Tag: Father

I Hate Him And I Hate Who I Am Becoming

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I Hate Him And I Hate Who I Am Becoming

This is a story of a young man who found out he can’t run away from who he is becoming. I will share with you this story as written by this fellow, please read, digest, make your own conclusions and if possible, drop your comments for others to learn from.

Happy reading!

Dear Selah,

Thank you for accepting to share my story. I know this is not where my story ends but I am sure there are many others who are silently going through similar experience and I just want to use mine to give them comfort and let them know they are not alone, the same feel I got when I read your article “I don’t want to be successful”.

I hated my dad because he was never around. He was basically preoccupied with work. We only get to see him once in a month and even when he was around, he was like a terror in the house, no one seems to know how to do anything right, even mom. He provided for us that I cannot lie about, when we needed money he was always there, we had a driver to take us to school and we got the best of things except a daddy. Now my father is old and he wants us around him but there has been a disconnect over the years, that somehow we have not been able to overcome that hatred we had for him while growing up.

Years, gone by now and I am also a father with three kids and I work away from my family. Due to the nature of my job, I only have Sundays to myself and public holidays. I am always away from my young family and I try to make it up to them by providing for all their financial needs. I ensure my kids go to the best school I can afford and my wife too, I try to give her the best, a car of her choice, good monthly allowance even though she works and gifts from time to time just to show her how much she means to me.

Some weeks ago, it was during the Christmas break, I overheard my kids arguing. The youngest was asking the oldest, “who is our daddy?”. This came as a shock to me, is it not obvious? Then the eldest’s response made me shiver, he said, “I think it is that man that comes during holidays”. I could argue all I can that it is because they are still young (8, 6 and 4years) but the truth is I am becoming what my father was to us, “a father and not a dad”.

Selah, that night I had a heart to heart talk with my wife and when she unbottled, I realized money can’t replace being around, and as much as they need comfort, they need me around. Today, I am still trying to find a way round it but I make sure I am around every weekend at least till I am able to find a permanent solution.

I know many families are going through this same issue, I just want to advise fathers like me; money can’t replace your role as a daddy and don’t think your kids will understand because you tell yourself you are doing it because of them. And even when your wife seems understanding, there is a lot bottled up inside of her because nothing can replace you being around.

Thanks for all your articles, selah, you are making a big difference.

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I Don’t Want To Be Successful

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I Don’t Want To Be Successful

Some days back I got this terrifying message from a teenager on my Facebook messenger “Selah, I don’t want to be successful“. I was so shocked, and immediately asked for his phone number so I can call him and get a better understanding of why and how he reached that hard-to-believe conclusion. When I finally got through to him, and heard his explanation, his earlier statement wasn’t as shocking as it sounded before. 

“I love your write ups Selah or do I say Sir, because it emphasizes self-belief, awareness, courage and faith but I don’t want to be successful. My father is very successful but because of that he doesn’t have time for us and in turn I do so many crazy things just to get his attention. He provides everything we need; money, clothes, vacation, good school but he is never there when we need him. Sometimes, I wish he just dies, so I will know I don’t have a father. Mum said he wasn’t this detached before success came and often I catch her crying too because she feels lonely. I have two other younger ones, they really don’t care because they seem to be used to dad not being around. Selah, success took our father from us and I have also sworn not to be successful so I can be there for my own children.” 

Those were his words (as much as I was able to document). I told him I understood his point but I am sure success had nothing to do with not having their dad around. I tried to encourage him and I promised to keep following up with him.

That night, I kept on pondering, was it success that took their father or misplaced priorities on the part of their father. In the first instance, from his explanation, his father is not successful, he is only rich. My understanding of success is having your dreams come true and for a family man your dreams should not only be having a flourishing source of income but also being a good father to your kids and husband to your wife. Success goes beyond money, even though too often we have made riches our yardstick for success, success touches every aspect of our lives; finance, health, family, spiritual, relaxation, relationship etc.

