DON’T JUDGE ME (Grand Finale)

DON’T JUDGE ME (Grand finale)

Charles and I were so much in love he became my confidant, I told him all about my past and my family. He told me he didn’t care about my past that what we have is the future and he was willing to go all the way with me. He was my Prince Charming, like the dragon slayer, I found peace with him.

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Charles was different from all the other guys, he has some rules though;
He believes people do things intentionally, as such apologizing doesn’t change anything.
He doesn’t believe in forgiveness, he believes “only God has the power to do that”
He believes a woman could be beaten once in a while, in his words “sticks drive away foolishness”
Finally, he believes the man is the head of the family (relationship) hence, his decisions should be final.

I had no serious issues with all his rules; I was so desperate for love and in truth, He was giving me love, I wanted a man to call mine and Charles gave me no reasons to doubt him. He slapped me couple of times, he called it “hard reset”, especially when, according to him, I was being stupid; like talking too much, arguing with him, running late on appointment with him or getting too close to other guys. However, after such actions, he would sit me down make me see why I deserved it and how it was a favour to be corrected, so I don’t get destroyed. I really understood him and I did my best not to walk into “destruction”.

Note: Love is not giving up your happiness, freedom or dreams. Love is meant to enhance and not limit you.

It was over 3months into the relationship, I went to pass the night in his house, this wasn’t the first time and most times when I come like this, we made-out but we always stopped before it got out of hand (I was still a virgin, I had never gone all the way), however this night was different. We were so in the mood and have reached a point of no return, I was a bit reluctant at first but he told me lots sweet things, like; how he’s madly in love with me, since he was going to marry me it’s not a sin, and that I should not worry about getting pregnant he’s got that covered. I knew him to well, arguing with him always end up bad, and in all fairness, I so much wanted to feel it too, so I yielded.

A bit of pain, a bit of fun, I lost my virginity. I didn’t care though, I was in love and that was all that what mattered. It happened few times again and I was no longer getting too comfortable with the idea. I started avoiding sleepovers and he started misbehaving. He stopped calling on a regular basis and when I call he won’t return my call. He became passive and all the passion he showed me ran dry. I was really scared of losing him, I kept wondering what was wrong, so I decided to ask him and he said he had been busy. About some weeks after the charade started, he told me he was no longer interested in the relationship. He said I was a temptation that he had to overcome by leaving me. I begged him but all to no avail, instead he was getting physical with me, so I had to let him be. l was angry with myself, I felt like a fool. Revenge ran through my head, the thought of getting even but I wasn’t raised like that. Eventually I took it in my strides.

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Note: Most men will demand sex before marriage, if you as a lady allow it, you will get all the attention but often times it is for a while. However, If you don’t allow it, you might lose all the attention but often times it is for a while. A good man will always come back because he doesn’t need sex to stay in the first place.

I know what you are thinking, “how could she be so stupid?”, I concur! I was stupid, I was naive, I made a great mistake but like I said don’t judge me. I was so desperate because I didn’t want society to start asking obvious questions? I made relationship my first priority and it landed me in series of mess. I found it so hard to forgive myself but I knew I needed a second chance. I had to let go, pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Eventually I was able to, Mercy found me, Grace found me and I made up my mind to be patient until my man comes. I became determined to get the best out of my life. I may have some explaining to do to my future husband but I know if he is the right one, he will understand and forgive me.

Life is not all about candle light dinners, going to eateries and getting the best bouquet every valentine. You need to get a life that attracts the right people. Stop making relationships your reason for existence, rather build a life that will make your future spouse and children proud of you. You might plan to marry a man who has a range rover, has a big company… those are good dream but what are you doing to make that kind of man attracted to you? What value are you bringing to the table?  Stop looking for the perfect man become the better person and attract the right people.

You don’t have to be so desperate about getting a partner, your own spouse will locate you. Why not build up yourself and be someone worth waiting for. Reflect what you think, spend lots of time investing in yourself.

Your own story might even be worse but don’t feel so bad about the past. Forgive yourself and get on with life. You were created for so much more, forget about your mistakes and keep your focus on the bright future ahead. You made mistakes, yes! but every great man has a story. So why cry over spilt milk, when you can get up and get yourself a whole new bottle. Forgive yourself, you deserve a second chance, move on because life is worth it!

I know its valentine and love is in the air, enjoy it but don’t forget to be the best of your kind. Build your self-worth, you don’t have to be so desperate for a date or gifts, tell yourself you deserve so much more! Become a better person every day, if you have found love hold on to it and desire to make your partner proud of you, but if not, I believe there is someone wonderful out there looking for you just make yourself worth the search.
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My name is Ebunoluwa, this was my story, it was my past, they are things I have been through, they don’t define me and I hope you would understand and not judge me. Happy valentine!!! Enjoy the season with love. You were created in love so you deserve to be loved.

Written by Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome

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DON’T JUDGE ME! (Part 1)

DON’T JUDGE ME!
(Part 1)

It’s easy to criticize me, you can say all you want, I don’t really mind but before you judge me please read my story:

I was born about two decades ago to a wonderful family though not rich but we are satisfied. We don’t have more than enough but we were always okay. I’m one of those kids they call “Covenant children”, my mother told me she specifically asked of a girl child from the Lord after having three boys. She wanted a female child and so she prayed and the Lord answered, which explains the reason why she named me “Ebunoluwa” (God’s gift).

My childhood was not so much fun as I was always alone. My brothers had a way of making me feel so different and my mother was a busy woman so she didn’t really have a luxury of time to teach me what it really means to be a girl child. I learnt a lot of things by listening to people and watching movies, please don’t blame my mother I totally understand that she had to work, since my father does not really care about the responsibilities of the home once he pays our school fees and after giving us pocket money he feels that is all, so my mother had to work so hard so that we could be properly fed.

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I had problem with my self-esteem, since my brothers made me feel different and inadequate, I felt everybody saw me that way. I am sanguine no doubt, in fact I am very funny but deep down I was hurting, thing is I was not feeling loved!

NOTE: To all parents and parents to be, it’s not a sin to tell your kids how much you love them and how much they mean to you, it makes them feel special. Kids should be raised with love.

I wanted people to love me, I wanted to be accepted so I resolved to lying about so many things. Often times, I would fabricate stories and make you feel pity for me. This worked for me but it was just for a while, friends I made through such means never lasted. Each time somebody walked out of my life I felt so bad, I would just go home and wet my pillow as usual.

NOTE: Don’t force friendship, work on yourself if you are a better person you would attract better people

Growing up with my brothers I was so used to being around men. I was the kind of girl who would tell you “I can’t make a girl my best friend they can’t be trusted” (as if I myself could be trusted). I had a lot of male friends and since I was used to them most of them saw me as another guy. The painful part, is that the minute I start having crush on a guy, he friend zones me and this was getting tiring.

I forgot to tell you; I love adventures and I enjoyed trying something different. I had my first boyfriend in my final lap in high school. I had a lot of boys who wanted to go out with me but I saw dating as an ungodly thing. We were warned in church not to have boyfriends but this guy was different. Peter gave me the attention no other guy had ever given me before. Though we were in the same class, he treated me like a queen. He would send me messages and would tell me that without me he cannot exist.

NOTE: Ladies don’t ever fall for that lie, “without you I cannot exist”, he has been existing before he met you so don’t ever think your absence will kill him.

I was so innocent and naïve I actually fell for that and I decided to give it a try, the love was so hot and I longed to hear his voice and to see his face in school everyday , Peter meant the whole world to me until one day…..
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To be continued…………………….

By Onome Omodara Olubunmi