Feb 20 2018
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Does God Prefer Polyester or Denim?

I used to be so judgmental about the way some people dressed. Not long ago, I thought that I couldn’t wear jeans while I was teaching at a conference, but my son said to me, “Do you really think that God anoints polyester more than denim?”

It took some things like that to shock me into the realization that I was just holding on to a religious attitude when God wanted me to freshen up my look in order to reach more people.

Sure, it’s good to dress nicely when we go to church. But the bottom line is, we shouldn’t be so focused on our outward appearance that we lose sight of our main goal: developing a close, personal relationship with God.

To sum up the complex matter of God’s desires, as we can understand them, we can look to one word: relationship. – Wesley Baines

God simply wants us to fellowship with Him, which means communicating with Him throughout our day just like we do with someone who’s our close friend or family member. He doesn’t care about the outward appearance, only real relationship.

Spend time with Him, being grateful for what He’s done and is doing in your life. Have a real relationship with Him.

Prayer Starter: God, help me to have Your attitude about outward appearance. Help me not to judge others who don’t dress the way I think they should, and help me to develop a strong inner relationship with You.

Does God Prefer Polyester or Denim?

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Feb 13 2018
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How to Bring Your Dreams to Life

There is nothing quite as empowering as the moment you realize you have reached your dreams.

Sometimes we can allow our excuses and self-limiting beliefs to prevent us from setting our dreams and goals as high as we truly desire in our hearts. There are hundreds of reasons we can tell ourselves about why we will never actually achieve what it is we are yearning for. It could be we feel we don’t have the time, money, strength, or support. Perhaps we believe we aren’t smart enough, talented enough, or good enough to have what we dream about. Maybe it’s because we are overwhelmed, or we believe our dream is an impossible undertaking.

When we live life believing we can’t reach our goals, we will prove ourselves right every time. Not only can we lose that sense of hope and passion, over time we may stop dreaming altogether.
The truth is we are all deserving of success and happiness. We are meant to live fully and experience what life has to offer. When we stay on the journey of pursuing our dreams and goals, we receive opportunities to learn valuable life lessons that help us see anything is possible.

Years ago, I dreamed of doing work in the world that would help empower others to believe in who they are. I knew and felt firsthand how debilitating it is to not believe in yourself. I wanted to somehow help others see their potential and true essence. I started out with a desire to create a resource that parents and educators could use to help instill a sense of empowerment in children. That was my initial goal. It turned out that this dream involved countless goals. Over the course of nine years I published eleven books with the intention, the messages would resonate and help others believe in themselves. Each of these projects was an enormous undertaking. The creative process involved many months of dedication and patience. Most of the projects took well over a year to create. I had to meet thousands of small goals on the journey to reach my original dream.

I had no idea how much time, effort, and perseverance it would require to reach my initial vision. I’m pretty sure if I had known it all before I put my dream in motion, I would have been too overwhelmed to take that first step. When we look at all of the steps and unknowns involved in reaching our dream, we can very quickly lose focus. The bigger the dream, the more daunting it can feel. Often this feeling of ‘overwhelm’ can prevent us from ever taking that initial step.

Over time, I have come to see that my life has been enriched because I have pursued my dreams and goals. Having the willingness to consistently show up and take a step forward is what has helped me truly believe in myself.

7 Proven Strategies To Transform Your Dreams And Goals Into Reality

Here are the 7 proven strategies I utilize to transform my dreams and goals into reality.

Strategy #1
Have fun setting your goals. Imagine how you want to feel when you reach them. Step into that feeling as though it was already a reality. Visualization is a powerful tool to help you know where you are headed. When we know where we are headed, it is easier to trust our instincts and stay on our path that’s aligned with our truth.

Remember to make your dreams and goals BIG, and create visual reminders of what they are. Keep those reminders close by. You will need them when you hit your stopping place and need to be reminded ‘why’ you started out and ‘why’ you don’t want to quit.

Strategy #2
Focus on taking baby steps in the direction of a goal. Instead of worrying about how many steps it will take, give yourself permission to simply take one step at a time.

Strategy #3
Write your goals down. Start with a monthly plan for what you want to focus on. Then create a weekly and daily snapshot of what you will work on — make sure your plan is realistic and attainable.
When you move all of the details from your mind onto paper (or computer), you end up spending less time overthinking and worrying about all of the many tasks and projects you have to do. Spend a bit of time each month downloading your game plan. Then instead of wasting a whole bunch of time fretting, you can use that time to actually get stuff done.

Strategy #4
Commit to allotting some time each day where you ‘laser focus’ in on completing one small task related to your weekly or monthly game plan. Consistency is key. When we spend too much time looking at the big picture, we can get overwhelmed and forget where to start. Know it is okay just focus on the one small thing at a time. Dream creation is a journey, not a race.

Strategy #5
Talk about your dreams with the special people in your life to create lots of energy around what it is you are doing. When you keep your dreams hidden, it is way easier to leave them in the dark and never bring them to light. When we have people behind us who know what our big dreams are, they become our support team. They are the ones we turn to when the journey gets discouraging and we need people we trust to remind us ‘why’ we ever started in the first place.

Strategy #6
The road to reaching our dreams is often bumpy — that’s normal, it’s not meant to be smooth and overly easy. The bumps are where all of our rich learning and opportunities exist. We may question ourselves (often) and we may feel vulnerable and discouraged. We may even be tempted to work ourselves to the point of burnout to try to combat all that is hard and uncomfortable.
When the journey feels overwhelming, that’s usually the first sign we need to take some time out for ourselves. Make a serious pact with yourself to NOT become so laser focused that you lose your joy in the journey.
Regular self-care is a mandatory part of bringing your dreams to life. Know you can take regular breaks to regroup and recharge and you won’t actually get behind. Recharging your batteries gives you a renewed sense of energy and passion you can put to good use. We can hit the restart button at anytime — a much better alternative than quitting or losing our faith in the dream itself.

Strategy #7
Remember to celebrate the achievement of each mini-goal along the way. This feeling of excitement and gratitude will create the momentum and confidence to help you feel like you will reach your BIG dream. Remind yourself often that turning your dreams into reality is not a race — it is a journey. Celebrate and enjoy your journey as much as possible, and above all be kind to yourself through it — you will thank yourself later.

A couple years ago, I had the opportunity to be in the same room with five of the children who inspired the characters in my children’s empowerment books. It was a surreal experience. The children were gathered together to take part in an esteem-building workshop. The books I created, that they inspired, were resources in the program. In that moment, I suddenly realized I had actually reached my dream. It became very apparent to me then that the journey of reaching our dreams is the most memorable part — so enjoy each step as much as possible and make your dreams as big as your heart desires.

On the journey to reach the goals you set, you build yourself up. When you experience what you are capable of first hand, you continue to create dreams that will ensure a full, happy, and satisfying life journey. When you turn your ‘impossibles’ around, it has a way of opening up the world and allowing you to see your limitless potential.

This is an adapted article from Emily Madill’s book, ‘Fall In Love With Your Life, One Week at a Time’ .

How to Bring Your Dreams to Life

Feb 9 2018
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Do People Change?

This is one question many of us would have asked ourselves many times, with decisions over friendship, relationship, colleagues and family requiring constant need for reassurance. Really do people change?

From the religion point of view, it is believed that when you become a believer you put away old sinful behaviours and become a new person. The Bible actually emphasized that old things pass away and all things become new. Is this true of what we have come to know? How realistic is it for someone to turn a new leaf? Especially when some consider the way we are as our nature, so if this is true then can nature change?

Some few days back, I was with my four years old son and somehow he felt I had offended him, so he decided he wasn’t playing with me again. At first, I felt it was just a 4year old kidding around. So I tried getting his attention with an apple, which happens to be his favorite fruit but he refused. Still surprised, I tried teasing him but he was just blank. Who could have taught this little boy ‘Malice 101’? I used to be like that too though that was long time ago (I think), could it be something genetically transfered? Eventually, I had to apologize and slowly he became lively again. My point in all these, is that attitude, character or behavior starts to form at a very tender age, reason it is called nature, and somehow would become who we are as we grow older. If some attitudes are learned, while others are genetically transfered, then can something so intertwined like this change? Note: I am not trying to give you reasons not to want to change!

The desire to change is not enough to bring about change, not for love, not for religion, not for regret…

Change is said to be the only constant thing in life, it will happen with or without our consent. But with people there is always this mistaking of suppression or manifestation for change. I will like to share with you instances people term as change in others and what they really are:

1. Change by New Believe or Faith or Resolution

This is a change by choice, meaning the people involved voluntarily opt to change some things just to fit into a new lifestyle. This kind of change cannot be sustained over a long period of time without an external help. You don’t just raise your hand and confess some words and then become a changed person. Yes, you may be able to suppress who you are for some few weeks but not forever. Change by faith or believe is only sustainable when you have an external help (such as the Holy Spirit or friends who share your view around you ) constantly reminding you of the decision you have made (John 12:16). No wonder, you see people become born-again today and few months after they are gradually back to their old ways.

