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You Have All You Need To Start

If you have the passion, if you have a dream, if you have the Will, if you have You, then you have all you need to start! – Selahsomeone

A little bird looked at its mother and said, “mama when I grow big like you, I will fly to the top of the highest mountain and enjoy the coolest breeze of all”.

The mother bird smiled and replied, ” my little angel, if your dream is to one day enjoy the coolest breeze of all on the top of the highest mountain, then you will have to start your flying practice now”.

The little bird stretched its little wings, as if to say mum can’t you see, then said, “mum but you know i can’t fly that high yet, i am just a little bird”.

The mother bird replied, “I know you can’t fly that high yet but then if you want to someday fly that high you will have to start the lessons and attempts now”.

The mother bird went on; do you have wings?

The little bird answered, “Yes I do but they are pretty short!”

The mother probed further, do you have the Will and passion to drive your dream?

The little bird answered, “Yes i do but my friends said i need more than that”.

The mother bird shook her head, finally she asked, do you believe in yourself?

The little bird now not really sure of what to say, murmured, “Yes but i think i need to wait till i have big wings to carry me”.

The mother bird came closer and wrapped her wings around the little bird in a way to comfort and encourage her little baby. She then said, ” my baby, you have all you need to fly to the highest mountain, maybe you can’t fly that high right now but trust me, to grow big you have to start small. You have wings irrespective of the size, you have the Will and you have the dream to follow; that’s all you need. It is good to aim for the highest mountain, to set goals worthy of the future but it is wise to know that to fly to the highest mountain you will have to start from jumping ridges.


Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin… Zechariah 4:10

Many of us are like the little bird, we have big dreams and aspirations, some even have blueprints of where they want to be but the mistake most of us make is that we forget growing big means we have to start small.

Take for instance;

Steve Jobs all he had were his idea, few friends who shared his vision and a garage to start with

Arnold Schwarzenegger all he had was his body and a terrible English accent

Larry Page and Sergey Brin could not even afford the rent of a garage when they started, they had to wait like a year to get that yet that didn’t stop them from starting Google.

We would always have excuses why we cannot start living our dreams but when we understand the beauty of starting small we will understand that all these excuses don’t hold water; be it finance, personnel, experience, economic situation and so on, they are all things we can pick up along the way. The most important thing is that we start.

Know this, no matter how big and beautiful your dream is, if it cannot not be broken down into achievable pieces, stages, goals or targets then the dream is already self defeated.

Starting small presupposes that you get better per stage at doing something while growing at the same time. For instance, if your dream is become the President of a country, you will have to have achievable pieces or stages like get a political party, establish yourself in the party, try a couple of positions within the party, create big impression in your community, state and country, go for a state position then finally your dream, the presidency. You don’t just hope that you will wake up someday and become the president. Every dream should be capable of being broken down.

The beauty of starting small is that you are able to grow with your dream; along the way you learn from your mistakes, you adjust to reality, you grow into character and finally surpass your initial dream. However, if you are waiting to start big, most likely you won’t even start and when by a stroke of luck you are able to start, if you fail there would definitely be no way back.

You have a dream capable of being broken down, you have the passion, you have the will and you have You, that’s about all you need to start. Take the first step and don’t look back, start from the least and work your way to the top, set goals, have targets and plan stages, and whatever other things you think you need would find their way to you. Start flying now and very soon you will find your way to the highest mountain where the breeze is coolest.

You Have All You Need To Start

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You Can Do It

You can do it

No matter what you’re going through, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you’ll find the positive side of things.

Demi Lovato

Success stories are often fun to read, my favorite is the story of Joseph in the Bible, after everything he went through and against as many odds as possible, at last, he ended up solving a huge famine problem and in turn he was made number two person in a foreign land with wealth beyond his imagination. But as much as this story is impressive and astonishing, imagine Joseph who lived it.

Joseph not knowing the end of the story from the beginning like you and I do, would probably at a point thought that every step he took forward, took him two steps backward instead, for every honest and kind attitude he showed he reaped shame and ingratitude, for every problem he solved, instead of commendations he got condemnations and for every hard work he put in, he got hard walls in return. At a some point in the prison, I am sure he would have thought of giving up and maybe blamed himself for not being like everyone else. But the best part of the story is that Joseph never stopped trying, he never stopped pushing, he didn’t give up on his dreams, even when the situation looked hopeless he never stopped believing in possibilities.

Yes, you too can do it!

Before the good times come the hard ones, times that it would seem nothing is working. Often at these times we wonder if there are things we have done wrong or if there were some past trying to catch up with us. In fact, at these times it seems as if every step we take, every effort we make takes us further back. But my friends, these times are our most critical times, these are the times our faith and our resolve to stay true to our dreams get tested. It is like the darkest part of our night that is just before the breaking of our dawn.

With a little persistence you can do it.

It is difficult to hold on to our faith at these trying times especially when most people who truly care about us begin to lose their faith in us. At this point, it feels like we are all alone and no one really understands what we are trying to make of our lives. These are times people refer to us as crazy, lazy or confused, and truly sometimes we are tempted to see it their way and abandon our dreams all together. But dear, that’s about the time things start to make sense, about the time we are pushed to the wall and we start to push harder till doors begin to open.

Please don’t be derailed by what you are currently passing through. I know it is not as easy as I am saying it but then i also know it is not as hard as it is pretending to be. You can pull through this part of your life. Dreaming is the easy part, keeping the dream alive is where the work is, but i am positive you can do it. I know people you trust are currently no where to be found and people who before now shared your views are gradually pulling back because the results are yet to be seen but all these are just like smoke screen, soon when the dust settles and the tide starts to roll your way, the good days would return, then friends and families would love to share the podium with you.

You are another Joseph in the making, just that you can’t see the end of your own story yet but I am more convinced it is even going to be sweeter and your success would be a lesson to others who wouldn’t give up, just because you didn’t. I believe in you not because i want to make you feel good but because I know your pain and I also know it would be well justified in the end if you can just persist consistently a little longer.

Dedicated to my adopted daughter Onome Omodara (www.onomewrites.com)

The Only Thing Women Want 

The Only Thing Women Want

Okay, I am sure you are probably saying, “what’s he talking about how can women want just one thing!”. Unfortunately, yes! That’s what I am saying.

Some days back, I was on an ATM queue, when I heard a woman sobbing, she should be in her late 40s, she didn’t look that educated but you would see how much she was trying to hold her pain, as she was trying to explain to her friends why she was so hurt. I moved closer, so I can hear the gist (as a writer I eavesdrop a lot) and here are the key points of what she said…

…whenever he travels he doesn’t buy me things while I see other women show off what their husbands bought them…

…he never shows me he still cares about me, I know he doesn’t have much and the little he has he spends it on us but he feels detached…

…he doesn’t talk to me about anything, he is always tired for everything…

…his responses are always harsh like we are fighting, I just wish things where like they used to be…

Women are so wonderful, unique, smooth, in fact no amount of words could describe their versatility. As Human want is unlimited so is woman want, only woman with limited vision has limited demand. There’s Much to talk about…

-Hon Oloniju Aryortheyjhy Colonial

These got me thinking, if this man spends all he earns on his family and the woman is still not satisfied then what do women really want? So I went straight to google and search ” what women want” and the response I got made me more confused. Some authors came up with 6, some 7, another came up with 10 and a weird one wrote 100 things women want.

Then I remembered the song “my love don’t cost a thing”, is it that most women want everything while few others want nothing? I couldn’t answer that question, so I dropped it and moved to other things until today when it just dawned on me, every woman wants only one thing which they can disguise as everything or nothing and that is attention. (Before you call me a male chauvinist, please here me out)

Omodare….you can never know what you women want…. Even when u have it all, you are never satisfied…. I’m so confused on this cuz they can never be pleased
– Alex Temitope Ayodele

Attention comes in different forms, shapes and sizes, and most times that is where most men get misled to think women are insatiable. Also may be because men are too focused on the physical evidence that they neglect the unspoken words and are misguided to think most women are materialistic, when all they demand is attention.

Some times we think women want shopping just to stack their wardrobe but half of this time all they wanted is attention, to become the cynosure of all eyes. Attention from friends, the boutique’s representatives, but most of all from you their men. Ask any lady, the best part of a shopping spree is to have their husbands/boyfriends their to do the selection. In fact, most women will argue that they don’t dress for a man or men and that to a large extent is true because they dress for attention depending on the kind of attention they crave for at that moment. She just wants the attention!

A woman wants to be loved and appreciated. She’s an emotional being so she expects everyone to see things from an own point of view, she wants to be listened to, she wants respect. She will appreciate gift but she wants more. She wants to be treated as a special person.
– Omodara Onome

I have heard guys say their women nag but here is the fact, she just wants your attention. She wants to be heard, listened to and treated as a partner in the relationship. She wants you to have time for her, she doesn’t want to be second to your job, the children, your friends or your religion, she wants to be second to none. Unfortunately, men treat life as conquest, surmount one and move to another, shifting all attentions to what is new. Of course she will nag, she wants to be seen and treated as new everyday!

