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Act of Listening

Listening is the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process. Listening is the key to all effective communications. Without the ability to Listen effectively, messages are easily misunderstood.

Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.
– Roy T. Bennett

A successful marriage is a marriage between two great listeners.

God is not a God of confusion, He created things based on their importance. It was not an error that He gave us two ears and one mouth.

Our ears are for hearing (listening), and our mouth for talking. God expects us to listen more than we speak.

James 1 vs 19 “My beloved brethren let every man / woman be Swift(quick) in hearing and slow to speak. There is dignity in listening.

When you lack the ability to hear more than you speak, you end up speaking in anger and most times you speak negative things.

Little wonder Proverb 18vs 21 says ” Death and life are in the power of tongue (mouth). Most of us are the reason behind our husband/wife/children struggling because at every little provocation you sow a seed of death into his/her life/business through you tongue.

“Don’t mix bad words with your bad mood. You’ll have many opportunities to change a mood, but you’ll never get the opportunity to replace the words you spoke.”

Listen more and talk less. Any word not spoken cannot be used against you, but a spoken word cannot be retrieve.

Your wisdom is measure by the degree of word you speak, so also your foolishness.

Never use your mouth to pull down your home, rather build it with your mouth.

Act of Listening

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BE HOPEFUL IN HOPELESS SITUATION

Hello!
I heard, you wanna die
How true?
You really want to get rid of your life?

Anyway,
There are many ways to say goodbye;
But, I would suggest one,
Throw yourself in a deep sea
Splash! splash!! splash!!!
There you go.
You would definitely start struggling
To save your life.

You would find it hard give up the struggle.

Why?
Well I know
Life might be hard,
Bitter, painful, and seem unfulfilling.
But there are people making headway
In this same unfair world.
Why then do we want to kill ourselves?

We definitely don’t want to.
But we are trying to kill something else inside of us.
The resentment, the stigma, the anxiety and the sufferings
Are what lies within us
And we are trying to kill ourselves to get rid of them.

Some of us live recklessly
Just to prove we don’t care
Often in rebelion against our family, friends or soceity
This doesn’t change what they feel about us
It only kills the little respect we have left
Good only comes from effort

Here’s what I have for you.
There’s an immense beauty, fruitfulness
And goodness that abounds in this World
Many success stories point to this fact
Life is a potent sign that there’s hope!
You’ll surely overcome your travails.
Just live, learn, love and enjoy your days.

Stop trying to kill yourself!

©Basiru Adebayo Emmanuel

Your Life is Precious

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THE BREADWINNER

One of the major reasons for crisis at homes and/or in marriages is assigning roles and responsibilities. Society has taught us what a man should do at home and what he should not do (same goes for women).

Who should ‘win the bread’ for the family?

Our society has taught us that it is the responsibility of the man to provide all that the family needs to survive, but like I always say the best person to tell you how a product will work best is the manufacturer (every other person will only give you their best guess).

Marriage was ordained by God making Him(God) the only one who can give us the most practicable instruction/ guide on how it works.

In the book of Genesis 1 vs 27, Bible says ” So God created man in His own image and He created them male and Female ” at this point man was perfect and has all it takes to provide for the house without failing in anyway.

But in Genesis 2 vs 21, God caused Adam to sleep and Eve was removed, so Adam can be helped.

Adam became “imperfect” and can no longer provide all that is required to run a home. Some of the things needed were deposited with the woman, while others remained with the man.

We carry different grace to function in the marriage!

God himself decided to make some women more comfortable financially than their husbands ( not because the man is Lazy). Will it not be unfair on God’s part, if He is asking a man to provide what was not given to him?

Little wonder He(God) said both the man and the woman shall become one and must operate as one in all their dealings.

Man can cook, if he is better than his wife in that aspect, woman can provide the bread( if financially better than the man). Let me also point out this fact that irrespective of who is doing what, it is wisdom for the couple to know they are actually an instrument in God’s hand to build a happy home. The provider of the bread is God and may choose whosoever He pleases to provide through.