2. Change by Love

Love is the most beautiful thing with powers way out of the ordinary but even as powerful as love is, sustainable change is not assured. I will always tell people I counsel that if your marriage or relationship is based on “he/she will change” then you have failed even before you started. When it comes to love and relationship, people will promise heaven on earth, people will tell their partner whatever he/she wants to hear just to get what they want (have sex, peace of mind, marriage etc.). However, once they have what they want, they gradually warm their way back to their old ways. The best love can get is a lover that hides his/her old ways, suppressed though but still there and anything (fight, worries, money, discontent etc.) can trigger it.

3. Change by Wealth

It is always funny to me when someone tells me, ‘Mr. A has changed because he is rich now’. No Sir! Money doesn’t change people, it only brings out (manifestation) what the person has been suppressing because he was poor. So also lack of money doesn’t make man evil, it only brings out the evil the man has been suppressing. If lack of Money makes man evil then almost everyone on the street will be evil. Riches or lack of it is like catalyst, it (makes manifest) forces out into open what someone has been hiding, the true nature. Money doesn’t change people, money makes manifest!

Change requires more than making promises or crossing the heart, there has to be a third party involved; a being, a status, a personality constantly reminding us of the choice we made.

4. Change by Regret

Many of us can attest to it that we have changed so many things over time because at a point in time we have got burnt. Naturally, we learn more from our own mistakes and we are most likely to want avoid making same mistake all over again. That’s why it is often believed that when you correct a child with punishment, you have a high probably of moulding the child as desired. This is also the premises on which corrective facilities are built (jails). However, it is not 100%, as it is difficult to change nature, especially if it involves urge, desire and greed. When people get caught they are likely to hold back for a while but if it is something propelled by urge or greed, they are most likely going back there.

5. Change by Status

When status changes, some things just become beneath you or beyond you and this can definitely lead to some attitude being suppressed and eventually lost (change). Unlike what riches do, status adds a little bit of responsibility and this can go a long way to change people. But note that what status does first is to suppress not change immediately, it is only when an attitude has been suppressed for too long that it leads to permanent change.

My Conclusion

Do people change?

Yes! People change but most people won’t, not that they don’t want to but because it is who they are and they can’t just wish that away. The desire to change is not enough to bring about change, not for love, not for religion, not for regret. Change requires more than making promises or crossing the heart, there has to be a third party involved; a being, a status, a personality constantly reminding us of the choice we made. Change won’t happen overnight no matter how committed someone is to it but with gradual suppression of what we are, we can become something new.

However, if wealth is what you are waiting for to become a changed person, trust me that won’t happen because wealth would only bring out those other things that lack of wealth has been able to suppress and the truth is if you are a bad person wealth would only make you worse.

Never base your relationship decisions on ‘hope that someone will change’, if you cannot cope with the worst someone can throw at you, then you have no business signing “forever” with the person. Whenever, you look at someone, it is best you see them for who they are and not who you hope they would be. Life has shown that there is a higher probability they remain who they are or even worse, than to change into what you hoped they will be.

Do People Change?

Feb 4 2018
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The Waiting Time

I perceive that most of our single girls don’t really know what waiting (singleness) time is all about. What the time should be used for, how much they can invest in themselves at this time and how productive they can be at this time. Little wonder, some jump from one relationship to another at this time or find themselves under pressure to do things they would normally not do.

Your waiting time is the best time for you as a lady to develop yourself. Most ladies these days are desperate to get married ( due to their age and maybe pressure from family and friends), to a certain extent, this is understandable, if you have been at this stage before you would know how difficult families can be but in spite of the pressure you should ask yourself, ‘what am I bringing to the table, what can I offer as a wife?’ Most wait for years jumping from one platform on social media to another, all in searching of a man (it is no longer man searching), putting the cart before the horse, it doesn’t work that way! You have to develop yourself first that’s what your waiting is meant for.

Bible promised every man a woman that is compatible unto him, a woman that will be able to help him in his God given assignment. Does God plan that some remain single forever? I am not sure but I think the answer is NO! However, reality has shown us that most are single and most will remain single because they major in minor; they leave the most important things and focus on the least important ones. To find a man is the easiest thing to do but to find a lasting relationship requires a lot more. Men who are goal getters always look for women who are capable of holding together goals and can manage success. Are you that kind of woman? And if you are that kind of woman, are you willing to let go your ego and submit to love and not fortune?

If you are waiting then you should be able to develop yourself to become an helper, a confidante and an asset to the home. The fear of most men is ending up with a liability. For a lady, self development is key to not being a liability, unless she want to be wife number 4 or 5 or end up as one rich man’s trophy wife. When you don’t have anything to offer even if God is telling a brother about you, that brother will most likely rebuke the vision because nothing about you says you are marriageable. On the other hand when you prepare yourself and you are an asset, if God speaks once, the brother hears Him twice or more because there is a reason to you.

You are like tree, no matter how attractive the leaves are, it will only remain relevant if it bears sweet fruits. What you bring to the table is most relevant not necessarily how much you earn at the moment but how much you have invested in yourself that makes you an asset and not a liability. Ladies please don’t rush into saying “I do”, don’t just agree because you are under pressure, be sure you have what it takes to be in a marriage, spend your waiting time right.

​The Waiting Time

Jan 31 2018
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Connecting the Dots

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

~ Steve Jobs

When we were much younger, there was this piece of assignment that was always fun to do for me, I loved connecting dots. To me the beautiful image that came out after I was done amused me. It gave me sense of fulfilment, a kind of gratification to see what I have laboured for come out so beautiful. However, in connecting these dots, some I have to start from the rear, some times from the middle and couple of occasions the connections would look so disjointed but in the end I always seem to come out with something beautiful.
Our lives are similar to this, in raw form before the dots are fully connected it seems uninteresting and meaningless but once we are done connecting the beauty comes out and we have that sense of fulfilment. Life may seem so meaningless now, it may seem frustrating and you just want to give up but my dear friend you just need to connect the dots. The truth is, what you are going through now is part of the dots. Whatever you may have passed through were not just coincidence, they were planted in your way to lead you to where you are today, you earned them and you have every right to put them to use. 

Discovering synergistic opportunities in any area of our lives — health, career, relationships, finance and more — begins with asking ourselves questions, observing our past and current experience, and looking for patterns. You might start with questions like these:

What have been the most influential experiences of your life?

What are your natural skills, talents and fascinations ?

What educational or professional backgrounds can you draw on?

What instincts or inclinations have you followed, and which have paid off for you in the past?

What unique or unusual life experiences have you had, and what have you taken away from them?

What personal relationships, professional connections and social networks are you a part of, and which do you most enjoy?

In what environments do you feel most alive, energized or at ease?

What knowledge and perspectives can your draw on from your family heritage and cultural background?

What moments of your current life bring you the most satisfaction?

What qualifies as “fun” for you, even if it feels like “work” to others?

As you begin to look at these and other factors, you’ll begin to see a series of “dots” that define who you are, and how you are naturally wired up. You’ll see ways some dots already connect, and you’ll probably also begin to see opportunities to leverage and connect more of them more powerfully.

Bahram Akradi 2012

Connecting the dots has nothing to do with how good you are or how careful you are. It mostly depends on how you flow with the tools (skills, knowledge, past experiences etc.) you have and how you are able to interpret what you have been given (opportunities, environment, people etc.). The most successful people are not necessarily the smartest people, they are just people who were able to connect the dots. And like you they had difficulties starting but with time and perseverance, they were able to put everything together.

 You have everything you need to succeed but some how you will have to dig deep and then you will have to understand how to put them together. It is all connected; your gift, your circumstance, your purpose, your imperfections, your journey, your destiny, all connected to moulding you to becoming something great, embrace it!

​Connecting the Dots

Jan 19 2018
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Words Nobody Wants To Hear

So you probably don’t want to read this, if so then it is time to choose another article. But if you are ready for some hard truth then this is the article you have been looking for. So here we go:

Life is just what you make of it, the quality of efforts you put in will determine what you get out of life. Note the word “quality“! It is not hard work that makes way for success but smart work. You have to identify first which direction you want to go before you start making conscious efforts in that direction. You will see people running from one end to another like headless chickens all in the name of hard work and at the end of the day they will have nothing to show for it. Quality input is what it takes to have a first class product. Quality over quantity any day. Quality is like having depth, roots, just like with trees the deeper the roots the higher the chance of survival. When you have the depth then you can start thinking of producing more branches. Read Jordan rule

In the laziness of man, we have made so many feel good phrases to justify our idleness such as money is not everything, happiness is free, best things in life are free, I can’t fight destiny etc. These are all feel good phrases and honestly, holding on to them would only make you feel less responsible for yourself. Money is as essential as breathing, I understand we won’t all have it on the same scale but at least getting to the comfortable level is important. Nothing is free, whatever you have somehow you or someone or something paid for it. So get off your lazy behind and earn some comfort for yourself and people who depend on you.

There is nothing special about you! Yes and I mean it. You have a head, two arms and two legs just like everyone else. You are just like anyone you know, you have seen or read about. So you can try and become like the successful ones or end up like the unsuccessful ones, it is absolutely your choice. But because you are like everyone else, you can be whatever you chose to be, it means you can choose any path you desire. You might have gifts, talents, consciousness, intuition or passion that may give you edge over others or guide which footsteps to follow but whatever you make of your life will determine where you will end up. Don’t feel too special that you start hoping things would just change overnight, you would have to work for it like everyone else and if you decide not to, then you will end where most people who chose that ended.

Fairytale life do not exist. I want to believe in fairytales too but reality would just not allow that. Miracles, lucks, fortunes are products of positioning. You will have to seek if you want to find! No fairy godmother is going to pop up in your room at 23:59hrs asking you to make a wish before 00:00hrs. You will have to go after your wishes with all you have got. You will have to do your research if you want to be well positioned, you will have to pay for lies if you hope to find the truth, you will have to meet the wrong people on your way to finding the right ones. You will endure failures till you find success. Midnight wishes will not happen, most prayers will not be answered, most dreams will die before you even wake up, most ideas will not even leave the paper you jot them. All these may seem mean but trust me they are designed just to ensure only those who are ready to go the extra mile get the extraordinary.

Motivational speakers would want to give you the impression that having dreams is all that matters, this is a lie! There are lots of dreamers in the world yet few achievers. It is not good enough to have dreams, you must be willing and able to bring them to life through consistent and coordinated actions. People want to sit back and read success stories, and at the end of it, they want to claim it without working for it. Nope! It doesn’t work that way. You will have to get up and swing to action; set goals and achieve them, approach people for assistance and some will turn you down but you won’t stop, you will hit brick walls and you will still have to find a way to push through it. It is not about the size of your dream but about how far you are willing to go to see your dream come to live. 

What is lost can never be regained; opportunities, trust, first impression and so on. I believe in second chance but nothing beats making the best of your first chance. No matter how well you have repented it cannot be the same. Opportunity lost can’t be regained, you can get something better, something similar but not same thing and if against all odds you get same thing it can’t be same time (time is irreversible). And when you let people down, it is never going to be the same again. The import of this is that you should take nothing for granted, do everything possible to give your best at the first time of asking; in life choices, creating impressions, relationships, career, business, loyalty and in friendship. 

“New year new resolution”, trust me that’s just another crap we tell ourselves to delay/postpone what must be done. You don’t have to wait till a new day, a Monday or a new year to start something new. In fact you are better-off starting immediately you realize what must be done. People who have changed the course of history didn’t wait till Monday to start, they started the moment they realized what must be done. Most ideas die because we delay starting, that wait kills our morale, passion and burning desire to achieve results. ” Delay is deadly” when it comes to starting something new and changing your game. If you have a dream start as soon as you wake up, no delays.

Lastly, you have to know that no emotion or feeling or situation is forever. Whatever it is, good or bad, happiness or sadness it is ephemeral. Your situation is only for a while, it could either get better or worse depending on whether you choose to do something or nothing. If you are happy now, there will be time you would be unhappy, if you are so much in love now a time will come when you will question your feelings, it is normal, it is the way life is wired. It is now left to you to choose what your reactions will be on those gloomy days when you are not so sure of who you are or what you want. Don’t beat yourself up over situations you couldn’t have prevented, don’t be too hard on yourself for things you can’t change, but if there is/are something(s) you can do to make life better for yourself never hesitate to do it/them. 

Life is so worth holding on to especially when you remember you don’t know what lies at the other side, though our life is borrowed, without a doubt we will all pay back that debt. So dear, make your life count for something, let your living be felt even by the generations yet to come. Play, work, have fun, get serious, make money, get fame, take risks, stay safe and above all touch lives!

Words Nobody Wants To Hear

Jan 14 2018
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There Was a Time 

There was a time when we hoped, and things came through. 

There was a time when we believed, and miracles happened. 

There was a time when our lovers would go to war, and come back to find us untouched, virgin once more and empty again- beseeching the long gone affection. 

There was a time when poems addressed upon the way of life, and more importantly, defined it. 

There was a time when storytelling was a delightful entertainment, as it sucked up the thrilling moments – pumping the mind to wander across all ages – just to find the seeds of hope, salvation, peace, kindness, and love. 
There were times when we didn’t have to speak, because those close to us, saw what lay in the depths of our hearts. 

A 24 year old boy seeing out from the train’s window shouted…
“Dad, look the trees are going behind!”
Dad smiled and a young couple sitting nearby, looked at the 24 year old’s childish behavior with pity, suddenly he again exclaimed…
“Dad, look the clouds are running with us!”
The couple couldn’t resist and said to the old man…
“Why don’t you take your son to a good doctor?” The old man smiled and said…“I did and we are just coming from the hospital, my son was blind from birth, he just got his eyes today.”
Every single person on the planet has a story. Don’t judge people before you truly know them. The truth might surprise you.

There was a time when knowledge was equally shared. One mind, one soul. 

There was a time when we would cry, and not because we had been hurt or felt any pain, but because we had been selflessly loved. And gained. We would cry tears of joy. 

There was a time when silence meant souls conversing with each other, and minds debating. 

There was a time when leaders were born, and not made from failed heroes. 

There was a time when time was not a tornado or freaky storms, but just dust in the wind.

A man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.
He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”
The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?
Failure is part of learning; we should never give up the struggle in life.

There was a time when we lived to embrace each other – touch ones soul, quench a neighbour’s thirst, light a friend’s heart, and not economically or politically self adjustably taken to what we found fit for our lonely souls.

There was a time when love was not courtship and marriage. Love was a selfless deed that stood irrespective of the grounds that we stood on; irrespective of the faces that we chose to conjunct with; irrespective of how much we were supposed to give. 

There was a time when relationship wasn’t just an “on and off” thing, but a one way path. Though crooked and harsh, people triumphed to die with their lips saying “i love you” to each other’s soul, as they patiently wait to hold each others hearts once more in the afterlife.

There was a time when paradise wasn’t figuratively spoken, but was lived and seen. It was a wondrous infinity that was witnessed.

There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to a baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting the right amount, which he wasn’t. Angry about this, he took the farmer to court.
The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure to weight the butter. The farmer replied, “Honor, I am primitive. I don’t have a proper measure, but I do have a scale.”
The judge asked, “Then how do you weigh the butter?”
The farmer replied;
“Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker.”
Moral of the story: In life, you get what you give. Don’t try and cheat others.

Many things may have changed but a lot still rests on our choices. We may not be able to control time, trend of new technologies, people’s view about critical issues and what tomorrow will bring but we have power to determine what our response to life should be, our relationship with fellow humans and our God. We can decide to be a better person even in the midst of crumbling moral values. We can chose to see the best in people. We can chose to try again even after a fail. We can chose to tread the right path and not betray trust. We can chose to be selfless in a selfish world. We can always be who we chose to be irrespective of what time it is. There was a time but there is still enough time!

© Basiru Adebayo Emmanuel.

There Was a Time

Jan 11 2018
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Ways To Overcome Negative Thoughts

Your thought pattern is responsible for 99% of what you become. As the saying goes, “he who thinks he can and he who thinks he can’t are often right; your thought your destination”. Having said that, one cannot rule out negative thoughts from time to time; intentionally or unintentionally, those gloomy moments have a way of creeping in and disrupting a perfectly planned day.

So I was researching on how to deal with the down moments when I came across this article and I wish to share it with you. So sit back, relax and see if this can help you deal with those ‘I don’t feel like anything’ moments. 

PS. As for me, options 8 to 12 are just what I need!

13 Ways To Overcome Negative Thought Patterns

​1. Have Daily Negative Thought Time

A paradoxical strategy to gain control over negative thinking is to commit to 10 minutes a day ruminating and reviewing them over and over again. Negative Thought Time (NTT) must be 10 minutes and must be every day. When you have a negative thought during the day, jot it down, and tell yourself that you’ll review them during NTT. Over time, you will gain control and negative thinking will stop. – Julie Kantor, PhD , JP Kantor Consulting

2. Replace the Negative Thoughts

We don’t overcome negative thought patterns, we replace them. For most of us, those negative thought patterns are well-worn neural pathways. Four simple steps:

a. Notice when you have started the pattern.

b. Acknowledge that its a pattern you want to change.

c. Articulate what you want to be different.

d. Choose a different behavior — one that serves your goals.

– David Taylor-Klaus , DTK Coaching
3. Be Your Own Best Friend

We are mean to ourselves. Nearly 90% of self-talk is negative. Three steps:

a. Release it. Let it out to help process, not to dwell. Three minutes, then the pity party is over.

b. Track it. Identify when you have negative thoughts. Awareness will enable reframing.

c. Reframe it. Once you know why you are being mean, consider what your best friend would say to you. Then tell yourself what you need to hear. – Michelle Tillis Lederman, Executive Essentials

4. Write Instead Of Think

Write down why the negative thought is present. Writing versus thinking helps purge the thought out, and when you can see the words on paper or a screen it is easier to make sense of it and move forward. –Steven Cohen , Meyvn Global

5. Make A Conscious Effort To Find Things To Love, Like And Appreciate

Instead of fighting negative thoughts, consciously reach for better feeling thoughts. One powerful way to do that is to speak (out loud if you can) to what you love, like and appreciate. Heading into a tough talk? “I love the way the coffee tastes today.” “I like the way this chair feels at my back.” “I appreciate the chance to process ideas with my team.” Reach for the relief, and you’ll find it. – Wendy Pitts Reeves, C2C Consulting, PLLC

6. Ask Yourself Some Tough Questions

Reflect on your answers to some tough questions. 1. What do I get from having negative thought patterns? What’s the reward for me? 2. What do I lose by engaging in negative thoughts? What are the costs? 3. What benefits would I receive from engaging in positive thoughts? What costs are associated with thinking more positively? 4. What in my past made me think negatively? 5. What will I do now? – Bill Gardner , Noetic Outcomes Consulting, LLC
7. Establish New Habits

Rather than thinking of it in terms of “overcoming” negative thought patterns, think of it in terms of establishing new habits. You do that by directing your attention to subjects where there’s nothing to “overcome”: subjects that you already feel good about, and therefore think positively about. That could be your pet, your painted toe nails, being outside, the beach… Start with something easy. – Christine Meyer, Christine Meyer Coaching

8. Stop Watching The Morning News

Research has shown just three minutes of negative news in the morning will significantly increase your chances of a negative experience over the course of the day. Research has also shown that positive mindset increases productivity and satisfaction while reducing errors rates. Mindset is a choice, but not always an easy one. Look to eliminate negative influences and stop watching morning news! – Dr. Woody Woodward , HCI

9. Use Affirmations

When you wake up, open your eyes and feel gratitude for the new day. Write down daily affirmations: “I love the people I work with,” “I make positive contributions every day,” or “I am open to inspired thoughts.” If a negative thought creeps in, think of a success you’ve had and the feeling that went with it. Positive thinking is a daily task, but worth it. – Erin Kennedy, Professional Resume Services, Inc.

10. Develop Your Success Routine

Every morning for fifteen years, I’ve done a process I created called “Quantum Programming.” It involves taking time each morning as you wake to meditate and focus on the person you want to be and the quality of life you want to live. You also set a few important goals to keep your momentum building toward your dreams. When you know what you want and are driving at it daily, negativity will fade. – Brett Baughman , The Brett Baughman Companies, Inc.

11. Channel Those Thoughts Into Something Constructive

Negative thought patterns can easily take over, but a fantastic (and constructive) trick is to identify what the negative thought pattern is and a project you’re excited about. Then, consciously commit to this: Every time you find yourself focusing on the negative, refocus your thoughts for five minutes on your exciting project. I did this recently and a new initiative is now ahead of schedule! – Emily Kapit, MS, MRW, ACRW, CPRW , ReFresh Your Step, LLC

12. Focus On Gratitude

Gratitude is underrated by most but is essential to a happy life. Life doesn’t get easier, but we become stronger as we reframe difficulties by recognizing all of the little good things going on around us. Keep a Good List and refer to it daily. Also, focus on what you really want and be very specific. A focused, positive mind will attract what it is seeking over time. – Jen Kelchner , TeenTrep.co

13. Try Movement And Meditation

As a registered yoga teacher (RYT-200) and a writing coach and author, I know that you can’t escape negative thoughts without physically disrupting them. To get out of your head, get into your body. A few minutes of deliberate breath work (seated 10-15 minute meditation) or body movement (like a yoga class)can dican’tpt those thinking patterns. To get out of your head, move more. Feel more. – Dave Ursillo, The Literati Writers

Written by: Forbes Coaches Council

Top coaches offer insights on leadership development & careers

Definitely you can’t do all these at a time but I am sure if you can combine two or more, you should be free of negative thoughts holding you back. Your life is precious, you can do so much if you have your thoughts where they should be – in the game!

Ways To Overcome Negative Thoughts

Jan 9 2018

Your problems or The Solutions?

Where should your focus be; Your problems or The Solutions?

Easily many of us would say the focus should be on the solutions and not the problems but how practicable is this for most of us?

Problems are often the defining moments of our individual life. They are points we would be required to make complex decisions, getting off our comfort zone, having to mend ways with our enemies, some times turn against friends and family, and other times it’s just simply going against the odds.

The funny thing about problems is that when you hold your problem up like it is one big insurmountable mountain, it turns out to be so but the moment you understand you can beat the odds, you start seeing Solutions. In variably, we cannot take our eyes off the problem however our attitude should reflect positivity if we want solutions and the moment we have the solutions we should be about it.

I remember a story my dad once told me, He said;

Long time ago, there was famine (problem) in the animal kingdom and all the animals became lean and many where dying of hunger. They had a meeting and all the young animals, after much lamentation and bickering (focusing on the problem), decided that to survive they should kill all the old animals and eat (at this point they have concluded that the famine would not end and they have to live for the moment at least). However, the tortoise had other plans. The tortoise sent its own mother into another land where there was no famine (solution). While others had killed every of their parents, and finally resigned to “fate”, the tortoise kept surviving from the food its mother was sending from the other land.

As funny as this story was to me then, I learned that no matter how big and complex a problem is, somewhere somehow there is an equally suitable solution, I just have to find.

Here is another fact, because majority have failed to see the solution doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Seeing the solution like I earlier said depends on your attitude to the problem; are you focused on how insurmountable the problem is or on finding a long term solution.

It is easy to focus on the problem and complain to everyone who cares to listen, in fact you will get many “likes” and “comments” for this on social media but it would never change a thing only or at best give a temporal relief.

You have a whole lot of life ahead of you, be smart focus on the life ahead not your problems. Problems come and go, some you will have solutions to others you would just have to outlast or outlive. Your life is precious, please make it count.

Jan 4 2018
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Getting Too Familiar

It is no longer news that men and women are been killed on a daily basis now by the same people they once exchanged marital vows with. Some men abuse, maltreat even rape the same women they once claimed nothing can come between them, same women that are meant to be supportive pillars to them. Some women ignore their husbands, starve them of sexual pleasures and even use words that can kill destiny on the men they sworn to love till their dying days.

These are not end time signs like most other inexplicable things we tie to end time. These are because we take some things for granted and because we forget our position and obligation as a woman or a man. Not to forget that we are at the age of technology abuse, false liberation, wildering morals and religious recklessness.

In the book of Esther, a Queen called Vashti lost her position because she disobey the King’s instruction in the presence of the maids. I am sure, if she had done same thing while alone with the king, the result would have been different. The king never had the plan of having another wife, but the queen’s attitude brought about the second wife.

He is your husband, but don’t get too familiar with him to the point of bringing him down or disrespecting him in the public.

Never get too familiar with him or her to the point of washing his or her dirty linen outside. Neither of you is perfect, but your attitude in correcting the wrong of one another speaks a volume. You correct in love, not for attention or ridiculing.

Wife, you are powerful, more powerful than you will ever know, but please learn to use your power in bringing unity and peace into your home. What binds you together is more than the love you professed, you have exchanged vows and it is for better and for worse; through the good times and the bad times. Those side chicks are taking what belongs to you because they know the key to his heart, just like you used to know but too busy with life to remember. Sometimes to respect him is all you need to make things right, then correct him after he is calm.

Husband, as a man, you hold the key to stop external influence on your home. Never walk out on your home because you think it is her fault, please build trust! When she is wrong, please let your means of correcting her be love, compassion and respect. Those side chicks maybe a temporary solution but for how long? Your home should always come first, should be your priority, the blessings that come with a good home and a happy wife is too much to lose because of temporary gratifications.

Esther became a Queen and all her enemies became a thing of the past because she had someone called Mordecai, she took counsel from. Do you have someone you take counsel from regarding your relationship (I mean Godly counsel)? The best way to see far is to stand on the shoulders of those ahead of you. When they advise based on God’s instruction please take to it, remember, Esther’s blessings were in Mordecai’s instructions to her.

You can join our Relationship Counseling via WhatsApp group by just one click, no questions asked and it is absolutely free.

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Remember, don’t get too familiar that you become disrespectful to your spouse in public or before your children, maids or friends. Don’t get used to him or her that you begin to take him or her for granted. Don’t ignore your spouse’s feelings, their need to express how they feel and to be loved. Happy home is an ongoing process, we never stop being committed, and we keep pressing till we grow old together.

Getting Too Familiar