I Wish I Knew These Years Back

Life is a learning curve, we learn new things and unlearn old obsolete things. When we stop learning, we stop growing and some have even argued that we stop being productive. As much as we learn on daily basis, some knowledge or information we have them a little too late; I am sure most of us are familiar with instances like that. Imagine if you had the information with certainty 1year ago what value of Bitcoin would be this year; you would be in thousands if not millions not by now. That’s how precious having the right information the right time can be.

You are wondering now, how far you could have gone too, right? If only you had known a thing or two earlier. Well, it could be really painful especially when you imagine the impact it could have had on your business, relationship, career, academics and so on.

So here are few things I wish I knew years back:

1. Irrespective of what I do, I will succeed

Success is a product of sustained hard work and sometimes a bit of fortune. I wish I knew this earlier in life, especially the part of “sustained hard work”. Over the years, I have made it an habit to work on a project for a while and once I stopped getting my desired result, I abandon it and start another. I don’t sustain anything, I tell myself I have lots of ideas why tie myself down to what is not working. But now I know better, whatever I do, I will succeed, I just have to sustain it long enough till success finds me. Be it white-collar job, self employment, entrepreneur, intrepreneur, talent use, skill use, artistic or instructive whichever it is so long as I can sustain it, I will succeed.

2. The only time money grows is when it is invested

Investment is key, I have heard people say this over a gazillion times, but me? Always scared, I rather have a safe Naira (Nigerian currency) than risk making it four by investing. I think the problem is I prefer certainty. However, recently, I realized that life itself is a risk, a safe Naira won’t grow in value nor volume, and to be fair what’s the use of idle cash that cannot grow. Investment is not just a word thrown around by bookies, it is a word I need to practice, if I truly want to make a fortune. Damn, I wish I realized this earlier.

3. I don’t need people’s approval

I have missed many breaks because I was too conscious of people’s reaction. People will talk alright and I know this, in fact I understand even when you do nothing they will still talk but one thing I have not been able to over come is what would friends and family say if they know I did this. The feeling was that of needing their approval before I can do something meaningful with my life. Oh, how I got that wrong all this while! I need nobody’s approval, my friends and family might find it difficult to accept what I have chosen to become, mostly out of love but in due time when they see how meaningful, it all turned out, they will celebrate me for love. You know what, approval is overrated amongst other things especially here in the west, thereby killing talents, ideas, innovations and all that big English words that stimulate success. Don’t say “really”, just go with your inspired thoughts.

4. Relationship is overrated at early 20s

20s is that age when love and sacrifice get a little too confusing. You can bet I had my own fair share of the confusion. Killing big ideas, ignoring lifetime opportunities and taking off course decisions just because I want to be around someone I was hoping to spend the rest of my life with unfortunately at the wrong age. Seriously, love is something way off control and has a way of taking the power to decide from our head and giving it to our heart, not that bad till the love expires and we start seeing things we have lost because of those bad calls (raise your hand if you can relate). To make matters worse, we find a new love and we make same wrong decisions all over again. Ooh 20s! Relationship should be adding value and enhancing personal growth. Not that because my goals would put distance between us then I should abandon them, rather we should find a way to still love in spite of the distance, that is if we truly love in the first place. 20s you just get fond of someone you are close to, when they are gone you miss them the get close to another and the cycle continues; this cycle is not worth giving up your dreams for.

5. Friends with purpose are scarce

We make friends at different stages of life; the good, the bad and the ugly. Some we wonder how we even met (someone’s name came to mind right?), while others we wonder why we had to let them go (that one person you so missed). What I have come to realize is that true friends may be scare but friends with purpose are even rarer. What friends can do in one’s life cannot be overemphasized, many great names became great because they met friends with purpose while some people can only sit back and watch friends they have lost mount podium of greatness. I have been a victim of the latter but now I am wiser, to know who to hold on to and which friend to keep at arm’s length.

6. Spiritual is as important as physical

Growing up, my mum would always say “whatever is manifesting in the physical (reality) already took place in the Spiritual realm”, how I wished I had harken to that Woman’s words. Not too long ago, I finally realized that before swinging of swords there must be lifting of hands, before I can take control of the physical, I must first ensure my Spiritual life is on the right track. I understand if you find it difficult to agree with this, I used to be like you but in due time, it will all make sense. You may want to argue that many successful people don’t really have a spiritual life but I will also have you know that there is a big difference between wealthy and successful. Read my article “I don’t want to be successful” for clarification.

