I Hate Him And I Hate Who I Am Becoming

I Hate Him And I Hate Who I Am Becoming

This is a story of a young man who found out he can’t run away from who he is becoming. I will share with you this story as written by this fellow, please read, digest, make your own conclusions and if possible, drop your comments for others to learn from.

Happy reading!

Dear Selah,

Thank you for accepting to share my story. I know this is not where my story ends but I am sure there are many others who are silently going through similar experience and I just want to use mine to give them comfort and let them know they are not alone, the same feel I got when I read your article “I don’t want to be successful”.

I hated my dad because he was never around. He was basically preoccupied with work. We only get to see him once in a month and even when he was around, he was like a terror in the house, no one seems to know how to do anything right, even mom. He provided for us that I cannot lie about, when we needed money he was always there, we had a driver to take us to school and we got the best of things except a daddy. Now my father is old and he wants us around him but there has been a disconnect over the years, that somehow we have not been able to overcome that hatred we had for him while growing up.

Years, gone by now and I am also a father with three kids and I work away from my family. Due to the nature of my job, I only have Sundays to myself and public holidays. I am always away from my young family and I try to make it up to them by providing for all their financial needs. I ensure my kids go to the best school I can afford and my wife too, I try to give her the best, a car of her choice, good monthly allowance even though she works and gifts from time to time just to show her how much she means to me.

Some weeks ago, it was during the Christmas break, I overheard my kids arguing. The youngest was asking the oldest, “who is our daddy?”. This came as a shock to me, is it not obvious? Then the eldest’s response made me shiver, he said, “I think it is that man that comes during holidays”. I could argue all I can that it is because they are still young (8, 6 and 4years) but the truth is I am becoming what my father was to us, “a father and not a dad”.

Selah, that night I had a heart to heart talk with my wife and when she unbottled, I realized money can’t replace being around, and as much as they need comfort, they need me around. Today, I am still trying to find a way round it but I make sure I am around every weekend at least till I am able to find a permanent solution.

I know many families are going through this same issue, I just want to advise fathers like me; money can’t replace your role as a daddy and don’t think your kids will understand because you tell yourself you are doing it because of them. And even when your wife seems understanding, there is a lot bottled up inside of her because nothing can replace you being around.

Thanks for all your articles, selah, you are making a big difference.


Letter to My Depressed Friend

Dear Friend,

I will not tell you I understand how you feel because the truth is only you understand how it hurts but this I can assure you, you are strong enough to make it through. Maybe you feel weak right now, maybe you are tired, a little hug here and a little love there may be all you think you have been living off for a while but I believe it only takes a strong spirit to have come this far. I know it hurts so much and you feel you can’t share, I can relate because your silence says a lot. I wish there is more I can do to let you see what I see in you.

All I see is a Sun at dawn, even though it is still shielded by the thick dark cloud, soon there will come a time when nothing can stop its shine.

Most times life would not give us what we deserve, by a longshot we might be far from what we believe should be our reality or where we think we should be but that is life. The humiliation, the stigma and the “bitter after taste” might be too much to bear, this I understand is not easy but I also know many have come from the grave dark to grace the stardom lights.

Opera Winfrey was raped repeatedly for years, got pregnant and lost the baby. It seemed she was in that darkest place where no one can come out of but somehow she never gave up. Today, her light shines brighter everyday while guiding others to the light.

Joyce Meyer suffered abuse, molestation and rape from her own father for several years. She said those were her darkest hours but then she didn’t give in to those hours. God’s love found her and today she is touching lives with her story.

Steve Jobs was ‘fired’ from his own company ‘Apple’ by someone he hired but he didn’t give up, he didn’t let anger, feeling of being betrayed and quest for vengeance cloud his judgement. He built another company called NEXT and through that he was able to get back into Apple.

You may have been humiliated by people you trusted, people you thought you could count on through thick and thin but then life is a war with many battles, you may have lost several battles up till now but I can assure you the war is not over. So long as you don’t let depression bring the worst out of you, like a wounded lion, inch by inch, you can claw your way back into this fight.

It is easy to think revenge will set you free, this I will not stop you from especially when it seems your mind is all made up but here is a fact I know, no good thing comes from being vengeful. When you hold on to hate, revenge, or bitterness, it is like trying to smite someone who hurt you with hot iron rod in your bare hands, whether you succeed or not, you would have burned your own hands in the process. My honest advice, let it go! It won’t be easy but it is the right thing to do, let karma do her work and you concentrate on building your life a piece at a time.

Death may seem a way out, but suicide is for cowards. The brave would rather die fighting than commit suicide. You are brave my friend, I see so much life in you, even through the thick cloud, I believe your Sun will still get its turn to shine. I know you probably expect more from people but there is so little anyone can do, honestly. As much as I want to assure you things will be alright, there is just little I can offer you but my words. People may seem less concerned but that is not totally true, there is more than meets the eye; most people are also struggling with things they would rather not talk about, yet they wear the smile of ‘all is well’. However, after all said and done, never forget to reach out. It is easier to fight life’s battles when you have someone to rub minds with.

You are not alone in this struggle. It is a phase and it will pass. It is okay to be confused, it is human to feel insecure and unsure, these only remind us that we are not perfect; and nobody is perfect. You can ask questions or just do it anyway. Don’t give up on yourself on the account of how life has treated you, remember only the test of fire makes a fine steel. I believe in you my friend, I believe your light can still find its way through this thick cloud. Your past don’t define you, you are wiser, you are braver, you have all it takes; dig deep!

Letter to My Sons

Dear Sons,

I hope this letter meets you well. I am sure by now you have had lots of unanswered questions, lots of thoughts to ponder over and lots of mysteries the knowledge of book cannot solve. Well, I am here for you but before you get all excited, let me point out to you that I have not come to tell you how to live your life or how to avoid all the problems that comes with living and neither have I come with a one-solution to all life problems however if you are patient to read, you will see life in a whole new clearer perspective.


Sons, life is not easy neither is it fair but life is still what we make it. Whatever life dishes you, remember that doesn’t define you but how you handle it, says a lot about you. If life gives you lemons, boys, make lemonade; if life gives you rock use it to build good shelter; but if life gives you all the good things at first time of asking, my babies please don’t get cocky, invest as much as you can, help people as much as you can and never forget to be thankful as much as you are prayerful.

My Chaps, love is a complex thing. I pray, you both will find a woman that will love you, like a mother loves her child. Movies and Novel will paint love for you in different colours, learn to understand that fiction is different from reality. When wealth comes a million and one ladies will promise heaven on earth, they will throw at your feet the best of behaviours but like the smoke in the can, if you are observant you will see their true colours. You will fall for beauty, your heart will be confused by what your eyes see but boys, never leave your head out, when it comes to making the final choice of whom to marry.

I know I raised you well to have faith in God and in people but you also have to understand that though God will be faithful, people will not always be. My dears, “love all, trust few and wrong none”, as much as practicable. Always try to see the good in everyone, even when people wrong you, your first thought should be, “they must have their reasons”. Don’t be in haste to judge no matter how hurt or excited you get. Know that for every reaction their must have been an action. You will make enemies for sure, it is compulsory if you are on the path of success, but don’t let that give you sleepless nights, it is just natural.

As you must have learned that education will not answer all your questions, that is why I urge you never to stop acquiring knowledge wherever or whichever form it may come. Have mentors, read books, listen when people talk, meditate on everything you have learned and don’t neglect the words of God. I know you both have minds of your own but trust me, it is wise not to neglect the counsel of the elders. You will see people who are better than you, don’t despise them, rather move closer to them and see what you can learn. Even when these people occupy positions lower than yours never be too arrogant to stretch a hand of fellowship, you will be better for it.

Boys, I want you to always remember that when it seems no one is listening, their is always a God who is willing. No matter what tribulations or circumstances or storms life may throw your way never ever question the existence of God. If you read my stories very well you will realize I made my mistakes too but they made me wiser. My loves, you will make yours too, you will learn some lessons the hard way, your mistakes will come with consequences and yes some will make you wish you weren’t born but if you do not forsake God, He will come through for you and turn your mistakes to testimonies.


Finally my angels, know that you have different paths to follow but never forsake one another. Let nothing come between you; not money, not women, not status, not friends, not emotions, not religion, not conviction and not even life. When you are together, like a bunch of brooms you become formidable, difficult to breakdown and a team to reckon with. Love one another more than life and always have one another’s back. I know you have different characters, understand the uniqueness in your individualism, use it to your advantage, complement one another and let there be no cracks on the wall of your brotherhood.

I love you boys, I wish I can be with you forever, I wish I can always be there to set your feet on the right path but life wasn’t meant to be lived forever. I trust you will always make me proud. Love you more than life itself.

Your Dad.