Posted in Author Onome, Relationship

Relationship Tips From Onomewrites

Relationship Tips From Onomewrites

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#OnomeWrites is a compilation of thoughts on relationship that is designed to guide your choice of life partner, to help foster your existing relationship and to light up dark areas in marriages. For clarification and personal counseling you can email me at  onomewrites@gmail.com.

Stay blessed.

Omodara Onome
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A good relationship consists of two people who are ready to learn from each other. Don’t be rigid, it is a partnership that’s why he or she is called a life partner and your partner’s opinions should count, if you want the best for your relationship.

Feelings could be deceptive and often times temporary but true love stands the test of time. Time reveals that which is true. Give yourself time before you take decision and when it comes to love never be in a rush!

In an ideal relationship there is a need to respect and value each other’s opinion! Your partner’s opinion should matter to you so that you can agree.

True love communicates. Communication is a vital key in any relationship. If you’re not doing that something is wrong.  Fight to resolve differences  but never estrange communication!

If you have to beg for affection and attention then something is wrong in your relationship. Fix it before you tie the knots. You are both worth more, don’t manage into marriage.

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It’s okay to have fantasies but it should never be a yardstick, there’s no perfect person but people could be better with lots of love & encouragement.

If she is not ready to build your dreams with you then she’s not worth it&if he’s not ready to help you in making your good dreams a reality then you need to do a rethink. Love is all about working & celebrating successes! Dreams should be built together cos it takes two sane mind to tango!

If you want to have a good relationship, you need to desire and then resolve in your heart to give as much as you expect no matter what it takes!

As a lady, If he doesn’t respect you now, then you need to think twice before you tie the knots. Raise your self-esteem, you are not to be messed with, you are to be celebrated.

We don’t attract what we want but who we are, if u want to get a better mate then be a better person. You attract who you are.

Selfishness is anti-relationship. If you want to make your  relationship work avoid self-centeredness! The word is not “mine” but “ours” if the relationship is to work. Compromises, sacrifices and dialogs are what relationship thrives on.

One of God’s greatest gift is an unanswered prayer, we may not understand now but He sees what we cannot see! All we have to do is trust Him.

A soulmate is someone you can connect with spiritually, emotionally, mentally and intellectually and at the same get attracted to physically. That is the ideal partner!

Sweetheart, your beauty will attract him but to keep him you need more than that. To your beauty add character, intelligence and diligence; (in all) be a better person!

Don’t marry him or her because somebody you respect told you to. They won’t live with that person for you, you are the one who will. Make your choice wisely!

If he does not respect his mother, he’s never going to respect you and she’s going to respond to you the same way she responds to her father.  If his own parents cannot correct him, then “who are you?”  Fight it out now, don’t be fooled, “marriage changes no one”…

Sweetheart, no matter how angelic and “holyghostic” the person the vision came from, I don’t care if it was passport photograph you saw before proposing to her or before accepting his proposal, you need to understand that there is a place of working it out. God will not do for humans what humans should do (for him/herself). True love is achieved when two people deliberately and consciously decide to make it happen. You are not perfect so is your spouse. Work on your character and keep growing (together).

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Hi lovebirds,  can I please borrow a little bit of your time?
There is more to love than candle light dinners,  going to picnics together,  getting matching wristwatches and shirts, going to cinemas and all the other emotional stuffs.  Hey,  don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying its bad, it’s good. It’s shows how much you care but there is more to love. True love is about growing together, learning together, working towards achieving the same goal and then celebrating success together.

Only humans possesses side mirrors to check cars coming behind God does not. You know why? Because in God’s kingdom there is no reverse, He only looks forward to the good you are doing now (the present)…. Don’t hold on to the past when God has already forgiven you, God is not mad at you. So move on!

Sweetheart, being fulfilled should not come from your spouse, please get a life! Your spouse is meant to complement you not redesign you! Don’t wait for your partner before you do something let him meet you doing something let her meet you fulfilling your dreams…

Can you please stop nagging and complaining, try to compliment him and pray for him, he’s not perfect, you are neither. Treat him like a king!

Sweetheart, you were created for so much more, stop living a shallow life, inside you is a great woman, a woman with ideas that will turn the world around. Find the real you. You were designed to excel.

If you are one of those who has this long list of what you expect from your partner, let me ask you a question, how many of those qualities do you possess? Stop chasing the perfect person be the perfect person you want to chase. Invest in you and be a better person!

If he/she does not support your God, please do a rethinking, losing your God over a relationship is not worth it…

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7 Relationship Facts
1. Just because she comes to your house every weekend to do your laundries, she cooks good meals for you and she cleans your house, that does not guarantee a submissive wife she might just be talented in house chores…

2. God designed you to be her lord and king to protect her and move her to her promised land, He didn’t design you to boss her around and treat her like your maid servant, she is a queen and she deserves to be treasured treat her like a queen!

3. Just because you met him in church and he is a worker, does not mean he is broken…. Don’t just assume be very sure! Everyone is a saint in church…..

4. A good relationship consists of two givers, it is not only a man who should give, surprise him with gifts and encourage him…..

5. Stop looking for the perfect person, become the person you want to chase! Become a better person everyday….
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6. Don’t generalize your belief system, just because somebody broke your heart does not mean every other person you meet wants to hurt you, people are different!

7. This is the final fact, this goes for everybody whether single or engaged, don’t stop learning, build your intellect! Build your relationship with God! God dreams a bigger dream for you than you can ever imagine! You are created to excel don’t settle for less…

Posted in Author Omotayo, Relationship

I Love You

I Love You

‘I love you’ probably the most confusing three words in history. Questions like; does it exist, can it be true, is it real, is it possible at first sight, why all of a sudden etc trail these words, often born out of the stories of love we have read and past experiences. In a letter I published sometime ago “what is love?” wherein a young lady tried to explain the unconditionality of these words, I still ask myself this question, “can anything be unconditional?”. I mean can we love without expecting something in return? Life has taught me that these words often create that sense of obligations and expectations such as; reciprocating, obeying, caring for, being best friends with, worshiping, accepting, giving time to, listening to, forgiving when I wronged etc.

‘True love’, as my dear writer friend Onome likes to use, now takes the complication to a whole new level. ‘True love’ has been used in series of articles, often times to mean a love so divine, devoid of anything evil or selfish intentions and therefore creating a picture of an eldorado or place of peace in relationship but then does this really exist? Truth itself is a function of time and state; present, past and future, if you agree with this, then you will also agree with me that ‘true love’ could have a time validity or worse still a time constraint that could render it more or less potent as time passes. This is just an hypothesis though, don’t ha

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te me yet.

Enough of my twisting and turning! Love is real, trust me, just that it  holds different meaning to different people. Literally, we can say love is a desire to an end; a desire only the confessor of the words truly knows to what intent and extent. Okay, simply put, only the person saying those words (I love you) can really say what he or she real means, that is, how deep is the desire, what are the intentions, the terms and conditions apply and to what length he/she is willing to go.

For clarity sake, we have all been made to believe the words “I love you” should mean; you are the only one, I can’t live without, you are my everything, there is no one else above, I will be with you always and forever etc but in reality this seldom happens.

The truth is when you interpret the words “I love you” from someone else based on your own “desire of intent and extent”, you most often than not get it all wrong. For instance:
From a mother to a son- ‘I love you’ may mean ‘I will make sure you turn out right’. The son would be wise not to mistake it for ‘you can do as it pleases you’ or else he will see rebuke from his mother when he is wrong as betrayal of love.
From a player boy to a side chick- it may mean ‘I want to have sex with you again and again’. The side chick should not mistake it for ‘I will be with you forever’ or else she will see the guy getting married to the main chick as betrayal of love.
From an extortionist to a pure heart- it may mean ‘I like the way you spend on me’. The pure heart should not mistake it for ‘I can cross the ocean for you’ or else he/she will see the extortionist’s walking away when there is no more money as betrayal of love.
From a pastor to the congregation, it may mean ‘I am happy to have you in my church and I pray you make heaven’. The church should not mistake it for ‘I can die for you’ or else when the pastor chooses his family above church members, the church will see it as betrayal of love. And so on

My point is, there is no absolute (in reality) to measure these words or what to expect. What we all have to go on with are merely our imaginations and what we think the other party might be saying. However, if we take time to understand what the other person wants (to what end) maybe relationship will be less complicated and more worth the time. So when next someone tells you I love you, be wise enough to probe further because it is better to know what to expect and your likely obligations than to assume it is just unconditional.

From me to you, I love you (meaning I appreciate you reading my articles, I hope they have positive impacts in your life and I definitely want to see you at the top).

Cheers.

Posted in Author Onome, Digest, Inspirational Stories, Relationship

STOP IT!

STOP IT!

“Are you not tired of being treated this way?” Esther asked Monica, both of them had been friends and roommates since their second year on campus, Esther had always been the gentle one; easy going, cool and calm while Monica on the other hand was the opposite. She is always excited, free and lively (loud). They are two different individuals who have different goals and ambitions. Esther’s very intelligent and quite smart; always trying hard to set Monica right, especially when it comes to relationship but often times she shuts her up and some times she shuts her out completely.

