Disappointment

Disappointment

Disappointment is part of life and how we handle it would go a long way in determining how we relate with others. One of the things I first learned about living is that disappointment is inevitable.

Some people will say, “when you put your trust in people what you get is disappointment”, well this is true but how can we live life without trusting someone? Yes, we should trust God but if we can’t trust humans we see how can we trust God we cannot see? Hence, my conclusion that disappointment is just part of life.

In a matter of speaking, you and I have also disappointed people before; our parents, friends, lovers and ourselves. Even though these acts might not have been deliberate, we just find ourselves not living up to the expectations of others, no matter how much we try. On this basis you will probably agree with me that anyone can disappoint and most times not intentionally.

We should be bound by our words, we should uphold whatever we give promise to do that is how it should work but life has also taught me that sometimes things can really really get out of control and we find ourselves where our words and promises become the least of our problems. Ultimately, we disappoint people who ordinarily we would do everything to put smiles on their faces.

Having understood that disappointment can come from anyone you included, so how do you manage disappointment:

  1. See the positives in everything: I think why being disappointed hardly gets to me is because I see the positives in everything. I believe to everything is a reason and not all reasons are comprehendible. So even when I see no reason why someone should disappoint me, I still tell my self, it is for the best. A mentor of mine once told me that there is good in bad and there is bad in good. So whether good or bad, every situation provides reason to be happy and sad (#deep).
  2. Always have a backup plan; When I make plans, I always give room for “what if”, hence, a backup plan. If you observe this too, disappointment won’t hit you too hard. Call it plan B or Plan 2, always ensure you have what to fall back on so you don’t hit the solid ground after a disappointment.
  3. Build on what you can achieve: My ground zero has always been based on what I can personally achieve, then I commit people to helping me from there. Invariably when their help ceases or doesn’t come I will still have my ground zero which is better than nothing. See whatever anyone wants to do for you as just the icing on the cake you baked with your sweat. So even if they disappoint, you still have your cake.
  4. Focus on the big picture: There is this big picture in my head of where I want to be and you know what? I have come to understand that it only takes my commitment and God’s grace to get there. Whoever helps along the way is God sent and whoever chooses to quit on me is just someone God grew tired of using while those who failed to help at all are just people God won’t use for me just to protect my dreams. What do you think?
  5. Have a big heart: Forgiveness used to be one of the most difficult things for me to do, unconsciously I find myself referring to wrongs people did to me and I acted it out. But I think I have grown pass that now. I have grown my heart to accommodate the good, the bad and the ugly without thinking of getting even. This wont happen in a day but as you grow in point number 4, it becomes a piece of cake.
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A little Nicer

A little Nicer

Being deserving of a thing is not measured by what you went through to get it but your understanding of what makes that thing precious; passion does that for people more than pain could ever do, build passion in people and not pain. – Selahsomeone

You don’t have to have all you want before you make impact in other people’s life; a smile, kind words, gentle touch, constructive criticism are few of the ways you can reach out. I know sometimes you just feel like letting out your frustrations but you don’t have to make a third (innocent person) party a victim of your outburst. Everyone has a burden, transferring yours to others would only cause a ripple effect.

Many say the world is crazy, the government is bad, our leaders are malicious but you know what I think? I think we are all a victim of our own ills. I have encountered so many difficulties in my life and to each of them has a face of someone who could have been nicer. (I hope I am making sense). A sadistic lecturer, a difficult boss, a backstabbing friend, a cheating date, an oppressing rich man/woman etc, all individuals that could have just been a little nicer but instead chose to be selfish, eccentric and egoistic like you and I often do.

It doesn’t hurt to make life comfortable for others in spite of going through a difficult time yourself. You shouldn’t delight in seeing others suffer. Because you had a rough start at your workplace or getting your degree or getting to stardom doesn’t mean you should inflict same on people coming up through you. If we go by “an eye for an eye” the whole world will soon go blind. Making it easy for people coming behind should be your topmost priority. Being deserving of a thing is not measured by what you went through to get it but your understanding of what makes that thing precious; passion does that for people more than pain could ever do, build passion in people and not pain.

You know that giggling dance you do on the inside when you read bad news about celebrities and affluent people, that’s not nice. No one deserves to be wished evil upon. You wonder why bad news sell more, well it is because deep down most of us are of the opinion that if we can’t be happy no one deserves to be happy. This has to change! We can all be a little nicer, celebrating the good in one another. Do you know that happiness can be passed on just as sadness is contagious? That is the ripple effect! Make someone happy and you will see how happy it will make you feel.

Even when you feel compelled to correct a wrong, be subtle about it, remember it doesn’t end there. Don’t ripple the waters of karma, correct with the right intentions not out of envy or vengeance. When you have to teach a lesson, let the blessings be obvious. Because you are on top today doesn’t make you a supreme being nor omnipresent, you are but a man, remember someone would fill that position in a short while… Be mindful of this and let it guide your everyday actions.

Be nicer even if it is just a little more than your usual. Go out of your way to do something for someone. Do you know the greatest feeling of satisfaction comes from knowing that you have delighted someone? Don’t argue just try it and you will experience something different.

Share this with someone you wish could be a little nicer!

You Are None Of Those Names

You Are None Of Those Names

In life whatever name(s) people call us, can only become ours if we choose to answer to them.

Do you know you have to accept whatever name(s) you are called before it becomes your name? Whatever name(s) we answer to now became our name(s) because we chose to answer to them. If someone screams “Andrew!” in a hall filled with people, only those who answer ‘Andrew’ will most likely look in the direction of the screamer except maybe those who are curious and want to know who Andrew is. So also, in life, whatever name(s) people call us, can only become ours if we choose to answer to them. Little wonder, some people have gone ahead to change their birth name(s), when they don’t want to answer it anymore.

And because you are passing through a situation doesn’t make that situation your destination, you are just passing through! 

People may call you broke, loser, jobless, lazy, stupid, single, fat, fake and so on, these may describe your current situation but that still doesn’t make any of these your name. You decide what you want to answer to! And because you are passing through a situation doesn’t make that situation your destination, you are just passing through! When you decide your name isn’t any of those derogatory remarks and you begin to reinforce names you love to be associated with like success, smart, ambitious, special, winner… and reassure yourself on daily basis that you have all it takes to write your own success story, things will start changing for you.

There would be rocky parts but then you will also get to the smooth part.

You are blessed to have you however, this can only transform to physical blessings when you start believing in yourself.  None of those names people call you matter but the names you have chosen to answer. You have total control on what follows your “I am”, exercise this control and allow only positive words to follow your ” I am”. There would be rocky paths but then you will also get to the smooth path. Don’t be discouraged by now and don’t be taken back by what people seem to think about your life or situation, you will survive it, you are none of those ugly names, you are special and you deserve all the best things life has to offer. 

Because they say “you are” doesn’t mean “you are” (good or bad) but when you say “I am”, you have already set in motion what you want to become! – Selahsomeone

​DO NOT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER

​DO NOT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER

“You may not have a second opportunity  to make a first impression” suggests that you should always be at your best when meeting and interacting with people because it forma the basis of their perception of you. – Oluwatosin

When people interact with you for the first time, they are often interested in your appearance, body language and cognitive level. They assess you based on some preset standards they have set in their minds. It takes a couple of ticks on the assessment chart before one is referred to as a cool guy, a responsible lady or an intelligent individual. As good as this impression may be, if subsequent actions do not align with the existing impression, the perception of the onlooker is reviewed and disappointment soon follows.
Have you met someone before and he/she looks appealing- well cultured, good appearance, and so on but as time goes on, you begin to see traces of qualities that counter the one you got from your first impression? Then you wonder if you were wrong during your first encounter or you were unlucky to meet an impostor.

Perceptions could also change positively. You could meet someone today and notice a major turnoff which changes for good with time. The person might have been undergoing a hard time as at when you met which accounted for his or her high-hat attitude. Drawing up all the conclusions in one day because of a set of actions or reactions may be too hasty. Real people are often imperfect; they are cool on several sides but they also have their not-so-cool attitudes. If you are faced with the odd side during your first encounter, you might not have the pleasure of enjoying their cool selves if you draw the line immediately. Give people time to prove themselves.


On the other hand, total perfection is a pointer to pretense. When a person is always on time, no angry side, no provocative attitude, no weakness, be cautious- you might just be on the path of being taken in. Everybody is a work in progress. However, some people have accomplished more than others, there is no unit standard for assessment. Accept each person on a new page, allow them the chance to describe themselves and do not be hasty in judgements.

Liar’s Corner

Liar’s Corner

It is said that, “a good liar must have a good memory”. This is indeed true because lying is a big task. It is born from hasty generalisation, assumptions, exaggeration and unnecessary make-believe. For one not to be caught, he/she needs to recall every history of lies told to a person or in a situation so, it can be built upon and adequately updated. Believe me, this is not an easy duty. So, I concur fully to that nugget for liars.

Most liars live in a world of fear and adjustments. They hardly notice or accept it though. Even when he is looking so calm in appearance while explaining his ordeal or convincing you about a deal, he is undergoing series of calculations and adjustments inside of him. His thoughts counter each other… he’s studying your actions and noticing your responses to know if you believed his last statement or not and how well he can continue to bamboozle you or shroud his last flaw. It is such a complex world for them. However, is it really needed?

Nothing tarnishes one’s personality more than when he is found to be dishonest. It takes just one lie to have all the truth you have ever told questioned. It ruins relationships, business opportunities and even one’s integrity. Someone who has never met you might not trust you because of your track records of lies that has widely spread; that can hinder so many opportunities untold. Your report, analysis, personal history and so on, does not have to sound interesting all the time. Just say it as it is! If you do not get an applause in the end, never mind… you got an integrity boost instead. Another badge of trust got added to your personality chest.

Telling a lie for a good reason doesn’t make it the truth and doing wrong with good intentions doesn’t make it right. When trust is betrayed, nothing else really matters. -Selahsomeone

It does not take a good lying technique to thrive in business or a relationship. It takes good strategy and communication skill. “If you don’t cheat, you won’t make profit”, who’s theory is that? Develop a good business strategy, get a good location, be appealing to your target market, be friendly and do not compromise your quality in goods and services… your business is going to soar. “My spouse/ parent never believes me until I lie”. Are you for real? Why not keep up with the truth? When loved ones find your words and the reality to be consistent, they will come to terms with your honesty, eventually you would become more appreciated and your bond would grow stronger.

There is no reason good enough to lie. Consider your options again… a safe route is staring at you in the face. Exploit it! Relieve yourself from the stress of internal clumsiness. Make the world a more reliable place to live in. Speak the truth always.

NEVER TOO LATE

NEVER TOO LATE

“Laying on my bed, can’t help but keep rolling from one end to another, and I could barely hold back the tears; my dreams, all I hoped to become slipping away and all I could manage from my heavy mouth was, “Why? Why is this happening to me?” but I got no answer.” I was taught better but now I have no choice than to run away.

It happened on the 12th of May, a day I would never forget. It felt like everything was working perfectly well… Mum was looking so beautiful in her wine tailor-fitted lace and dad was dashingly handsome in his wine lace; they looked so cute together, I had always been proud of them, they were what I call “The Perfect Couple”. My brother Richard was so gorgeous in his black tuxedo and I was looking pretty cool too in my red gown; mum had bought for me a month ago. We were all prepared to go for Uncle Jim’s birthday party; Uncle Jim was dad’s best friend and the only family we knew. It was an evening event, the party was scheduled to start at 19:00 hours.

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We all got into the car, we were running late, mum actually spent like eternity getting dressed, dad had to drive a little faster than usual, so when we met these fierce looking soldiers who shouted “Park! Park!!”, dad stopped the car thinking it was about his speed. When he parked, they started asking questions and looking into the car. We never knew they were not real soldiers, they were armed robbers with guns like you see in movies. I was so scared, my brain stopped processing and I became numb. I could hear arguments followed by gunshots, then came the police siren… Gradually, I started piecing it together, my family had just murdered in cold blood, it was just like a mare. I screamed!  Dad wouldn’t answered my call to him, mum refused to look at me and Richard couldn’t yell back. With tears in my eyes, I was rolling in the pool blood, tugging at each of them but they were gone! 

The cops came around and right there, I watched them carry the corpse of everyone I ever loved, my family that meant everything to me. Uncle Jim and his wife came around later to take me home, telling me everything was going to be fine. It felt like I was alone and my dream of making mum and dad proud was dead as a door nail. I was only thirteen at that time and all I felt was hurt, brokenness and hatred.

Uncle Jim and his wife were so kind, they took up the responsibility of sending me to school but as years passed-by, Uncle Jim’s wife, aunt Rhoda, changed. There was nothing I did that was right in her eyes; she just hated me. She kept poisoning uncle Jim’s mind till he stopped sending me to school, right after my secondary school education. They decided I should learn fashion designing,  I took it in my strides as my father taught me “to always make the best of a bad situation”. Although it seems the more I soldier on, the more bleak the future looks. Sometimes it seemed I was clueless, other times hopeless and I can’t but ask God why Life had been so unfair to me. I lived every day with pains and hurts; I couldn’t forgive my uncle and aunt for not allowing me to go to school because I had hoped I would someday become a lawyer.

Three years later, I got certified as a fashion designer, uncle Jim bought me a rundown second hand machine, that often needed repairs after every sew. But that wouldn’t deter me, I started to sew and as God would have it, I was very good at it. I am very creative and this helped me, I started getting customers but aunty Rhoda will always collect the money I made. One day, I decided I had had enough, I was 23years old now, so I decided to run away from home. It was a tough decision as I really had no where to go, no friends and no families I could run to but then I knew staying with my uncle would only destroy me.

Very early in the morning, I left the house with less than 1000Naira I had saved, I took a bus to the closest town and started living as a destitute; I begged to eat and slept wherever nightfall caught me. After a while a woman picked me up and I became a maid in her house but I wanted more. My boss is a kind woman, all her kids are grown and married, it was just the two of us almost all the time. One day I opened up to her, I told her of my dream to be someone, to be successful and I told her about my fashion design training.

As God would have it, she was willing to help. She decided to send me to a fashion school and that was how I picked up the broken pieces of my life. My dreams came alive again and today I’m not just a fashion designer, I am a fashion consultant; I design for models, companies, consult for other designers and I organize my own fashion shows. Lately, I went back home and told my uncle and aunt that I’ve forgiven them because I realized that if they had not pushed me, I might have not amounted to something.

My dear reader, life is what happens after we have made a perfect plan. Tragic event might have occurred that left you hopeless and dreamless but I want you to know that it’s not too late for you to start again, it’s not too late to pick up the pieces of your life. I want you to know that you can still be who you want to be, it’s never too late to start again.

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Colonel sanders started KFC at the age of 62, Morgan Freeman didn’t get a movie big role till 52, Joyce Meyer was molested by her own father for so long, Oprah Winfrey got pregnant as a teenager…on and on like that every success story is also a story of great failure . So stop giving excuses, stop looking for shortcuts and stop complaining. Every failure, all the challenges you are going through is to make you better. I know you are broken and you are hurt, it’s okay to cry, if you need to cry, and let the pain out as you shed those tears but when you are done, start seeing a brighter future, start making new plans and begin to see a brighter day. Most importantly, forgive everyone who had hurt you and forgive yourself, because we can’t move on till we let go.

It doesn’t matter how many times you have failed, how many mistakes you have made or how many times you’ve been hurt, know this, it’s not too late to start all over. You are created for so much more and your story will be heard if only you don’t give up. Every great man had a story, it’s just a phase and you are coming out stronger and better. I am sure, one day you will look back, smile and appreciate this moment and the hard times that taught you to be strong.

I leave you with the words of Carl Bard, “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

I believe in you because You are special!

Written By:
Onome Omodara Oluwabunmi

SHARE THE FEELING

Share The Feeling

The Coca-Cola company started the share a coke campaign in Australia in 2011, they brought the campaign to Nigeria in January 2014, you can even go to their website and design your own customized picture of a Coca-Cola bottle with your name. This idea took the coca-cola company a step further in their goal of being the highest selling bottling company.

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I thought about it for a long time and it occurred to me that all this company did was to give their customers a feeling of importance. It is true that the sweetest word to any person is the person’s name. Little wonder, that excitement you get when you see your name on a bottle of coke. I could remember the day a friend of mine saw her brother’s name on a bottle of coke she bought that bottle with the last #100 on her, even though it took couple of months before she could take it home and show the brother. There are also stories of similar incident all over the nation, some had the names of their loved ones inscribed on a bottle of coke while others went ahead to get their own customized bottle and even took celebrated pictures with it. A bottle of coke made them feel special.

All people need from you is a feeling of importance, a feeling that they are special to you. No matter who that person is, everyone wants to feel loved and that exactly was the feeling Coca-Cola gave you and I.  “Make people in your life feel important and do it sincerely”, it changes the playing field for you and makes it comfortable to be around you. Imagine if everyone in the world wants to be around you, wants to listen to you, or maybe eager to associate with you. That feel right, yeah? So when next you want to start a conversation with your friends call them loveable names, tell your folks they are special to you, encourage your neighbors and make your siblings feel appreciated.

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It was Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire, who said “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours”. Everybody feels important in their own little way, so all you need to do is to praise them and give them that sense of uniqueness. A lot of people are going through emotional pains and hurts you can help them with your words of encouragements. Help someone cross the road, put a smile on somebody’s face, a gentle touch shows you understand, tell someone you believe in them, whisper encouraging words and in return somebody will do the same for you.

Admit your faults when you are wrong, saying “I’m sorry” does not mean you are weak, it shows how matured and how much you value that relationship. Keep your pride when others need to be celebrated, don’t always keep the focus on you. When a subordinate has done well don’t take the glory, when you celebrate people they become more loyal to you. Give credit to whom deserves it, encourage people who haven’t really measured up by identifying things they are doing right. Emphasize the positives and watch people strive to keep getting better for you.

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When next you come across a bottle of coke with your name or your loved ones name remember that Coca-cola has given you a feeling of importance, it  will be so unkind of you not to share that feeling. Don’t just share a coke share the feeling!

I love you!

By Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome