Quote

Getting Too Familiar

It is no longer news that men and women are been killed on a daily basis now by the same people they once exchanged marital vows with. Some men abuse, maltreat even rape the same women they once claimed nothing can come between them, same women that are meant to be supportive pillars to them. Some women ignore their husbands, starve them of sexual pleasures and even use words that can kill destiny on the men they sworn to love till their dying days.

These are not end time signs like most other inexplicable things we tie to end time. These are because we take some things for granted and because we forget our position and obligation as a woman or a man. Not to forget that we are at the age of technology abuse, false liberation, wildering morals and religious recklessness.

In the book of Esther, a Queen called Vashti lost her position because she disobey the King’s instruction in the presence of the maids. I am sure, if she had done same thing while alone with the king, the result would have been different. The king never had the plan of having another wife, but the queen’s attitude brought about the second wife.

He is your husband, but don’t get too familiar with him to the point of bringing him down or disrespecting him in the public.

Never get too familiar with him or her to the point of washing his or her dirty linen outside. Neither of you is perfect, but your attitude in correcting the wrong of one another speaks a volume. You correct in love, not for attention or ridiculing.

Wife, you are powerful, more powerful than you will ever know, but please learn to use your power in bringing unity and peace into your home. What binds you together is more than the love you professed, you have exchanged vows and it is for better and for worse; through the good times and the bad times. Those side chicks are taking what belongs to you because they know the key to his heart, just like you used to know but too busy with life to remember. Sometimes to respect him is all you need to make things right, then correct him after he is calm.

Husband, as a man, you hold the key to stop external influence on your home. Never walk out on your home because you think it is her fault, please build trust! When she is wrong, please let your means of correcting her be love, compassion and respect. Those side chicks maybe a temporary solution but for how long? Your home should always come first, should be your priority, the blessings that come with a good home and a happy wife is too much to lose because of temporary gratifications.

Esther became a Queen and all her enemies became a thing of the past because she had someone called Mordecai, she took counsel from. Do you have someone you take counsel from regarding your relationship (I mean Godly counsel)? The best way to see far is to stand on the shoulders of those ahead of you. When they advise based on God’s instruction please take to it, remember, Esther’s blessings were in Mordecai’s instructions to her.

You can join our Relationship Counseling via WhatsApp group by just one click, no questions asked and it is absolutely free.

Link Here: Relationship WhatsApp Group

Remember, don’t get too familiar that you become disrespectful to your spouse in public or before your children, maids or friends. Don’t get used to him or her that you begin to take him or her for granted. Don’t ignore your spouse’s feelings, their need to express how they feel and to be loved. Happy home is an ongoing process, we never stop being committed, and we keep pressing till we grow old together.

Getting Too Familiar

Advertisements

DON’T JUDGE ME (Part 3)

DON’T JUDGE ME (Part 3)

Note: Not all bad things happen to destroy us, most bad things happen to build us, to put life in clearer perspective and often to let us know, who lies behind the veil of friendship.

I was eager to see Josh, It is being a while, so I long for his touch, his face, like a deprived child in search of love, I couldn’t wait, I was even hoping to surprise him with more than my visit. On getting to his house, I knocked the door but no answer, it was a Saturday, I was so sure he wasn’t going to school and from our last discussion, he didn’t have any party that weekend. I decided to try the door to see if it was not locked, to my surprise it opened, so I let myself in. There was nobody in the sitting room, but then this awkward sound and seemingly whispering coming from Josh’s room. I became curious, a part of me wanted to go back but my curiosity got the best of me. My eyes could not believe what it saw, Josh was with another lady, in a position my innocent words can’t describe. I dashed out, like a man on a hunt, straight home to wet my pillow as usual.

image

Over the course of the Week, he called, sent text, sent friends but I wasn’t ready for any explanation. It was clear to me it was over. I was broken, I was hurt, honestly I loved Josh. Lot’s of questions where left unanswered like; what was I getting wrong? Was there something about me that needed to fixed? Was it the laws of attraction bring a good girl like me to bad boys? Was God punishing me for something I did in the past? Or Was I just unlucky in love? I was tired of flings, I wanted something real, I wanted something that would last forever, I wanted sincerity; a man who genuinely cares about me, who will treat me like I was the only woman in the world. “Someone to respect and cherish me, that isn’t asking for too much”,  I concluded.

All my colleagues were either engaged or in a serious relationship, this kept the pressure on me. It was my final year in the university and I was so desperate to have a man. Lately, the phone calls I’ve been receiving have been “guess what? He just proposed”, when will I make such a phone call? This became my daily routine of thoughts, I became withdrawn and a shadow of my usual self.

Note: Don’t run your life based on another man’s schedule, you either end up doing too much or doing too small.

One evening after class my phone rang and it was Tomi. Tomi has been my good friend since my sophomore year, we were so close and I had a serious crush on him. However, he friend zoned me, so nothing really happened. Our friendship reduced drastically in my third year because  he found out some truths about me, which left him disappointed. I apologized but he wouldn’t let it go, so I let him be.

I was surprised when he called to check up on me. He said he had missed me and asked if he could see me. I was eager to see him too, so I cleared my schedule and fixed a time to see him. When we finally met, He apologized for walking out on me and abandoning our friendship, I also apologized for not being totally straight with him. I couldn’t explain what happened with the look on Tomi’s face but I knew I was up for trouble, he held my hands and looked straight into my eyes before I knew it we started kissing. (I am a bit sensitive, that kind of girl that the faintest of pecks drives her passion.) I knew Tomi wanted a perfect lady, so I wasn’t sure if the kiss was to test my looseness or just his passion running on overdrive, my thought ran riot. He broke the kiss apologized and left.

Note: If you find it too hard to control your emotions, you might find it even harder to control your relationship with others. Anger, passion, joy, worry, excitements are part of emotions that determine how we are able to co-exist with others.

It has been three days, since the kiss incident and I’ve not heard anything from Tomi. In my heart, I told myself I had blown it again; I failed a simple test. On the fourth day, to my surprise, Tomi called. He asked if I could come to his house and like a lamb being led to slaughter, I didn’t object. On getting to his house he apologized for kissing me, he said it was a mistake but I told him it was okay. He said he wanted us to be back to being friends and nothing more. I agreed, at least that is better than losing him all together.

Few days after, I went to his house. After exhausting all the available gist, we decided to play games. We started with question games, then guessing games, finally we decided to play the truth or dare game. He then dared me to kiss him, I laughed about it (trying to figure out if he meant it) but he was serious. “Well it is just a game” he said, so I did. This time it lasted longer and I really felt all the tingling sensations. There were couple of more sexual daring requests and I obliged all. When it was getting late, I left his house but I could not stop thinking about the kiss and other stuffs we did. I knew I was definitely in love with him and I secretly prayed the feeling was mutual.

image

I became restless, I wanted to know what I was going into. Was it all games to him or he was just shy to come out clean. We were in our final year and dating was no longer a taboo. One day, I summoned the courage to ask him, Tomi, “what do you really want from me?”. My palms were all sweaty, my eyes were damp, I was really scared of what his response might be. He smiled, as if to tell me, “I understand how you feel”. He then spoke softly but with all sense of seriousness , “you know I like you but I can’t date you”, that sent shivers down my spine. “It is not that you are not beautiful but I just can’t see you as a girlfriend. Maybe friends with benefits, satisfying each other’s sexual curiosity but then, I can’t even see myself  having sex with you”, he concluded.

Note: Giving a man your body doesn’t make him indebted to you. Sex is 95% passion to a lady but 95% fun to a man. Sex is never a yardstick to measure love.

This was the final nail on the coffin, I am willing to give my body and it is all being thrown in my face. Tears rolled down my face, I stood up, told him as gentle as I can, that I was not interested in such a friendship and I walked away. I felt used, in the name of games, I felt betrayed in the name of friendship, I wondered how he had been seeing me all these while; a toy, a play thing, a fool who kisses men before they ask her out, in fact maybe a loose girl that kisses every man… I felt empty and was really ashamed of myself.

So I decided to change my approach, if I wanted a man who would care, be God fearing and not sex driven, I would have to look elsewhere, like somewhere more sacred. So it occurred to me that kind of man would definitely be in the Church. So I became more receptive in to brothers, I waited for all meetings; single’s meeting, prayer meetings, business meetings, house fellowship meetings, name it and you will find me there. I started giving all the church brothers asking me out hope because I was tired of romance, I wanted something different. Then it happened, the ushering unit president asked me out, apparently the Lord laid it in his heart to approach me, his name is Charles and I didn’t even think about it, I just said Yes. Charles was so loving, spiritual, caring and I enjoyed all the attention he gave me.

Note: Ladies, don’t ever make relationships your source of happiness, God didn’t just make you a wife alone! Get a life, it’s not all about having a boyfriend.
image

What really happened between me and Charles? let’s see in the final episode….

By Omodara Onome

DON’T JUDGE ME! (Part 2)

DON’T JUDGE ME!  (Part 2)

Note: Anxiety is a good feeling but don’t get yourself lost in it. Too often it takes one’s eye off the goal and puts all good things on hold.

…Peter meant the world to me. One day he dropped a letter in my school locker, saying we should meet after school hours that we need to talk, I was confused and I prayed in my heart that all was well. I could no longer pay attention in class, I just wanted the school to be over, I became very anxious.

We had a meeting spot, so I got there immediately the closing bell rang. Fifteen (15) minutes later, he arrived and he apologized for coming late. He told me he was going to walk me home, a bit hesitant though, so I demanded to know what’s going on. He held my hands gently, locked my eyes in gaze then leaned in and kissed me. I can’t deny the fact that I enjoyed the kiss though something in me, told me it was not right but I was lost in the moment. He reached to unbutton my shirt, when we heard footsteps and we had to pretend as if we were reading.

Note: Love, lust and infatuation are all passion filled, most times it is difficult to draw a line. Little wonder, it is said that if you are not ready for the sexual side of relationship, you have no business being alone with someone you are in love with.

image

Behold, the Calvary was our mathematics  teacher, Mr. Davies, he asked us what we were still doing around and we told him we were reading. He was surprised though, as our meeting spot was neither a classroom nor library, it was obvious that whatever was going on, wasn’t reading. With doubt written all over his face, he asked us to pack up and go home immediately, then he left. I picked up my bag and I told Peter I was going but he held my hand back. He looked sad, then he began, “I am sorry that I did that, it was because I love you and you are irresistible”. I told him I love him too but what just happened made me feel so low. In truth, I felt so cheap, I wished I had the right words to explain it but I was just not myself, I felt I deserved more.

By the time I got to school the next day, I met another letter in my locker from Peter, telling me how sorry he was and that he was not going to rush me again. He said he was willing to wait till whenever I was ready. I replied the letter telling him I wasn’t angry, just a  little confused. Our love grew strong and everything was fine until his mum withdrew him from our school. She claimed he was not serious and he was taken to a boarding school.  We couldn’t really communicate like before, afterwards but we always stayed in touch.

I was at home studying on a Friday evening when I got a text message, it was Peter telling me he was around and that he wanted us to see before he went back to school. I was so excited, I called him back almost immediately and we fixed  Saturday afternoon. I lied to my parents that I was going to my best friend’s place to study. I eagerly left for Peter’s house. He was the only one at home and I sat beside him in their sitting room. We talked for a while playing catch up when he leaned in and he kissed me.

Note: Don’t  sell yourself cheap because with all the money in the world you might not be able to buy yourself back.

In a moment of adrenaline rush,  i slapped him and told him never to try that again. Only for me to start feeling guilty a moment later, so I went on my knees and apologized. Then came his outburst, I have never seen that side of him before, he shouted at me, he told me he was only managing me in the first place. He said he had better girls who are more beautiful and are willing to go all the way. That day I felt so stupid, betrayed and used. I left his house went straight to my room and I did what I know how to do best, “wet my pillow”

It was two years after Peter left me, I had dated two other guys in that space, which did not last. I was already in the university studying Microbiology. After my secondary school, my father married another wife and he started maltreating us. He stopped paying our fees, my mother had to take full responsibilities. This made me hate my dad and I transferred the hatred to every other guy I met outside, I just hated men and hated marriage. I felt every guy wanted to hurt me.

Note: You can’t judge everyone with the sins of few neither can you live your life in fear because of what you have been through. Every second is a chance to make the choice for a fresh start.

In my third year in the university I went home for first semester break and that was when I met Josh. Josh and I attended the same secondary school but we weren’t friends then. It all started when I got his friend request on Facebook. We started chatting, before I knew it I was already addicted to chatting with him, soon I longed to hear his voice.  I was in love with him. I told him all about my past relationships, I also told him all about my parents and he promised me he would always be there for me.  It was like a dream come true, I felt loved again.

Josh plays saxophone, so he was always going for shows. My girl friends used to tease me, they told me, “they were jealous and wished they were in my shoes”. I remember telling them “I’m a very lucky girl”. Six months in the relationship, I went home for mid-semester break and I decided to surprise Josh with a visit, you won’t believe what happened.
image

To be continued…….

What is Your Worth?

WHAT IS YOUR WORTH?

Tochukwu barged into her sister’s house and shouted “I’ve had enough, men are all the same”

Her elder sister Chioma, who was five (5) years older than her, got married three years ago to her first love Paul. Tochukwu used to tell her, “she is boring”, for dating the same guy for over 5 year. Chioma got married to her first love because she does not believe in changing men. She has this principle, “If you have found your true love then you have no reason to run back and forth with others. Stay faithful to your true love”. While Tochi, on the other hand, as everyone calls her, believes that there is nothing like true love. She is of the opinion that “If you find a rich man who loves you then marry him”.

As months passed by, with Tochi going to her sister’s house once in a while and she seeing the way her sister’s husband showers her with love, Tochi started having second thoughts about love and men. However, this particular day had been a very annoying day for Tochi, her boyfriend, Daniel, had insulted her publicly and the only person she could talk to was her elder sister. Chioma had been her confidant since childhood but when she barged into her home, Tochi had really passed her boundary this time. “Tochi this is my matrimonial home for God’s sake, what if my husband was home what exactly is wrong with you?” Chioma questioned, in a rather angry voice. Tochi apologize immediately sensing the annoyance. “What has men done to you this time?”, Chioma asked.

image

Tochi then explained to her sister how Daniel publicly insulted her, by calling her a parrot, saying she talks too much. “Sis, he doesn’t respect me at all, he treats me anyhow”, she tried to hold back her tears. She continued, “Can you imagine it was inside the shopping mall that he insulted me o, in fact I’m never going back to him!”. Her sister smiled, just to calm her aching nerves, then asked her to sit down.

Then with a voice so gentle yet firm, Chioma began, “Tochi, No man will respect and value you until you learn to respect and value yourself”. Tochi had a puzzle look on her face.  Chioma smiled again and continued, the issue of being valued, does not only come in relationship with your partners or spouses, it also affects your relationship with people in general. Have you ever wondered why your friends talk to you anyhow or why your boss or even your siblings treat you without courtesy? It all boils down to how you carry yourself, the value you place on yourself and the aura that you carry around you.

Let me ask you a question; when you look in the mirror what exactly do you see? If you see a man or woman who is timid, ugly and stupid, I’m afraid, everyone you come across that day would most likely see you that way too. When you look in the mirror why not see a man or woman who is confident, smart and intelligent, you have nothing to lose, after all, God created you that way. People will keep on messing with you until you learn to raise your price tag, Chioma concluded.

image

“Don’t rely on some-one else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself- no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are- completely; the good and the bad and the changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different”. – Stacey Charter

To my beautiful ladies, if he actually slept with you at the backseat of his car you can’t expect him to think you are worthy of a matrimonial bed! You need to know that you worth more than that and you are not just a toy to play with. To my handsome men, if a lady makes you feel less and compares you to other men then you need to stand up and let her know you are the best. There is so much inside of you why would you settle for less than you deserve?

When you are walking, raise your head high and be confident of the fact that you worth so much more than precious stones. I need you to know that every mistake you have made and all the bad experiences you have had, all sums up to make you better than you were before. Know that because you failed at something has not made you worth less. You need to fall in love with yourself everyday because if you don’t love you, nobody will. After all it is love your neighbor as yourself meaning your first love is yourself.

image

I know we are not all perfect but with learning and believing in oneself, we get better every day. I need you to know that you worth so much more, if you are in a gathering of people who make you feel less, then I think you need to change such people. Hang out with friends who make you feel better and brighter. Don’t stay where you are tolerated, move on to where you will be celebrated. Remember nobody can make you feel worthless without your permission. You are a treasure that should be treasured. You are so very special!

I love you and I believe in you!

Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome