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Dear Friend,

I will not tell you I understand how you feel because the truth is only you understand how it hurts but this I can assure you, you are strong enough to make it through. Maybe you feel weak right now, maybe you are tired, a little hug here and a little love there may be all you think you have been living off for a while but I believe it only takes a strong spirit to have come this far. I know it hurts so much and you feel you can’t share, I can relate because your silence says a lot. I wish there is more I can do to let you see what I see in you.

I see is a Sun at dawn, even though it is still shielded by the thick dark cloud, soon there will come a time when nothing can stop its shine.

Most times life would not give us what we deserve, by a longshot we might be far from what we believe should be our reality or where we think we should be but that is life. The humiliation, the stigma and the “bitter after taste” might be too much to bear, this I understand is not easy but I also know many have come from the grave dark to grace the stardom lights.

Opera Winfrey was raped repeatedly for years, got pregnant and lost the baby. It seemed she was in that darkest place where no one can come out of but somehow she never gave up. Today, her light shines brighter everyday while guiding others to the light.

Joyce Meyer suffered abuse, molestation and rape from her own father for several years. She said those were her darkest hours but then she didn’t give in to those hours. God’s love found her and today she is touching lives with her story.

Steve Jobs was ‘fired’ from his own company ‘Apple’ by someone he hired but he didn’t give up, he didn’t let anger, feeling of being betrayed and quest for vengeance cloud his judgement. He built another company called NEXT and through that he was able to get back into Apple.

You may have been humiliated by people you trusted, people you thought you could count on through thick and thin but then life is a war with many battles, you may have lost several battles up till now but I can assure you the war is not over. So long as you don’t let depression bring the worst out of you, like a wounded lion, inch by inch, you can claw your way back into this fight.

It is easy to think revenge will set you free, this I will not stop you from especially when it seems your mind is all made up but here is a fact I know, no good thing comes from being vengeful. When you hold on to hate, revenge, or bitterness, it is like trying to smite someone who hurt you with hot iron rod in your bare hands, whether you succeed or not, you would have burned your own hands in the process. My honest advice, let it go! It won’t be easy but it is the right thing to do, let karma do her work and you concentrate on building your life a piece at a time.

Death may seem a way out, but suicide is for cowards. The brave would rather die fighting than commit suicide. You are brave my friend, I see so much life in you, even through the thick cloud, I believe your Sun will still get its turn to shine. I know you probably expect more from people but there is so little anyone can do, honestly. As much as I want to assure you things will be alright, there is just little I can offer you but my words. People may seem less concerned but that is not totally true, there is more than meets the eye; most people are also struggling with things they would rather not talk about, yet they wear the smile of ‘all is well’. However, after all said and done, never forget to reach out. It is easier to fight life’s battles when you have someone to rub minds with.

You are not alone in this struggle. It is a phase and it will pass. It is okay to be confused, it is human to feel insecure and unsure, these only remind us that we are not perfect; and nobody is perfect. You can ask questions or just do it anyway. Don’t give up on yourself on the account of how life has treated you, remember only the test of fire makes a fine steel. I believe in you my friend, I believe your light can still find its way through this thick cloud. Your past don’t define you, you are wiser, you are braver, you have all it takes; dig deep!

Letter to My Depressed Friend

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What Will People Say

What Will People Say

Making your dreams come true would most likely get you into the bad books of so many people!

In Nigeria, like most parts of Africa, kids are raised not just by the immediate family but also by the extended family, leading to children comparison and parents competition, hence the first fear most of us grew up with was the fear of “what will people say”. I remember back then, whenever I wanted to do something out of the usual, my mum would scream, “Eh! Don’t do it o, what will people say or do you want them to make fun of us?” This to a large extent acted as a braking system that helped curbed so many of my excesses but then it also limited the use of my creativity and my talent growth.

Recently, I made a new friend that I took it upon myself to push till she fully discovers herself, she is a bundle of potentials but she has practically grounded her creativity and personal growth because she is more afraid of what people will say or think than what will happen if she is not fulfilled. In fact, like many of us do, ‘she helps others think (mostly negative thoughts) what they are likely to think of her actions’. She automatically kills her own morale with thoughts that are unfounded. Like I said earlier, the fear of what people will is not all that bad especially, when it helps us to curb our excesses but it becomes very dangerous when it starts to limit our potentials. It is said that the greatest prison people live in, is the fear of what other people would think or say about them.

Image Source: Instagram @coach.kbanks

Making your dreams come true would most likely get you into the bad books of so many people; families, friends and even colleagues but if your desire is to break new grounds you wouldn’t really care what people will say. Have you ever stopped to imagine what people would have said when Obama said he wanted to run for US president or when Bill gate and Steve Jobs dropped out of college or when Col. Sanders at his old age opted to go into frying chicken or when Marshall Bruce Mathers III (Eminem) a white boy said he wanted to do rap songs (African American’s music) etc? I am sure tongues would have wagged with lots of negative comments, close allies would probably distance themselves, while family members would most likely have written them off.

Some years back, 1999 to be presice, I was still in Polytechnic (Ogun State Polytechnic) then, a sport seminar was organised by Sport Writers Association of Nigeria (SWAN) Ogun State chapter and one of the speakers was Larry Izamoje. I remember when he mounted the stage and said the way forward for Sport journalism was to establish a sport radio and TV station, others who came on stage after him rather than focus on what other ways forward, they spent time on the stage talking about why a sport radio and TV station would not work. Today as you know, Dr. Lazzy Izamoje owns the first Sport radio station (Brilla FM opened in 2002) in Lagos Nigeria which has now spread to several states of the country. What if Larry was worried about what other journalists said that day, would he be where he is today?

You would have to decide whether to give in to “what people will say” or to pursue what you want to become with all you have got!

So what? After your masters degree you decide you want to become a make up artist or after your first degree you decided you want to explore music or you decide to resign from a lucrative job to start your own small business or you decide to become a fashion designer while still in school or you dropped out of school to learn a trade etc. Yes! People will talk, so many demoralizing utterances and dream killing words would be said but you would have to decide whether to give in to “what people will say” or to pursue what you want to become with all you have got.

People will talk, no matter what you do so give them something worthwhile to talk about and as the icing on the cake, excel and keep them wondering how you did it.

Turn Your Anger Into a Motivational Tool

Turn Your Anger Into a Motivational Tool

Law of conversation of energy says energy can be neither created nor be destroyed, but it transforms from one form to another. Anger is one energy most of us have in excess, we are easily provoked to act, speak or keep malice. However, I believe that if this energy is well harnessed and rightfully channelled, it can be used positively. When people try to destroy this energy by bottling up so much more than they can handle, they end up doing hurtful and unspeakable things… Example is a maid that refrigerate the two kids of her boss because she was maltreated.

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Some years back, I had not really discovered myself and I wasn’t really aware of my strength then, about the time I got admission to the polytechnic. My dad was talking to me, in the presence of his friends, he said, if I could finish with upper credit grade level and was able to cross to the university, he was going to get me a car. One of his friends interrupted mockingly saying, “that is asking too much of him, he is too playful, hot-headed and can’t even construct good sentences. How is he going to pass not to talk of making upper credit grade level”. I felt bad, humiliated and very angry, because my dad wouldn’t defend me couple with the fact that I was being ridiculed before everyone. There and then I made up my mind to put extra-effort and prove the man wrong. I channeled all my anger into my resolve not to be a failure. To cut the story short, I came out the best in my set and I can’t forget the look on the man’s face when I was called to the podium to receive the award. Though, till today my dad thought it was the car that motivated me but it was actually anger.

When someone says you can’t achieve something and makes fun of you in such an embarrassing way, anger can push you to want to fight back, abuse the person or keep malice and bottle up but here is another alternative, in your anger you can also decide to prove the person wrong. You can decide to go home prepare extra-hard then come back and excel in that same thing you were told you can’t do. The best revenge is success, so sweet it leaves all those who have underestimated you wishing they knew better.

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Don’t try to bottle up your hanger, that is the worst thing you can do to yourself, act it out but in a positive way. People will bring your weaknesses to your face, people you trust will betray you, people you will take bullet for will be the ones behind the trigger, people will underestimate your potential but know that anything other than proving them wrong would make them right about you. Channel your anger positively and use it to change who you are, what you are and where you are.

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“Coat Of Many Colors”

Right from the time I understood that to me music has never been about the beat but the lyrics, Dolly had been one of my most loved musician.  Of all her songs “Coat Of Many Colors” stood out for me because it taught me contentment, appreciation and self-belief.

I will like to share this with you and to get you inspired!

“Coat Of Many Colors”

Back through the years
I go wonderin’ once again
Back to the seasons of my youth
I recall a box of rags that someone gave us
And how my momma put the rags to use
There were rags of many colors
Every piece was small
And I didn’t have a coat
And it was way down in the fog
Momma sewed the rags together
Sewin’ every piece with love
She made my coat of many colors
That I was so proud of
As she sewed, she told a story
From the bible, she had read
About a coat of many colors
Joseph wore and then she said
Perhaps this coat will bring you
Good luck and happiness
And I just couldn’t wait to wear it
And momma blessed it with a kiss

My coat of many colors
That my momma made for me
Made only from rags
But I wore it so proudly
Although we had no money
I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

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So with patches on my britches
Holes in both my shoes
In my coat of many colors
I hurried off to school
Just to find the others laughing
And making fun of me
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

And oh I couldn’t understand it
For I felt I was rich
And I told them of the love
My momma sewed in every stitch
And I told ’em all the story
Momma told me while she sewed
And how my coat of many colors
Was worth more than all their clothes

But they didn’t understand it
And I tried to make them see
That one is only poor
Only if they choose to be
Now I know we had no money
But I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me
Made just for me