7. Success is the best revenge

If you knew me way back then you will know how vengeful I can be, I once inserted pins into my sister’s covered shoes just to get back at her for reporting me. I keep malice and I used to believe in tit for tat (the Mosaic Rule). Now a wiser me knows better, when you think people have offended you, don’t spend your valuable time on plotting how to get even rather disappoint them by not stooping low to their level. Use your valuable time to work on yourself. If you are the type that gets very angry, convert that anger into hunger for success (energy may be beyond destruction but can be converted), let the humiliation that you feel propel you to the point that you just want to amount to something big in life. I have also come to understand that people who hate on you get shattered when you finally succeed, so why deny them that devastation when all you have to do is just succeed.

8. Start first then worry about the problems after

I am a perfectionist, I love to have everything well spelt out before I engage in anything. As much as I love this about me, I have also learned that it is less effective when it comes to being an entrepreneur. There are many dreams I have conceived and abandoned almost immediately because I can’t see pass the problems of starting, the thing is I worry far too much about everything. But now I know better, if it is a dream then I will go after it, end of story! I will start first and ask questions after, I will jump then figure out landing afterwards. I think success is a risk on its own and what fun is life if I expect everything to be perfect.

9. Suck up but don’t give up

Pride goes before a fall, is already a cliché. We were raised to be humble, respectful and honest. I think we were raised right but something was left out of all these. They forget to tell us mean people will most likely have what we desire and to get it we will have to suck up to them and endure all the insults and disappointments, till we have what we want from them. I wish I knew this earlier, I can only imagine how far I would have gone if I had endure some rude bosses, crazy customers, cocky intellects, dare devil idealists etc, these people had at one time or another held the key to what I seek and I could have taken it from them if I had just been a little good at sucking up.

10. No one really cares

I have been really shy to try some things over the years or do I say I have been critical of what people will think. Now I see people pulling off those ideas and being celebrated. Little did I know that no one really cares about how you made it, there might be tongues wagging while you are at it but the moment results starts flying in their account of you would start changing. Success changes view! No idea is below your standard, it is what you make of it that sets the standard. Really there are no new ideas just old ideas presented in new enticing forms. I for one can’t be discouraged with initial comments; colleagues may think I can do better than this, family may think I had more prospects than this, friends may think this is a new low for me but when the results starting rolling in my favour, they will to do their rethink.

11. It is okay to ask for help

Many times I need help but somehow I tell myself I can still manage. Maybe I was shy, maybe it was pride, maybe I was scared of people telling me “NO”, whatever my reasons were at the time, I don’t think they were worth not knowing what could have been. Now when I need help I will ask, when I need information I will probe, when I need guidance I will seek. The only way you see further is to stand on the shoulders of someone taller. I am tired of wondering what the response could have been.

So bring it on, life!

Now I know better, and I am ready to do things better, I am putting all my past experiences into good use. I deserve better and I know it. So I won’t just sit around and hope things will change, I will make them change. I won’t keep doing things the old way and expect a new result, I will change my ways. I earned my experience from my past mistakes and hideous believes now is time to prove that I have learned and I am willing to rise because I have paid the price. So do you!

I Wish I Knew These Years Back


See The Positives in You

See The Positives in You

Whining is more like a trend these days, in fact unconsciously people just start to complain about anything and everything; how their life sucks, and some even compete with whose life sucks the most. You hear one person saying “my life is hell” and another saying “mine is more hell than yours”. Come on guys, we have to keep hope alive to stay alive, we have to focus on the positives we still have. Pity party can seem like fun and relieving but in the end it doesn’t solve the problem, rather it robs us off the zeal to fight back.

For every downside there is always an upside but it takes learning to appreciate what is unseen. Tragedy has a way of magnifying the buts, the should haves and the inflicted but with deep thoughts we can always see the blessings, the haves and the deflected. Raw diamond could be mistaken for an ordinary stone but even in its raw form people with knowledge still know its worth. No matter how tough times may be, if you have faith you will be able to see beyond the trials.

I remember some years back, I was battling with loss of job and many people i knew then kept reminding me of how many mistakes i made on my way to losing the job, some tried to shift and push the blame on my colleagues while others almost turn it into a charade of pity party and jamboree of condolences. I remember telling myself “I may have made some mistakes, some people may have had a hand in it but i can always come back from these better”. I didn’t just sit and allow life roll me over, I pushed back by not allowing myself drown in the negatives. I focused on the positives; my skill, my experience and my expertise, even when people said it was going to be hard getting another job, I was never in doubt i can come through.

Don’t hold your problems high up, don’t emphasize your negatives, focus on where you want to be, the kind of life you see yourself living five or ten years from now and work passionately towards it. We seriously have to quit bemoaning our situation, past or present, for a fact we will all pass through some forms of trying times, but these trying times are not meant to be our end rather a means to an end depending on our attitude during and after these times. Our attitude; did we choose to complain or embrace and forge ahead?

One day, a donkey fell into a pit. The animal cried and whined for hours while his owner tried to figure out what to do. Finally, the farmer decided that since the animal was old, and the pit needed to be covered up anyway, he’d just bury the old donkey right there. He got a shovel and started filling in the pit. The donkey kept up its wailing, but then fell silent. After an hour of furious shovelling, the farmer paused to rest. To his amazement, he saw his old donkey jump out of the pit and trot away! At first, when the donkey realized what was happening, he cried even more piteously. But then the wise animal hit on a plan. As each spadeful of dirt hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up on the growing mound of earth. Eventually, the mound grew high enough for him to jump out of the pit. Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the pit well is to shake it off and take a step up. We can get out of the deepest pits by not stopping and never giving up. Just shake it off and take a step up.

– Jew tales

Most people focus on the negatives because they keep comparing themselves with other people. They keep using other’s achievements as yardstick for their own lives. Life is not designed to be a rat race, as individuals we have our own unique contribution and they are embedded in the lessons we have learned and the positives we have taken from our troubles over the years. Don’t waste your time chasing others when you can be setting your own pace, there are lot of positives you can take from your current situation and create the kind of life you want for yourself. It is never too late to decide on who you want to be; the guy that whined about everything and did nothing or the guy that made the best of bad situations and lived happily ever after.

Life is no fairy tale my friend but miracles still happen, people still move from nothing to something, talents still make way, hard work still gets reward, faith still move mountains, persistence still breaks through, consistence still gets celebrated and negatives still yield a whole lot of positives.

Cross It And Move On

Cross It And Move On

​I am not a fan of Broadcast; be it BBM or WhatsApp, and those who have my contacts know I never respond to such, especially those that give ultimatums, “send to 10 people in 5 minutes and get unexpected miracle”, come on who are we kidding. Anyways, as much as I am not on the same wavelength with broadcasts, I still get to go through some and one of such is the one I want to share with you now. Kindly read and let’s learn together.

When I started using “PENS” in primary school, I often made mistakes. I would try hard to erase them. Sometimes I used chalk, but it later reappeared. So I began to use saliva, it worked but only to leave holes in my book. My teachers then used to beat me for being outrageously dirty. But all I tried to do was cover my errors.

One day, a kind hearted teacher called me aside. “Little girl, anytime you make a mistake, just cross it and move on. Trying to erase it would only damage your book”.

“But, I don’t want people to see my mistake and laugh at me”, I protested.

“Trying to erase it will make more people know about your mess, and the stigma is for life. The best way to handle your mistakes is to Cross it and move on. Don’t try to create more irredeemable errors by trying within your powers to erase or cover your earlier errors”

I am sure you have gone through it and you have learnt a thing or two but in case you missed some of the lessons, here are few I picked from this:

1. Making mistakes is part of growing, the only way not to make mistakes is not to try something new, unfortunately that’s a life time Mistake on its own.

2. You shouldn’t try to cover up your mistakes because doing so would lead to more mistakes, make your flaws more obvious and eventually make your life all dirty and filled with holes.

3. Don’t be afraid or shy to own up to your mistakes, because that’s the only way you learn from them. People may make fun of you, call you names and even make you feel less but you will be better for it.

4. Cross your mistakes because what is done is done. Forgive yourself and let the guilt go. Don’t carry the burden of your past mistakes, it will weigh you down and stop you from reaching new heights.

5. Move on with your life. Yes! You may have goofed but that’s not the end of the world, you have got to move on. Try something else, something new, mistakes are filled with lessons, lessons that can be used to build something more precious.

No matter how many times you may have made mistakes, don’t forget you are only human, mistakes are bound to happen, people who truly love you would still hang around, just cross your mistake and move on. Every new day affords you a fresh start, just like a new page, don’t  make it rough by focusing on erasing your past mistakes rather channel your energy in to moving forward and charting a new course for yourself.

Inspirational Stories Vol 1

We all need a bit of motivation every now and then, and what better way to assure us that ‘nothing is impossible’ than sharing stories of people who had made the ‘impossible possible’. People who thought they had seen the end only for a new morning to show up in their wake, just to remind you and I that no matter how tough times are, we can scale through.

There are twelve real life, everyday, inspirational stories in this eBook, each with thought provoking lessons to build a better you. Please read and share with your loved ones and together we can build a better us.

Click link below to download

Selahsomeone Inspirational Stories


Everyone Has Got A Price

We live in a society where people are quick to criticise other people, events or actions as long as they are not involved. Mind you, they may be engaged in something worse or close but as long as its not the present subject matter, they cast their stones on the accused without remorse. Most times, when situations occur, its sympathizers and critics fail to keenly ask themselves what they would have done if they were involved in it or if they could have acted better. If tides change and a critic of yesterday becomes a victim today, what should we expect?

In politics, it is observed that the incumbency is always inadequate at the time of power transition. However, when new individuals assume office, their flaws are seen in no time on either the same basis or similar ones with which their predecessors were criticized. My point is, everybody has got a price – you might never know yours until its the asking price. People are faced with situations daily. They have to make decisions, take actions and follow them through using methods they regard best to enable them cope with the situation. This is greatly influenced by their habits, personalities, etc. whether good or bad. When the result of these decisions become publicly known, a third party would learn from it by seeking better solutions to give him/her an edge if quizzed with such in the nearest future.

Passing judgement is easy anyone can do that but it takes compassion to understand while only the wise ones remember to live the lessons!

This develops one’s character and standards as the observer does not only seek for reasons to condemn but also unbiasedly analyses the situations and learns from it. People succumb to pressure when their charisma and values have been overpowered by it. Either in business or relationship, temptations will come. Being broke or lonely could be the asking price for a neighbour to do weird things. When exposed, they are castigated for not doing the right thing. Some people might even take out time to school them on how they could have acted better. If the same situation is redefined or intensified, these teachers mess up like no other. Wonder why? Its because they never learnt from the predicament of their neighbour; they only judged it.

In the days of Jesus, when the adulteress was caught without a defense, the perfect judge heard her case but denied her a sentence. I guess that was because He knew that a judgement on her would mean an equal judgement on everyone who was present either at that instant or a later future. We will all sell at a price, but what is your own price and because someone sold at a price less than we think we can sell doesn’t make them cheap, it only confirms they are human and they have a price.

We will all sell at a price, but what is your own price and because someone sold at a price less than we think we can sell doesn’t make them cheap, it only confirms they are human and they have a price.

Instead of magnifying people’s failures, show empathy and understanding, then you learn from them and step up your game. Increase the amount on your price tag so that on the bazaar of life, your shame will never be bought.

Interview With a Player Part 2

Interview With a Player Part 2

This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series. 

Previously on interview with a player

Selahsomeone: Welcome back readers, let’s learn as Mr. A continues with his story.

Selahsomeone: So Mr. A, you were dating two sisters under same roof and you were comfortable?

Mr. A: I wasn’t comfortable, no! far from that but I felt like I had all I had ever wanted. Everything was kind of going in my favour. A girlfriend that provided basic necessities (food, money and sex), the little sister that gave love a new meaning to me and I was really doing good at school, I was best in my class at the time. That was like everything a guy could pray for at that level but like I said when I thought it could only get better something bad happened.

Sometimes bad things bring the best comfort, but even with the comfort, it still doesn’t make them right. And when we lose ourselves in the bad, we should be aware that there will always be consequences!

Selahsomeone: I doubt these were answered prayers but anyway, what bad happened?

Mr. A: While Growing up, being the only child of my parents, there were some habits I picked up and one of them was keeping a diary. Then I needed to share my thoughts with someone but because I had no one close enough, I shared them with my diary. So on this faithful day, I went to play snookers with my friends, so I left Miss F and Miss B at home. It was always a nice time with the guys, you learn new tricks, compare notes and share experiences. So often I get so involved that I lose track of time.
So on this day, I came back home late, around 8pm to find Miss F packing her stuffs while Miss B stood there crying. I wanted to ask what the issue was but what I saw shut my mouth. There laid my diary on the desk in the sitting room. I remembered, keeping my diary under the bed, where I was so sure no one would check. But here it was, somehow, Miss F found it and read everything. When I say everything; I mean everything… chasing Miss K, game plan that led me to Miss F, the secret affair with Miss K and my love declaration for Miss B.

Selahsomeone: Wow! This is not funny. That’s why the saying goes, “a thief won’t get lucky every time“.  So what did you do?

Mr. A: As a player, I knew I had to find my way around the scandal and the first thing is to make sure she doesn’t leave. When you allow issue to get out of sight, it often ends up getting out of hands. So I locked the door, pulled her into the bedroom, leaving the sister in the sitting room, then conjured a fool proof scope.

Selahsomeone: By ‘scope’, do you mean lie? 

The trending thing nowadays is to give bad things good names to make us feel less guilty but deep down we have to know it is what it is and even a good name and cool emoji will not change what it is. If it is not right then it is bad!

Mr. A: Well, I would not want to go into the difference between scopes and lies now but then I had to get out the current mess and I had to do it really fast.
As soon as we got inside, I went on my kneels, started crying and began to talk at the same time, so I started my scope, ” Miss F, it is true I wanted Miss K at first but since I set my eyes on you, everything changed for me. You are my life, the reason I think I can beat the odds (appealed to feelings). I know you have read my diary but see every thing you read in my diary were all fantasies, make believes, just a story I write to catch fun. You know I could never share my love for you, not with someone like Miss K, you are better than she could ever be and we both know (playing on her ego). Then Miss B is just like a sister to me, yes I love her like I would love my own sister, that’s what I meant by “I love Miss B” that you read in my diary (word semantics). Believe me Miss F, you are all that matter to me”.
I studied her response, she didn’t utter a word but she was a bit calm now. I was hoping for a much better response though but that she was calm was a step in the right direction. I knew I needed to play a trump card, a kind of reverse psychology should do the trick. So I stood up, looked at her and said, “but you should have trusted me, but then I don’t blame you, it is just because you know I depend on you for everything. Just know this is not fair!” I made sure she saw the tears in my eyes then I went straight to bed. I was 90% sure, I had won her back and I hoped the night will do the remaining 10% for me. So pleased with myself, I slept off.

Selahsomeone: This is unbelievable, you mean you played your way out of that much trouble. Wait! Do these ladies stay in your house and share same room?

Mr. A:  We stayed together at my place, although Miss F had her own place and she only went there when her parents were coming to check on her. Kind of student live-in lovers. And we shared same bed; I sleep in the middle of the two sisters actually.

We make some bad decisions out of love often because we leave our head out of the decision making process. It takes the heart to love but without the head having things in the right perspective, silly decisions can’t be avoided. Giving someone your all can’t make them love you more if they don’t love you before, there can’t be more if there was none in the first place!

Selahsomeone: So what happened the next morning? Did she believe you? Did she stay?

Mr. A: I was 90% sure my scope worked. I slept off only to wake up around 5am, none of the girls were beside me. My heart skipped, this can’t be happening to me.Remember, I told you I came from a struggling home and as at then my entire allowance was about N500 which barely covered my transport. My feeding, spending and provisions were covered by Miss F. In fairness, she gave me all but then even though the way to a man’s heart is his stomach, if the heart is occupied already, feeding him can only get the woman used, and worse if the man has no heart.
I am not trying to exonerate myself or make reasons for what I did but then I also believe women give themselves too much credit. They always have the believe that they can change men, and believe me, with the life I had lived, I can boldly say only God can change man.

Selahsomeone: I agree with you on that. People change only when they are convinced they have to change and not because other people asked them to change. I agree it is only God that can change man. Back to your story, guess she left after you slept?

Mr. A: That was my thought when I woke up but then playing the crying card had never failed a player before or so I thought…

To be continued.

Next on Interview with a player

Interview With A Player Part 1

Interview With A Player Part 1

This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series.

Selahsomeone: Kindly introduce yourself and why you are here.

Mr. A: Firstly, let me say I am not proud of these stories, at the time all these happened, I was young and foolish. My name is Mr. A and I am bound to share my story, so that ladies will learn to be smarter and guys will learn that for every action there will always be consequence(s). All names will be restricted to first letters, to protect identity. Please read my story as I share with Selahsomeone. Thanks!

Selahsomeone: I am sure no one is born to hurt others, so how did it all start?

Mr. A: You are right Selah. I wasn’t always a player or heartbreaker. I had a rough childhood, molested by adult females while growing up and some lessons you learn the hard way and such is this, and how I became insatiable for lust, women and revenge.

We all love to find excuses to absorb us of the blames but the truth is whatever may have happened before or after are no sufficient reasons to inflict pain on others. Whatever we have done, we are responsible!

Selahsomeone: You know what you went through is not an excuse to put others through pain and heartbreaks? So tell us how it all started.

Mr.A: It all started when I was in the polytechnic. It was my first year and there was this pretty lady (Miss K); it was like I have never seen such beauty before, like a lady out of a bollywood movie. Smart, beautiful and charming at the same time but she also happened to be the daughter of the Rector of the polytechnic; so a bit out of my league. I did everything I could to get her attention, I got it alright but she only wanted me as a friend, unfortunately i wanted more.
A bit about me; I came from a struggling home, I am not ugly but at that age, zits were all you could see on my face (my mother said it was just a phase at the time). So there was this time I went to Miss K’s class to pester her as usual and see if I could score some points (I have been occasionally left standing outside her house before now, so I changed the tactics to visiting her in class) but well, it didn’t go as I hoped. I remember those words like it was yesterday, she said, “I guess you don’t have something good to do with your life than to be chasing girls everywhere, someone needs to tell your parents they are wasting their money”.

Selahsomeone:  That must have hurt you so much, for you to still remember the exact words. How long ago was that?

Mr. A: 1998…you can do the maths. And yes it was painful, words from someone you actually care about has a way of sinking deep and  again those words made me look so stupid, not just because of those words but people around who heard her. That was humiliating! Well, I left her class in shame and the only thing on my mind was getting back at her till she sees that I truly love her. 

Our words are so precious, even though we can say, ‘I take it back’, we can never take back how we made the other person feel. If it is not a compliment or an encouragement, it is better swallowed!

Selahsomeone: So how did you deal with it and what has that got to do with you becoming a player?

Mr. A: So I came up with this plan, I know the best way to make a girl you love jealous is to show more care to someone else around her, so I started giving more attention to her cousin (Miss F), who happened to be in same class with me. At first, Miss K ignored the whole plot, so I intensified the care but unfortunately when she realized the attention was shifting away from her and was now trying to play nice with me, Miss F had already fallen in love with me and asked me out.

Selahsomeone: Wow! Miss F asked you out?!? Didn’t she know you had already asked her cousin, Miss K, out?

Mr. A: To both questions, Yes she did! I couldn’t say no because that would hurt her feelings and I couldn’t tell her getting close to her was just to spite Miss K, who I was actually truly in love with. So I kept the acting on, I was dating Miss F officially, while my heart was with Miss K, who by now was very jealous of Miss F and was now trying everything possible to get my attention. I didn’t want to lose the person I truly love, so I and Miss K started a secret love affair and that was how I started dating two ‘sisters’.

It is one thing to fool one person, it is another to fool yourself but when you start believing you are fooling everyone else but yourself, then somewhere along the line, you have lost all sense of reality because in the end when reality comes knocking, you will realize you have been the fool all along.

Selahsomeone: Two sisters? what were you thinking? That’s a taboo you know?

Mr. A: Yes I know but it was a game plan just that it went awkward. Anyways, things eventually got better to save my secret. Miss K, got admission into university, so she had to leave us at the polytechnic. I had to face Miss F, even though I still find time to send letters to Miss K. When Miss K left, it was like I lost the most important person to me. On one weekend, Miss F showed up with another of their sister (miss B), apparently she came to rewrite her seconday school cert exams, she was a split image of Miss K and Miss F, she took all their positives; just like having the two of them all rolled up into one. The moment our eyes met, it was like love at first sight. That was how I started having secret affair with Miss B. She was good at keeping secrets just like Miss K, even though she was just 18years, she understood how I felt about…

Selahsomeone: Sorry to cut in… you are now practically dating three sisters? Taboo no longer qualifies this, not that i am judging you but didn’t you feel any guilt at the time? Hope the relationships were not sensual?

Mr. A: Yes I was dating three sisters but I didn’t have sex with Miss B at the time however both Miss K and Miss F lost their virginity to me. I just felt Miss B was all I have been waiting for. I felt guilty but I saw it as fun at the same time, like I said I was young and foolish. My relationship with Miss K was strained by distance as school became tougher I stopped writing letters and unfortunately there were no mobile phones then. I, Miss F and Miss B practically lived in the same house and it was like i was eating my cake and having it at the same time. But then about the time I thought the fun was just getting started something very bad happened…

To be continued!

Next on interview with a player



“What works well for Taiye might not work well for Kehinde”, is a Yoruba (a Nigerian language) adage that suggests that everyone has a unique way his/her life will follow. In military, to gain advantage at a war front, specialised personnel are placed at strategic positions to help bring down their enemies with precise but anonymous shots. They are called snipers. A sniper is relieved of the stress on the battlefield. He has the rare opportunity to fight as an external influence – having everyone within range while being out of sight. It’s like having to write an open test from the comfort of your home while your mates are under a tense condition- who wouldn’t want that?!


Having in mind the sniper and his rifle, here are few things we can learn:

📌 Some people get rare privileges, don’t compare your life with theirs.
This is how life plays out for some people; they have rare privileges, opportunities for second shots and a chance to display their expertise. Hence, they become models that others want to build their lives after. Just as the adage, everyone’s life has a unique course; you cannot live someone else’s life. So, there is really no need for the comparison. If I desire to live my life like yours, I won’t end up being me and the best I can be, is second best.

📌 We are all unique and have different paths
If two snipers are positioned in the same location, though they may have the same distance and wind directions to consider, there will be a slight difference in the trajectory to the enemy. This explains life! Even when in the same position with anyone, one must discover his/her path and walk in it. You need to know that because something works for your friend doesn’t mean it will work for you, even twins often have different paths.

📌 Don’t run your life on another man’s plan
Circumstances might be generic but it’s effect on an individual is often specific. Imagine yourself crossing a busy road with the observation of the person next to you. He might have decided to walk through the first Lane, stand by the barricade at the middle while the oncoming vehicle on the other side, passes by. You on the other hand, might assume he would want to run across the road and so, follow suit. If you do so, you might be unlucky to be run down by the oncoming vehicle. Do you now see why everyone has to plan for life? Focusing on the success of someone else can make you derail from yours because no one else can live your life but YOU. You can admire people’s lifestyle and success, use it as an example but do not plan to live exactly the way they do.


There is more to explore using the sniper’s perspective. The difference in opportunities, talents, paths, timing and success rate. We can not live like another, one person one life! Little wonder the Egyptian army died in the Red Sea – they saw the children of Israel walk through it like a parade on a red carpet and so did likewise. They did not think of how to cross the sea themselves instead, they trusted someone else’s faith. Many humans drown in the challenges of life because they trust in the fate of others. Your success or failure cannot be recorded in another person’s name. If a sniper takes a shot from the calculations of his neighbour, he might miss his target and hence, expose his location.

Take advice as you go through life, learn from others, admire their success but endeavour to live life from your perspective. 

Ayodeji Oluwatosin



“While growing up, I wanted just anything in skirt until a time when I wanted more, a bit of beauty and more of exposure. When it was time to get serious, I wanted someone perfect but what I got is what I needed, I wasn’t sure again what I wanted”. Pa Adeyemi answered.

It was a day after Pa and Ma Adeyemi’s 45th wedding anniversary and we were seated on the verandah cooling off; the Sun had been on a revenge mission all day. I had been asking series of questions from the old couple, how they met and a bit about their early days. It was mama’s turn to answer,

“I was your complete town girl, the kind to rundown men and still wanted more,  and it took me a while to discover myself. I thought good looks, fiesta and fashion were all I needed to find a ring, but thank God I learned what I am about to share with you today,  because they made me a better person you know today”. And the she began;


Many a time in life, we think we are sure of what we want but we are just living what life needs us to be, to keep its own balance. Our basic assumptions are that blending with trend will get us the attention of the opposite sex but what we fail to realize is, our life changes everyday and a time will come, when all that glitters won’t matter again, even when they are precious stones. People will trade gold for peace of mind, beauty for brain and trend for love. Don’t bother about what you think the other sex will like, just give them what is worth looking for! Here are few of the things I learned:

1 Appearance: It is true that appearance shows the manner but it is not so that we could change our appearances to please the world. What you wear defines who you are at first glance and no matter your content, people will not allow you to present it unless you look presentable. Expose your body all you can, it will only attract the ones who are like Pa Adeyemi in his early days, going after anything in skirt (a mischievous smile on Mama Adeyemi’s face) but when the realization of time dawns on them, they will dump you like a dress out of fashion.

2 Independence: ‘Done’ are the days when a family survive on the initiative of one of the parent. Family is couple inclusive now. Nobody wants a partner who cannot make decisions on the go,  especially when it is survival based. People want partners that they can leave the affairs of the family to when they need to be away. Like I said dear, trade beauty for brain, that’s the slogan of the ready to marry type. Both partners must bring something to the table gone are the days when the lady is allowed to come empty handed.

3 Emotion: Human Psychology have shown us that often times females are more emotional than their male counterparts, so this is more of a feminine matter. Men naturally get drawn in by tears and the tenderness that comes with it but they also begin to feel distressed when it becomes excessive. Naturally, crying doesn’t solve any problem, it only prevents us from gearing up to face our problems. While it is human to cry when unfortunate things happen, let’s learn to find solace in our partner, stand to our feet and find solution to whatever the issue is. Men love women that can turn things around with minimum help from outsiders.

4 Tidiness: It is no secret that it takes the two in a marriage to build a tidy home. A woman needs to be neat and tidy however for men they may be neat but tidy men are rare. When a woman comes across a tidy man, trust me it’s already a bus stop, all things being equal! Men naturally like tidy women to complement for something they are obviously lacking. Often times, we ladies think men don’t take note of our efforts to make sure the house is tidy, though they may not comment when it is clean, their expression when it is messy says volume. Unfortunately, I had friends lose their men because they are not clean-conscious and I had friends leave men because they can’t cope with a pig, seriously my boy, it goes both ways.

5 Maturity: This is important especially when you are already in a serious relationship. It is part of what determines if the wedding bells will ring or not. No one, either male or female can deal with excessive childishness. While it is permissible for a lady to show childishness sometimes (sentimental and attention seeking), it is completely unacceptable for men. Women need to have a feel of protection and security when around their men. To a daughter, daddy is meant to be a superhero,  someone who can fix anything; from a broken toy to a broken heart. To a wife, the husband is meant to be the “macho” who can protect and provide. No one can feel secured around someone who hasn’t secured himself. Immaturity is a turn-off, in serious relationships.

6 Control: Science is right, we are all animals (as derogatory as this assertion may sound). What distinguish us however from “lower” animals is our control over “our world”. People want to add value to their lives through their partners and these affect their choice as they tend to avoid people who don’t have control over things like anger, sex drive, emotions, words, excesses, and character. That’s why you see some beautiful ladies in their 40s and still searching, men want ladies that have both good looks and inner beauty, and why you see men who are unnecessarily violent and abusive. My son, this is the part people tend to hide a lot but if you are very observant it is as clear as crystal.  Some women believe they can change men who can’t control themselves but experiences had shown that the success rate is negligible. So control is key.

7 Human Relationship: Asides sensual relationship even companies require good human relationship from their workers. The truth is, we are drawn to people with good human relationship. Good Interpersonal relationship goes a long way to assure your partner you will be welcoming towards their families and friends. Men and women want partners who are warm and receptive, you don’t want to introduce your partner and the next thing, civil war is unleashed. So yes! This is very important and I must confess, it’s one of the reasons I fell for your Grandpa. I come from this large family where each person’s opinion matters but your grandpa has a way of melting hearts. She concluded.

As she rounded off, (of course it was now very late), Pa Adeyemi teased her saying “you forgot to add that I was irresistible then” and we all laughed.


I was so delighted to share from her wealth of wisdom, it seriously changed my idea of criteria for choosing life partner, how to be a better person and how to be a desired partner. I had to share with you because I don’t want to be selfish and I have faith you will share with others too. Cheers!

Aremu-ibraheem A. Adefabiola.

Meet the Mark, Exceed the Limit

Meet the Mark, Exceed the Limit

The cheetah is the fastest moving land animal. It survives in the animal kingdom with its speed and agility; which serves as both hunting and safety weapon. The cheetah is neither the biggest animal in its habitat nor the most skillful but what the Cheetah has, it makes the best of. The cheetah’s speed sets it apart and makes it outstanding. The cheetah exploits it’s ability to outrun other animals which comes very handy when hunting. When it captures a prey, it consumes it as quickly as possible, before other animals with greater strength intrude. The cheetah neither roars nor has a frightening appearance, therefore, It can be inferred that without its speed, the cheetah will be just another cat in the animal kingdom.


In the study of life and nature, many qualities can be adopted from lower animals and even plants; the caring nature of a monkey towards its infants, the tireless efforts of ants in obtaining food, the patience of the vulture, the never giving up attitude of rodents, the easy lifestyle of trees – obeying the wind and struggling for nothing yet providing shelter for anyone that comes close… Nature provides helpful tips for the successful living of humans. An interesting and challenging lesson can also be adopted from the cheetah’s life. The fact that it ran today and came out the fastest is not a reason for it not to run tomorrow or not put in all its best- a cheetah takes every challenge as another opportunity to prove itself.

A man who puts in all his resources and efforts into the actualisation of a goal will always make a difference. Today’s failure does not ascertain tomorrow’s failure, the same way today’s success does not guarantee tomorrow’s success. Everyday is unique in itself. The only help yesterday can render is the lesson it taught which becomes reference for tomorrow’s decisions. The life of the cheetah teaches man to fight for each day like it’s his last day, hold on to every opportunity like none other might come, take one’s chance as quickly as possible, push till limits are exceeded, set new records and not rely on yesterday’s success.


The major hindrance to continuous success is complacency. The notion of “people already know I am the best”. The cheetah does not allow that to consume it! Competition becomes difficult yet more exciting when one’s opponent is oneself, trying to better one’s own performance and being a better person on a daily basis. Knowing you can be better and aspiring to be, it is more satisfying to know that you have made a mark and set a pace. Fight everyday to better the person you were yesterday.

Meet the mark, exceed your limits, that’s how consistency can be achieved!

By AYODEJI, Oluwatosin Abiodun