Getting Too Familiar

Getting Too Familiar

It is no longer news that men and women are been killed on a daily basis now by the same people they once exchanged marital vows with. Some men abuse, maltreat even rape the same women they once claimed nothing can come between them, same women that are meant to be supportive pillars to them. Some women ignore their husbands, starve them of sexual pleasures and even use words that can kill destiny on the men they sworn to love till their dying days.

These are not end time signs like most other inexplicable things we tie to end time. These are because we take some things for granted and because we forget our position and obligation as a woman or a man. Not to forget that we are at the age of technology abuse, false liberation, wildering morals and religious recklessness.

In the book of Esther, a Queen called Vashti lost her position because she disobey the King’s instruction in the presence of the maids. I am sure, if she had done same thing while alone with the king, the result would have been different. The king never had the plan of having another wife, but the queen’s attitude brought about the second wife.

He is your husband, but don’t get too familiar with him to the point of bringing him down or disrespecting him in the public.

Never get too familiar with him or her to the point of washing his or her dirty linen outside. Neither of you is perfect, but your attitude in correcting the wrong of one another speaks a volume. You correct in love, not for attention or ridiculing.

Wife, you are powerful, more powerful than you will ever know, but please learn to use your power in bringing unity and peace into your home. What binds you together is more than the love you professed, you have exchanged vows and it is for better and for worse; through the good times and the bad times. Those side chicks are taking what belongs to you because they know the key to his heart, just like you used to know but too busy with life to remember. Sometimes to respect him is all you need to make things right, then correct him after he is calm.

Husband, as a man, you hold the key to stop external influence on your home. Never walk out on your home because you think it is her fault, please build trust! When she is wrong, please let your means of correcting her be love, compassion and respect. Those side chicks maybe a temporary solution but for how long? Your home should always come first, should be your priority, the blessings that come with a good home and a happy wife is too much to lose because of temporary gratifications.

Esther became a Queen and all her enemies became a thing of the past because she had someone called Mordecai, she took counsel from. Do you have someone you take counsel from regarding your relationship (I mean Godly counsel)? The best way to see far is to stand on the shoulders of those ahead of you. When they advise based on God’s instruction please take to it, remember, Esther’s blessings were in Mordecai’s instructions to her.

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Remember, don’t get too familiar that you become disrespectful to your spouse in public or before your children, maids or friends. Don’t get used to him or her that you begin to take him or her for granted. Don’t ignore your spouse’s feelings, their need to express how they feel and to be loved. Happy home is an ongoing process, we never stop being committed, and we keep pressing till we grow old together.


A Lil’ Help!

A Lil’ Help!

As Leslie watched the pregnancy test stick on the bathroom counter, she couldn’t help but silently pray it was positive. That would be a whole lot of weight and stress off her shoulders.

It wasn’t like she and her husband Kane, were old or (have been) searching for a long time. In fact, their marriage was barely six months old and neither Kane nor their families was pestering her for a child. Yet, she knew she needed to be pregnant at all cost.

The alarm clock on her phone vibrated, signifying the end of the five minutes wait. She held her breath and gently peeked at the test. She couldn’t help the sudden rush of disappointment that filled her when she realised it was negative. She angrily pushed the stick and every other thing on the counter away.

She sank to her knees and gently placed herself on the bathroom floor as she cried silently. She couldn’t help but think about why it was very necessary for her to get pregnant. She needed it as an excuse for her husband to stop wanting her or touching her sexually.

To her surprise, Mary did not blame her. Mary had understood, even more than she had thought was possible. It was such a great relief.

No, she did not despise her husband. On the contrary, she had grown to love Kane, yet it was pretty difficult to make love to her husband. Each time, she had to think of something else, or in her case, someone else. She didn’t know why, but Kane’s touch repulsed her even though in her head she knew she loved him.

The problem had started in her final year in the University. She had been a victim of a gang rape, which led to bouts of depression afterwards. It did not help that her friend and roommate blamed her for walking at night even though she had been on her way to class to read. She had felt so useless and she never thought she would ever have anything to do with sex again.

Then she met Mary during her NYSC days. Mary was her roommate in the lodge they were given by the company they served. Mary had quickly noticed her skittish nature around guys. After much pressure, she finally caved and told Mary about her experience. To her surprise, Mary did not blame her. Mary had understood, even more than she had thought was possible. It was such a great relief.

Then Mary started becoming nicer, extra loving, attentive and most of all, extra touchy. At first, it was all strange but then she started enjoying it. The little touches became frequent hugs, cuddles then it advanced to pecks. She was very ready when Mary finally introduced her to full blown sexual activities. Mary told her only a fellow woman would ever understand her body and make her feel that much pleasure.

It wasn’t that he was a sex addict, but he had stayed faithful for a whole year of courtship and now, he had to remain celibate in marriage?

After service, she was retained by the company and Mary left, though she would occasionally come over for visits and other things. Then her parents introduced her to Kane who had just been called to Bar and had joined his Father’s chambers as a young Barrister. Both parents had high expectations for them and they did not disappoint because they got married after a year.

Then things became strained when after a month, she still hadn’t let her husband touch her even after making him wait all through their courtship days. It wasn’t like she didn’t love him, she did. A whole lot. Yet, she couldn’t get turned on by him sexually until she had to resort to thinking about Mary and their past escapades.

Things went back to normal for a while until she started finding Kane’s sexual appetite too much for her man-hating body to handle, which was why she needed to get pregnant ASAP. That way, she’ll be safe from his touch for nine months.

Leslie knew she was in serious trouble, she had researched it and the internet had called her bisexual. How was she supposed to get over this when her husband was slowly becoming colder and slipping from her grasp?


Kane sighed as he stared at the files the pretty secretary just dropped on his table. His thoughts weren’t there at all. A glimpse of the petite secretary’s cleavage had stirred something in him. He shook his head and stared at the shiny wedding band on his finger to clear his rampaging thoughts.

Kane explained everything to his Dad, who listened without any interruptions. After he let his son talk, he finally responded.

“You said it does not seem like she’s cheating?”

Ever since his wife had decided to limit their sex life to once or when he’s lucky, twice in a month, he had had to resort to crazy sexual thoughts. It wasn’t that he was a sex addict, but he had stayed faithful for a whole year of courtship and now, he had to remain celibate in marriage?

Leslie considered his sexual appetite too excessive and uncalled for. Sometimes, he caught her expression when he tried to be all romantic and touchy, and he could tell it was usually one of repulsion. She had become so secretive and moody that Kane didn’t know what to do anymore because no matter how much he pressed her to talk, she would never say anything. It seemed her friend, Mary, was even more interesting than he was to her because he could tell his wife showed more life and enthusiasm whenever Mary was around.

A light tap on his desk jarred him from his jumbled thoughts. It was his Dad looking at him with concerned eyes. The older man quietly drew a chair and sat down in front of his son, neither men speaking for a while.

“I have noticed this new far-away look on you for a while now. Is everything okay? Is Leslie giving you trouble?” The older man asked.

She had refused to talk in their first two visits but this third time, she had broken down and started crying when the therapist asked “Are you a lesbian?”

“Hmm Dad. I don’t know what to do anymore. I swear, I don’t. I am so lost and confused, what does she want?” Kane rambled.

“Calm down son and start from the beginning. What is the problem?”

Kane explained everything to his Dad, who listened without any interruptions. After he let his son talk, he finally responded.

“You said it does not seem like she’s cheating?”

“She comes home immediately after work, she only hangs out when Mary is around and they don’t stay out late. She doesn’t lock her phone neither does she fight nor neglect house chores. She just doesn’t want me near her, that’s the problem.” Kane confessed.

“Hmm. This seems like a very serious issue. Since she’s refusing to talk to you, no matter how much you press her, I’ll advise you get her to seek professional help. I’ll give you a number. It’s my friend’s. He is a psychologist and marriage counselor. I am sure he can help you.”


As Kane listened to his wife spill out her guts to the therapist after their third visit, he couldn’t help but feel so sorry for her. She had refused to talk in their first two visits but this third time, she had broken down and started crying when the therapist asked “Are you a lesbian?”

Leslie had thought she was bisexual because she looked at the therapist and said “Maybe I’m Bi.”

“No, Leslie, you’re not homosexual. You were just temporarily confused because your body needed a form of sexual outlet and since it wasn’t responding to men after what you went through, it only made sense for it to respond to the one person that understood your plight.”

The woman advised Leslie to try and stay away from Mary for a while, and she needed to realise, men are not evil. Not all men will hurt her. She also had to forgive herself and stop feeling worthless, but she had to go through this journey with her husband so that a new bond could be formed.

“Don’t rush it Leslie. Take it one step at a time. Find out why you chose Kane to go on this life long journey with you. You also need a Lil prayer every now and then. It will not hurt to commit everything in God’s hands. You might just be surprised at how much everything else will fall in place. Also, advise Mary to come see me. She also needs help.”


Leslie is now a proud mother of two and she couldn’t have been any happier with the man who fathered them. All she needed was someone to show her the best path and everything worked out just fine.

© Oluwaseun Wende, 2017

Seun is a 200 level student of Medicine and Surgery, Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma. Edo State, Nigeria. She is also a creative writer and blogger…

Visit her Webpage for more

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Why Most Smart Ambitious Ladies’ Relationship Won’t Lead to Marriage

Why Most Ladies’ Relationship Won’t Lead to Marriage

Firstly, let me clear this, your not having a healthy relationship is not because you are ambitious, independent or of high standards, in fact those are exactly what real men are looking for. However, you are having issues sustaining a healthy relationship because of other things you are not conscious of. Unfortunately, marriage most often can only happen when you can sustain a healthy relationship over a period of time.

Marriage, as it were, is not for everyone, this i have also come to understand, so get that clear too! Marriage should be by choice because it is by far the longest compromise anyone can make and the most energy sapping venture anyone can be involved in but even with all that, it is by a long shot the most rewarding investment.

Having gotten the basics out of the way, now let’s talk about why most ladies hardly have a healthy relationship, capable of leading to marriage. I will like to point out that this is a product of research, using the life of 20 ladies who are of marriage age but still searching or in one complicated relationship or another. This might not be absolute but believe me this is conclusive.

3 Reasons smart ambitious women have unhealthy relationship


1. Attitude

Attitude is just who we are and most times because it was formed over the years, we have tendencies to have difficulties changing, hence we conclude people should take us the way we are. My question is, “can you eat a rotten apple because you have accepted it is rotten?” I can’t and I am sure you can’t too. So when you ask people to accept you the way you are, it is like asking them to eat a rotten apple because they have accepted it is rotten.

Know this, bad attitude has nothing to do with how religious, faithful or witty you are. I have seen faithful and religious ladies with very terrible attitude; like obsession, pessimistic behaviors, mood swings, always being suspicious etc, all these have nothing to do with how religious you are. Bad attitude may have been formed due to personal past experiences, stories shared by others or just by habit.

In all fairness, often times people with bad attitude don’t know, they just think it is them acting normal and conscious. But here is the truth, whatever two or more people complain about of you most likely needs to be looked into. Reality is, random people won’t just pick the same fault in you, if it is not there. It may be hard to accept it but if you can put your ego aside and be critical of yourself too, you would be able to spot and fix it.

2. Being Petty

Being petty simply means giving importance to something so insignificant when you look at the big picture. Usually, most women have what I call a ‘wish list’, a list of what their dream man should be or look like, this is not bad but then if you carefully review this list, it is 95% of insignificant things when you look at the big picture of healthy relationship and marriage; this list has made many ladies petty and end up in relationship with the wrong personality. This explains the high rate of divorce among elites.

People who are petty may not know because often times it is fueled by things they can hardly control like anger issues, unresolved emotional crises, ego issues, upbringing and fictional fantasies etc, which clouds their judgement, sense of priorities and open mindedness.Imagine a boat refusing to sail because it once capcized; it just defeats the purpose of being called a boat, if it won’t sail.

Being petty also means blowing issues out of proportion, I have seen a relationship end because of toothpaste, YES toothpaste! She doesn’t like the toothpaste to be pressed from the middle but he is used to it and the next thing, she calls the relationship quit. Being petty is why most people find it difficult to place their hands on why they ended a relationship because when they sit down to think about it, the reason no longer makes sense to them. 

The antidote to being petty, is to open your mind and critically review your options. Focus on the bigger picture and ask yourself what you really want in life; happiness or empty wishes?

3. Communication

There is no way a relationship can exist without communication. By communication, I don’t mean just having something to talk about but rather talking about what really matters. Yes, romantic and sexy talks make relationship fun but talking about plans and future expectations makes it even more fun and more healthy; it brings about hope, confidence and at the same time helps integrate dreams.

Most ladies would just rather smile and nod; sister, no guy would want to stay with a dummy. While others would rather dominate discussions and lord opinions, sis, no guy wants to be dominated. Communication only happens when roles interchange; speaker becomes listener and after some time listener becomes speaker.

When your man starts saying “talk now” or “just listen to me too”, communication breakdown is imminent, you either pick up or slowdown. I understand you can be an introvert, you don’t talk much but to have a healthy relationship you just have to learn to talk. And if you are an extrovert, always jumpy, you just have to learn to slowdown and let your man pick up pace.

This is not to say that there are some ladies out there who have not been lucky enough to find a good relationship even though they are 99% what a man should want. To this very few, I say to you, good things take time, don’t comprise on your standard, somewhere a man that can match up is looking for you and very soon will locate you. However, don’t stay hidden too, stand out, socialize, don’t be shy and don’t be too self righteous.

You can make a happy home happen, trust yourself you can do it!