It Is Perfectly Normal to Be Confused

At 24years I had so many things on my mind, some of my friends were lucky to have had life figured out before 25 but for me I wasn’t that lucky.

I had so many thoughts running through my head. It seems there was more I could do and all at the same time. I remember at a time I wanted to be a radio presenter, even though I read Economics, then I wanted to work for World Bank, I wanted to be a lecture and I also wanted to be a motivational speaker not forgetting I wanted to marry an Indian. All these left me so confused, they seemed mutually exclusive but then something in my head told me I had to be all at the same time.

I remember talking to a mentor then and you know what he told me, he said, “It Is Perfectly Normal to Be Confused at 24 but if I want to succeed I should sort my confusion before 30”

There are basically five (5) Stages of Life from what I have learned and experienced, and here is my breakdown

Age 0 to 18years you have no responsibilities and no real worries, life is sweetest at this time. I often advise folks within this age not to be in a hurry to grow up, as much as possible avoid doing adults’ stuffs. Savor this moment, you may think things are difficult and lots of people are trying to control you but trust me, this is the fun part. Another good news about this stage is, it is when the mistakes you make can be easily corrected with little gaps to fill, if the mistake is not fatal, that is death. So at this stage, please just stay safe!

Age 19 to 30years: at this point you are still trying to do life. I call it Testing waters. You are weighing options, testing your strength, will power, control, capabilities etc. This also applies to all areas of life including relationship. However, the earlier you are able to figure out yourself, define who you are, what you want and act on it, the sooner you are likely to succeed.

Note this, because you didn’t find your feet early enough doesn’t mean you won’t succeed neither does it mean that people who became successful before you would be more successful than you. The rule is “It is better late than never!” So you know what, take your time.


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Life Begins at 30! Gone are the days when life begins at 40, this is jet age and you know what, life really does not wait for anyone. If you have not found your bearing by 30, my friend it is okay if you press the panic button.

Seriously, it calls for prayers, self evaluation, change of approach, redefining what you believe and your whole thought process. Yes dear, press the panic button. Sorry, if it seems I am scaring you but this is the honest truth, the earlier you become forceful in your approach the better, at this stage. If doors won’t open, you might as well break them down. Do whatever it takes legally to change the game.

At age 50, you are already thinking of taking the backseat and watch what you have worked for grow in leaps and bounds. I call this the Time of Reflection, because now you want to look back at what you missed, did wrong or could have done better, though you can hardly make amends but you tend to want to teach it to others so they don’t fall into that same trap.

No matter how successful you get or otherwise, you always have things you could have done better. Some books called this stage “Moment of Regrets”, but I think the word regret is too strong. Definitely there would be regrets but also this would be the time to enjoy the proceeds of all your hard work and fulfill fantasies.

Finally at this point (60years upward), life moves from what you have done for yourself to what you have been able to do for others and that’s why most people at this age are no longer contented with making money, there is a new urge in them which is usually in form of seeking power or will to touch more lives. Some go into politics, seek chieftaincy titles and honorary titles while others become philanthropist and most without means to do the aforementioned tend to become life counselors, critic or preachers that most of you tend to run away from because they have that-man-talks-too-much syndrome.

So you can see It Is Perfectly Normal to Be Confused, it is perfectly normal to have too many ideas pulling you right, left and centre. In fact you would be influenced by what friends are doing and you would be tempted to try what is working for others but here is my true advise “you are different, you are a person of your own and only what you feel comfortable doing would work best for you, if you haven’t discovered that yet then just go for what emphasizes your strength, with either of this you can’t miss it“.


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It Is Perfectly Normal to Be Confused

Can You Please Try One More Time

I heard you said you are giving up, I was told you said you can’t take it anymore, some even said you might be contemplating suicide but whichever the case is, can you spare me few minutes and read this then after you can do as it pleases you.

I am a practical example of how mean life can be, I have fallen from Grace to Grass in less than 20minutes, I have wined and dined at the table of abundance and I have had to pick crumbs off the table people who used to look up to me but here I am today. I can’t tell you I fully understand what you are going through, however know this, “I have an idea” because I once had to take refuge in the hottest part of hell.

The humiliation, the disappointment, the shame, the lifelessness you feel at this point is enough for a lifetime. I know disaster has struck already and coming back feels certainly impossible. The cards are all out and there is nothing to hold out on and it feels like the game is lost. But you know what, nothing is for certain not even the doom that stares you in the face.

I won’t tell you, you can turn things around, I am sure you have heard that too many times and it has become a cliche motivational speakers use to collect the little people have. However, I want you to do me just one favor, and I would be glad if you can do this for me; “Can You Please Try One More Time”.

I know you might be thinking, “is this one crazy or something? Try what again”. But I also know you are wiser now, stronger and more calculating, and you know what, ‘you have earned this’, what you have been through; your fails, your disappointments, the rejections, the humiliations were all a build up to this one more try, so you see you earned this one.

So this is how it is going to be; you will give this your all, you will cast away all doubts, you definitely need at least some level of spiritual connection with God and you will have to put your ego aside because this might mean going very low just to get yourself back – the springboard way. Starting afresh is not as bad as people will like to paint it, in fact it is one experience that would leave you sharing testimonies.


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Now that you have heard me out. You will have to still make your choice. I hope you oblige my request and try one more time. You are special and you have so much to live for, you might not see all these now but trust me, you will very soon.

“Only a test of fire makes a fine steel” and YOU, my friend, are the finest life is making at the moment!

Can You Please Try One More Time

The Life We Want

We are grateful for the life we have; the family we belong to, the friends we allowed into our life, the relationship we have built, our sources of income and the chance to see another day to correct the mistakes of yesterday.

This is the life we have and we are grateful for it and most of all we are grateful for the chance we have been given to make it the life we want; to bring our dreams to life, to give our thoughts soul and to be of help to others who are lost and are willing to be found.

It is hard no doubt, making things work is never as simple as it used to be. The world is ever changing, things that used to matter less are what we struggle to get. Days gone by when you don’t want the attention, now it is all about likes and comments. Gone are the days when private life was private, now if it is not grammed or tweeted then it wasn’t lived.

Love over the air has replaced real love. We profess love in public yet we hate on each other in secret. Visits have been replaced by chats, feelings have been replaced by emojis and people just check status to know if the other is okay. It is becoming more difficult to bond as everyone is busy doing something on a device. But it is the life that we have and we are grateful for it.

Gradually we are losing our power to make informed decisions, all we do now is wait for trends then we follow. At every turn it seems without someone’s approval we can’t progress. The models we look up to, are modeling those things mama warned us against but who cares, it is the trend, it brings quick cash, it quenches the thirst of our body but sadly, it also brings destruction. Then we wish we had lived differently, alas someone cares.


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We are thankful, as we are reminded that we have a choice, a choice to be different, to stand for what we believe even though multitudes are going different direction, to yield the call of purpose as against quick money though this is the life that we have and we are grateful for it, yet with wise choices we can make it the life that we want as our thanksgiving for what we are grateful for.

The Life We Want

Life is Not About the Things You Don’t Have.

“Focus on what you have instead of what you don’t have, on what’s right instead of what’s wrong. On where you are going instead of what you have been through.”
~BILLY COX

When we focus on the things we don’t have we literally forget we have reasons to be thankful. We simply forget that what we are no longer grateful for is someone else’s prayer point or quest. Know this, Life is not about the things you don’t have rather life is all about using the things you have and how you can use them to get the things you desire.

“If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
– Oprah Winfrey

I hear people say, “I can’t start my business because I don’t have the capital to get an office”, yet we have seen successful businesses start from the garages. I hear people say, “I am not brilliant enough to succeed” yet we see dropouts master talent and become phenomenal. I hear people say, “only if I had a way out of this country” yet many become successful harnessing the resources of the same country. It is never about what is missing, you have have to learn to use what you have.

Don’t invest time lamenting the things you do not have control over, your time is precious invest it right. – Selah

Something I am 100% sure of is that everyone is good at something, just that most have not discovered what they are good at yet and sadly more than 90% might not. So the first struggle of anyone should be identifying what makes him special or different and not whining about how he is being so deprived. Ask questions, have quiet time, try to understand yourself, experiment… do whatever it takes to get answers because that is your most important struggle.

The quest for more is in-built, no matter how much we have, there would always be things we wish we had, this doesn’t make us insatiable rather it makes us human. However, knowing these new cravings won’t just fall on our laps means we are smart. We can’t just wish things to existence or wish things away (though like many of you, I wish we can), we will have to work for results using what we have already acquired.

When you focus on lack and scarcity and what you don’t have, you fuss about it with your family, you discuss it with your friends, you tell your children that you don’t have enough – “We don’t have enough for that, we can’t afford that” – then you’ll never be able to afford it, because you begin to attract more of what you don’t have. If you want abundance, if you want prosperity, then focus on abundance. Focus on prosperity. (Lisa Nichols)

Skills, talents, knowledge, creativity, business acumen, impulses etc are keys to unlocking the doors to the life we desire. Few who have mastered these have been able to push life to it limits and achieve without bounds. You too can be extraordinary but remember your focus should not be on the things you lack but the things you have.

Life is Not About the Things You Don’t Have.

I cannot come and kill myself

“I cannot come and kill myself” If you are a Nigerian then you must have said these words at least a couple of times. It is a common clause we Nigerians use to excuse ourselves from hard work or seemingly less comfortable situations.

Back in School, I had this friend who was very fond of “these words”, in fact he said his own like this, “I cannot come and kill myself for myself by myself”. He got out of every situation saying these words and usually he just let things play out. It was a very good idea back then because he hardly got worried about anything; academics, being broke, relationship, school politics, etc. “Ko kan” (he was not bothered).

This went on for so long until he was so used to it that he didn’t push for anything. Not going extra mile, if an assignment was proving too difficult, Bros would not touch it, if a lecturer was harsh last class Bros would stop attending the class, he was turning back at every obstacle and breaking up relationships at every misunderstanding, I am sure if using the gents would require extra effort my friend would rather hold it in. He perpetually became lazy to live.

Eventually, the repercussions started coming; his grades nosedived, he was living his life like he was living a proxy and relationship wise he became what ladies call “chronic player” because he couldn’t commit to anything.

Two years ago when we spoke, he said, “looking back now, I realized my attitude back then in school cost me 4years of my life”. After we graduated (he only got certificate of attendance), he had to move to Ghana to start all over again. He said, “I am wiser now, I take everything serious, in fact some say I am too serious but the truth is I rather be too serious and make head way in life than just lay back and self destruct.


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Are you guilty of using these words too as your get-out-of-jail ticket? Believe me, it can only work long enough till you realize you are headed no where. You can’t wish your troubles away, you would have to face them. You will have to earn what you desire, it doesn’t work any other way.

If you want to excel in your academics you will have to study

If you want to excel as a worker, you will have to do beyond what you are paid for

If you want to excel as an entrepreneur, you will have to work longer hours than your counterparts

If you want to have a beautiful family, you will have to cope with the worst of situations and lead by example

If you want to be a celebrated personality you will be ready to venture into things most people won’t, discover new grounds

And so on…

Layback attitude won’t get anyone anywhere, don’t self destruct because you don’t want to go the extra mile. There is a lot at stake, wishing it won’t cut it, you will have to work it.

I cannot come and kill myself

Posted in Author Omotayo, Motivational

Your problems or The Solutions?

Where should your focus be; Your problems or The Solutions?

Easily many of us would say the focus should be on the solutions and not the problems but how practicable is this for most of us?

Problems are often the defining moments of our individual life. They are points we would be required to make complex decisions, getting off our comfort zone, having to mend ways with our enemies, some times turn against friends and family, and other times it’s just simply going against the odds.

The funny thing about problems is that when you hold your problem up like it is one big insurmountable mountain, it turns out to be so but the moment you understand you can beat the odds, you start seeing Solutions. In variably, we cannot take our eyes off the problem however our attitude should reflect positivity if we want solutions and the moment we have the solutions we should be about it.

I remember a story my dad once told me, He said;

Long time ago, there was famine (problem) in the animal kingdom and all the animals became lean and many where dying of hunger. They had a meeting and all the young animals, after much lamentation and bickering (focusing on the problem), decided that to survive they should kill all the old animals and eat (at this point they have concluded that the famine would not end and they have to live for the moment at least). However, the tortoise had other plans. The tortoise sent its own mother into another land where there was no famine (solution). While others had killed every of their parents, and finally resigned to “fate”, the tortoise kept surviving from the food its mother was sending from the other land.

As funny as this story was to me then, I learned that no matter how big and complex a problem is, somewhere somehow there is an equally suitable solution, I just have to find.

Here is another fact, because majority have failed to see the solution doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Seeing the solution like I earlier said depends on your attitude to the problem; are you focused on how insurmountable the problem is or on finding a long term solution.

It is easy to focus on the problem and complain to everyone who cares to listen, in fact you will get many “likes” and “comments” for this on social media but it would never change a thing only or at best give a temporal relief.

You have a whole lot of life ahead of you, be smart focus on the life ahead not your problems. Problems come and go, some you will have solutions to others you would just have to outlast or outlive. Your life is precious, please make it count.

WHO IS IT ALL ABOUT?

Many times we must have asked ourselves this question but again I put it to you, “who is it (life) all about?”

Is it about you?

Your friends?

Your family?

Your job?

Or your God?

You may take some time to reflect before you answer me.

Whichever your answer is, you are right because It is how you feel at this moment and probably your past experiences, after all, “we are a product of our past, a brand of our today and the advert of our future”.

Growing up, we were often advised by our parents to be serious and stay focused, then it seemed as if it was all about our parents, the family. In school and other social gatherings, we wanted to feel among (friends), be associated with the best click, it felt like life was about our friends. Working now we want to outshine colleagues, make a name for ourselves, so life seems all about (us) you. In church or mosque, you hear sermons, they talk about God, what He can do and His expectations, at this point life seems all about God.

But hear is what I believe. Our life is about making things work, putting smiles on the faces of people around us and not giving up even when everything seem awkward. When you touch lives, when you make positive changes, when you stand for something, when you ensure that you do your best to make things work, when you follow your dreams and become an inspiration to others, then you would have justified living.

Your life is about everything that matters to you, your life is about making your dreams happen and making your life count. You don’t want to just exist, you want to live and impact, and live so good that stories of you would go on for generations even after you are gone.

Give it (life) a bigger shot; it is never too late to try again. “Know that if it is not working yet then you have not given it your best and if it is working, there is always room for improvement”.

Originally published May 1, 2011

WHO IS IT ALL ABOUT ANYWAY?

The Cracked Pot (We Are Imperfect)

He got up from his cot, and went to lay alongside his grandfather. Dev made way for him, but did not speak.

He silently nuzzled into his grandfather, feeling the familiar loving warmth from the old man.

“I am flawed,” he whispered silently, his body shaking with the force of emotion now breaking loose.

Tears rolled off his cheeks and were soaked up hungrily by his grandfather’s cotton shirt.

Love cleanses, Dev knew, and the boy had to be taught a lesson to last him a lifetime.

Catharsis is never painless. But the earlier the treatment could be administered, the earlier the recovery could begin.

When the boy’s violently racking body had finally settled down into infrequent spasms, Dev turned around towards him.

His warm compassionate hand reached across to smooth his grandson’s hair.

“A water bearer,” he said, “had two large pots. Each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck, as he walked a long walk from the stream to his house daily.”

“One of the pots had a crack in it. So, each day the cracked pot arrived home only half full. The other pot was perfect, and always delivered a full portion of water.”

“For a very long time, this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.”

“Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfections, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been designed to do.”

“After years of shame, and guilt, and what it perceived to be a bitter failure, the cracked pot finally mustered the courage to confess his shortcomings to the water bearer.”

“I am ashamed of myself, it said, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because a crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.”

“Did you notice,” the bearer replied, “that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the perfect pot’s side?”

“I have always known about your flaw. So, I planted flower seeds on your side of the path. And every day, while we walked back to the house from the stream, you’ve watered them for me.”

“For years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my home. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace my house!”

“The moral of the story is that we all have our faults. Nobody is perfect! Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all cracked pots, but can still be useful in our own way.”

“Succeeding despite our imperfections leads to a fulfilled life. This is what can bring out greatness in us. For our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

“It’s the cracks, the faults, the flaws we all have, that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. Yep, we’ve just got to take each person for who they are, and look for the good in them.”

“Strength lies in weakness?” Rosh was trying to understand. “You’re not just giving hope to a loser to make him feel good about himself?”

“No,” answered Dev, “a good builder works with all kinds of materials. Wood and metal have different strengths and weaknesses. Clay and cement are different. Yet, there is a place for all of them when one is creating a home.”

“Everything serves a purpose. Even our weaknesses and imperfections. What one can do, the other can’t. So, a good tradesman doesn’t blame his tools. He just learns to make the best use of whatever he’s got.”

‘Indeed!’ thought Rosh, as he contemplated the story. ‘Without the water-bearer’s compassion, his observation of the pot’s weakness, and without his putting it to good use, he wouldn’t be collecting flowers at all!’

‘But if he hadn’t had the foresight and intelligence to plant flower seeds on the path, the cracked pot would have still watered something. What? Weeds, perhaps?’

‘These could still have benefitted insects and our herbivore friends. So, weakness could still turn out to be strength really. Blessings to all of us crackpots! But how do I learn to see things that way?’

‘Would I rather be a perfect pot,’ Rosh asked himself, unaware that his grandfather beside him was already fast asleep and snoring heavily, ‘or a cracked pot who strives to become useful?’

‘Neither!’ he concluded. ‘The pots are what they are. They don’t have a choice in the matter. I am who I am – perfect or flawed – and I have no choice in the matter of my being.’

‘But I can still choose to become. I would like to become the water bearer, the one who knew how to make even a cracked pot lead a full, useful life.’

‘A compassionate, caring person. Smart! Not wasting anything. Not my talents, not my imperfections. Not even a drop of water!”’

