Fix Yourself First aka FYF

I had a privilege of counseling a friend recently, he came to me with such a heavy heart and I was moved to tears after listening to him. He lost his job recently and in less than 2months after that his wife of 5years left the house taking with her their two kids; she moved to another man’s house. He explained that, “losing the job didn’t break him as much as what happened after”, his trusted partner in a moment of trial disappeared.

I have had my own fair share of job loss and what comes after however this was on a whole different level of #@$&# but as much as I shared his pains and heartbreak, I also saw something different from what he was seeing. It was bad that the wife left but seriously at this point in his life, if they had stayed they would have been extra baggage. I couldn’t tell him that though but I saw that first.


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Yes, he was filled with self-pity, that sense of humiliation and betrayal, and to him he needed to fight back and at least get his kids back. I agree, all these are true but what is truer is that when you don’t have means to win a fight, you don’t fight (you don’t go into battle you are sure you can’t win). Yes, he needs to fight but a different battle entirely.

So I had to make him understand that his next move should not be fighting for custody or the wife rather fighting to fix himself first. I let him understand that once he is all fixed, he would be the one trying to decide whether to take the wife with the kids or just the kids back when they all start begging him to come back.

You cannot kill an unwanted tree growing in your backyard by plucking its leaves, you have to pull from the root. The root of his problem isn’t the wife leaving or another man fathering his kids, all these and more are just fallouts of the main problem, which is job loss. Problems are never solved when keep treating the symptoms, you have to fix the root cause.


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Whatever you are passing through what you should really be worried about is fixing yourself first (FYF). When you do that all other things would fall in place.

When you are down people would take advantage of you, people you expect so much from will do things you least expect but your move should not be trying to face them else you create more mess rather you focus on getting back on your feet, FYF.

There is this Yoruba adage that says “when big problem comes, small problems would cease the moment too“. So it is expected, people will talk thrash, friends would avoid you, some family members would stop picking your calls, folks would call you names, and there would be several versions of your story. Your next move is not to set things right by confrontation, no! no matter how painful it is.

Your only move is to fix yourself first, work on getting back to your feet, pull your remaining resources together, even if it means disappearing for a while and once you are back on your feet; the thrash would stop, friends would want to identify with you again, family members would start calling you, folk would give you cool nicknames, and there would only be one version of your story, the one you wrote.

My friend yielded to my advice and he is currently working on himself. I pray God hears his prayers and pull him back on his feet and put smiles on his face again and any other person going through similar challenge. Amen.


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Fix Yourself First – FYF

Posted in Digest, Inspirational Stories

What I Would Do Differently

What I Would Do Differently
 
(Summary)
 
There is a popular saying that experience is the best teacher. This is true to some extent. But a wise man once remarked that though experience is the best teacher it is better if it is not your own experience. This is his message: There are certain mistakes you make in life that may put you in a shape where it is impossible to pick any lessons from them. In other words, the experience of another person is your best teacher! Pure wisdom!
 
If you have the willingness to learn, learn the lessons from your failure. Forget the details and try again the next time more intelligently. Your potential for success increases each time you fail. Therefore if you will truly succeed, you must not be afraid to fail. I will share with you some of the lessons that life has taught me.
 
1. Worry Won’t Solve Any Problem
“When you worry, you are paying interest on an overdraft you never took! Does it make any sense?”
 
2.Success Is Not A Day’s Job
“A tomato fruit can be ripened in two ways. You could spray a chemical on it and you would have a ripe tomato fruit overnight. You could also allow it to grow through the maturation process. Which one do you think would taste better? Drop that microwave success mentality. It won’t get you anywhere. Believe me!”
 
3.More Money Won’t Make You Rich Without Discipline
“I remember the words of the great evangelist, Billy Graham. He said, “When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. But when character is lost, all is lost.” Don’t lose your character in the bid to make some small amount of money!”
 
4.Location Won’t Change Who You Are
“Archbishop Benson Idahosa once said that a lizard in Nigeria will not become a crocodile in America. He was trying to address a mindset that many of us in the third world have. We say that if only we could go to the western nations, if only we could go to the countries that look so beautiful in the movies and in the magazines, then our lives would change. That is a big lie!”
 
5. Success Always Comes With A Balance
“Zig Ziglar said, I believe that being successful means having a balance of success stories across the many areas of your life. You can’t truly be considered successful in your business life if your home life is in shambles. How true!”
 
6.Accept People The Way They Are
“Mike Murdock once said that when two people are doing the same thing or acting the same way, one of them is irrelevant! God does not have a duplicating machine. He fashioned everyone of us differently. ”
 
7.You Need Your Body to Achieve Your Goals
“Someone once remarked that he wouldn’t want to become the wealthiest man on the hospital bed or in the graveyard. You need sound health to achieve God’s purpose for your life.”
 
That is it! Remember, knowledge in itself does not confer power. It is the knowledge that is intelligently applied that brings benefits to our lives. Don’t just read this report and throw it somewhere. Take each of the mistakes in turn and figure out how to avoid them in your life.

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By Sam Adeyemi Success Power Media Limited

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My advice, get this book!…Selah