’s approval we can’t progress. The models we look up to, are modeling those things mama warned us against but who cares, it is the trend, it brings quick cash, it quenches the thirst of our body but sadly, it also brings destruction. Then we wish we had lived differently, alas someone cares.

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We are thankful, as we are reminded that we have a choice, a choice to be different, to stand for what we believe even though multitudes are going different direction, to yield the call of purpose as against quick money though this is the life that we have and we are grateful for it, yet with wise choices we can make it the life that we want as our thanksgiving for what we are grateful for.

The Life We Want

Love Without Jealousy

It is easy to expect people to love us without being jealous but is it that easy to give same in return?

This episode of the TYs Show talks about love and jealousy, asking some of the most important questions while giving workable answers as humanly possible.

Is it possible to love without being jealous?

Does love make one possessive?

Is there room for best friend, of the opposite sex, in relationship?

To what extent can we go to protect the ones we love?

These and many more were answered in this episode. It promises to be mindblowing, hilarious and most especially informative.

Preview Below

Watch full video Click here

Love Without Jealousy

Peer Pressure

Pressure is one of the leading reasons why people take wrong steps. Pressure can come from anywhere and anything; family, work, friends, enemies etc. When you are under pressure and you give in to that pressure you are most likely to act outside your normal self. However, pressure would not push you unless you give in first.

Recently, I had this conversation with someone who was trying to retrace his steps after losing his job. He said “I lost my job because I stole from my company and this was all because my wife kept comparing us to her friends”. He said the wife kept putting him under pressure, because she wanted their kids to attend expensive schools, use exotic cars and do holiday trips like her friends; it was like they were in a competition. He said but he couldn’t afford all these on his income so he had to start borrowing and when borrowing could not sustain his wife’s lust for expensive lifestyle, he decided to borrow (steal) from office fund. The rest is history.

It was saddening to hear him talk, especially when he explained his background and how hard he struggled to get the job, only for him to lose that same job because he couldn’t manage the pressure around him. Of course we might want to blame him or the wife, but I won’t want to go into that, I will rather leave that to The TYs Show and @onomewrites , however one thing is certain irrespective of who we blame, it still comes to the fact the someone gave in to pressure. An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship.

Now, of all the causes pressure earlier listed and much more, the most “pushy” for youths is the peer pressure, i.e. pressure from people within their age group (I have been there before). This pressure can be direct or indirect and dealing with pressure often depends on the type of pressure and individuals’ mental strength.

Dealing with Peer Pressure

A. Direct Peer Pressure

Direct peer pressure can be explained as peer pressure coming directly from one’s peer; either a friend or an enemy, who is within one’s age group, status, ability or profession. Take for instance, a friend you finished school together with, who is now married asking you when you will get married? That kind of pressure could push one to “unprepared for marriage” and if not careful one will marry the wrong person. Also for instance, because one hasn’t gotten a job yet and one’s close friend who has a job calls one lazy or bullies one with money, one becomes pressured to make money by all means just to prove a point. These are examples of direct peer pressure.

How do you handle it?

1. Give space: Give as much space as possible to the particular person or group of persons putting you under pressure. This doesn’t mean you should not get in touch but ensure it is at arm’s length. It is a negative energy and staying away is the best solution. It is good to get motivated to want more but let the motivation be from within not because someone bullied you.

2. Focus on your big picture: At 25years, it is expected you have a rough idea of what you want and how you want to go about it, don’t lose sight of this. Even if your friends have taken a different route and it is working, if it doesn’t fit into your idea of living don’t do it. Running one’s race on another man’s time would only cause untimely end to one’s race. Focusing on your big picture makes it difficult to be carried away by peer pressure.

3. Don’t try to satisfy anyone at your own expense: You know what, playing the hero is for movies and story books, in reality you don’t put others before yourself. If you keep this in mind when friends pressure you, the first thing you consider is “how does this affect me, my personal plans and my future?”. Then you will be able to make an informed decision.

B. Indirect Peer Pressure

Peer pressure becomes indirect when no one is hipping it on you but yourself. Indirect peer pressure is self inflicted and this is more dangerous. You can easily walk away from a direct peer pressure but an indirect peer pressure requires winning the battle from within. For instance, after a long thought of how other friends and school mates have succeeded, one finally concludes one is the worst and then decides it is suicide time. This isn’t a pressure from anyone, it is just you. Or A man who feels he is too quiet, he wants to be loud and lively like his friends so he turned to hard drugs to get the ginger. Self inflicted peer pressure.

How do you handle it?

1. Pray: As much as I don’t want to sound spiritual in this matter, the spiritual facts cannot be denied. Our thoughts are meant to be guided and the only guide we can get is by screening what we allow in, as simple as words can put this, in practice it is not all that simple. It takes a high-level of spiritual discipline once you realize you are under this kind of pressure. So yes! Pray because that’s all the spiritual I know.

2. Win the mind battle: Indirect peer pressure like I said is more of a mind thing, so you have to win that Battle to have a clear mind. You may have to do affirmations or speak reassuring words to make you keep believing in yourself, because without self believe this battle is already lost. The truth is, others would have what you think you deserve and one could easily be tempted to compare and do the unimaginable but when you believe in yourself and you are ready to trust the process, you would find reasons to wait for your own time.

3. Talk to Someone: A therapist, a mentor, a godfather talk to someone who is older or more experienced when you are caught up with indirect peer pressure, this would save you from ruining your life. In fact, talking to people is not only going to help you with better decisions, it would also help unburdening your soul and spirit. You would also learn from their mistakes in similar situations. Please don’t underestimate how far seeking counsel can help.

Above all, LEARN TO SAY NO! Don’t be too shy to reject what you don’t want. Use the word “NO” as often as it is required. Whether someone is trying to influence you, persuade you or even when it is your thoughts playing tricks on you, let your NO be resounding. When it seems everyone else is heading that way, if it doesn’t work with your plan(s), pull out and let everyone know you have made your choice.

We are who we are and we got here being ourselves. Even if there are reasons to be different, they should be about improving on who we are. We would always have many questions and there would always be lots of options, but we best be wise in choosing. Don’t get pushed, don’t get pressured because when you fall, it is going to be big and it is going to be only you!

Peer Pressure

Daily Swirls

Living isn’t as straight forward as we will always hope for, the ups and downs can be demoralizing, the dashed hopes, the joy that is short-lived and smiles that suddenly turn to tears yet we pull through, we let nothing hold us back.

Dreams so big

Ambitions beyond imagination

Dreamy eyes ever shiny

Optimism my best friend

Days, months, kept my gird on
Stumbling stone I stepped on
But hope turned dejection
Faith becomes weak and
Expectations turned sour
Promises never fulfilled
My emotions took the best of me
I loved like life depended on it
But rejected without caution
Lost and alone
So I struggled through the hurdles
Pushing forward never looking back
Never wallowing in pain
Always ready to try again
Happy mood envisioned

And just then wrong choices chosen,

Deception without conditions

Trying to be smarter costs so much

A fragile heart trampled upon
Too deep to let go

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Angelic human surfaced
Brighten up every darkness
A prolific mind, I see forever
An exemption way of life
A beautiful soul
Yet never last till morning..
A painful feeling
Pain became my best friend
A sad song on repeat
Happiness was an history
Tears at last
Time now to find myself
To live and not exist
To heal, to move, to soar
To learn how to live with it
To be better and rewrite my future

Just the way I want my story to end

By Funke Shokunbi

Daily Swirls

A More Successful Spouse; Good or Bad?

In relationships, we wholeheartedly want our spouses to be successful, but how successful do we really want them? As a man would you want your woman to be more successful than you? And as a woman would you be able to cope with having more money than your man?

There is this hierarchy in the home that traditionally places the man as the head of the family however with modern day feminism and need for women, as individuals, to aspire to become who they want to be and be in control of their lives, this traditional expectation is being threatened.

This episode of The TYs Show tries to put this problem in the spotlight, looking at it from all angles while leaving viewers to discover their stand and make up their mind going forward on how best to handle this problem which seems to be one major reason for increase in divorce rate.

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A More Successful Spouse

Where The Battle is Won

Some years back, I was just in my first year of senior secondary school, so I tried out for the football team of my house, Green house or as we call it in G.C.I, Field House. Goal keeping was my thing, so I tried out for the goal keeper’s position and I was selected. To cut the story short, I was excellent in training but when our first big match came and I saw the crowd, I became very nervous.

The first shot that came towards my goal, trust me, i could have sworn i saw a lion coming towards me instead of a football and so I fumbled it. After that, I practically begged the coach to remove me because I just couldn’t cope, it was overwhelming for me, a lot was going on in my head and I lost it. My mind was playing tricks on me and somehow it was way out of control. So I was substituted barely ten minutes into my first game.

Ladies and gentlemen, the first place we lose or win is in the mind. The projection of the problem by the mind is often greater than reality, simply put the mind exaggerates the problem. Playing in a big match was overwhelming for me then because I just could not hold it together in my mind. I lost it because I had lost all confidence in myself when my mind overestimated the situation.

The most complex battle is the battle within. That argument that goes on within you; should I try again, should I quit, should I lie, should I say the truth, should I run, should I stay, I can’t pass, it is too hard and so on. My friends, if we are going to step up we will have to shape up and the key to that is to win the battle in the mind.

The war within is crucial. It must be won if we truly desire to move to the next level. Yes! There are problems, overwhelming tasks ahead, and we are probably at a disadvantage but honestly, not as bad as our minds are projecting it. If we can only overcome the thoughts of failure, the feeling of incompetence and that consistent urge to quit every time things go south then we would have won the first battle. Note this, our minds will amplify the obstacles but it is a war we must first win.

How do you prepare your mind if you want to always win the battle within?

  1. Read: Reading is very important, it is not just food for the soul but an exercise for the mind. It opens the mind to vast knowledge and new horizons. Reading self development texts show you how others have done it in past, remind you it is not impossible and give you confidence you need to overcome whatever it is you are facing. Nothing wins more than an open mind, and no one improves better than a man who is always eager to learn something new.
  2. Affirmation: Positive words go along way in improving our self esteem and self awareness. When you focus on your good qualities, it drowns your weakness. The mind feeds on what we constantly hear; negative words demoralize and make us feel small while positive words make us feel invisible. Imagine waking up and the first person you met said “you are beautiful”, trust me, you would have a wonderful day; it is a mind thing. So why not be that first person for yourself, compliment yourself and feed your mind with positive words.
  3. Dare: I remember those days when we were still very young, we dared ourselves to put our hands over the candle light, at first we barely lasted a second but as time went on we could go over a minute. The thing is when you become daring, you don’t easily get scared and your pain threshold becomes stretched. Daring actually toughens the mind. A daring person wouldn’t mind taking risks, trying new business, going into a virgin field or even going against odds. It takes practice to toughen up the mind.
  4. Believe: Self is one word we need to work on. Yes! Team work is good but self work is the best foundation. You can’t function well with others if you are always second guessing yourself. You must believe in yourself, I always say this, if you don’t believe in something it will be hard selling it to someone else by implication if you don’t believe in yourself you can’t make others believe in you. Each time you are not sure, you lose the Battle of the mind, in fact some people/rivals would play mind game on you so you can doubt yourself. That’s how important believing in yourself is, if you want to move to the next level.
  5. Enjoy: Have fun doing what you do, by doing this you play down the importance of what you are doing and relieve yourself of the pressure. By enjoying what you are doing, you become more relaxed and you able to access stored memories; past experiences, knowledge acquired over the years and intuitions to guide your every step. When you see the fun side of what you do your mind eases up, you see things clearly and you make better decisions.

It would be too much to ask that you imbibe all you have read here at once but I believe you can take it a step at a time. You can overcome the fear projected by your mind, it is doable and once you win that Battle within you nothing else can stand in your way.

You are special my friend, I absolutely believe in you but please do me a favour and believe in yourself too.

Where The Battle is Won