Come to think of it, all that Adam and Eve needed to survive was provided by God( the breadwinner), He only ask Adam to take charge on what to be touched and what not to be touched (Leadership).

Most will quote 1 Timothy 5 vs 8 here saying ‘Any man who cannot provide for his House is worst than an unbeliever’. What Bible expects a man to provide here is Leadership (1 Corinthians 11 vs 3-5) God expects you to Lead the family not only by word of mouth or backing orders but by examples in action and devotion to making your home a happy one.

Live as one and never allow the society to rule your home. Embrace the role you find yourself within the capacity God has given you. Don’t exploit your partner’s weakness, rather compensate, complete and complement your partner by all means possible. You are one, live as such and build a home that everyone in the family wants to come back to.

THE BREADWINNER

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SEX AND MARRIAGE

The only thing you uniquely share with your spouse that you don’t share with anyone else is sex. So sex is the only thing that sets you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates. It’s a vital part of marriage.

Not only does sex set you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates, it also requires a deeper level of communication that you don’t normally do with just anyone. Sex requires you to talk to each other about intimate, emotional things. For example, to have a truly intimate experience with your spouse, you need to tell your spouse where you like to be touched, and make requests for certain things. This requires that you both feel a comfort level with each other that you’ve never felt with anyone else before. It requires both of you to become very vulnerable by asking, receiving and giving sexually. And it requires you to reach a deeper level of trust that your spouse will respond to your requests without judgment.

Sexual intimacy in marriage is sacred, beautiful and good. It is the deepest level of intimacy you and your spouse can share. In fact, ‘making love’ is such an intense bonding experience that the Bible refers to it as “becoming one flesh.”

The truth is, God ordained sexual intercourse as a way to foster unity in marriage. If handled properly, what this means is that sexual intimacy has the power to create intense physical, emotional and spiritual bonds between you and your spouse.

Part of the challenge, however, is that the man and the woman have different attitudes to sex. This is one of the reasons sex is a sore point in some marriages. It is therefore little wonder many couples are more tolerant with their sex lives than they are satisfied.

Although there is no magic number that can tell couples how often they should have sex, it is important for couples to discuss their needs openly with their partners and negotiate a relationship that meets both of their needs. While having sex less than 10 times a year is considered sexless, having sex once or twice a week is generally considered average.

It is also important to understand that lack of enough sex in marriage can have grievous consequences:

When there is a major disconnect in the sex lives of couples, intimacy at all levels tends to drop. Lack of sexual intimacy will further draw couples apart and make it difficult for them to handle other less serious problems.

People in sexless marriages are less happy in their unions and more likely to consider divorce.

It has also been found that infidelity in marriage is sometimes a result of a partner not getting enough sex at home. The partner who is not getting enough is tempted to look outside for his/her sexual needs (although this should never be considered as an option or condoned).question is: If sex is so important, and naturally pleasurable, as indeed it is, why is it that some couples struggle in that aspect of their lives?

FACTORS AFFECTING A HEALTHY SEX LIVES IN MARRIAGE.

1. PHYSICAL FACTOR

a. Fatigue
Fatigue resulting from too much work. If husband and wife work long hours, there is less interest in sex. The demands of work and home rob people of their energy. This is often the case when husband and wife work round the clock to earn good salaries.

b. Routine and boredom
After about five years of marriage issues crop up in the marriage: loans/debts, school fees, frustrations at work, house maintenance and chores etc. Husband and wife settle into a home routine that almost always does not include sex. When they were just married, sex was more frequent. The sex was still great before the children started coming, but when more pressing problems come up, sex goes to the bottom rung of the ladder.

c. Medical condition.
Husband or wife develops a medical condition that could significantly lessen their sex drive, either from the condition itself or from the effects of the medication.
Men especially have this issue with performance problems such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, but women also can have issues such as loss of feeling after childbirth and changes to the female reproductive system that can make sexual intercourse unbearable.

2. EMOTIONAL FACTORS

Couples may have unresolved differences that prevent them from enjoying sex together.

Unhealthy attitudes about sex. One spouse may have been raised to think that sex is more of a duty than something to derive pleasure from.

3. CULTURAL FACTORS

Cultural differences could affect the quality and frequency of sex between mixed-marriage couples.

4. PSYCHOLOGICAL FACTORS.
Deeply-seated psychological problems that make sex impossible. These could be anxiety, fear, or being a rape or incest victim in the past.
Other hindrances to sex in marriage include a job loss, a death in the family, or financial difficulties. Infidelity on the part of one spouse could also lead to the loss of interest in being intimate. Trust issues are also a factor.

Now, a lot of problems can also arise from a terrible sexual history. Some who were sexually abused in childhood become frigid, even when they are married; some become sexually wild and insatiable. Naturally speaking, this can affect people throughout their lifetime. But it shouldn’t. What you should do in such instances is talk to a professional counselor or pastor about it. Most importantly, talk to God, allow His Word heal your mind.
Now, if you are having sex with someone who is not your wife or husband, this is the time to break off that relationship because could destroy your marriage faster. And if your unfaithfulness in the past is constituting a hindrance to your having sexual fulfillment in marriage, then genuinely ask God for forgiveness and move on.

If you are married and your sex life is not as great as it should be, here are some for sexual intimacy.

TIPS FOR SEXUAL INTIMACY

1. Shun selfishness.
Sex is not just about you, it also about (and I dare say, much more about) your spouse. So get out of that ‘selfish mode’ and begin to place the needs of your spouse above your own.

2. Understand your differences.
God wired the man and the woman differently, so this affects their sexual desires and the way they handle sex generally. Together, you and your spouse can make the best of your differences.

3. Learn to forgive.
Resolve any lingering issues in your relationship that have not been dealt with properly.

4. Keep the fire of romance burning.
Sex is better and more rewarding when the ‘environment’ and accompaniment are right. With your husband or wife, constantly look for and embrace new and exciting ways to make your love and sex lives better and God-honouring.

5. Keep the communication line open.
It has been discovered that couples who talk over their sex lives (as well as other aspects of their marriages) tend to have healthier marriages. So learn to talk things over with your spouse.

6. Make time for rest and relaxation.
Today, many work very hard in pursuit of money and the good things of life, but so readily put off working on their relationships. We must understand that if there is no intimate bond between spouses, all that hard work is ultimately unfulfilling. The loss of our relationship can have deep consequences. So make out time for your spouse—just for relaxation.

7. Constantly pray for opportunities to ‘connect’ with your spouse.
Never neglect prayers in seeking solutions to sexual issues with your spouse. You will be amazed that praying together and ‘breaking bread’ can remove obstacles to sexual intimacy.
Now, God wired us with a sex drive, and this is one of the most powerful forces man can experience.
However, like fire, when it is not contained and controlled, it becomes a damaging and destructive force.
May your sex be a pleasurable, relationship building and edifying experience in your marriage now and always. Amen.

Shared by Kehinde on Relationship Class

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SEX AND MARRIAGE

I Don’t Want To Be Successful

I Don’t Want To Be Successful

Some days back I got this terrifying message from a teenager on my Facebook messenger “Selah, I don’t want to be successful“. I was so shocked, and immediately asked for his phone number so I can call him and get a better understanding of why and how he reached that hard-to-believe conclusion. When I finally got through to him, and heard his explanation, his earlier statement wasn’t as shocking as it sounded before. 

“I love your write ups Selah or do I say Sir, because it emphasizes self-belief, awareness, courage and faith but I don’t want to be successful. My father is very successful but because of that he doesn’t have time for us and in turn I do so many crazy things just to get his attention. He provides everything we need; money, clothes, vacation, good school but he is never there when we need him. Sometimes, I wish he just dies, so I will know I don’t have a father. Mum said he wasn’t this detached before success came and often I catch her crying too because she feels lonely. I have two other younger ones, they really don’t care because they seem to be used to dad not being around. Selah, success took our father from us and I have also sworn not to be successful so I can be there for my own children.” 

Those were his words (as much as I was able to document). I told him I understood his point but I am sure success had nothing to do with not having their dad around. I tried to encourage him and I promised to keep following up with him.

That night, I kept on pondering, was it success that took their father or misplaced priorities on the part of their father. In the first instance, from his explanation, his father is not successful, he is only rich. My understanding of success is having your dreams come true and for a family man your dreams should not only be having a flourishing source of income but also being a good father to your kids and husband to your wife. Success goes beyond money, even though too often we have made riches our yardstick for success, success touches every aspect of our lives; finance, health, family, spiritual, relaxation, relationship etc.

Perfection is something we aspire to be, so I understand that we are not perfect but trying or attempting is very important. Money would never replace time we have to spend with our loved ones as a father, a mother, a husband, a wife, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a brother, a sister or even a mentor. The key is to priotize carefully and consistently. Success should not be limited to bank balances, a successful person shines in all ramifications. Dictionary.com defines success as the accomplishment of one’s goals, not one goal but multiple goals. Being successful presupposes you must have attained success in most aspects of life and you must have touched many lives in many ways.

Whoever you are, don’t be too focused on financial success that you forget success goes beyond finance, success is way bigger than how much you have in your account.

So to my friend, you can be successful without neglecting your children, in fact, true success includes a well taken care family. What took your dad away from you was not success but misplaced priorities on the path of your father. Deciding to be a failure or an average is not going to get you the right attention from him or the world, rather excelling beyond expectations would put you in the right position to talk while he and others listen. Life is not a bed of roses, lots of people are passing through worse things but they have only resolved to make the best out of a very bad situation. Be strong, be hopeful and be courageous, your mum and your siblings need you more now than ever and just in case you have not noticed, they are already looking up to you.

Are You Distracted?

Focus they say is when you keep your eyes on the prize; not the pains, the should haves, could haves, the yearnings, the feelings but your eyes on the prize. – Selahsomeone

Most people don’t reach their dreams because of two things; challenges and distractions. However, it is easy to think that what’s limiting us is our challenges but the truth is, we are already facing so much before we decided to dream, however distractions dress up as temporary comfort that makes us forget what we truly want. My mum would say “when God plans an open door for you on Friday, the devil opens something similar on Thursday just to stop you from attaining what God has planned”. Taking this into perspective, I think distractions are actually the doors opened on Thursday, that temporary comforts that stop us from soldering to Friday where the real open doors are.

Distractions can come in different forms; from sudden comfort to people’s distractions. Take these instances;

  • You desire to graduate from your first degree same time you bag your ICAN exam but to do this you have to devote much time to reading, however your boyfriend or girlfriend feels you don’t have time for him/her. So you end up dropping your ICAN dreams just to make time.
  • Your dream is to become a musician, artist, footballer, designer, comedian etc but your parents are putting pressure on you to quit because they feel it is a waste of time. Eventually you sacrifice your talent just to please your parents.
  • Your dream is to own your own business and after struggling to put some things together, a family friend gets you a high paying job. You suddenly get distracted by money and end up dropping your dreams just to become an employee for the rest of your life.
  • You desire to spend time daily to improve yourself and learn more about that dream of yours but as things would turn out, your new found love believes you guys ought to be on phone 24hours everyday. You end up doing nothing for yourself because you want to please your love. And so on.

        Distractions often come to us in form of known faces, people we can’t refuse and offers that seem too good to be true but if we desire to keep our dreams alive we must by all means put up good resistance to distractions. I am not saying we should put up a wall of defense against our loved ones, emotions or other opportunities, what I am saying is, we should be so focused that we know when to draw a line between what they want and what we want. 

        Most dreams have been lost to relationship, family pressure, people’s opinion, sudden comfort and other distractions. 

        Our dreams will most likely not make sense to others but when we achieve them people will want to identify with us, however, before this happens, we would have a lot to do. Most dreams have been lost to relationship, family pressure, people’s opinion, sudden comfort and other distractions. Many are silent victims living with regrets and thoughts of what could have been. Don’t get me wrong, some people actually want the best for you now however, only by following your dreams can you truly experience the best of both trials and triumphs.

        Do away with your distractions, as often as possible reassure yourself of what your dreams are. Understand the concept of ‘what you really want‘. When under pressure take some time out and reevaluate your stand and how far you have come, then make adjustments but don’t lose your dreams. Be about your dreams such that even the blind can see what drives you and the deaf can hear the sigh of your passion, this will keep most people away from trying to dissuade you or lure you to something else. Make it obvious what your priorities are, make room for what must be done no matter what, and when there is conflict of interest then your dreams should always come first.

        The world is waiting for the next big thing, it could just be you we are all waiting for, don’t lose your dreams!

        How do you want to die? 

        How do you want to die? 

        A quick look at today’s elders gives an insight to how the future of today’s youths will be. Elders are known for their stories; they have had an experience for almost every situation or question they are faced with. When given enough time, they reflect on their past, reminiscence on events that affected their lives and often times, contribute to their current state of living. The stories they share sometimes sound like movie scripts because of the intrigues, suspense, sadness and joy it entails, and not forgetting the vibrancy with which they shared them. A salient truth embedded in those details however, is that those stories reveal how the narrator spent his or her life. 

        Their lives came in phases; childhood, teenage years, youthful stage then adulthood. Each phase was splitted into a time frame of twenty four hours a day as we have in modern times. Some of these elders, started out as privileged young chaps who got whatever they wanted or sought for opportunities to live their dreams. Either through formal education, skill acquisition or business orientation, they stepped out on a right footing in their youthful years. 

        So, everything done has its place on the sand of time and would amount to ones biography someday. – Oluwatosin

        As the phase concluded and the next commenced, they continually expanded their horizon in search for opportunities, knowledge, information and greener pastures. Thess exploits came along with exposure into different areas and it helped their choices in life decisions. When sharing their autobiographies as elders, they remember the years of troubles, adventures and celebrations. They re-live the moments of achievements with pride and would willingly set themselves as examples. 

        There are also elders who would rather lie than expose their faults and regrets. For reasons which they wish never occurred, they lost opportunities, blew up the bridges to their success and a chance to have a better life for themselves and future generations. Instead of leaving a good legacy for their offspring, they depend on them for survival and serve those who they should have tutored. Elders like these, live everyday in regret, aggression and secret shame of how much of their lives have been wasted. 

        A common gift from both category of elders to today’s youth and children is the nugget of how life should and should not be spent. As in the days of old, every man has got his life in phases with a fixed amount of time allocated to each. So, everything done has its place on the sand of time and would amount to ones biography someday. Spending time is easy but accounting for it can either result in pride or pain. A good number of the world’s population would rather live long but the question is what memories are we building?

        What scares me are not the mistakes I have made everyone is guilty of that but what scares me are those mistakes I have covered up because I know someday I will have to make reference to them and when that day comes, I hope I have a good explanation. – selahsomeone


        So I ask you, how do you want to die? Fulfilled or fool-filled?

        NEVER TOO LATE

        NEVER TOO LATE

        “Laying on my bed, can’t help but keep rolling from one end to another, and I could barely hold back the tears; my dreams, all I hoped to become slipping away and all I could manage from my heavy mouth was, “Why? Why is this happening to me?” but I got no answer.” I was taught better but now I have no choice than to run away.

        It happened on the 12th of May, a day I would never forget. It felt like everything was working perfectly well… Mum was looking so beautiful in her wine tailor-fitted lace and dad was dashingly handsome in his wine lace; they looked so cute together, I had always been proud of them, they were what I call “The Perfect Couple”. My brother Richard was so gorgeous in his black tuxedo and I was looking pretty cool too in my red gown; mum had bought for me a month ago. We were all prepared to go for Uncle Jim’s birthday party; Uncle Jim was dad’s best friend and the only family we knew. It was an evening event, the party was scheduled to start at 19:00 hours.

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        We all got into the car, we were running late, mum actually spent like eternity getting dressed, dad had to drive a little faster than usual, so when we met these fierce looking soldiers who shouted “Park! Park!!”, dad stopped the car thinking it was about his speed. When he parked, they started asking questions and looking into the car. We never knew they were not real soldiers, they were armed robbers with guns like you see in movies. I was so scared, my brain stopped processing and I became numb. I could hear arguments followed by gunshots, then came the police siren… Gradually, I started piecing it together, my family had just murdered in cold blood, it was just like a mare. I screamed!  Dad wouldn’t answered my call to him, mum refused to look at me and Richard couldn’t yell back. With tears in my eyes, I was rolling in the pool blood, tugging at each of them but they were gone! 

        The cops came around and right there, I watched them carry the corpse of everyone I ever loved, my family that meant everything to me. Uncle Jim and his wife came around later to take me home, telling me everything was going to be fine. It felt like I was alone and my dream of making mum and dad proud was dead as a door nail. I was only thirteen at that time and all I felt was hurt, brokenness and hatred.

        Uncle Jim and his wife were so kind, they took up the responsibility of sending me to school but as years passed-by, Uncle Jim’s wife, aunt Rhoda, changed. There was nothing I did that was right in her eyes; she just hated me. She kept poisoning uncle Jim’s mind till he stopped sending me to school, right after my secondary school education. They decided I should learn fashion designing,  I took it in my strides as my father taught me “to always make the best of a bad situation”. Although it seems the more I soldier on, the more bleak the future looks. Sometimes it seemed I was clueless, other times hopeless and I can’t but ask God why Life had been so unfair to me. I lived every day with pains and hurts; I couldn’t forgive my uncle and aunt for not allowing me to go to school because I had hoped I would someday become a lawyer.

        Three years later, I got certified as a fashion designer, uncle Jim bought me a rundown second hand machine, that often needed repairs after every sew. But that wouldn’t deter me, I started to sew and as God would have it, I was very good at it. I am very creative and this helped me, I started getting customers but aunty Rhoda will always collect the money I made. One day, I decided I had had enough, I was 23years old now, so I decided to run away from home. It was a tough decision as I really had no where to go, no friends and no families I could run to but then I knew staying with my uncle would only destroy me.

        Very early in the morning, I left the house with less than 1000Naira I had saved, I took a bus to the closest town and started living as a destitute; I begged to eat and slept wherever nightfall caught me. After a while a woman picked me up and I became a maid in her house but I wanted more. My boss is a kind woman, all her kids are grown and married, it was just the two of us almost all the time. One day I opened up to her, I told her of my dream to be someone, to be successful and I told her about my fashion design training.

        As God would have it, she was willing to help. She decided to send me to a fashion school and that was how I picked up the broken pieces of my life. My dreams came alive again and today I’m not just a fashion designer, I am a fashion consultant; I design for models, companies, consult for other designers and I organize my own fashion shows. Lately, I went back home and told my uncle and aunt that I’ve forgiven them because I realized that if they had not pushed me, I might have not amounted to something.

        My dear reader, life is what happens after we have made a perfect plan. Tragic event might have occurred that left you hopeless and dreamless but I want you to know that it’s not too late for you to start again, it’s not too late to pick up the pieces of your life. I want you to know that you can still be who you want to be, it’s never too late to start again.

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        Colonel sanders started KFC at the age of 62, Morgan Freeman didn’t get a movie big role till 52, Joyce Meyer was molested by her own father for so long, Oprah Winfrey got pregnant as a teenager…on and on like that every success story is also a story of great failure . So stop giving excuses, stop looking for shortcuts and stop complaining. Every failure, all the challenges you are going through is to make you better. I know you are broken and you are hurt, it’s okay to cry, if you need to cry, and let the pain out as you shed those tears but when you are done, start seeing a brighter future, start making new plans and begin to see a brighter day. Most importantly, forgive everyone who had hurt you and forgive yourself, because we can’t move on till we let go.

        It doesn’t matter how many times you have failed, how many mistakes you have made or how many times you’ve been hurt, know this, it’s not too late to start all over. You are created for so much more and your story will be heard if only you don’t give up. Every great man had a story, it’s just a phase and you are coming out stronger and better. I am sure, one day you will look back, smile and appreciate this moment and the hard times that taught you to be strong.

        I leave you with the words of Carl Bard, “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

        I believe in you because You are special!

        Written By:
        Onome Omodara Oluwabunmi

        DON’T JUDGE ME! (Part 1)

        DON’T JUDGE ME!
        (Part 1)

        It’s easy to criticize me, you can say all you want, I don’t really mind but before you judge me please read my story:

        I was born about two decades ago to a wonderful family though not rich but we are satisfied. We don’t have more than enough but we were always okay. I’m one of those kids they call “Covenant children”, my mother told me she specifically asked of a girl child from the Lord after having three boys. She wanted a female child and so she prayed and the Lord answered, which explains the reason why she named me “Ebunoluwa” (God’s gift).

        My childhood was not so much fun as I was always alone. My brothers had a way of making me feel so different and my mother was a busy woman so she didn’t really have a luxury of time to teach me what it really means to be a girl child. I learnt a lot of things by listening to people and watching movies, please don’t blame my mother I totally understand that she had to work, since my father does not really care about the responsibilities of the home once he pays our school fees and after giving us pocket money he feels that is all, so my mother had to work so hard so that we could be properly fed.

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        I had problem with my self-esteem, since my brothers made me feel different and inadequate, I felt everybody saw me that way. I am sanguine no doubt, in fact I am very funny but deep down I was hurting, thing is I was not feeling loved!

        NOTE: To all parents and parents to be, it’s not a sin to tell your kids how much you love them and how much they mean to you, it makes them feel special. Kids should be raised with love.

        I wanted people to love me, I wanted to be accepted so I resolved to lying about so many things. Often times, I would fabricate stories and make you feel pity for me. This worked for me but it was just for a while, friends I made through such means never lasted. Each time somebody walked out of my life I felt so bad, I would just go home and wet my pillow as usual.

        NOTE: Don’t force friendship, work on yourself if you are a better person you would attract better people

        Growing up with my brothers I was so used to being around men. I was the kind of girl who would tell you “I can’t make a girl my best friend they can’t be trusted” (as if I myself could be trusted). I had a lot of male friends and since I was used to them most of them saw me as another guy. The painful part, is that the minute I start having crush on a guy, he friend zones me and this was getting tiring.

        I forgot to tell you; I love adventures and I enjoyed trying something different. I had my first boyfriend in my final lap in high school. I had a lot of boys who wanted to go out with me but I saw dating as an ungodly thing. We were warned in church not to have boyfriends but this guy was different. Peter gave me the attention no other guy had ever given me before. Though we were in the same class, he treated me like a queen. He would send me messages and would tell me that without me he cannot exist.

        NOTE: Ladies don’t ever fall for that lie, “without you I cannot exist”, he has been existing before he met you so don’t ever think your absence will kill him.

        I was so innocent and naïve I actually fell for that and I decided to give it a try, the love was so hot and I longed to hear his voice and to see his face in school everyday , Peter meant the whole world to me until one day…..
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        To be continued…………………….

        By Onome Omodara Olubunmi