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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RANT 101

Ladies, we all envision marriage to be a bed of roses with little or no thorns at all. We want a marriage where no one raises his or her voice just to be heard and all the other sweet fantasies. I get it, we do not like anything that could scare us but its no news that marriage is never that way. There will be some disagreements and raising of voices sometimes for stands to be taken. I understand all that but should domestic violence become the new black of marriages? No matter the shade it comes in, it should never be the new black.

Choosing your spouse is the only key choice we get the chance to do by ourselves. We don’t get to choose our parents, siblings, children and if you are or were like me you don’t get to choose the schools you attend. But marriage? That’s a totally different ball game all together. That’s the only decision you make and people around you can only but wish you well in your choosing cause it’s for life, baby!

You do not go around choosing that one special person on the ground that he is dark, tall and handsome or because he is a giver. I’m sure you know what I’m saying. Our new daddy has got to be a reflection of who you want your sons to be and who you want your daughters to end up with. The physical and material are important but thoseunseen traits are more essential to take note of.

No man is going to change when he gets into marriage. Once a boy in his bachelorhood, forever a boy. Don’t expect him to grow up to being a man. It is the responsibility of any reasonable adult to provide, and Tom, Dick and Harry can do that. It only takes a boy to do certain things to his woman. Call your woman certain names and to even take it further to her family, (gosh you have got some really rotten balls there), attempting to raise your hands to land on her body (Mr man please what do you think you are?), eventually getting the impetus to hit her, seeing to it that you can go to bed peacefully when she is out in the cold when you can do something better (I’m not asking you to be her Jack and freeze off in the sea but be compassionate).

Ladies listen carefully, he is nice does not mean he is compassionate. Which man won’t want to be nice to the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with? A man only changes for himself before considering others. I know he would say he realized that he was hurting you and chose to change, the truth is that actually he realized that to get further he needed to adjust himself.

Stop finding expression for his actions. Call a spade a spade. He damn hit/insulted/disrespected you. He meant to. He never hit you mistakenly. You getting him angry is not enough reason to lift his hands on you (if that’s how it is then he should be hitting police officer or military man because they angered him). That’s cowardice! You can frown at that statement men. (I’m in my father’s house, come and beat me).

The fact that your mouth is like that of a spoiled tap that cant stop running, does not give him the right to be inhumane to you. Yes, I agree that we ladies can drive a man nut with just talking, especially if it comes to the point where we have repeatedly pointed something out but no response. Does that make it sane to hit me or talk ill about me or my loved ones? He ain’t gonna change so stop expecting the impossibly. If he wants to, he knows where to get help. When he shows you his intentions toward you put down the brush. Don’t paint over the truth because it would mean you are living in a fake fantasy. You deserve better. Its time to live for you.

About the writer Chidubem Sharon

Chidubem Sharon is a lifestyle blog that exposes the experiences and thoughts of the author. This blog is to help everyone who reads and subscribes to it understand that there are quite alot happening around and gives out tips to solving problems

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RANT 101

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THE BREADWINNER

One of the major reasons for crisis at homes and/or in marriages is assigning roles and responsibilities. Society has taught us what a man should do at home and what he should not do (same goes for women).

Who should ‘win the bread’ for the family?

Our society has taught us that it is the responsibility of the man to provide all that the family needs to survive, but like I always say the best person to tell you how a product will work best is the manufacturer (every other person will only give you their best guess).

Marriage was ordained by God making Him(God) the only one who can give us the most practicable instruction/ guide on how it works.

In the book of Genesis 1 vs 27, Bible says ” So God created man in His own image and He created them male and Female ” at this point man was perfect and has all it takes to provide for the house without failing in anyway.

But in Genesis 2 vs 21, God caused Adam to sleep and Eve was removed, so Adam can be helped.

Adam became “imperfect” and can no longer provide all that is required to run a home. Some of the things needed were deposited with the woman, while others remained with the man.

We carry different grace to function in the marriage!

God himself decided to make some women more comfortable financially than their husbands ( not because the man is Lazy). Will it not be unfair on God’s part, if He is asking a man to provide what was not given to him?

Little wonder He(God) said both the man and the woman shall become one and must operate as one in all their dealings.

Man can cook, if he is better than his wife in that aspect, woman can provide the bread( if financially better than the man). Let me also point out this fact that irrespective of who is doing what, it is wisdom for the couple to know they are actually an instrument in God’s hand to build a happy home. The provider of the bread is God and may choose whosoever He pleases to provide through.

Come to think of it, all that Adam and Eve needed to survive was provided by God( the breadwinner), He only ask Adam to take charge on what to be touched and what not to be touched (Leadership).

Most will quote 1 Timothy 5 vs 8 here saying ‘Any man who cannot provide for his House is worst than an unbeliever’. What Bible expects a man to provide here is Leadership (1 Corinthians 11 vs 3-5) God expects you to Lead the family not only by word of mouth or backing orders but by examples in action and devotion to making your home a happy one.

Live as one and never allow the society to rule your home. Embrace the role you find yourself within the capacity God has given you. Don’t exploit your partner’s weakness, rather compensate, complete and complement your partner by all means possible. You are one, live as such and build a home that everyone in the family wants to come back to.

THE BREADWINNER