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A Lil’ Help!

As Leslie watched the pregnancy test stick on the bathroom counter, she couldn’t help but silently pray it was positive. That would be a whole lot of weight and stress off her shoulders.

It wasn’t like she and her husband Kane, were old or (have been) searching for a long time. In fact, their marriage was barely six months old and neither Kane nor their families was pestering her for a child. Yet, she knew she needed to be pregnant at all cost.

The alarm clock on her phone vibrated, signifying the end of the five minutes wait. She held her breath and gently peeked at the test. She couldn’t help the sudden rush of disappointment that filled her when she realised it was negative. She angrily pushed the stick and every other thing on the counter away.

She sank to her knees and gently placed herself on the bathroom floor as she cried silently. She couldn’t help but think about why it was very necessary for her to get pregnant. She needed it as an excuse for her husband to stop wanting her or touching her sexually.

To her surprise, Mary did not blame her. Mary had understood, even more than she had thought was possible. It was such a great relief.

No, she did not despise her husband. On the contrary, she had grown to love Kane, yet it was pretty difficult to make love to her husband. Each time, she had to think of something else, or in her case, someone else. She didn’t know why, but Kane’s touch repulsed her even though in her head she knew she loved him.

The problem had started in her final year in the University. She had been a victim of a gang rape, which led to bouts of depression afterwards. It did not help that her friend and roommate blamed her for walking at night even though she had been on her way to class to read. She had felt so useless and she never thought she would ever have anything to do with sex again.

Then she met Mary during her NYSC days. Mary was her roommate in the lodge they were given by the company they served. Mary had quickly noticed her skittish nature around guys. After much pressure, she finally caved and told Mary about her experience. To her surprise, Mary did not blame her. Mary had understood, even more than she had thought was possible. It was such a great relief.

Then Mary started becoming nicer, extra loving, attentive and most of all, extra touchy. At first, it was all strange but then she started enjoying it. The little touches became frequent hugs, cuddles then it advanced to pecks. She was very ready when Mary finally introduced her to full blown sexual activities. Mary told her only a fellow woman would ever understand her body and make her feel that much pleasure.

It wasn’t that he was a sex addict, but he had stayed faithful for a whole year of courtship and now, he had to remain celibate in marriage?

After service, she was retained by the company and Mary left, though she would occasionally come over for visits and other things. Then her parents introduced her to Kane who had just been called to Bar and had joined his Father’s chambers as a young Barrister. Both parents had high expectations for them and they did not disappoint because they got married after a year.

Then things became strained when after a month, she still hadn’t let her husband touch her even after making him wait all through their courtship days. It wasn’t like she didn’t love him, she did. A whole lot. Yet, she couldn’t get turned on by him sexually until she had to resort to thinking about Mary and their past escapades.

Things went back to normal for a while until she started finding Kane’s sexual appetite too much for her man-hating body to handle, which was why she needed to get pregnant ASAP. That way, she’ll be safe from his touch for nine months.

Leslie knew she was in serious trouble, she had researched it and the internet had called her bisexual. How was she supposed to get over this when her husband was slowly becoming colder and slipping from her grasp?

***

Kane sighed as he stared at the files the pretty secretary just dropped on his table. His thoughts weren’t there at all. A glimpse of the petite secretary’s cleavage had stirred something in him. He shook his head and stared at the shiny wedding band on his finger to clear his rampaging thoughts.

Kane explained everything to his Dad, who listened without any interruptions. After he let his son talk, he finally responded.

“You said it does not seem like she’s cheating?”

Ever since his wife had decided to limit their sex life to once or when he’s lucky, twice in a month, he had had to resort to crazy sexual thoughts. It wasn’t that he was a sex addict, but he had stayed faithful for a whole year of courtship and now, he had to remain celibate in marriage?

Leslie considered his sexual appetite too excessive and uncalled for. Sometimes, he caught her expression when he tried to be all romantic and touchy, and he could tell it was usually one of repulsion. She had become so secretive and moody that Kane didn’t know what to do anymore because no matter how much he pressed her to talk, she would never say anything. It seemed her friend, Mary, was even more interesting than he was to her because he could tell his wife showed more life and enthusiasm whenever Mary was around.

A light tap on his desk jarred him from his jumbled thoughts. It was his Dad looking at him with concerned eyes. The older man quietly drew a chair and sat down in front of his son, neither men speaking for a while.

“I have noticed this new far-away look on you for a while now. Is everything okay? Is Leslie giving you trouble?” The older man asked.

She had refused to talk in their first two visits but this third time, she had broken down and started crying when the therapist asked “Are you a lesbian?”

“Hmm Dad. I don’t know what to do anymore. I swear, I don’t. I am so lost and confused, what does she want?” Kane rambled.

“Calm down son and start from the beginning. What is the problem?”

Kane explained everything to his Dad, who listened without any interruptions. After he let his son talk, he finally responded.

“You said it does not seem like she’s cheating?”

“She comes home immediately after work, she only hangs out when Mary is around and they don’t stay out late. She doesn’t lock her phone neither does she fight nor neglect house chores. She just doesn’t want me near her, that’s the problem.” Kane confessed.

“Hmm. This seems like a very serious issue. Since she’s refusing to talk to you, no matter how much you press her, I’ll advise you get her to seek professional help. I’ll give you a number. It’s my friend’s. He is a psychologist and marriage counselor. I am sure he can help you.”

***

As Kane listened to his wife spill out her guts to the therapist after their third visit, he couldn’t help but feel so sorry for her. She had refused to talk in their first two visits but this third time, she had broken down and started crying when the therapist asked “Are you a lesbian?”

Leslie had thought she was bisexual because she looked at the therapist and said “Maybe I’m Bi.”

“No, Leslie, you’re not homosexual. You were just temporarily confused because your body needed a form of sexual outlet and since it wasn’t responding to men after what you went through, it only made sense for it to respond to the one person that understood your plight.”

The woman advised Leslie to try and stay away from Mary for a while, and she needed to realise, men are not evil. Not all men will hurt her. She also had to forgive herself and stop feeling worthless, but she had to go through this journey with her husband so that a new bond could be formed.

“Don’t rush it Leslie. Take it one step at a time. Find out why you chose Kane to go on this life long journey with you. You also need a Lil prayer every now and then. It will not hurt to commit everything in God’s hands. You might just be surprised at how much everything else will fall in place. Also, advise Mary to come see me. She also needs help.”

***

Leslie is now a proud mother of two and she couldn’t have been any happier with the man who fathered them. All she needed was someone to show her the best path and everything worked out just fine.

© Oluwaseun Wende, 2017

Seun is a 200 level student of Medicine and Surgery, Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma. Edo State, Nigeria. She is also a creative writer and blogger…

Visit her Webpage for more

Bea’s Aloe (Best of Stories)

A Lil’ Help!

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The Only Thing Women Want 

The Only Thing Women Want

Okay, I am sure you are probably saying, “what’s he talking about how can women want just one thing!”. Unfortunately, yes! That’s what I am saying.

Some days back, I was on an ATM queue, when I heard a woman sobbing, she should be in her late 40s, she didn’t look that educated but you would see how much she was trying to hold her pain, as she was trying to explain to her friends why she was so hurt. I moved closer, so I can hear the gist (as a writer I eavesdrop a lot) and here are the key points of what she said…

…whenever he travels he doesn’t buy me things while I see other women show off what their husbands bought them…

…he never shows me he still cares about me, I know he doesn’t have much and the little he has he spends it on us but he feels detached…

…he doesn’t talk to me about anything, he is always tired for everything…

…his responses are always harsh like we are fighting, I just wish things where like they used to be…

Women are so wonderful, unique, smooth, in fact no amount of words could describe their versatility. As Human want is unlimited so is woman want, only woman with limited vision has limited demand. There’s Much to talk about…

-Hon Oloniju Aryortheyjhy Colonial

These got me thinking, if this man spends all he earns on his family and the woman is still not satisfied then what do women really want? So I went straight to google and search ” what women want” and the response I got made me more confused. Some authors came up with 6, some 7, another came up with 10 and a weird one wrote 100 things women want.

Then I remembered the song “my love don’t cost a thing”, is it that most women want everything while few others want nothing? I couldn’t answer that question, so I dropped it and moved to other things until today when it just dawned on me, every woman wants only one thing which they can disguise as everything or nothing and that is attention. (Before you call me a male chauvinist, please here me out)

Omodare….you can never know what you women want…. Even when u have it all, you are never satisfied…. I’m so confused on this cuz they can never be pleased
– Alex Temitope Ayodele

Attention comes in different forms, shapes and sizes, and most times that is where most men get misled to think women are insatiable. Also may be because men are too focused on the physical evidence that they neglect the unspoken words and are misguided to think most women are materialistic, when all they demand is attention.

Some times we think women want shopping just to stack their wardrobe but half of this time all they wanted is attention, to become the cynosure of all eyes. Attention from friends, the boutique’s representatives, but most of all from you their men. Ask any lady, the best part of a shopping spree is to have their husbands/boyfriends their to do the selection. In fact, most women will argue that they don’t dress for a man or men and that to a large extent is true because they dress for attention depending on the kind of attention they crave for at that moment. She just wants the attention!

A woman wants to be loved and appreciated. She’s an emotional being so she expects everyone to see things from an own point of view, she wants to be listened to, she wants respect. She will appreciate gift but she wants more. She wants to be treated as a special person.
– Omodara Onome

I have heard guys say their women nag but here is the fact, she just wants your attention. She wants to be heard, listened to and treated as a partner in the relationship. She wants you to have time for her, she doesn’t want to be second to your job, the children, your friends or your religion, she wants to be second to none. Unfortunately, men treat life as conquest, surmount one and move to another, shifting all attentions to what is new. Of course she will nag, she wants to be seen and treated as new everyday!

People have said a woman boss is always too bossy that women love power. In all honesty, everyone loves power, male or female but the question is, “what is the motive behind that love for power?” Men love power so they can rule, gather wealth and some times oppress but for women it is different, she wants power so she can command attention. When a lady boss walks in she wants you to know she is the boss (trust me on this, I have worked with many boss ladies), she wants the attention especially if there is another lady around, she wants everyone including that lady to know she gets all the attention.

She wants love ,care,respect and forgiveness. Fidelity, Attention…. listening ear and FINANCIAL SECURITY….above all…a faithful man.

– Raymond Glory

Men are moved by what they see; a sexy body, a beautiful face structure, a pretty smile, to die for attitude and so on, basically men are a typical example of seeing is believing but women are opposite, women are moved by what they hear, it is an evidence they have your thought attention and trust me they know when you are saying it like you mean it. It is not all about being emotional (it counts though) but it is more about what you confess, women want to hear it, day and night. If you love her then you cannot be tired of saying it and even when she wrongs you, she still doesn’t want you to take the attention off her.

No one has the ability to give women what they want, their want can’t be met. Due to individual differentiation we could say, some want love and care blah blah, while some want money and prioritise their career. The truth be told, there are some secret want which women can’t openly disclose they only fantasize about it. So to cut the long story short they have few want that we can only try to meet them. Wish I could explain more But Selah, I ain’t a fan of typing….

-Taiwo Afeez Fehintola

When a lady says I don’t want anything, trust me that ‘anything’ doesn’t include attention. In truth, the fact is, saying she wants nothing is expected to make men curious and inevitably kick start the attention process. Men will want to find out more about her. Who is she? Is she still single? And with men curiosity rather affection would often lead them to the doorstep of a lady.

To a lady, attention beats any other thing men have to offer. Ever wondered why a lady married a rich business man still ends up in the bed of an hustler? It is simply because the rich man is too busy chasing money that he thinks money can replace giving his lady attention (Remember the movie “unfaithful” by Richard Gere, it wasn’t about the sexual desires of the woman but the passion and attention in every contact).

We all know what a man wants according to Rev (Mrs.) Funke Felix-Adejumo ‘A man’s greatest need is respect, not sex or food’. In the same context, “A woman’s greatest need is attention, not sex or money”.

We can paint it however we like it, use big English and even vague words, say it is nothing or it is everything but the word we are all looking for is ATTENTION. Give your woman more attention and see what difference it will bring to your relationship, it is worth the try!

Thanks to all contributors as quoted, you guys are amazing. And to you reading this, I am sure most won’t agree with this view especially based on their own experience, so feel free to share your reservations in the comment section and trust me to reply your constructive counter argument. Cheers!

Love is Unconstitutional But Trust is Earned

I was talking to a friend, a young lady, and she said to me, “Selah, if he loves me then he ought to trust me”. At first I said ” sure!” but on second thought asked myself, how realistic is that?

I understand many relationship texts, speakers and writers are of the opinion that love and trust should go in the same sentence but in reality, it rarely works like that. We generally want to expect a lover to also trust but here is the twist, when someone is really in love with you, there is every tendency that the person becomes a ‘little’ jealous, do you agree? (I know I am but not obsessed, though). If you agree, then you must also agree that the element of jealousy, no matter how small it is, has an underlining root called “trust issues”. 

Now let’s agree on one more thing, love is unconditional (I am sure you are nodding your head now), yes! true love should be unconditional, not based on materials, assets, body structure, personality, status or gifts (even though these are major factors we have to consider before agreeing to marriage). You can love someone the first time you set your eyes on them, that is the nature of love, it is a gift you give to someone else most times in hope that they give it back to you, using same measure but not always necessarily so. However, trust on the other hand, has to be earned and most times after it is earned, it can also be lost. Quick example, a mother loves her kids, but some times you hear her say ” I don’t trust my kids with my phone”, and if you ask her why, you will find out it is based on her past experiences with the kids. Trust is based on individual’s past experiences and current events, and to be trustworthy partners must prove their worthiness.

How to build trust?

1. Good communication: Talk to one another about everything. About the guy eyeing you in your office, about the new friend you just made, about the lady in your class who is always chatty around you and so on. Be as open as possible, in fact be an open book to your partner. You don’t have to necessarily talk about your exes in details, in fact most guys don’t like that ‘talk’ and might even fuel trust issues but be as open as humanly possible. No keeping secretes, be transparent.

Scenario: Somehow a lady in a perfect relationship mistakenly kissed a friend (guy) in a moment of adrenaline rush. Now she is wondering if she should tell her boyfriend about this mishap or keep it to herself? 

2. Share itinerary: Exchange daily itinerary, let him or her have a rough idea of where you will be at a particular time, not saying everywhere you want to stop at but at least an idea of what your day is going to look like. Most girls want to be able to say, “it is 5pm, my guy should be at the gym or church rehearsal” and same goes for guys. This is not your guy or girl monitoring your movement, it is about him or her being able to vouch for your movement.

3. Be truthful: The quickest way to have someone trust you is to be truthful at all (most) times. Lies might save a face some of the time but the truth will save a face all the time. Let your “A” be confirmed as “A”, if you know you are in a scenario where the truth can wreck more havoc, I always suggest silence. The easiest way to destroy a relationship is to build it on lies. Tell your partner the truth and whatever you know you can’t share with your partner, DON’T DO IT!

Scenario response: You need to understand who your partner is, how he or she responds to issues, best time to talk to him or her and how stable your partner is emotionally. These are the key factors that determine whether or not, you have to share. However, this predicament is avoidable, remember “whatever you know you can’t share with your partner, DON’T DO IT!”

4. Be Yourself: The only way you can be consistent is if you are yourself. Don’t try to be what or who you are not, if your partner finds fault, he or she would correct and probably be able to vouch for you but when you are fake, you become inconsistent and inarticulate. When someone is not articulate, people find it had to trust them. Even though they are telling the truth, their body language and inconsistencies keeps giving them off as lairs.

5. Have common friends: This honestly would prevent more than half of trust issues in relationships. Having private friends especially of the opposite sex can easily stir up trust issues. Even when there is really nothing to it, when you start spending more time with a person of the opposite sex who is not a common friend,  you obviously are given reasons not to be trusted. Whoever wants to be your friend and not the friend of your partner, is worth avoiding. 

Scenario conclusion: Not telling your partner means you are keeping a secret and once you are able to keep one away from him or her, you will eventually keep many. However, sharing will get the load of guilt off you but here are the two possibilities 1. Your partner trusts you that you don’t hide things from him or her or 2. Your partner can’t trust you with person of opposite sex because another accident might happen again. It takes wisdom to do the right thing. An octogenarian once told me, if by accident you get your shirt stained with another lady’s lipstick, wash it off first then when you get home, you can joke about it with your wife, if not, any other way, won’t be a joke at all. Always apply WISDOM!