Fix Yourself First aka FYF

I had a privilege of counseling a friend recently, he came to me with such a heavy heart and I was moved to tears after listening to him. He lost his job recently and in less than 2months after that his wife of 5years left the house taking with her their two kids; she moved to another man’s house. He explained that, “losing the job didn’t break him as much as what happened after”, his trusted partner in a moment of trial disappeared.

I have had my own fair share of job loss and what comes after however this was on a whole different level of #@$&# but as much as I shared his pains and heartbreak, I also saw something different from what he was seeing. It was bad that the wife left but seriously at this point in his life, if they had stayed they would have been extra baggage. I couldn’t tell him that though but I saw that first.


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Yes, he was filled with self-pity, that sense of humiliation and betrayal, and to him he needed to fight back and at least get his kids back. I agree, all these are true but what is truer is that when you don’t have means to win a fight, you don’t fight (you don’t go into battle you are sure you can’t win). Yes, he needs to fight but a different battle entirely.

So I had to make him understand that his next move should not be fighting for custody or the wife rather fighting to fix himself first. I let him understand that once he is all fixed, he would be the one trying to decide whether to take the wife with the kids or just the kids back when they all start begging him to come back.

You cannot kill an unwanted tree growing in your backyard by plucking its leaves, you have to pull from the root. The root of his problem isn’t the wife leaving or another man fathering his kids, all these and more are just fallouts of the main problem, which is job loss. Problems are never solved when keep treating the symptoms, you have to fix the root cause.


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Whatever you are passing through what you should really be worried about is fixing yourself first (FYF). When you do that all other things would fall in place.

When you are down people would take advantage of you, people you expect so much from will do things you least expect but your move should not be trying to face them else you create more mess rather you focus on getting back on your feet, FYF.

There is this Yoruba adage that says “when big problem comes, small problems would cease the moment too“. So it is expected, people will talk thrash, friends would avoid you, some family members would stop picking your calls, folks would call you names, and there would be several versions of your story. Your next move is not to set things right by confrontation, no! no matter how painful it is.

Your only move is to fix yourself first, work on getting back to your feet, pull your remaining resources together, even if it means disappearing for a while and once you are back on your feet; the thrash would stop, friends would want to identify with you again, family members would start calling you, folk would give you cool nicknames, and there would only be one version of your story, the one you wrote.

My friend yielded to my advice and he is currently working on himself. I pray God hears his prayers and pull him back on his feet and put smiles on his face again and any other person going through similar challenge. Amen.


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Fix Yourself First – FYF

Posted in Author Omotayo, Inspirational Stories, Motivational

Work Your Strength

Work your Strength

We are all unique, each one of us with different skills, talents, reasoning, energy level, needs, greed, targets and history (STRENGTH), and that makes us special in our own way.

Some years back, there was this young undergraduate, he wasn’t too good academically, he was what most students call “let my people go”, he would not fail but he would always be on the bother line. Friends tried to help him with his studies and he tried his best to study hard but somehow he just doesn’t get it.

However, when it comes to business, this guy is never short of ideas. While he was in school, he was into importation of car spare parts, he helped most of his lectures to import spare parts for their exotic cars. After graduation, he could only manage a ” Pass Grade”, he decided to go into business fully but because he had just little money to start, he decided to go into importation of flashy Japanese cars on request, he does all the hard work till the car is cleared at the port and he was able to make a lot as he grew smarter in the business. Five years after living school, while his colleagues with good grades were still trying to adjust to the labour market, he was already making millions.

We are all special and blessed with something only very few people can do like we can. We might not be able to do things people expect from us but there are things we are capable of that can yield more than what people expect of us. You might not be talented to play football, sing, write or even be good academically, that doesn’t make you less special, there are a million and one other things you can be good at and when you can work your strength you will be whatever you desire.

Play to your strength, feed what you are good at. Put in everything you have got till it starts to pay off. Someone said, ‘Selah i wish i can write like you’ and i replied him ‘i wish i can talk like you’. we are gifted in different areas and that’s what makes us standout as individuals. We can maximize what we are blessed with by working to our strength, putting in efforts and channelling our resources to become better at what we are already gifted at.

I remember some twins i met, these twins are not identical in any way, Kehinde was brilliant while Taye was just the opposite. Their parents tried to slow Kehinde down academically just hoping Taye would catch up but all their efforts proved abortive, Taye wasn’t just the book type. By age 15, Kehinde was done with secondary (high) school while Taye was still stuck at Primary (elementary) six. However, Taye was a gifted artiste, without any special training Taye was already drawing a ‘look alike sketch’. The parents thought it wise to send Taye to a technical school to become an artiste while Kehinde went to university to study law. Today, both are doing very fine, Taye with his own art studio while Kehinde works for a law firm.

Nobody is useless! Because a fish cannot survive on dry land doesn’t make it inferior to a bird that walks the land, and because the bird cannot survive in water doesn’t make it inferior to fishes that swim the ocean. We are all unique in our own way. We all have our areas of expertise, we should not be shy to explore our strength, we should not give into what people expect from us that we fail to do what we know how to do best.

You are already a winner, all you need to do is to work your strength! Put your Skills to use, develop your Talents, give the decisions to your Reasoning, maximize the use of your Energy, take care of your Needs, don’t let your Greed ruin your life, act with your Targets in mind at all times and never ever forget your History.