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This particular day had gotten Esther pissed off, her roommate came in to report her boyfriend Dave. Dave and Monica had been in a relationship for about a year but it had always been from one problem to another. Dave had never respected Monica and he had always treated her like she was one random girl. This particular day Monica went to see him and he had embarrassed her in front of one of his female friends, he just pretended as if she was not there. He kept on talking to the lady as if Monica never existed. Monica walked out of his room with tears in her eyes. When she got home, she opened up to her friend Esther. Esther was used to her coming home and complaining about Dave all the time but she was getting tired of listening to the same story, so she had to voice out and asked her the daunting question, “are you not tired of being treated this way?”

Our actions or inactions, consciously or unconsciously gives people the idea of how to treat us. We give people the power to treat us the way they do. Show class and people will treat you with respect – Selah

Monica’s eyes lit up, she replied “What do you mean!?!”. “You need to stop it!”, Esther replied. Monica was confused “Stop what? You are confusing me”. Esther moved closer to her, held her two hands and looked into her eyes “You need to stop Dave from treating you like nobody, you are beautiful and you deserve the world, you need to stand up and find your worth, love is not selfish, love does not dishonor others! If he loves you he will treat you like a queen that you are”. Esther continued, “let me ask you? How has this relationship added to your life?” Monica was speechless, she knew she had made lots of mistakes in that relationship, she knew she was just enduring the relationship, she knew she had to stop it.

It was like those words set Monica free. She was able to summon courage to end the slavery she called relationship. She ended the relationship with Dave and worked hard on herself to became a better person. Over time Monica found true love, a man who treats her right, puts her first and shares her dreams.

“You are beautiful and you deserve the world, you need to stand up and find your worth, love is not selfish, love does not dishonor others! If he loves you he will treat you like a queen that you are” – Onome

Love is a sweet thing. Everyone’s desire is to meet the right person who will make them feel so special and feel on top of the world but there is more to love than candle light dinners, going on dates, getting matching wristwatches and shirts and all the emotional stuff. Love is about growing together, learning together and respecting each other. Stop forcing yourself on her, stop forcing yourself on him, you worth so much more! Stop  tolerating relationship, you are meant to be celebrated not tolerated  and until you know your worth nobody will see you as worthy. My dear reader, you need to stop chasing people and become a person worth chasing. Trust me, if you become a better person, you will attract the right person.  Make conscious efforts to be the Right and you will be someone’s Mr or Mrs Right. Overall, be a man or woman your partner will be proud to have.

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Finally, treat your partner the way you want them to treat you; stop disrespecting your partner in front of your friends, family, colleagues, classmates or clique. If you don’t value your partner nobody will, if you don’t respect him/her your friends won’t. Don’t be bossy, don’t be controlling, don’t dominate discussions, don’t be too protective, don’t become obsessed and remember, she is not your maid and neither is he your source of income. Relationship is meant to be an advanced partnership, both of you have to bring something to the table; you have to trust, respect, reach compromise, make sacrifices, forgive and above all love truly.

Love is achieved when two mature minds decide to make it work, it is never one sided. Love should start from you, if you don’t love You, nobody will. If you have found true love hold on to it, if you have not, be patient and while at it be a better person, true love will surely find you. You are meant to be celebrated and loved not to be managed!

Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome
Onomewrites@gmail.com

Posted in Author Onome, Relationship, Series

DON’T JUDGE ME (Grand Finale)

DON’T JUDGE ME (Grand finale)

Charles and I were so much in love he became my confidant, I told him all about my past and my family. He told me he didn’t care about my past that what we have is the future and he was willing to go all the way with me. He was my Prince Charming, like the dragon slayer, I found peace with him.

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Charles was different from all the other guys, he has some rules though;
He believes people do things intentionally, as such apologizing doesn’t change anything.
He doesn’t believe in forgiveness, he believes “only God has the power to do that”
He believes a woman could be beaten once in a while, in his words “sticks drive away foolishness”
Finally, he believes the man is the head of the family (relationship) hence, his decisions should be final.

I had no serious issues with all his rules; I was so desperate for love and in truth, He was giving me love, I wanted a man to call mine and Charles gave me no reasons to doubt him. He slapped me couple of times, he called it “hard reset”, especially when, according to him, I was being stupid; like talking too much, arguing with him, running late on appointment with him or getting too close to other guys. However, after such actions, he would sit me down make me see why I deserved it and how it was a favour to be corrected, so I don’t get destroyed. I really understood him and I did my best not to walk into “destruction”.

Note: Love is not giving up your happiness, freedom or dreams. Love is meant to enhance and not limit you.

It was over 3months into the relationship, I went to pass the night in his house, this wasn’t the first time and most times when I come like this, we made-out but we always stopped before it got out of hand (I was still a virgin, I had never gone all the way), however this night was different. We were so in the mood and have reached a point of no return, I was a bit reluctant at first but he told me lots sweet things, like; how he’s madly in love with me, since he was going to marry me it’s not a sin, and that I should not worry about getting pregnant he’s got that covered. I knew him to well, arguing with him always end up bad, and in all fairness, I so much wanted to feel it too, so I yielded.

A bit of pain, a bit of fun, I lost my virginity. I didn’t care though, I was in love and that was all that what mattered. It happened few times again and I was no longer getting too comfortable with the idea. I started avoiding sleepovers and he started misbehaving. He stopped calling on a regular basis and when I call he won’t return my call. He became passive and all the passion he showed me ran dry. I was really scared of losing him, I kept wondering what was wrong, so I decided to ask him and he said he had been busy. About some weeks after the charade started, he told me he was no longer interested in the relationship. He said I was a temptation that he had to overcome by leaving me. I begged him but all to no avail, instead he was getting physical with me, so I had to let him be. l was angry with myself, I felt like a fool. Revenge ran through my head, the thought of getting even but I wasn’t raised like that. Eventually I took it in my strides.

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Note: Most men will demand sex before marriage, if you as a lady allow it, you will get all the attention but often times it is for a while. However, If you don’t allow it, you might lose all the attention but often times it is for a while. A good man will always come back because he doesn’t need sex to stay in the first place.

I know what you are thinking, “how could she be so stupid?”, I concur! I was stupid, I was naive, I made a great mistake but like I said don’t judge me. I was so desperate because I didn’t want society to start asking obvious questions? I made relationship my first priority and it landed me in series of mess. I found it so hard to forgive myself but I knew I needed a second chance. I had to let go, pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Eventually I was able to, Mercy found me, Grace found me and I made up my mind to be patient until my man comes. I became determined to get the best out of my life. I may have some explaining to do to my future husband but I know if he is the right one, he will understand and forgive me.

Life is not all about candle light dinners, going to eateries and getting the best bouquet every valentine. You need to get a life that attracts the right people. Stop making relationships your reason for existence, rather build a life that will make your future spouse and children proud of you. You might plan to marry a man who has a range rover, has a big company… those are good dream but what are you doing to make that kind of man attracted to you? What value are you bringing to the table?  Stop looking for the perfect man become the better person and attract the right people.

You don’t have to be so desperate about getting a partner, your own spouse will locate you. Why not build up yourself and be someone worth waiting for. Reflect what you think, spend lots of time investing in yourself.

Your own story might even be worse but don’t feel so bad about the past. Forgive yourself and get on with life. You were created for so much more, forget about your mistakes and keep your focus on the bright future ahead. You made mistakes, yes! but every great man has a story. So why cry over spilt milk, when you can get up and get yourself a whole new bottle. Forgive yourself, you deserve a second chance, move on because life is worth it!

I know its valentine and love is in the air, enjoy it but don’t forget to be the best of your kind. Build your self-worth, you don’t have to be so desperate for a date or gifts, tell yourself you deserve so much more! Become a better person every day, if you have found love hold on to it and desire to make your partner proud of you, but if not, I believe there is someone wonderful out there looking for you just make yourself worth the search.
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My name is Ebunoluwa, this was my story, it was my past, they are things I have been through, they don’t define me and I hope you would understand and not judge me. Happy valentine!!! Enjoy the season with love. You were created in love so you deserve to be loved.

Written by Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome

Posted in Author Onome, Relationship, Series

DON’T JUDGE ME (Part 3)

DON’T JUDGE ME (Part 3)

Note: Not all bad things happen to destroy us, most bad things happen to build us, to put life in clearer perspective and often to let us know, who lies behind the veil of friendship.

I was eager to see Josh, It is being a while, so I long for his touch, his face, like a deprived child in search of love, I couldn’t wait, I was even hoping to surprise him with more than my visit. On getting to his house, I knocked the door but no answer, it was a Saturday, I was so sure he wasn’t going to school and from our last discussion, he didn’t have any party that weekend. I decided to try the door to see if it was not locked, to my surprise it opened, so I let myself in. There was nobody in the sitting room, but then this awkward sound and seemingly whispering coming from Josh’s room. I became curious, a part of me wanted to go back but my curiosity got the best of me. My eyes could not believe what it saw, Josh was with another lady, in a position my innocent words can’t describe. I dashed out, like a man on a hunt, straight home to wet my pillow as usual.

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Over the course of the Week, he called, sent text, sent friends but I wasn’t ready for any explanation. It was clear to me it was over. I was broken, I was hurt, honestly I loved Josh. Lot’s of questions where left unanswered like; what was I getting wrong? Was there something about me that needed to fixed? Was it the laws of attraction bring a good girl like me to bad boys? Was God punishing me for something I did in the past? Or Was I just unlucky in love? I was tired of flings, I wanted something real, I wanted something that would last forever, I wanted sincerity; a man who genuinely cares about me, who will treat me like I was the only woman in the world. “Someone to respect and cherish me, that isn’t asking for too much”,  I concluded.

All my colleagues were either engaged or in a serious relationship, this kept the pressure on me. It was my final year in the university and I was so desperate to have a man. Lately, the phone calls I’ve been receiving have been “guess what? He just proposed”, when will I make such a phone call? This became my daily routine of thoughts, I became withdrawn and a shadow of my usual self.

Note: Don’t run your life based on another man’s schedule, you either end up doing too much or doing too small.

One evening after class my phone rang and it was Tomi. Tomi has been my good friend since my sophomore year, we were so close and I had a serious crush on him. However, he friend zoned me, so nothing really happened. Our friendship reduced drastically in my third year because  he found out some truths about me, which left him disappointed. I apologized but he wouldn’t let it go, so I let him be.

I was surprised when he called to check up on me. He said he had missed me and asked if he could see me. I was eager to see him too, so I cleared my schedule and fixed a time to see him. When we finally met, He apologized for walking out on me and abandoning our friendship, I also apologized for not being totally straight with him. I couldn’t explain what happened with the look on Tomi’s face but I knew I was up for trouble, he held my hands and looked straight into my eyes before I knew it we started kissing. (I am a bit sensitive, that kind of girl that the faintest of pecks drives her passion.) I knew Tomi wanted a perfect lady, so I wasn’t sure if the kiss was to test my looseness or just his passion running on overdrive, my thought ran riot. He broke the kiss apologized and left.

Note: If you find it too hard to control your emotions, you might find it even harder to control your relationship with others. Anger, passion, joy, worry, excitements are part of emotions that determine how we are able to co-exist with others.

It has been three days, since the kiss incident and I’ve not heard anything from Tomi. In my heart, I told myself I had blown it again; I failed a simple test. On the fourth day, to my surprise, Tomi called. He asked if I could come to his house and like a lamb being led to slaughter, I didn’t object. On getting to his house he apologized for kissing me, he said it was a mistake but I told him it was okay. He said he wanted us to be back to being friends and nothing more. I agreed, at least that is better than losing him all together.

Few days after, I went to his house. After exhausting all the available gist, we decided to play games. We started with question games, then guessing games, finally we decided to play the truth or dare game. He then dared me to kiss him, I laughed about it (trying to figure out if he meant it) but he was serious. “Well it is just a game” he said, so I did. This time it lasted longer and I really felt all the tingling sensations. There were couple of more sexual daring requests and I obliged all. When it was getting late, I left his house but I could not stop thinking about the kiss and other stuffs we did. I knew I was definitely in love with him and I secretly prayed the feeling was mutual.

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I became restless, I wanted to know what I was going into. Was it all games to him or he was just shy to come out clean. We were in our final year and dating was no longer a taboo. One day, I summoned the courage to ask him, Tomi, “what do you really want from me?”. My palms were all sweaty, my eyes were damp, I was really scared of what his response might be. He smiled, as if to tell me, “I understand how you feel”. He then spoke softly but with all sense of seriousness , “you know I like you but I can’t date you”, that sent shivers down my spine. “It is not that you are not beautiful but I just can’t see you as a girlfriend. Maybe friends with benefits, satisfying each other’s sexual curiosity but then, I can’t even see myself  having sex with you”, he concluded.

Note: Giving a man your body doesn’t make him indebted to you. Sex is 95% passion to a lady but 95% fun to a man. Sex is never a yardstick to measure love.

This was the final nail on the coffin, I am willing to give my body and it is all being thrown in my face. Tears rolled down my face, I stood up, told him as gentle as I can, that I was not interested in such a friendship and I walked away. I felt used, in the name of games, I felt betrayed in the name of friendship, I wondered how he had been seeing me all these while; a toy, a play thing, a fool who kisses men before they ask her out, in fact maybe a loose girl that kisses every man… I felt empty and was really ashamed of myself.

So I decided to change my approach, if I wanted a man who would care, be God fearing and not sex driven, I would have to look elsewhere, like somewhere more sacred. So it occurred to me that kind of man would definitely be in the Church. So I became more receptive in to brothers, I waited for all meetings; single’s meeting, prayer meetings, business meetings, house fellowship meetings, name it and you will find me there. I started giving all the church brothers asking me out hope because I was tired of romance, I wanted something different. Then it happened, the ushering unit president asked me out, apparently the Lord laid it in his heart to approach me, his name is Charles and I didn’t even think about it, I just said Yes. Charles was so loving, spiritual, caring and I enjoyed all the attention he gave me.

Note: Ladies, don’t ever make relationships your source of happiness, God didn’t just make you a wife alone! Get a life, it’s not all about having a boyfriend.
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What really happened between me and Charles? let’s see in the final episode….

By Omodara Onome

Posted in Author Onome, Relationship, Series

DON’T JUDGE ME! (Part 2)

DON’T JUDGE ME!  (Part 2)

Note: Anxiety is a good feeling but don’t get yourself lost in it. Too often it takes one’s eye off the goal and puts all good things on hold.

…Peter meant the world to me. One day he dropped a letter in my school locker, saying we should meet after school hours that we need to talk, I was confused and I prayed in my heart that all was well. I could no longer pay attention in class, I just wanted the school to be over, I became very anxious.

We had a meeting spot, so I got there immediately the closing bell rang. Fifteen (15) minutes later, he arrived and he apologized for coming late. He told me he was going to walk me home, a bit hesitant though, so I demanded to know what’s going on. He held my hands gently, locked my eyes in gaze then leaned in and kissed me. I can’t deny the fact that I enjoyed the kiss though something in me, told me it was not right but I was lost in the moment. He reached to unbutton my shirt, when we heard footsteps and we had to pretend as if we were reading.

Note: Love, lust and infatuation are all passion filled, most times it is difficult to draw a line. Little wonder, it is said that if you are not ready for the sexual side of relationship, you have no business being alone with someone you are in love with.

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Behold, the Calvary was our mathematics  teacher, Mr. Davies, he asked us what we were still doing around and we told him we were reading. He was surprised though, as our meeting spot was neither a classroom nor library, it was obvious that whatever was going on, wasn’t reading. With doubt written all over his face, he asked us to pack up and go home immediately, then he left. I picked up my bag and I told Peter I was going but he held my hand back. He looked sad, then he began, “I am sorry that I did that, it was because I love you and you are irresistible”. I told him I love him too but what just happened made me feel so low. In truth, I felt so cheap, I wished I had the right words to explain it but I was just not myself, I felt I deserved more.

By the time I got to school the next day, I met another letter in my locker from Peter, telling me how sorry he was and that he was not going to rush me again. He said he was willing to wait till whenever I was ready. I replied the letter telling him I wasn’t angry, just a  little confused. Our love grew strong and everything was fine until his mum withdrew him from our school. She claimed he was not serious and he was taken to a boarding school.  We couldn’t really communicate like before, afterwards but we always stayed in touch.

I was at home studying on a Friday evening when I got a text message, it was Peter telling me he was around and that he wanted us to see before he went back to school. I was so excited, I called him back almost immediately and we fixed  Saturday afternoon. I lied to my parents that I was going to my best friend’s place to study. I eagerly left for Peter’s house. He was the only one at home and I sat beside him in their sitting room. We talked for a while playing catch up when he leaned in and he kissed me.

Note: Don’t  sell yourself cheap because with all the money in the world you might not be able to buy yourself back.

In a moment of adrenaline rush,  i slapped him and told him never to try that again. Only for me to start feeling guilty a moment later, so I went on my knees and apologized. Then came his outburst, I have never seen that side of him before, he shouted at me, he told me he was only managing me in the first place. He said he had better girls who are more beautiful and are willing to go all the way. That day I felt so stupid, betrayed and used. I left his house went straight to my room and I did what I know how to do best, “wet my pillow”

It was two years after Peter left me, I had dated two other guys in that space, which did not last. I was already in the university studying Microbiology. After my secondary school, my father married another wife and he started maltreating us. He stopped paying our fees, my mother had to take full responsibilities. This made me hate my dad and I transferred the hatred to every other guy I met outside, I just hated men and hated marriage. I felt every guy wanted to hurt me.

Note: You can’t judge everyone with the sins of few neither can you live your life in fear because of what you have been through. Every second is a chance to make the choice for a fresh start.

In my third year in the university I went home for first semester break and that was when I met Josh. Josh and I attended the same secondary school but we weren’t friends then. It all started when I got his friend request on Facebook. We started chatting, before I knew it I was already addicted to chatting with him, soon I longed to hear his voice.  I was in love with him. I told him all about my past relationships, I also told him all about my parents and he promised me he would always be there for me.  It was like a dream come true, I felt loved again.

Josh plays saxophone, so he was always going for shows. My girl friends used to tease me, they told me, “they were jealous and wished they were in my shoes”. I remember telling them “I’m a very lucky girl”. Six months in the relationship, I went home for mid-semester break and I decided to surprise Josh with a visit, you won’t believe what happened.
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To be continued…….

Posted in Author Onome, Inspirational Stories, Relationship

What is Your Worth?

WHAT IS YOUR WORTH?

Tochukwu barged into her sister’s house and shouted “I’ve had enough, men are all the same”

Her elder sister Chioma, who was five (5) years older than her, got married three years ago to her first love Paul. Tochukwu used to tell her, “she is boring”, for dating the same guy for over 5 year. Chioma got married to her first love because she does not believe in changing men. She has this principle, “If you have found your true love then you have no reason to run back and forth with others. Stay faithful to your true love”. While Tochi, on the other hand, as everyone calls her, believes that there is nothing like true love. She is of the opinion that “If you find a rich man who loves you then marry him”.

As months passed by, with Tochi going to her sister’s house once in a while and she seeing the way her sister’s husband showers her with love, Tochi started having second thoughts about love and men. However, this particular day had been a very annoying day for Tochi, her boyfriend, Daniel, had insulted her publicly and the only person she could talk to was her elder sister. Chioma had been her confidant since childhood but when she barged into her home, Tochi had really passed her boundary this time. “Tochi this is my matrimonial home for God’s sake, what if my husband was home what exactly is wrong with you?” Chioma questioned, in a rather angry voice. Tochi apologize immediately sensing the annoyance. “What has men done to you this time?”, Chioma asked.

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Tochi then explained to her sister how Daniel publicly insulted her, by calling her a parrot, saying she talks too much. “Sis, he doesn’t respect me at all, he treats me anyhow”, she tried to hold back her tears. She continued, “Can you imagine it was inside the shopping mall that he insulted me o, in fact I’m never going back to him!”. Her sister smiled, just to calm her aching nerves, then asked her to sit down.

Then with a voice so gentle yet firm, Chioma began, “Tochi, No man will respect and value you until you learn to respect and value yourself”. Tochi had a puzzle look on her face.  Chioma smiled again and continued, the issue of being valued, does not only come in relationship with your partners or spouses, it also affects your relationship with people in general. Have you ever wondered why your friends talk to you anyhow or why your boss or even your siblings treat you without courtesy? It all boils down to how you carry yourself, the value you place on yourself and the aura that you carry around you.

Let me ask you a question; when you look in the mirror what exactly do you see? If you see a man or woman who is timid, ugly and stupid, I’m afraid, everyone you come across that day would most likely see you that way too. When you look in the mirror why not see a man or woman who is confident, smart and intelligent, you have nothing to lose, after all, God created you that way. People will keep on messing with you until you learn to raise your price tag, Chioma concluded.

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“Don’t rely on some-one else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself- no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are- completely; the good and the bad and the changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different”. – Stacey Charter

To my beautiful ladies, if he actually slept with you at the backseat of his car you can’t expect him to think you are worthy of a matrimonial bed! You need to know that you worth more than that and you are not just a toy to play with. To my handsome men, if a lady makes you feel less and compares you to other men then you need to stand up and let her know you are the best. There is so much inside of you why would you settle for less than you deserve?

When you are walking, raise your head high and be confident of the fact that you worth so much more than precious stones. I need you to know that every mistake you have made and all the bad experiences you have had, all sums up to make you better than you were before. Know that because you failed at something has not made you worth less. You need to fall in love with yourself everyday because if you don’t love you, nobody will. After all it is love your neighbor as yourself meaning your first love is yourself.

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I know we are not all perfect but with learning and believing in oneself, we get better every day. I need you to know that you worth so much more, if you are in a gathering of people who make you feel less, then I think you need to change such people. Hang out with friends who make you feel better and brighter. Don’t stay where you are tolerated, move on to where you will be celebrated. Remember nobody can make you feel worthless without your permission. You are a treasure that should be treasured. You are so very special!

I love you and I believe in you!

Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome

Posted in Inspirational Stories, Motivational, Relationship

Virtue of Patience

Virtue of Patience

Ama in her frustration, screamed back at them saying “I should Leave him? Have you forgotten my age? I am 35, how many men will want to marry an old hag?” Ama was a beautiful young lady, her father James was a Ghanaian who came to Nigeria to work and met Ayoni, her mother. They fell in love, got married and they had two kids Ama and Kojo. When Ama was twelve (12) and Kojo was eight (8) their dad fell sick and died, and since then their mother had done her best to make sure the two of them never lacked anything.

Ama graduated as a nurse and got a good job at a university teaching hospital with a comfortable pay but there was just one problem, men issues. Ama had been disappointed by different men in her life, so when she met Joe though she knew he was not what she wanted, she was desperate enough to take whatever is available. She felt she was not getting any younger, more so, all her friends were already married with kids. When she introduced Joe to her mum, she was sceptical about him and she advised Ama to be patient and not rush things but Ama wouldn’t hear of that. 

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One day when she was going out with Joe, she came across an old classmate,  Paul. She was so excited that she forgot Joe had warned her about male friends, it was with that joy that she ran off and hugged Paul. When she was done exchanging pleasantries with him, she introduced him to Joe, “Paul meet my fiance, Joe!”. In response, Joe gave her a dirty (brain re-setting) slap and walked out on her. She was left so embarrassed and humiliated that she bursted to tears, Paul tried begging her but she pushed him away and ran after Joe.

When she got home, she told her mother and  her best friend Diana the story, they both advised her to break up with him. Ama in her frustration, screamed back at them saying “I should Leave him? Have you forgotten my age? I am 35, how many men will want to marry an old hag?” Diana however tried to calm her down,  “Ama, you need to be patient, your own man will come”.  That statement  got Ama even more infuriated, (Ama now facing Diana), “Diana, all my friends are married with kids including you and I have become the official Chief Bridesmaid even to younger sisters and cousins. Listen I’m not going to break up with Joe. It was just a stupid mistake and he has apologized, so let me be, more so he was just being protective because he loves me”.

“A man who slapped you while courting will beat you up when he finally marries you. Marriage is too long to endure abuse and molestation whether physically or emotionally because in the end it will cost one or more lives. Ama be patient, don’t rush things” those were the exact words of her mother. At that point Ama stood up hissed and walked out.

Ama got married to Joe and barely 6 months into the marriage Joe started misbehaving. He would beat her up at the slightest provocation or mistake. Everyday was hell, she wished she had listened to her mother and Diana, if only she was just patient. One day she was at home peeling oranges when Joe stormed in, claiming he saw someone that looked like her in man’s car. Before she could explain herself, the beating had started, in a bid to defend herself, she stabbed Joe with the knife she was using to peel her oranges. Joe died from excessive bleeding and Ama was imprisoned.

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Day after day the words of her mother kept coming back to her “marriage is too long to endure abuse and molestation whether physically or emotionally because in the end it will cost one or more lives. Ama be patient, don’t rush things”. Only if I had listened, only if I had been patient, Joe will still be alive and I will still have my freedom even if I am not married… all these were the thoughts she battled with as she remained incarcerated.

Benjamin Franklin said “He that can have patience will have what he wills”. Lots of times, we want things done in an instant but some things take time not every of our heart desires will be granted immediately. We don’t have to give up because some things are not working out or settle for less because what you want is not readily available. Trust me, if we are patient good things will surely find us. Often times when it seems too long, it is because God is preparing something big. Nothing good happens overnight, it takes a continuous effort, patience and determination.

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A decision made in haste ends in the waste. I know we don’t want to end our life in regrets, so I urge us to be patient with our dreams and most especially with God. He knows the end from the beginning, sees further than we can ever see and He understands the things we are not even aware of, that’s why we (you and I) need to trust Him.

Patience is a virtue we need to learn and put to practice. Every great and successful person passed through that dark moment, a phase that only patience can light one’s path. Patience gives birth to Hope and Hope helps one to endure till success comes.  The fact that your friends have gone ahead does not mean you are a failure, there is enough room at the top. Don’t be in a rush, you are designed to be a success but remember, your friends are not you. You are special and you will definitely make it, if you don’t give up. 

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God didn’t spend time creating nobodies! He created wonderful people and because God invested in you, you are already a success! The great business mogul Warren buffet once said “No matter what you do, you can’t have a baby in one month even if you got nine women pregnant at the same time”. You don’t need to give up right now, what you need is to be patient and let God have his way. You are definitely going to succeed. Your success story will be heard but don’t forget to be patient with God. Remember any decision made in haste most times lands in regret. You are a champion, so stick to the right path, it will take you to the top.

I love you and I believe in you!

God bless you!

Written by Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome
Images source: Google