Written by Rajeev Wadhwa

The Cracked Pot (We Are Imperfect)

BE HOPEFUL IN HOPELESS SITUATION

Hello!
I heard, you wanna die
How true?
You really want to get rid of your life?

Anyway,
There are many ways to say goodbye;
But, I would suggest one,
Throw yourself in a deep sea
Splash! splash!! splash!!!
There you go.
You would definitely start struggling
To save your life.

You would find it hard give up the struggle.

Why?
Well I know
Life might be hard,
Bitter, painful, and seem unfulfilling.
But there are people making headway
In this same unfair world.
Why then do we want to kill ourselves?

We definitely don’t want to.
But we are trying to kill something else inside of us.
The resentment, the stigma, the anxiety and the sufferings
Are what lies within us
And we are trying to kill ourselves to get rid of them.

Some of us live recklessly
Just to prove we don’t care
Often in rebelion against our family, friends or soceity
This doesn’t change what they feel about us
It only kills the little respect we have left
Good only comes from effort

Here’s what I have for you.
There’s an immense beauty, fruitfulness
And goodness that abounds in this World
Many success stories point to this fact
Life is a potent sign that there’s hope!
You’ll surely overcome your travails.
Just live, learn, love and enjoy your days.

Stop trying to kill yourself!

©Basiru Adebayo Emmanuel

Your Life is Precious

Posted in Author Omotayo, Motivational

See The Positives in You

See The Positives in You

Whining is more like a trend these days, in fact unconsciously people just start to complain about anything and everything; how their life sucks, and some even compete with whose life sucks the most. You hear one person saying “my life is hell” and another saying “mine is more hell than yours”. Come on guys, we have to keep hope alive to stay alive, we have to focus on the positives we still have. Pity party can seem like fun and relieving but in the end it doesn’t solve the problem, rather it robs us off the zeal to fight back.

For every downside there is always an upside but it takes learning to appreciate what is unseen. Tragedy has a way of magnifying the buts, the should haves and the inflicted but with deep thoughts we can always see the blessings, the haves and the deflected. Raw diamond could be mistaken for an ordinary stone but even in its raw form people with knowledge still know its worth. No matter how tough times may be, if you have faith you will be able to see beyond the trials.

I remember some years back, I was battling with loss of job and many people i knew then kept reminding me of how many mistakes i made on my way to losing the job, some tried to shift and push the blame on my colleagues while others almost turn it into a charade of pity party and jamboree of condolences. I remember telling myself “I may have made some mistakes, some people may have had a hand in it but i can always come back from these better”. I didn’t just sit and allow life roll me over, I pushed back by not allowing myself drown in the negatives. I focused on the positives; my skill, my experience and my expertise, even when people said it was going to be hard getting another job, I was never in doubt i can come through.

Don’t hold your problems high up, don’t emphasize your negatives, focus on where you want to be, the kind of life you see yourself living five or ten years from now and work passionately towards it. We seriously have to quit bemoaning our situation, past or present, for a fact we will all pass through some forms of trying times, but these trying times are not meant to be our end rather a means to an end depending on our attitude during and after these times. Our attitude; did we choose to complain or embrace and forge ahead?

One day, a donkey fell into a pit. The animal cried and whined for hours while his owner tried to figure out what to do. Finally, the farmer decided that since the animal was old, and the pit needed to be covered up anyway, he’d just bury the old donkey right there. He got a shovel and started filling in the pit. The donkey kept up its wailing, but then fell silent. After an hour of furious shovelling, the farmer paused to rest. To his amazement, he saw his old donkey jump out of the pit and trot away! At first, when the donkey realized what was happening, he cried even more piteously. But then the wise animal hit on a plan. As each spadeful of dirt hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up on the growing mound of earth. Eventually, the mound grew high enough for him to jump out of the pit. Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the pit well is to shake it off and take a step up. We can get out of the deepest pits by not stopping and never giving up. Just shake it off and take a step up.

– Jew tales

Most people focus on the negatives because they keep comparing themselves with other people. They keep using other’s achievements as yardstick for their own lives. Life is not designed to be a rat race, as individuals we have our own unique contribution and they are embedded in the lessons we have learned and the positives we have taken from our troubles over the years. Don’t waste your time chasing others when you can be setting your own pace, there are lot of positives you can take from your current situation and create the kind of life you want for yourself. It is never too late to decide on who you want to be; the guy that whined about everything and did nothing or the guy that made the best of bad situations and lived happily ever after.

Life is no fairy tale my friend but miracles still happen, people still move from nothing to something, talents still make way, hard work still gets reward, faith still move mountains, persistence still breaks through, consistence still gets celebrated and negatives still yield a whole lot of positives.