Perfection is something we aspire to be, so I understand that we are not perfect but trying or attempting is very important. Money would never replace time we have to spend with our loved ones as a father, a mother, a husband, a wife, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a brother, a sister or even a mentor. The key is to priotize carefully and consistently. Success should not be limited to bank balances, a successful person shines in all ramifications. Dictionary.com defines success as the accomplishment of one’s goals, not one goal but multiple goals. Being successful presupposes you must have attained success in most aspects of life and you must have touched many lives in many ways.

Whoever you are, don’t be too focused on financial success that you forget success goes beyond finance, success is way bigger than how much you have in your account.

So to my friend, you can be successful without neglecting your children, in fact, true success includes a well taken care family. What took your dad away from you was not success but misplaced priorities on the path of your father. Deciding to be a failure or an average is not going to get you the right attention from him or the world, rather excelling beyond expectations would put you in the right position to talk while he and others listen. Life is not a bed of roses, lots of people are passing through worse things but they have only resolved to make the best out of a very bad situation. Be strong, be hopeful and be courageous, your mum and your siblings need you more now than ever and just in case you have not noticed, they are already looking up to you.

Why I Didn’t Give Up

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Why I Didn’t Give Up

Hi Everyone, my name is Esther Damilola, first of all, I will like you to know I am not a writer, I am a computer scientists. I met Selahsomeone months back and I decided to share this, just to inspire others. I titled it “Why I didn’t give up” after re-writing my School certificate exams a couple of times. 

Many people tried to convince me, I couldn’t go beyond Secondary school and even close relatives started suggesting other alternatives to academics but I just wouldn’t give up for some reasons. Although repeating exams wasn’t my wish, on each occasion I could have sworn I had done my best but I guess life has its own ways of unfolding, however, I wasn’t ready to back down either. So I had no choice other than to keep going till I got the good result I was looking for. The major reason I kept going on was that I knew it deep down that the bad results were not a reflection of who I am, I am not a failure by any standard, however, if I stopped trying then I inevitably become a failure and that I wasn’t prepared for. I will decide how my story will end not some exams, examiners or examination board.

I also didn’t give up because I knew it was a decision that will affect the rest of my life. It has been my life long desire to work as an executive, designing programs that will touch on history, I needed higher education to get the basics to make my dreams come true. I have a desire to stand out amongst my mates, I want to be a leader and a person to be reckoned with. Passing the exams meant everything to me, my dreams and my future status.

Another reason I didn’t give up was my Mother. I wanted to make her happy, she is my all in all, number one amongst billions, my one and only, she was always there when everyone gave up, and I knew I had to repay her with a life of excellence. My mom is a faithful; even when my so called Father left us, she didn’t leave us to remarry though she was still very young. She gave up her feminine desires but she never gave up on us (myself and my two sisters) and I believe she deserves to be happy, celebrated and cared for. So keeping up with my dreams meant being able to give her all she deserves. God forbid but if I had to take the exams 50 times over, I will do it just to put smile on my mum’s face.

It you want it, you have to keep going till you have it! – Selahsomeone

Equally I wanted to prove some people wrong. I wanted to prove my dad wrong; he believes a girl child has little chance at success and for this reason he left us for another woman. I am determined to show him, I am more than an ordinary girl child, I am a person of dreams and desires, I can achieve whatever I set my mind to. I am a goalgetter and I would not give up till my dreams come true. Also to prove others who didn’t give me a chance wrong, relatives, past teachers, friends and other doubters. I didn’t give up and the truth is even though they were doubters, they became my motivation.
Finally, I didn’t give up because I wanted my life to be an inspiration to others. I want to be able to share my stories with people coming behind me and give them reasons to believe in themselves. I wanted the best of me to show forth, I wanted to be the light that leads the pathway and I still do, and going forward, I won’t still give up till I start to LIVE MY DREAMS. 

Dear readers, couple of fails are not the end of life, if you believe, you can make it. Please, don’t give up trying and i assure you, you will surely laugh at last!