Posted in Author Fabiola iconxpression, Inspirational Stories, Relationship

WHAT’S WORTH LOOKING FOR?

WHAT’S WORTH LOOKING FOR?

“While growing up, I wanted just anything in skirt until a time when I wanted more, a bit of beauty and more of exposure. When it was time to get serious, I wanted someone perfect but what I got is what I needed, I wasn’t sure again what I wanted”. Pa Adeyemi answered.

It was a day after Pa and Ma Adeyemi’s 45th wedding anniversary and we were seated on the verandah cooling off; the Sun had been on a revenge mission all day. I had been asking series of questions from the old couple, how they met and a bit about their early days. It was mama’s turn to answer,

“I was your complete town girl, the kind to rundown men and still wanted more,  and it took me a while to discover myself. I thought good looks, fiesta and fashion were all I needed to find a ring, but thank God I learned what I am about to share with you today,  because they made me a better person you know today”. And the she began;

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Many a time in life, we think we are sure of what we want but we are just living what life needs us to be, to keep its own balance. Our basic assumptions are that blending with trend will get us the attention of the opposite sex but what we fail to realize is, our life changes everyday and a time will come, when all that glitters won’t matter again, even when they are precious stones. People will trade gold for peace of mind, beauty for brain and trend for love. Don’t bother about what you think the other sex will like, just give them what is worth looking for! Here are few of the things I learned:

1 Appearance: It is true that appearance shows the manner but it is not so that we could change our appearances to please the world. What you wear defines who you are at first glance and no matter your content, people will not allow you to present it unless you look presentable. Expose your body all you can, it will only attract the ones who are like Pa Adeyemi in his early days, going after anything in skirt (a mischievous smile on Mama Adeyemi’s face) but when the realization of time dawns on them, they will dump you like a dress out of fashion.

2 Independence: ‘Done’ are the days when a family survive on the initiative of one of the parent. Family is couple inclusive now. Nobody wants a partner who cannot make decisions on the go,  especially when it is survival based. People want partners that they can leave the affairs of the family to when they need to be away. Like I said dear, trade beauty for brain, that’s the slogan of the ready to marry type. Both partners must bring something to the table gone are the days when the lady is allowed to come empty handed.

3 Emotion: Human Psychology have shown us that often times females are more emotional than their male counterparts, so this is more of a feminine matter. Men naturally get drawn in by tears and the tenderness that comes with it but they also begin to feel distressed when it becomes excessive. Naturally, crying doesn’t solve any problem, it only prevents us from gearing up to face our problems. While it is human to cry when unfortunate things happen, let’s learn to find solace in our partner, stand to our feet and find solution to whatever the issue is. Men love women that can turn things around with minimum help from outsiders.

4 Tidiness: It is no secret that it takes the two in a marriage to build a tidy home. A woman needs to be neat and tidy however for men they may be neat but tidy men are rare. When a woman comes across a tidy man, trust me it’s already a bus stop, all things being equal! Men naturally like tidy women to complement for something they are obviously lacking. Often times, we ladies think men don’t take note of our efforts to make sure the house is tidy, though they may not comment when it is clean, their expression when it is messy says volume. Unfortunately, I had friends lose their men because they are not clean-conscious and I had friends leave men because they can’t cope with a pig, seriously my boy, it goes both ways.

5 Maturity: This is important especially when you are already in a serious relationship. It is part of what determines if the wedding bells will ring or not. No one, either male or female can deal with excessive childishness. While it is permissible for a lady to show childishness sometimes (sentimental and attention seeking), it is completely unacceptable for men. Women need to have a feel of protection and security when around their men. To a daughter, daddy is meant to be a superhero,  someone who can fix anything; from a broken toy to a broken heart. To a wife, the husband is meant to be the “macho” who can protect and provide. No one can feel secured around someone who hasn’t secured himself. Immaturity is a turn-off, in serious relationships.

6 Control: Science is right, we are all animals (as derogatory as this assertion may sound). What distinguish us however from “lower” animals is our control over “our world”. People want to add value to their lives through their partners and these affect their choice as they tend to avoid people who don’t have control over things like anger, sex drive, emotions, words, excesses, and character. That’s why you see some beautiful ladies in their 40s and still searching, men want ladies that have both good looks and inner beauty, and why you see men who are unnecessarily violent and abusive. My son, this is the part people tend to hide a lot but if you are very observant it is as clear as crystal.  Some women believe they can change men who can’t control themselves but experiences had shown that the success rate is negligible. So control is key.

7 Human Relationship: Asides sensual relationship even companies require good human relationship from their workers. The truth is, we are drawn to people with good human relationship. Good Interpersonal relationship goes a long way to assure your partner you will be welcoming towards their families and friends. Men and women want partners who are warm and receptive, you don’t want to introduce your partner and the next thing, civil war is unleashed. So yes! This is very important and I must confess, it’s one of the reasons I fell for your Grandpa. I come from this large family where each person’s opinion matters but your grandpa has a way of melting hearts. She concluded.

As she rounded off, (of course it was now very late), Pa Adeyemi teased her saying “you forgot to add that I was irresistible then” and we all laughed.

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I was so delighted to share from her wealth of wisdom, it seriously changed my idea of criteria for choosing life partner, how to be a better person and how to be a desired partner. I had to share with you because I don’t want to be selfish and I have faith you will share with others too. Cheers!

Aremu-ibraheem A. Adefabiola.
IconXpressions

Posted in Author Onome, Digest, Inspirational Stories, Relationship

STOP IT!

STOP IT!

“Are you not tired of being treated this way?” Esther asked Monica, both of them had been friends and roommates since their second year on campus, Esther had always been the gentle one; easy going, cool and calm while Monica on the other hand was the opposite. She is always excited, free and lively (loud). They are two different individuals who have different goals and ambitions. Esther’s very intelligent and quite smart; always trying hard to set Monica right, especially when it comes to relationship but often times she shuts her up and some times she shuts her out completely.

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This particular day had gotten Esther pissed off, her roommate came in to report her boyfriend Dave. Dave and Monica had been in a relationship for about a year but it had always been from one problem to another. Dave had never respected Monica and he had always treated her like she was one random girl. This particular day Monica went to see him and he had embarrassed her in front of one of his female friends, he just pretended as if she was not there. He kept on talking to the lady as if Monica never existed. Monica walked out of his room with tears in her eyes. When she got home, she opened up to her friend Esther. Esther was used to her coming home and complaining about Dave all the time but she was getting tired of listening to the same story, so she had to voice out and asked her the daunting question, “are you not tired of being treated this way?”

Our actions or inactions, consciously or unconsciously gives people the idea of how to treat us. We give people the power to treat us the way they do. Show class and people will treat you with respect – Selah

Monica’s eyes lit up, she replied “What do you mean!?!”. “You need to stop it!”, Esther replied. Monica was confused “Stop what? You are confusing me”. Esther moved closer to her, held her two hands and looked into her eyes “You need to stop Dave from treating you like nobody, you are beautiful and you deserve the world, you need to stand up and find your worth, love is not selfish, love does not dishonor others! If he loves you he will treat you like a queen that you are”. Esther continued, “let me ask you? How has this relationship added to your life?” Monica was speechless, she knew she had made lots of mistakes in that relationship, she knew she was just enduring the relationship, she knew she had to stop it.

It was like those words set Monica free. She was able to summon courage to end the slavery she called relationship. She ended the relationship with Dave and worked hard on herself to became a better person. Over time Monica found true love, a man who treats her right, puts her first and shares her dreams.

“You are beautiful and you deserve the world, you need to stand up and find your worth, love is not selfish, love does not dishonor others! If he loves you he will treat you like a queen that you are” – Onome

Love is a sweet thing. Everyone’s desire is to meet the right person who will make them feel so special and feel on top of the world but there is more to love than candle light dinners, going on dates, getting matching wristwatches and shirts and all the emotional stuff. Love is about growing together, learning together and respecting each other. Stop forcing yourself on her, stop forcing yourself on him, you worth so much more! Stop  tolerating relationship, you are meant to be celebrated not tolerated  and until you know your worth nobody will see you as worthy. My dear reader, you need to stop chasing people and become a person worth chasing. Trust me, if you become a better person, you will attract the right person.  Make conscious efforts to be the Right and you will be someone’s Mr or Mrs Right. Overall, be a man or woman your partner will be proud to have.

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Finally, treat your partner the way you want them to treat you; stop disrespecting your partner in front of your friends, family, colleagues, classmates or clique. If you don’t value your partner nobody will, if you don’t respect him/her your friends won’t. Don’t be bossy, don’t be controlling, don’t dominate discussions, don’t be too protective, don’t become obsessed and remember, she is not your maid and neither is he your source of income. Relationship is meant to be an advanced partnership, both of you have to bring something to the table; you have to trust, respect, reach compromise, make sacrifices, forgive and above all love truly.

Love is achieved when two mature minds decide to make it work, it is never one sided. Love should start from you, if you don’t love You, nobody will. If you have found true love hold on to it, if you have not, be patient and while at it be a better person, true love will surely find you. You are meant to be celebrated and loved not to be managed!

Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome
Onomewrites@gmail.com

Posted in Author Oluwatosin, Digest, Inspirational Stories, Motivational

Meet the Mark, Exceed the Limit

Meet the Mark, Exceed the Limit

The cheetah is the fastest moving land animal. It survives in the animal kingdom with its speed and agility; which serves as both hunting and safety weapon. The cheetah is neither the biggest animal in its habitat nor the most skillful but what the Cheetah has, it makes the best of. The cheetah’s speed sets it apart and makes it outstanding. The cheetah exploits it’s ability to outrun other animals which comes very handy when hunting. When it captures a prey, it consumes it as quickly as possible, before other animals with greater strength intrude. The cheetah neither roars nor has a frightening appearance, therefore, It can be inferred that without its speed, the cheetah will be just another cat in the animal kingdom.

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In the study of life and nature, many qualities can be adopted from lower animals and even plants; the caring nature of a monkey towards its infants, the tireless efforts of ants in obtaining food, the patience of the vulture, the never giving up attitude of rodents, the easy lifestyle of trees – obeying the wind and struggling for nothing yet providing shelter for anyone that comes close… Nature provides helpful tips for the successful living of humans. An interesting and challenging lesson can also be adopted from the cheetah’s life. The fact that it ran today and came out the fastest is not a reason for it not to run tomorrow or not put in all its best- a cheetah takes every challenge as another opportunity to prove itself.

A man who puts in all his resources and efforts into the actualisation of a goal will always make a difference. Today’s failure does not ascertain tomorrow’s failure, the same way today’s success does not guarantee tomorrow’s success. Everyday is unique in itself. The only help yesterday can render is the lesson it taught which becomes reference for tomorrow’s decisions. The life of the cheetah teaches man to fight for each day like it’s his last day, hold on to every opportunity like none other might come, take one’s chance as quickly as possible, push till limits are exceeded, set new records and not rely on yesterday’s success.

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The major hindrance to continuous success is complacency. The notion of “people already know I am the best”. The cheetah does not allow that to consume it! Competition becomes difficult yet more exciting when one’s opponent is oneself, trying to better one’s own performance and being a better person on a daily basis. Knowing you can be better and aspiring to be, it is more satisfying to know that you have made a mark and set a pace. Fight everyday to better the person you were yesterday.

Meet the mark, exceed your limits, that’s how consistency can be achieved!

By AYODEJI, Oluwatosin Abiodun 

Posted in Author Omotayo, Digest, Motivational

5 Things Problems Bow To

5 Things Problems Bow To

Problems are part of living, in fact the general believe is that problem are like exams, if you are fully prepared it can’t keep you down for too long and if you surmount it, you get promoted to the next level in life but if not, many lesser problems comes to complicate issues. Problems are often not the end of life even though some may seem insurmountable but with a positive attitude and wonderful awareness, they move from being a stumbling block to being a stepping stone.

Every problem is a gift – without problems we would not grow. – Anthony Robbins

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There are 5 powerful instruments that one can use to combat problems, each is efficient in its own way but not absolute. Smart people have learned to combine as many as possible for maximum result. I like to share this with you and I hope you will be able to make your choice and use them to set yourself free.

5 powerful instruments (in no particular order)

1. Power: This simply put is your ability to influence or control things. This can be exhibited through strength, words, affluent, weapons, manipulations, influence or position. Power puts you over challenges associated with oppressions. When you are in a position of power, many people become your friends or allies and all struggling to favour you just to be in your good books. Problems that come your way easily give way when you throw your weight around, little wonder people in position of power hold on to it like it is tied to their life.

2. Pounds: This is the unit of measure; money, gold, resources, wealth and possessions. Money answers to almost all problems, especially when you have it in excess and know how to use it. Some say money cannot buy happiness and a wise man replied, “they don’t know where to shop”. When you have enough resources, your problems move from not having enough to having too much. People who would have constituted problems struggle to be your friends. Money changes how we view and conceive things, wealth steps in and comfort becomes insatiable, that’s why it is bad not to have but worse to have had but lost it.

3. Prayers: This is seeking higher powers to intervene on one’s behalf. Prayers are pleas to high authorities; God, people in high places, higher understanding or self consciousness. Prayers are meant to stimulate miracles, a change that maybe unmerited or favour that goes beyond the ordinary. Problem bows to prayers, evidences abound even though, there always seem to be a logical explanation but so also some are beyond comprehension.

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4. Persistence: When you continue in a path you become a specialist on that path, you become an authority (power), and when you speak people will listen (influence). Problem has a way of giving way to people who won’t quit. Persistence has been used by many dream builders to make their dreams come true. Persistence teaches them to make better decisions, take calculated risk, turn bad situations to their advantage and in some cases just hang in their till the bad wind blows off.

5. Passion: This include sentimental appeals that usual finds common ground with quite a number of people, such as love, religion, ethnic sentiments, crusade, common hatred and other sentimental appeals. Through passion power; control and influence is handed over people, putting them above some problems. Passion is also strong enough to bring wealth and create affluent.

Problems are meant to take us to the next level and this can only be achieved when we overcome and move ahead.

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It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people; to focus your energies on answers – not excuses. – William Arthur Ward