People have said a woman boss is always too bossy that women love power. In all honesty, everyone loves power, male or female but the question is, “what is the motive behind that love for power?” Men love power so they can rule, gather wealth and some times oppress but for women it is different, she wants power so she can command attention. When a lady boss walks in she wants you to know she is the boss (trust me on this, I have worked with many boss ladies), she wants the attention especially if there is another lady around, she wants everyone including that lady to know she gets all the attention.

She wants love ,care,respect and forgiveness. Fidelity, Attention…. listening ear and FINANCIAL SECURITY….above all…a faithful man.

– Raymond Glory

Men are moved by what they see; a sexy body, a beautiful face structure, a pretty smile, to die for attitude and so on, basically men are a typical example of seeing is believing but women are opposite, women are moved by what they hear, it is an evidence they have your thought attention and trust me they know when you are saying it like you mean it. It is not all about being emotional (it counts though) but it is more about what you confess, women want to hear it, day and night. If you love her then you cannot be tired of saying it and even when she wrongs you, she still doesn’t want you to take the attention off her.

No one has the ability to give women what they want, their want can’t be met. Due to individual differentiation we could say, some want love and care blah blah, while some want money and prioritise their career. The truth be told, there are some secret want which women can’t openly disclose they only fantasize about it. So to cut the long story short they have few want that we can only try to meet them. Wish I could explain more But Selah, I ain’t a fan of typing….

-Taiwo Afeez Fehintola

When a lady says I don’t want anything, trust me that ‘anything’ doesn’t include attention. In truth, the fact is, saying she wants nothing is expected to make men curious and inevitably kick start the attention process. Men will want to find out more about her. Who is she? Is she still single? And with men curiosity rather affection would often lead them to the doorstep of a lady.

To a lady, attention beats any other thing men have to offer. Ever wondered why a lady married a rich business man still ends up in the bed of an hustler? It is simply because the rich man is too busy chasing money that he thinks money can replace giving his lady attention (Remember the movie “unfaithful” by Richard Gere, it wasn’t about the sexual desires of the woman but the passion and attention in every contact).

We all know what a man wants according to Rev (Mrs.) Funke Felix-Adejumo ‘A man’s greatest need is respect, not sex or food’. In the same context, “A woman’s greatest need is attention, not sex or money”.

We can paint it however we like it, use big English and even vague words, say it is nothing or it is everything but the word we are all looking for is ATTENTION. Give your woman more attention and see what difference it will bring to your relationship, it is worth the try!

Thanks to all contributors as quoted, you guys are amazing. And to you reading this, I am sure most won’t agree with this view especially based on their own experience, so feel free to share your reservations in the comment section and trust me to reply your constructive counter argument. Cheers!

​Interview with a player 5

​Interview with a player 5

This is my interview with a new friend of mine, he used to be a player, a heartbreaker and a chronic womanizer. He agreed to share some of his experiences with me and I hope we can all learn from them as well as from the few notes I took during the interview. You are welcome to the series.

Previously on Interview with a player

Selahsomeone: Welcome back readers, let’s learn as Mr. A continues with his story.
Selahsomeone: Mr. A welcome back after a long absence. I am glad to have you back. So let’s start this way, how did you handle it, when the truth came out that Miss O had been playing you all along?

Mr. A: Nice to be back Selah. 

To be honest, I was taken by surprise with the turn of events with Miss O. She fooled me right from the onset. After she showed me the text, I now told her, nothing like that happened at Miss D’s place that it was all a ploy to unravel the mystery behind her threat texts, calls and claimed beatings. There and then she knew her game was up, she then started crying, she claimed she did it all for love and because she was scared of losing me. Selah, I was dazed, I have been played by one lady I could have sworn was naïve. She lied about Miss T and her lies practically killed every good memories of Miss T and almost made me an enemy of my good student.

You don’t judge by looks, when it comes to relationship even what the eyes see cannot be trusted. People can hide things and still join you in searching for them. 

Selahsomeone: Hmm, painful I guess. But the truth is, the player was played, big time.

Mr. A: Hmm, you might want to say, that about summarized it. Though, a part of me realized that, it still didn’t feel less painful. Anyway, there and then, I made up my mind it was over with Miss O, I may be a cheat but I was not ready to settle down with another cheat, remember no honor amongst thieves.

Selahsomeone: So true. Okay, so what happened after that, your promise to take up her school responsibilities, miss D and Miss B?

Mr. A: Selah, a lot happened. My service was over and almost immediately, I got a job with one of the old generation banks. The pay was quite good for a fresh graduate and luckily Miss O got admission at the prestigious university in Ibadan. Even though we had agreed to go our separate ways, I still paid her fees up till her final year. And for miss D, I eventually found out she too had been all lies; false claim of being a virgin (still don’t understand why girls lie about things like that), she had an incurable appetite for sex (actually that’s about all she knew how to do then, she is much different now though, because I still keep in touch) so, I had to let her go too. Finally, I was left with Miss B. 

Lies are the worst foundation you can build your relationship(s) on because when it storms, it would be blown away. You are better of, starting with the truth and reaching an understanding before you consolidate on what you have.

Selahsomeone: Wow! If I was right, that would be your 7th year of being together.

Mr. A: 8th actually! But unfortunately that was the last year we spent together.

Selahsomeone: What happened *now I was very curious* what could have separated Mr. A and Miss B (A&B connection) after everything they have been through?

Mr. A: Sometimes, karma has a way of coming back at us when we least expect. I proposed to Miss B on New Year’s eve of 2007 and sure her answer was “Yes”. We agreed we had to mend things with her cousins Miss K and Miss F (who both were still single at the time). We called them up one after the other, Miss K was too quick to give her blessings while Miss F was a bit reluctant but eventually she said okay but advised Miss B gets pregnant before we inform her parents (Miss B lost both of her parents some 5years back and since then Miss F’s parents had been like her Forster parents). 

Miss F’s advice made a lot of sense. Miss F’s parents knew I dated her, so if I now showed up that I want to marry Miss B, it will definitely be a No No but if she was pregnant, they would probably have no choice. So we agreed she should get pregnant, even though she was having her NYSC up north, she was most times with me. For over 6months we tried to no avail, we did tests and we were told we are both fine but still I couldn’t get her pregnant. Finally, after her service year, we agreed she should go back to Lagos for some few weeks then come back finally and stay with me while we hatch a new plan for our wedding. 

Some things would not work out just the way we want, not because we didn’t try enough but because somehow what we desire won’t fall fit in God’s perfect picture of us. Learn to live with your unanswered prayers!

That morning when she was going back to Lagos, I noticed she wasn’t her cheerful self, I asked her what the matter was but she just smiled and said, “I am going to miss you!”. I tried my best to comfort her, I told her it was just for some weeks and that I would always be with her on phone. I took her to the park, I was accompanied by a friend, I pulled her back as she was about to board the bus, I hugged her and I couldn’t miss the tears in her eyes, I smiled and planted a kiss on the teary cheek. She boarded the bus, I waited till the the bus was filled and the bus left. 

This was around past 7am, it was a Monday morning and I have to make it back to the office before 7:30am. It couldn’t have been up to 10mins when Miss B’s bus left when a text message came into my phone. I was driving, so asked my friend to check the text and read it to me.  He took my phone, flipped through the text and he said, ” turn the car around or pack this is bad”.

I was so confused, so I packed and snatched the phone from his hand to read the text and it went like this…

“‘A’ my love, it is so sad all these have to end, I want to be with you forever, God knows I want to but sometimes walking away is the only way forward, now that it is so clear some how the universe is against us. I will miss you and will forever cherish you. Never to see again!

Yours

B

PS: Don’t bother calling because I am breaking my SIMs now”

Selahsomeone: *sigh* wow! That’s harsh and almost unbelievable considering what you guys went though together and how many hearts suffered along the way. Did you make any effort to get her back?

We make the craziest decisions when we are emotional, often this point is our weakest yet we get stronger with each experience especially when we are not drowned by the bitterness or joy.

Mr. A: Selah, yes I did. I couldn’t reach her on any of her lines, and almost everyone we had in common said they didn’t hear from her. It was like in the movies, she disappeared only to resurface 3months after and guess what Selah!?! 

She was getting married!

Selahsomeone: What? How? To whom?

Mr. A: Same questions that gave me sleepless nights. This totally broke my heart and harden the shattered pieces. I was taken for a fool by Miss T, played over and over again by miss O and finally dumped after everything by Miss B, i spun out of control and ended up in a players rendezvous.

Selahsomeone: RENDEZVOUS? Can you shed more light?

To be continued

What’s Your Passion?

What’s Your Passion?

When God gives you a vision for your life, it’ll burn within you like a fire that can’t be extinguished. The psalmist said, ‘My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burnt.’ So, what are you passionate about? What burns ‘hot’ within you?

When God calls you to do something, He creates within you both the desire to do it and the power to carry it out. Though you feel inadequate and unqualified, stand on His Word: ‘For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him’ (Philippians 2:13 NLT).
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Mahatma Gandhi had a vision of a free and independent India at a time when it was governed by the British. Henry Ford had a vision of every family in America owning an automobile at a time when people were frightened of his new invention. Daniel K. Ludwig had a vision of a self-supporting industrial region in the heart of the Brazilian jungle at a time when there was no industry, no electricity, and no city of any kind for hundreds of miles.

Where do such creative desires come from? God, Who is our Creator! And when God gives you a true worldview, you’ll never be happy living in a narrow mental framework.

Are there times when you’ll feel afraid and uncertain about what to do? Yes! Fear and faith are two sides of the same coin, and they’ll always be part of your thinking. But the one you choose is the one that’ll determine your future – and you get to choose!

‘My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned.’ Psalm 39:3 NIV (1984 Edition)

Shared by Fidel Afuda

Life’s Decision: What Do I Do?

Life’s Decision: What Do I Do?

Picture these:
You just rounded off fabulous years of academics, you have served your nation as it is mandatory and now you have high hopes of what the future holds. Then you remember your Uncle Paul who finished some 5years ago but still lives with his parents because his job can’t pay the high rent. In the same thought, you remember Uncle Dan who got a job with oil servicing firm and now drives flashy cars and has a nice house at a choice location. Again you thought of Aunty Grace who is into interior decor and event planning, you just love her schedule as she is often free, a boss of herself and so rich….sigh! but then you can’t forget Aunty Rose who also went into personal business of Cake making and small chops, and still she begs for change whenever she comes around…

I hope you can relate with these pictures.

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Life is about choices, decisions we make that permanently impact on our lives and some times impact on the course of history. Maturity and self awareness often present us with three major choices:

1. Do I go look for job?
2. Do I still further my education?
3. Do I start my own thing?

What we have seen of others and how they came out, too often leaves us confused about what next to do. The pictures above look too familiar; same thing one person did and got result often may not work for another, leaving the rest of us wondering which is the right path to take.

In this article, I will breakdown each of these options then I will leave you to make your own decision.

1. Do I look for job?
“Big jobs usually go to the men who prove their ability to outgrow small ones.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
Getting a job, any kind of job, is easy. All you have to do is to apply and be ready to take any amount you are offered. However, getting a good job means you have to prove you are better than every other person eyeing that same job. You must have the best qualifications, best certifications, best command of skills and presentations, and in some cases know a few more persons than your closest rival for the job. In the current economic situation, opportunities at these Blue Chipped companies are rear, recession has stiffen their desires to recruit more hands and the old hands have just refused to retire. The question now is, are you ready to compete for those good jobs like Uncle Dan or you will be comfortable with just any job like Uncle Paul?

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2. Do I still further my education?
“Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow.”
Anthony J. D’Angelo
Growth comes with learning and with learning comes the key to unlock opportunities. Furthering education in any book is a welcome development; it is investing in yourself, becoming more valuable and increasing your worth. However, you must have understood yourself, identified your values and known your current worth before you can say that you want to (grow) add something; this is the only sufficient reason to further your education. Furthering your education is not restricted to going for higher degrees, you can go for certifications, diplomas or just learn something new like a trade or how to use your talent better. Whether you want to get a job, start a career, use your talent or go into business, learning is imperative. From our mental pictures, Uncle Dan and Aunty Grace must have improved themselves significantly, one way or the other, which has made them above board but like I said earlier this must be done for the right reason. The question here is, if you think you need to further your education, is it for the right reason?

3. Do I start my own thing?
“If you don’t build your dream someone will hire you to help build theirs.”
Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
People often mistake chasing one’s dream for setting up one’s personal business, No Sir! Some people have the dream to work for a big company while others have the dream to own a big company; people have different dreams. Relating this to W. Edwards Deming’s rule of 3-97%, we can easily say only 3% will start their own business and employ the remaining 97% but you have to be sure which is your dream, is it to be among the 3% or the 97%? Note this, the fact that you have chosen to be part of the 97% doesn’t mean your dream is inferior and because you have decided to join the 3% doesn’t mean you are unrealistic. However, there is nothing as comforting as being your own boss and there is nothing as heart-troubling as knowing that being the boss means you are responsible for what you earn; it won’t be all fun and games. Your passion and your dreams might be the only fuel you are left with, when things don’t go according to plans, when people start condemning your choices and things seem destined for the rocks (the stage Aunty Rose is currently), and trust me, your Will will be tested before you start reaping the good of “your own thing” like Aunty Grace. So if you are thinking of starting your own thing, you need to ask yourself, “is that my dream and do I have the passion to endure the storm?”

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You can be whatever you choose to be, but you first have to choose before you can be. Choose wisely, don’t let fear push you into settling for something less than you deserve and don’t let the noise of the crowd pull you into something you are not cut out for. There is something special about you, people might not see it yet but trust me, your light will definitely shine through.

5 Things Problems Bow To

5 Things Problems Bow To

Problems are part of living, in fact the general believe is that problem are like exams, if you are fully prepared it can’t keep you down for too long and if you surmount it, you get promoted to the next level in life but if not, many lesser problems comes to complicate issues. Problems are often not the end of life even though some may seem insurmountable but with a positive attitude and wonderful awareness, they move from being a stumbling block to being a stepping stone.

Every problem is a gift – without problems we would not grow. – Anthony Robbins

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There are 5 powerful instruments that one can use to combat problems, each is efficient in its own way but not absolute. Smart people have learned to combine as many as possible for maximum result. I like to share this with you and I hope you will be able to make your choice and use them to set yourself free.

5 powerful instruments (in no particular order)

1. Power: This simply put is your ability to influence or control things. This can be exhibited through strength, words, affluent, weapons, manipulations, influence or position. Power puts you over challenges associated with oppressions. When you are in a position of power, many people become your friends or allies and all struggling to favour you just to be in your good books. Problems that come your way easily give way when you throw your weight around, little wonder people in position of power hold on to it like it is tied to their life.

2. Pounds: This is the unit of measure; money, gold, resources, wealth and possessions. Money answers to almost all problems, especially when you have it in excess and know how to use it. Some say money cannot buy happiness and a wise man replied, “they don’t know where to shop”. When you have enough resources, your problems move from not having enough to having too much. People who would have constituted problems struggle to be your friends. Money changes how we view and conceive things, wealth steps in and comfort becomes insatiable, that’s why it is bad not to have but worse to have had but lost it.

3. Prayers: This is seeking higher powers to intervene on one’s behalf. Prayers are pleas to high authorities; God, people in high places, higher understanding or self consciousness. Prayers are meant to stimulate miracles, a change that maybe unmerited or favour that goes beyond the ordinary. Problem bows to prayers, evidences abound even though, there always seem to be a logical explanation but so also some are beyond comprehension.

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4. Persistence: When you continue in a path you become a specialist on that path, you become an authority (power), and when you speak people will listen (influence). Problem has a way of giving way to people who won’t quit. Persistence has been used by many dream builders to make their dreams come true. Persistence teaches them to make better decisions, take calculated risk, turn bad situations to their advantage and in some cases just hang in their till the bad wind blows off.

5. Passion: This include sentimental appeals that usual finds common ground with quite a number of people, such as love, religion, ethnic sentiments, crusade, common hatred and other sentimental appeals. Through passion power; control and influence is handed over people, putting them above some problems. Passion is also strong enough to bring wealth and create affluent.

Problems are meant to take us to the next level and this can only be achieved when we overcome and move ahead.

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It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people; to focus your energies on answers – not excuses. – William Arthur Ward

DON’T JUDGE ME (Part 3)

DON’T JUDGE ME (Part 3)

Note: Not all bad things happen to destroy us, most bad things happen to build us, to put life in clearer perspective and often to let us know, who lies behind the veil of friendship.

I was eager to see Josh, It is being a while, so I long for his touch, his face, like a deprived child in search of love, I couldn’t wait, I was even hoping to surprise him with more than my visit. On getting to his house, I knocked the door but no answer, it was a Saturday, I was so sure he wasn’t going to school and from our last discussion, he didn’t have any party that weekend. I decided to try the door to see if it was not locked, to my surprise it opened, so I let myself in. There was nobody in the sitting room, but then this awkward sound and seemingly whispering coming from Josh’s room. I became curious, a part of me wanted to go back but my curiosity got the best of me. My eyes could not believe what it saw, Josh was with another lady, in a position my innocent words can’t describe. I dashed out, like a man on a hunt, straight home to wet my pillow as usual.

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Over the course of the Week, he called, sent text, sent friends but I wasn’t ready for any explanation. It was clear to me it was over. I was broken, I was hurt, honestly I loved Josh. Lot’s of questions where left unanswered like; what was I getting wrong? Was there something about me that needed to fixed? Was it the laws of attraction bring a good girl like me to bad boys? Was God punishing me for something I did in the past? Or Was I just unlucky in love? I was tired of flings, I wanted something real, I wanted something that would last forever, I wanted sincerity; a man who genuinely cares about me, who will treat me like I was the only woman in the world. “Someone to respect and cherish me, that isn’t asking for too much”,  I concluded.

All my colleagues were either engaged or in a serious relationship, this kept the pressure on me. It was my final year in the university and I was so desperate to have a man. Lately, the phone calls I’ve been receiving have been “guess what? He just proposed”, when will I make such a phone call? This became my daily routine of thoughts, I became withdrawn and a shadow of my usual self.

Note: Don’t run your life based on another man’s schedule, you either end up doing too much or doing too small.

One evening after class my phone rang and it was Tomi. Tomi has been my good friend since my sophomore year, we were so close and I had a serious crush on him. However, he friend zoned me, so nothing really happened. Our friendship reduced drastically in my third year because  he found out some truths about me, which left him disappointed. I apologized but he wouldn’t let it go, so I let him be.

I was surprised when he called to check up on me. He said he had missed me and asked if he could see me. I was eager to see him too, so I cleared my schedule and fixed a time to see him. When we finally met, He apologized for walking out on me and abandoning our friendship, I also apologized for not being totally straight with him. I couldn’t explain what happened with the look on Tomi’s face but I knew I was up for trouble, he held my hands and looked straight into my eyes before I knew it we started kissing. (I am a bit sensitive, that kind of girl that the faintest of pecks drives her passion.) I knew Tomi wanted a perfect lady, so I wasn’t sure if the kiss was to test my looseness or just his passion running on overdrive, my thought ran riot. He broke the kiss apologized and left.

Note: If you find it too hard to control your emotions, you might find it even harder to control your relationship with others. Anger, passion, joy, worry, excitements are part of emotions that determine how we are able to co-exist with others.

It has been three days, since the kiss incident and I’ve not heard anything from Tomi. In my heart, I told myself I had blown it again; I failed a simple test. On the fourth day, to my surprise, Tomi called. He asked if I could come to his house and like a lamb being led to slaughter, I didn’t object. On getting to his house he apologized for kissing me, he said it was a mistake but I told him it was okay. He said he wanted us to be back to being friends and nothing more. I agreed, at least that is better than losing him all together.

Few days after, I went to his house. After exhausting all the available gist, we decided to play games. We started with question games, then guessing games, finally we decided to play the truth or dare game. He then dared me to kiss him, I laughed about it (trying to figure out if he meant it) but he was serious. “Well it is just a game” he said, so I did. This time it lasted longer and I really felt all the tingling sensations. There were couple of more sexual daring requests and I obliged all. When it was getting late, I left his house but I could not stop thinking about the kiss and other stuffs we did. I knew I was definitely in love with him and I secretly prayed the feeling was mutual.

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I became restless, I wanted to know what I was going into. Was it all games to him or he was just shy to come out clean. We were in our final year and dating was no longer a taboo. One day, I summoned the courage to ask him, Tomi, “what do you really want from me?”. My palms were all sweaty, my eyes were damp, I was really scared of what his response might be. He smiled, as if to tell me, “I understand how you feel”. He then spoke softly but with all sense of seriousness , “you know I like you but I can’t date you”, that sent shivers down my spine. “It is not that you are not beautiful but I just can’t see you as a girlfriend. Maybe friends with benefits, satisfying each other’s sexual curiosity but then, I can’t even see myself  having sex with you”, he concluded.

Note: Giving a man your body doesn’t make him indebted to you. Sex is 95% passion to a lady but 95% fun to a man. Sex is never a yardstick to measure love.

This was the final nail on the coffin, I am willing to give my body and it is all being thrown in my face. Tears rolled down my face, I stood up, told him as gentle as I can, that I was not interested in such a friendship and I walked away. I felt used, in the name of games, I felt betrayed in the name of friendship, I wondered how he had been seeing me all these while; a toy, a play thing, a fool who kisses men before they ask her out, in fact maybe a loose girl that kisses every man… I felt empty and was really ashamed of myself.

So I decided to change my approach, if I wanted a man who would care, be God fearing and not sex driven, I would have to look elsewhere, like somewhere more sacred. So it occurred to me that kind of man would definitely be in the Church. So I became more receptive in to brothers, I waited for all meetings; single’s meeting, prayer meetings, business meetings, house fellowship meetings, name it and you will find me there. I started giving all the church brothers asking me out hope because I was tired of romance, I wanted something different. Then it happened, the ushering unit president asked me out, apparently the Lord laid it in his heart to approach me, his name is Charles and I didn’t even think about it, I just said Yes. Charles was so loving, spiritual, caring and I enjoyed all the attention he gave me.

Note: Ladies, don’t ever make relationships your source of happiness, God didn’t just make you a wife alone! Get a life, it’s not all about having a boyfriend.
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What really happened between me and Charles? let’s see in the final episode….

By Omodara Onome

What is Your Worth?

WHAT IS YOUR WORTH?

Tochukwu barged into her sister’s house and shouted “I’ve had enough, men are all the same”

Her elder sister Chioma, who was five (5) years older than her, got married three years ago to her first love Paul. Tochukwu used to tell her, “she is boring”, for dating the same guy for over 5 year. Chioma got married to her first love because she does not believe in changing men. She has this principle, “If you have found your true love then you have no reason to run back and forth with others. Stay faithful to your true love”. While Tochi, on the other hand, as everyone calls her, believes that there is nothing like true love. She is of the opinion that “If you find a rich man who loves you then marry him”.

As months passed by, with Tochi going to her sister’s house once in a while and she seeing the way her sister’s husband showers her with love, Tochi started having second thoughts about love and men. However, this particular day had been a very annoying day for Tochi, her boyfriend, Daniel, had insulted her publicly and the only person she could talk to was her elder sister. Chioma had been her confidant since childhood but when she barged into her home, Tochi had really passed her boundary this time. “Tochi this is my matrimonial home for God’s sake, what if my husband was home what exactly is wrong with you?” Chioma questioned, in a rather angry voice. Tochi apologize immediately sensing the annoyance. “What has men done to you this time?”, Chioma asked.

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Tochi then explained to her sister how Daniel publicly insulted her, by calling her a parrot, saying she talks too much. “Sis, he doesn’t respect me at all, he treats me anyhow”, she tried to hold back her tears. She continued, “Can you imagine it was inside the shopping mall that he insulted me o, in fact I’m never going back to him!”. Her sister smiled, just to calm her aching nerves, then asked her to sit down.

Then with a voice so gentle yet firm, Chioma began, “Tochi, No man will respect and value you until you learn to respect and value yourself”. Tochi had a puzzle look on her face.  Chioma smiled again and continued, the issue of being valued, does not only come in relationship with your partners or spouses, it also affects your relationship with people in general. Have you ever wondered why your friends talk to you anyhow or why your boss or even your siblings treat you without courtesy? It all boils down to how you carry yourself, the value you place on yourself and the aura that you carry around you.

Let me ask you a question; when you look in the mirror what exactly do you see? If you see a man or woman who is timid, ugly and stupid, I’m afraid, everyone you come across that day would most likely see you that way too. When you look in the mirror why not see a man or woman who is confident, smart and intelligent, you have nothing to lose, after all, God created you that way. People will keep on messing with you until you learn to raise your price tag, Chioma concluded.

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“Don’t rely on some-one else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself- no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are- completely; the good and the bad and the changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different”. – Stacey Charter

To my beautiful ladies, if he actually slept with you at the backseat of his car you can’t expect him to think you are worthy of a matrimonial bed! You need to know that you worth more than that and you are not just a toy to play with. To my handsome men, if a lady makes you feel less and compares you to other men then you need to stand up and let her know you are the best. There is so much inside of you why would you settle for less than you deserve?

When you are walking, raise your head high and be confident of the fact that you worth so much more than precious stones. I need you to know that every mistake you have made and all the bad experiences you have had, all sums up to make you better than you were before. Know that because you failed at something has not made you worth less. You need to fall in love with yourself everyday because if you don’t love you, nobody will. After all it is love your neighbor as yourself meaning your first love is yourself.

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I know we are not all perfect but with learning and believing in oneself, we get better every day. I need you to know that you worth so much more, if you are in a gathering of people who make you feel less, then I think you need to change such people. Hang out with friends who make you feel better and brighter. Don’t stay where you are tolerated, move on to where you will be celebrated. Remember nobody can make you feel worthless without your permission. You are a treasure that should be treasured. You are so very special!

I love you and I believe in you!

Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome