Your problems or The Solutions?

Where should your focus be; Your problems or The Solutions?

Easily many of us would say the focus should be on the solutions and not the problems but how practicable is this for most of us?

Problems are often the defining moments of our individual life. They are points we would be required to make complex decisions, getting off our comfort zone, having to mend ways with our enemies, sometime turn against friends and family, and other times it just simply going against the odds.

The funny thing about problems is that when you hold your problem up like it is one big insurmountable mountain, it turns out to be so but the moment you understand you can beat the odds, you start seeing Solutions. In variably, we cannot take our eyes off the problem however our attitude should reflect positivity if we want solutions and the moment we have the solutions we should be about it.

I remember a story my dad once told me, He said;

Long time ago, there was famine (problem) in the animal kingdom and all the animals became slim and many where dying of hunger. They had a meeting and all the young animals, after much lamentation and bickering (focus on the problem), they decided to survive, they should all kill the old animals and eat (at this point they have concluded that the famine would not end and they have to live for the moment at least). However, the tortoise had other plans. The tortoise sent its own mother into another land where there was no famine (solution). While others had killed every of their parents, and finally resigned to “fate”, the tortoise kept surviving from the food its mother was sending from the other land.

As funny as this story was to me then, I learned that no matter how big and complex a problem is, somewhere somehow there is an equally suitable solution, I just have to find.

Here is another fact, because majority have failed to see the solution doesn’t mean it doesnt exist. Seeing the solution like i earlier said depends on your attitude to the problem; are you focused on how insurmountable the problem is or on finding a lon term solution.

It is easy to focus on the problem and complain to everyone who cares to listen, in fact you will get many “likes” and “comments” for this on social media but it would never change a thing only at best give a temporal relief.

You have a whole lot of life ahead of you, be smart focus on the life ahead not your problems. Problems come and go, some you will have solutions to others you would just have to outlast or outlive them. Your life is precious, please make it count.

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SEX AND MARRIAGE

The only thing you uniquely share with your spouse that you don’t share with anyone else is sex. So sex is the only thing that sets you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates. It’s a vital part of marriage.

Not only does sex set you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates, it also requires a deeper level of communication that you don’t normally do with just anyone. Sex requires you to talk to each other about intimate, emotional things. For example, to have a truly intimate experience with your spouse, you need to tell your spouse where you like to be touched, and make requests for certain things. This requires that you both feel a comfort level with each other that you’ve never felt with anyone else before. It requires both of you to become very vulnerable by asking, receiving and giving sexually. And it requires you to reach a deeper level of trust that your spouse will respond to your requests without judgment.

Sexual intimacy in marriage is sacred, beautiful and good. It is the deepest level of intimacy you and your spouse can share. In fact, ‘making love’ is such an intense bonding experience that the Bible refers to it as “becoming one flesh.”

The truth is, God ordained sexual intercourse as a way to foster unity in marriage. If handled properly, what this means is that sexual intimacy has the power to create intense physical, emotional and spiritual bonds between you and your spouse.

Part of the challenge, however, is that the man and the woman have different attitudes to sex. This is one of the reasons sex is a sore point in some marriages. It is therefore little wonder many couples are more tolerant with their sex lives than they are satisfied.

Although there is no magic number that can tell couples how often they should have sex, it is important for couples to discuss their needs openly with their partners and negotiate a relationship that meets both of their needs. While having sex less than 10 times a year is considered sexless, having sex once or twice a week is generally considered average.

It is also important to understand that lack of enough sex in marriage can have grievous consequences:

When there is a major disconnect in the sex lives of couples, intimacy at all levels tends to drop. Lack of sexual intimacy will further draw couples apart and make it difficult for them to handle other less serious problems.

People in sexless marriages are less happy in their unions and more likely to consider divorce.

It has also been found that infidelity in marriage is sometimes a result of a partner not getting enough sex at home. The partner who is not getting enough is tempted to look outside for his/her sexual needs (although this should never be considered as an option or condoned).question is: If sex is so important, and naturally pleasurable, as indeed it is, why is it that some couples struggle in that aspect of their lives?

FACTORS AFFECTING A HEALTHY SEX LIVES IN MARRIAGE.

1. PHYSICAL FACTOR

a. Fatigue
Fatigue resulting from too much work. If husband and wife work long hours, there is less interest in sex. The demands of work and home rob people of their energy. This is often the case when husband and wife work round the clock to earn good salaries.

b. Routine and boredom
After about five years of marriage issues crop up in the marriage: loans/debts, school fees, frustrations at work, house maintenance and chores etc. Husband and wife settle into a home routine that almost always does not include sex. When they were just married, sex was more frequent. The sex was still great before the children started coming, but when more pressing problems come up, sex goes to the bottom rung of the ladder.

c. Medical condition.
Husband or wife develops a medical condition that could significantly lessen their sex drive, either from the condition itself or from the effects of the medication.
Men especially have this issue with performance problems such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, but women also can have issues such as loss of feeling after childbirth and changes to the female reproductive system that can make sexual intercourse unbearable.

2. EMOTIONAL FACTORS

Couples may have unresolved differences that prevent them from enjoying sex together.

Unhealthy attitudes about sex. One spouse may have been raised to think that sex is more of a duty than something to derive pleasure from.

3. CULTURAL FACTORS

Cultural differences could affect the quality and frequency of sex between mixed-marriage couples.

4. PSYCHOLOGICAL FACTORS.
Deeply-seated psychological problems that make sex impossible. These could be anxiety, fear, or being a rape or incest victim in the past.
Other hindrances to sex in marriage include a job loss, a death in the family, or financial difficulties. Infidelity on the part of one spouse could also lead to the loss of interest in being intimate. Trust issues are also a factor.

Now, a lot of problems can also arise from a terrible sexual history. Some who were sexually abused in childhood become frigid, even when they are married; some become sexually wild and insatiable. Naturally speaking, this can affect people throughout their lifetime. But it shouldn’t. What you should do in such instances is talk to a professional counselor or pastor about it. Most importantly, talk to God, allow His Word heal your mind.
Now, if you are having sex with someone who is not your wife or husband, this is the time to break off that relationship because could destroy your marriage faster. And if your unfaithfulness in the past is constituting a hindrance to your having sexual fulfillment in marriage, then genuinely ask God for forgiveness and move on.

If you are married and your sex life is not as great as it should be, here are some for sexual intimacy.

TIPS FOR SEXUAL INTIMACY

1. Shun selfishness.
Sex is not just about you, it also about (and I dare say, much more about) your spouse. So get out of that ‘selfish mode’ and begin to place the needs of your spouse above your own.

2. Understand your differences.
God wired the man and the woman differently, so this affects their sexual desires and the way they handle sex generally. Together, you and your spouse can make the best of your differences.

3. Learn to forgive.
Resolve any lingering issues in your relationship that have not been dealt with properly.

4. Keep the fire of romance burning.
Sex is better and more rewarding when the ‘environment’ and accompaniment are right. With your husband or wife, constantly look for and embrace new and exciting ways to make your love and sex lives better and God-honouring.

5. Keep the communication line open.
It has been discovered that couples who talk over their sex lives (as well as other aspects of their marriages) tend to have healthier marriages. So learn to talk things over with your spouse.

6. Make time for rest and relaxation.
Today, many work very hard in pursuit of money and the good things of life, but so readily put off working on their relationships. We must understand that if there is no intimate bond between spouses, all that hard work is ultimately unfulfilling. The loss of our relationship can have deep consequences. So make out time for your spouse—just for relaxation.

7. Constantly pray for opportunities to ‘connect’ with your spouse.
Never neglect prayers in seeking solutions to sexual issues with your spouse. You will be amazed that praying together and ‘breaking bread’ can remove obstacles to sexual intimacy.
Now, God wired us with a sex drive, and this is one of the most powerful forces man can experience.
However, like fire, when it is not contained and controlled, it becomes a damaging and destructive force.
May your sex be a pleasurable, relationship building and edifying experience in your marriage now and always. Amen.

Shared by Kehinde on Relationship Class

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SEX AND MARRIAGE

5 Things Problems Bow To

5 Things Problems Bow To

Problems are part of living, in fact the general believe is that problem are like exams, if you are fully prepared it can’t keep you down for too long and if you surmount it, you get promoted to the next level in life but if not, many lesser problems comes to complicate issues. Problems are often not the end of life even though some may seem insurmountable but with a positive attitude and wonderful awareness, they move from being a stumbling block to being a stepping stone.

Every problem is a gift – without problems we would not grow. – Anthony Robbins

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There are 5 powerful instruments that one can use to combat problems, each is efficient in its own way but not absolute. Smart people have learned to combine as many as possible for maximum result. I like to share this with you and I hope you will be able to make your choice and use them to set yourself free.

5 powerful instruments (in no particular order)

1. Power: This simply put is your ability to influence or control things. This can be exhibited through strength, words, affluent, weapons, manipulations, influence or position. Power puts you over challenges associated with oppressions. When you are in a position of power, many people become your friends or allies and all struggling to favour you just to be in your good books. Problems that come your way easily give way when you throw your weight around, little wonder people in position of power hold on to it like it is tied to their life.

2. Pounds: This is the unit of measure; money, gold, resources, wealth and possessions. Money answers to almost all problems, especially when you have it in excess and know how to use it. Some say money cannot buy happiness and a wise man replied, “they don’t know where to shop”. When you have enough resources, your problems move from not having enough to having too much. People who would have constituted problems struggle to be your friends. Money changes how we view and conceive things, wealth steps in and comfort becomes insatiable, that’s why it is bad not to have but worse to have had but lost it.

3. Prayers: This is seeking higher powers to intervene on one’s behalf. Prayers are pleas to high authorities; God, people in high places, higher understanding or self consciousness. Prayers are meant to stimulate miracles, a change that maybe unmerited or favour that goes beyond the ordinary. Problem bows to prayers, evidences abound even though, there always seem to be a logical explanation but so also some are beyond comprehension.

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4. Persistence: When you continue in a path you become a specialist on that path, you become an authority (power), and when you speak people will listen (influence). Problem has a way of giving way to people who won’t quit. Persistence has been used by many dream builders to make their dreams come true. Persistence teaches them to make better decisions, take calculated risk, turn bad situations to their advantage and in some cases just hang in their till the bad wind blows off.

5. Passion: This include sentimental appeals that usual finds common ground with quite a number of people, such as love, religion, ethnic sentiments, crusade, common hatred and other sentimental appeals. Through passion power; control and influence is handed over people, putting them above some problems. Passion is also strong enough to bring wealth and create affluent.

Problems are meant to take us to the next level and this can only be achieved when we overcome and move ahead.

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It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people; to focus your energies on answers – not excuses. – William Arthur Ward