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THE BREADWINNER

One of the major reasons for crisis at homes and/or in marriages is assigning roles and responsibilities. Society has taught us what a man should do at home and what he should not do (same goes for women).

Who should ‘win the bread’ for the family?

Our society has taught us that it is the responsibility of the man to provide all that the family needs to survive, but like I always say the best person to tell you how a product will work best is the manufacturer (every other person will only give you their best guess).

Marriage was ordained by God making Him(God) the only one who can give us the most practicable instruction/ guide on how it works.

In the book of Genesis 1 vs 27, Bible says ” So God created man in His own image and He created them male and Female ” at this point man was perfect and has all it takes to provide for the house without failing in anyway.

But in Genesis 2 vs 21, God caused Adam to sleep and Eve was removed, so Adam can be helped.

Adam became “imperfect” and can no longer provide all that is required to run a home. Some of the things needed were deposited with the woman, while others remained with the man.

We carry different grace to function in the marriage!

God himself decided to make some women more comfortable financially than their husbands ( not because the man is Lazy). Will it not be unfair on God’s part, if He is asking a man to provide what was not given to him?

Little wonder He(God) said both the man and the woman shall become one and must operate as one in all their dealings.

Man can cook, if he is better than his wife in that aspect, woman can provide the bread( if financially better than the man). Let me also point out this fact that irrespective of who is doing what, it is wisdom for the couple to know they are actually an instrument in God’s hand to build a happy home. The provider of the bread is God and may choose whosoever He pleases to provide through.

Come to think of it, all that Adam and Eve needed to survive was provided by God( the breadwinner), He only ask Adam to take charge on what to be touched and what not to be touched (Leadership).

Most will quote 1 Timothy 5 vs 8 here saying ‘Any man who cannot provide for his House is worst than an unbeliever’. What Bible expects a man to provide here is Leadership (1 Corinthians 11 vs 3-5) God expects you to Lead the family not only by word of mouth or backing orders but by examples in action and devotion to making your home a happy one.

Live as one and never allow the society to rule your home. Embrace the role you find yourself within the capacity God has given you. Don’t exploit your partner’s weakness, rather compensate, complete and complement your partner by all means possible. You are one, live as such and build a home that everyone in the family wants to come back to.

THE BREADWINNER

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What You Need to Know About Marriage

What You Need to Know About Marriage

Is Marriage a blessed or cursed institution?

Marriage is an institution ordained by God. The most important institution in the whole world. Marriage can be a blessing and also a curse depending on the foundation on which it is build. There are principles guiding everything in life (including marriage). When the principle and the foundation are faulty, then marriage become a Curse instead of a blessing.

Are you single? Planning to say I DO soon? Then you need to know these principles. Are you married, but presently in hell? You can make it work today by learning and applying those principles. Are you enduring yours? That is not the Father’s will for you. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. We live in a world where we go through a lot as male and female, to run our homes and pay our bills our homes are meant to be a place of rest not a place of enduring.

If you agree that marriage was founded by God with the union of Adam and Eve, then you will also agree with me that the principles that would lead to a successful marriage can only be found in God’s teachings. After all, only the maker of a device has the authentic manual. Society and trends might try to modify, redefine or even give us a cosmetic idea of what is ideal but so long as you are not ashamed to use the original manual from the founder of marriage, you will have a beautiful home.

God created man and said it is not good for man to be ALONE and so woman was made. Marriage was not designed to be a lonely journey, where husband run his own race and the woman runs hers. The race in marriage is a joint race, where no one should Lord over the other.

Woman, you are meant to respect your husband and husband love your wife. God gave this instruction because He knew that most men are stronger than most women physically and may want to Lord over her, but when you love her as instructed, the love won’t make you Lord over her. As a wife or wife to be, you should be careful of the company you keep and what and who you listen to for advise.

Can two walk together except they agree? Agreement between husband and wife is key. Marriage is coming together of two adults, and not coming together of two adult and there parents, siblings, nieces, nephews and co. Every marriage should be between two adults and not the entire nation. No two situations are same, so also marriages. Your marriage is not expected to be compared to another.

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IT IS TIME TO LET IT GO

IT IS TIME TO LET IT GO

“I just hate you! Don’t you get it? Just leave me alone” those were her words to Daniel, Daniel had always wanted a relationship with her. He would stalk her then send all her friends to her, just to make her see how much he loves her but she would not go out with him. Those words went down to his spine but why would she hate him? He kept wondering. She wouldn’t stop shouting at him “Are you deaf or seriously drunk? I said leave my house now!” like a little boy whose mum forgot her birthday, with his eyes so red and close to tears, he turned around and left. She hissed and continued to watch the movie.

Her friend, Esther, walked up to her and sat beside her. With a soft voice, she said, “What is it with you and men?” But she shouted at her Esther too “I just need some peace!” she hissed and continued with her movie.

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Esther looked into her eyes with love and affection then said, “We have been friends for so long and yet I don’t really understand you. You keep sending every guy away, Susan! Please talk to me. This is our final year in the university, you should be in a relationship by now”. (Susan and Esther have been friends and roommates from their first year in the university).

Susan looked at Esther with tears in her eyes and said “You will never understand, just let me be” Esther sensed she was hurt but since she didn’t want to bother her, she deiced to change the topic…“So are you still going for the super lady’s programme tomorrow?” Susan just wanted to be alone but she knew Esther will never take NO for an answer, she then replied “If it will make you leave me alone, ‘yes’ I will go”. With a big smile on her face, Esther gave her a hug and told her, she was going to see her boyfriend. She went to get dressed and left the room.

The super lady programme was really getting interesting has the organizers had invited top dancers and musicians to entertain the audience, Esther was glad her roommate was enjoying the programme as she could see her smile and scream. Just an hour after the programme had started, the guest speaker was invited to speak. She was a relationship expert and she spoke for 45 mins on the topic “It’s Time to let go”. She used her story to challenge them, “how she was hurt by men so many times and how it was until she let go of her hatred that she found peace and met her husband with whom she is happily married”.

It was during the speech Esther noticed Susan was crying, she gave her handkerchief and placed her hand gently on hers. The speaker told them she is available for private counselling anytime, she dropped her number and left.

Immediately she left, Susan stood up, Esther was scared, so she followed her wanting to know if she was okay. Susan followed the speaker, who was about to enter her car, Susan’s eyes filled with tears, she said in a soft but shaky voice “Ma, may I talk to you now?” The woman looked at her with a deep sense of love, she said “My dear, I have another engagement right now but you can give me a call, I will find time for you tomorrow”.  She gave Susan a big hug and told her “Please give me a call”. Susan felt relieved thanked her and left. Waiting for her was Esther who gave her another hug and said “I love you, everything is going to be alright”. They went inside to pack their bags and left for their house”

Susan could not wait for the day to break, so she could call the woman. The wait finally ended, she called the woman and she gave her the time and the venue. Susan kept her appointment with the woman. She went with her best friend, Esther.

Susan told the woman how hurt she was, Esther held her tightly and the woman listened with keen interest. She told them the story of how she was raped by her favorite uncle when she was just 10years she tried to tell her parents but they were too busy to understand her and couple with the fact that the uncle told her, she would die if she tells anyone.

When she was 14 her childhood friend (Bob-cool and pleasant boy) also forced himself on her but the humiliation and previous experience with her uncle won’t let her tell anyone. At that point she vowed not to have anything to do with boys again, until she met Philip. 

She met Philip in her first year. He swept her feet away with his charming and caring nature. She told him her story and he, in turn, promised her, he will be there always for her. He promised a no-sex relationship till marriage. One faithful day, she went to hang out with Phillip and met some of Philip’s friends there. In the merriment, she was drugged and she slept off. When she woke up, she realized, she has been defiled. She felt shattered, not only because Philip had failed her, like all the other men in her life, but because she wasn’t even sure how many of them had sex with her.

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She rushed back to her hostel, she could not tell anyone not even Esther what had happened because she felt used at the same time guilty of trusting, just like it happened before, no one would ever understand. Then She vowed from that day on not to trust any man again nor fall victim of another man’s charm and sweet words.
The speaker walked to her side and held her hands, she then told her “Sweetie, you have to let go, you are hurting and it’s affecting you. I know it’s never going to be easy but the past draws us back from the future. If you don’t let go of the past you will never embrace and see the beautiful things the future has for you.  Susan you need to stop hating yourself and move on! These men are not everybody, don’t allow them make you miss the wonderful people ahead. Susan stop holding on to past, you need to let go!”

Susan wept loudly and said” Ma, I am really trying but I’m hurt”, Esther held her and wiped her tears with handkerchief. Deep within, Esther was feeling so bad, she could still that remember that day in 100 level when Susan came back very late in the night looking so disoriented and uncoordinated, she tried finding out but Susan would not talk and as their usual practice she let her be…”only if she knew, she would have kept pressing till she tells her the whole story.” By now Esther was also in tears

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The speaker held her hands again and told her “These men have moved on but you are the one still hurt, you really need to help yourself, smile again. You deserve to be happy! Nobody knows how you feel and nobody understands what you are going through but allow yourself to be healed. Let the past go with the past, you need to welcome a new life. It is never going to be easy but I assure you it is worth it” After a talk of about one hour Susan felt relieved, she promised to let it all go and the woman promised to be in touch with her.

When they got home Esther apologized for being there when she needed her the most and for not truly understanding her but Susan apologized too for not being open minded to her.
It took Susan time but she has decided to start seeing the brighter side life has to offer and with Dr. Thompson by her side, checking up on her and making her feel loved, she finally let go and gave love another chance. She gave Daniel a try and she never regretted it.

Lessons
1. You never get rid of bad experience by shutting yourself in and everyone else out
2. The past draws us back from the future. If you must move on, you must shed the excess weight of your past.
3. Most people who hurt you can’t even remember. If you do not let go of the hate, you would only be hurting yourself more.
4. Because friends say they are fine doesn’t really mean they are fine. Often times they just need someone to press a little harder and show a little more concern.
5. For every bad person there is a good person. People are different don’t judge everyone with the sin of few people.
6. A problem shared is a burden lifted. If it is more than you can handle find someone to talk to, if not a family, then a friend, if not a colleague then a professional.
7. You are in control of your happiness; not another man nor another woman, not an experience nor bad breaks, not the good things you have nor the things you lack.

Finally, a lot of times as humans we are hurt by the people we love and trust the most but if we refuse to forgive and let go, we are the ones hurting. The future will never come around if you still hold on to the past. It’s never going to be easy but eventually it is going to be worth it.

Daphne Rose kingma said “Holding on is believing that there is only a past; letting go is a knowing that there is a future”

It’s time for you to let go of the hurts and the pain, and welcome the future. God Bless You

By
Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome