Embrace Who You Are

Embrace Who You Are

Sometimes, however, there’s no one around to give you that hug you need. When you’re having a bad day, experiencing some sort of pain, or simply craving a bit of affection, why not give some love to yourself? … Mimic the pressure that you feel when you get a reassuring bear hug.

There is so much to you than meets the eye. True, you may not have figured out all about yourself but you can still build on the little you know. Don’t let people shut you down just because they don’t like the way you speak or your kind of ideas. Don’t let people put you down because you are not what they expect. Don’t shrink just because you want to make someone feel comfortable around you. Don’t become someone else because someone close does not like your kind of person. It is who you are, embrace it and make the best of it.

You have to stop apologizing for who you are. You can’t keep denying what your passions are, no matter who is misunderstanding what matters to you. You should be your own number one fan, no one should love you more than you love yourself. Your line of thoughts may seem very odd, don’t be shy to stand by what you think is real, be proud of your views. You may not have as much insights as others do but that doesn’t mean you are not capable of something more meaningful. There is a You in there, embrace it.

You can learn, learning is not beyond you. You can improve on your current self that is the idea of living but never let anyone take away your values and what you believe. These are your identity, fight to keep them, they are who you are, protect them with your life. You are special never let anyone tell you otherwise, even when people fail to see why, never doubt yourself. They will surely come around, each one bearing gifts when you fully form.

Photo Credit: Hugging Myself
by escaped-emotions

Love yourself, no one will do that right for you. Don’t let your head down less others will look down on you. Humility is good but do it with pride, self-belief, self-love, good self-esteem and unshaken desire to excel in all things. You are your own greatest ally, cast away all doubts and trust your instincts, listen to your heart and pay close attention to your mood. They are all part of your making, even when your eyes fail to see they will keep you safe and on track.

Make it all about you, when you learn to love yourself as you should, loving others won’t be a problem. This will impact on your friendship and relationship; it takes a complete you to complement another. You have got so much within you; talent, gift, wisdom, thoughts, passion… loving yourself is all you need to amplify all these. Don’t fail the You inside, embrace who you are and watch life get less complicated.

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You Deserve The Best

You deserve the best don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. You deserve to be loved, cherished, helped, understood and given second chances. You deserve to be successful, rich, famous, mentored after, listened to and taken serious. You deserve so much more than a man can limit you to and believe me you deserve the world.

Often people make you feel less deserving just to be able to control and manipulate you. They want you to see them as your all, your saviour, want you to think you are incomplete without them and not worthy of something better than they can provide. Here is the downside, most of these people might start up as meaning no harm but in limiting what you think of yourself they are actually causing more harm than they can imagine.

You have to believe you deserve the best first before you can experience the best. You need to see yourself as a complete being before you can enjoy meaningful relationship with others. People in your life are there to complement you not complete you, you are made in the likeness of a supreme being who is the definition of completeness. You don’t have to be in a forced relationship where you are always made to feel sorry, like a victim, a slave, a liability or like you are being done a favour. You can always get something better than you have now.

Life will make us cross paths with so many people, trust me, not all of them are meant to stay no matter how much we want them to but you know the good part, people who are best for us, who really want our happiness, who want to actually see us grow, would always find a way to stick around. Don’t give in to threats, don’t burge in the eyes of oppression, don’t let anyone coercive you, even when it involves someone you think you can’t live without, always remember YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD.

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It is not such a bad idea to be passionate, shy, considerate, amiable and even meek but in all of these don’t sacrifice your happiness because someone doesn’t feel secure about your growth. Reach out, go for what you desire, you have no limits, no bounds, no impossibilities, no constraints, you have everything you need within you, dig deep and you will realize you can do so much more. You are as complete as any other successful person you know, whoever comes your way is a complement, treat them as such and value their contributions but above all appreciate who you are, get the best for yourself because after all said and done You deserve the best.

STOP IT!

STOP IT!

“Are you not tired of being treated this way?” Esther asked Monica, both of them had been friends and roommates since their second year on campus, Esther had always been the gentle one; easy going, cool and calm while Monica on the other hand was the opposite. She is always excited, free and lively (loud). They are two different individuals who have different goals and ambitions. Esther’s very intelligent and quite smart; always trying hard to set Monica right, especially when it comes to relationship but often times she shuts her up and some times she shuts her out completely.

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This particular day had gotten Esther pissed off, her roommate came in to report her boyfriend Dave. Dave and Monica had been in a relationship for about a year but it had always been from one problem to another. Dave had never respected Monica and he had always treated her like she was one random girl. This particular day Monica went to see him and he had embarrassed her in front of one of his female friends, he just pretended as if she was not there. He kept on talking to the lady as if Monica never existed. Monica walked out of his room with tears in her eyes. When she got home, she opened up to her friend Esther. Esther was used to her coming home and complaining about Dave all the time but she was getting tired of listening to the same story, so she had to voice out and asked her the daunting question, “are you not tired of being treated this way?”

Our actions or inactions, consciously or unconsciously gives people the idea of how to treat us. We give people the power to treat us the way they do. Show class and people will treat you with respect – Selah

Monica’s eyes lit up, she replied “What do you mean!?!”. “You need to stop it!”, Esther replied. Monica was confused “Stop what? You are confusing me”. Esther moved closer to her, held her two hands and looked into her eyes “You need to stop Dave from treating you like nobody, you are beautiful and you deserve the world, you need to stand up and find your worth, love is not selfish, love does not dishonor others! If he loves you he will treat you like a queen that you are”. Esther continued, “let me ask you? How has this relationship added to your life?” Monica was speechless, she knew she had made lots of mistakes in that relationship, she knew she was just enduring the relationship, she knew she had to stop it.

It was like those words set Monica free. She was able to summon courage to end the slavery she called relationship. She ended the relationship with Dave and worked hard on herself to became a better person. Over time Monica found true love, a man who treats her right, puts her first and shares her dreams.

“You are beautiful and you deserve the world, you need to stand up and find your worth, love is not selfish, love does not dishonor others! If he loves you he will treat you like a queen that you are” – Onome

Love is a sweet thing. Everyone’s desire is to meet the right person who will make them feel so special and feel on top of the world but there is more to love than candle light dinners, going on dates, getting matching wristwatches and shirts and all the emotional stuff. Love is about growing together, learning together and respecting each other. Stop forcing yourself on her, stop forcing yourself on him, you worth so much more! Stop  tolerating relationship, you are meant to be celebrated not tolerated  and until you know your worth nobody will see you as worthy. My dear reader, you need to stop chasing people and become a person worth chasing. Trust me, if you become a better person, you will attract the right person.  Make conscious efforts to be the Right and you will be someone’s Mr or Mrs Right. Overall, be a man or woman your partner will be proud to have.

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Finally, treat your partner the way you want them to treat you; stop disrespecting your partner in front of your friends, family, colleagues, classmates or clique. If you don’t value your partner nobody will, if you don’t respect him/her your friends won’t. Don’t be bossy, don’t be controlling, don’t dominate discussions, don’t be too protective, don’t become obsessed and remember, she is not your maid and neither is he your source of income. Relationship is meant to be an advanced partnership, both of you have to bring something to the table; you have to trust, respect, reach compromise, make sacrifices, forgive and above all love truly.

Love is achieved when two mature minds decide to make it work, it is never one sided. Love should start from you, if you don’t love You, nobody will. If you have found true love hold on to it, if you have not, be patient and while at it be a better person, true love will surely find you. You are meant to be celebrated and loved not to be managed!

Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome
Onomewrites@gmail.com

What is Your Worth?

WHAT IS YOUR WORTH?

Tochukwu barged into her sister’s house and shouted “I’ve had enough, men are all the same”

Her elder sister Chioma, who was five (5) years older than her, got married three years ago to her first love Paul. Tochukwu used to tell her, “she is boring”, for dating the same guy for over 5 year. Chioma got married to her first love because she does not believe in changing men. She has this principle, “If you have found your true love then you have no reason to run back and forth with others. Stay faithful to your true love”. While Tochi, on the other hand, as everyone calls her, believes that there is nothing like true love. She is of the opinion that “If you find a rich man who loves you then marry him”.

As months passed by, with Tochi going to her sister’s house once in a while and she seeing the way her sister’s husband showers her with love, Tochi started having second thoughts about love and men. However, this particular day had been a very annoying day for Tochi, her boyfriend, Daniel, had insulted her publicly and the only person she could talk to was her elder sister. Chioma had been her confidant since childhood but when she barged into her home, Tochi had really passed her boundary this time. “Tochi this is my matrimonial home for God’s sake, what if my husband was home what exactly is wrong with you?” Chioma questioned, in a rather angry voice. Tochi apologize immediately sensing the annoyance. “What has men done to you this time?”, Chioma asked.

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Tochi then explained to her sister how Daniel publicly insulted her, by calling her a parrot, saying she talks too much. “Sis, he doesn’t respect me at all, he treats me anyhow”, she tried to hold back her tears. She continued, “Can you imagine it was inside the shopping mall that he insulted me o, in fact I’m never going back to him!”. Her sister smiled, just to calm her aching nerves, then asked her to sit down.

Then with a voice so gentle yet firm, Chioma began, “Tochi, No man will respect and value you until you learn to respect and value yourself”. Tochi had a puzzle look on her face.  Chioma smiled again and continued, the issue of being valued, does not only come in relationship with your partners or spouses, it also affects your relationship with people in general. Have you ever wondered why your friends talk to you anyhow or why your boss or even your siblings treat you without courtesy? It all boils down to how you carry yourself, the value you place on yourself and the aura that you carry around you.

Let me ask you a question; when you look in the mirror what exactly do you see? If you see a man or woman who is timid, ugly and stupid, I’m afraid, everyone you come across that day would most likely see you that way too. When you look in the mirror why not see a man or woman who is confident, smart and intelligent, you have nothing to lose, after all, God created you that way. People will keep on messing with you until you learn to raise your price tag, Chioma concluded.

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“Don’t rely on some-one else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself- no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are- completely; the good and the bad and the changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different”. – Stacey Charter

To my beautiful ladies, if he actually slept with you at the backseat of his car you can’t expect him to think you are worthy of a matrimonial bed! You need to know that you worth more than that and you are not just a toy to play with. To my handsome men, if a lady makes you feel less and compares you to other men then you need to stand up and let her know you are the best. There is so much inside of you why would you settle for less than you deserve?

When you are walking, raise your head high and be confident of the fact that you worth so much more than precious stones. I need you to know that every mistake you have made and all the bad experiences you have had, all sums up to make you better than you were before. Know that because you failed at something has not made you worth less. You need to fall in love with yourself everyday because if you don’t love you, nobody will. After all it is love your neighbor as yourself meaning your first love is yourself.

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I know we are not all perfect but with learning and believing in oneself, we get better every day. I need you to know that you worth so much more, if you are in a gathering of people who make you feel less, then I think you need to change such people. Hang out with friends who make you feel better and brighter. Don’t stay where you are tolerated, move on to where you will be celebrated. Remember nobody can make you feel worthless without your permission. You are a treasure that should be treasured. You are so very special!

I love you and I believe in you!

Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome

Academic Grades; What they say about your future?

Academic Grades; What they say about your future?

Success is not the amount of cash you have but the value you are able to add to yourself and to the world around you. Someone once said, “Wealth has nothing to do with bank balance but has everything to do with how long one can survive after the loss of one’s main source of income”. Many earn good and project a picture of envy but soon after loss of job or retirement, they become exactly opposite of what they used to be. However, someone who adds value even when out of job, his or her creative value would always make way for him or her.

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Contrary to what we were taught, academic excellence is not same as life success. What comes after the age of 25 is what determines success. I need not tell you that the best and most successful entrepreneurs are either college drop-outs or 3rd class university graduates. This is not to say that first class graduates are not doing very well, however, generally academic success leads to a kind of nonchalant attitude and a feeling of overconfidence which often leads to a life of 30days make one salary.

A typical First class or second class graduate wants to look for a juicy job that pays well-overboard salary, then grow with the company after which they retire, full stop end of life.  A drop-out or 3rd class graduate, on the other hand, realises he is at a disadvantage, so he gets to work, either starting a business, hustle or going into professional certification, from there creates a servicing firm which will ultimately grow and hire the new sets of first class and second class graduates, then the cycle continues. The paradox of academic excellence is in its inherent risk of breeding life failures and people who actually end up not living their dreams or should I say not attaining ground breaking height.

The truth is, while graduates with excellent academic results are relaxed, waiting for the sun to shine, the dropouts and the 3rd class graduates work hard to make their own Sunshine.

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Let me share my own person experience with you.  I graduated from a University in Nigeria and in my set till date the most successful person is a guy who finished with Pass grade. Having realized his academic deficiencies, he went into business, from getting motor spare parts on order for people to importing and clearing assistance. Now he is a big motor dealer with quite a number of outlets in the South West Nigeria.  In my secondary school days, (Boys only Secondary school) Jide didn’t make a single paper. I recall when he went to collect his Secondary School Certificate result he was told to write 6 (which is supposed to mean Credit grade 6) as he was about writing it, the teacher said, “make sure you write the 6 upside down” (meaning a 9 which implies Fail grade 9), then the teacher said “write it for all the subject you took!”. But today he owns an auditing firm with first class accountants working for him.  In my primary school days, in the early days of private primary schools in Nigeria, Taibat seems not understand what goes on in class, she practically struggles with everything and anything that involves reading but today she owns a mall in the United States (written about this before in THE PAST MATTERS LESS ).

My point is academic excellence is not a measure of how successful one will be, what seems as an advantage now may soon turn out to be a disadvantage and vice versa. I have learned something in my life, it is not what people think of you but what you think of yourself that really matters and that academic declarations do not count as limitations when it comes to life success. The main things one has to focus on are:

1. Understand what your strengths and weaknesses are, what treats lies before you and how you can surmount them then identify the opportunities ahead of you and how you can place yourself well enough to take advantage of them. Simply know yourself.

2. Don’t let your focus be on how to make money rather focus on how to add value. People can always take your source of income but no one can stop you from adding value and the price of a value added is whatever you call it. Even when you are employed, don’t just relax and earn, add value such that you become forever relevant.

3. The easiest way to make wealth and fame is to solve a problem. There are many problems in the world waiting to be solved. While people who are smart and purposeful have continued to earn fortune from solving them. I am not telling you to become a savior but as little as organising lessons for student re-writing certificate exams, running a daycare centre accessible to many big companies, consultancy services etc will ensure you do just fine to start with.

4. Keep adding value to yourself. The best investment is not in properties but in person. Whatever knowledge; by book or practical, one has gathered is like an asset designed to improve one’s self worth and value. Learn new things especially something that can help you on your path to success.

5. Start first then perfections after. Most great ideas die at the embryo stage because most brilliant people lack the mental strength to act their dreams. They want the idea to be perfect first before they implement. This is one act the 3rd class and drop-outs have mastered, they start first then they find ways to make it perfect along the way.

6. Keep moving forward. It will be tough at first but one has to dig deep and find reasons not to quit. People will have different opinions, there will be castigations and reasons why it will never work but it is just one of those things. In the end, it makes it more awesome when you succeed.

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A bad academic grade is not a one way ticket to the gallows of failure, in as much as it is expected of one to always give one’s best. What we will become in life is not defined by anything outside us, it all lies within; our success or otherwise. This is practical, this is what is happening all around, it is reality and it is a choice we have to make if we want to succeed.

Self Esteem

SELF- ESTEEM

It was a dark and lonely night and the room was so empty, all she could see was her shadows, like a fragile bird looking for safety, she crawled around her bed and all she could do was cry all alone, she felt lost and empty with her eyes flowing with uncontrollable tears. Right there in that room she wished the morning would never come she just hated life. Her mind and her cerebrum were not helping matters as they took her through the journey of what a mess her life has been and all she could do was cry harder. She just wanted to be happy, she wanted to be seen and she wanted to be loved.

Many people like this young lady have felt dejected, rejected and unloved. They keep asking themselves every day what exactly is the problem? Self Esteem or put differently Self-belief !

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What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is simply how we value ourselves, how we make the world value us. It is the way we think and feel about ourselves and finally it is a state of the mind. There are two major types of self-esteems
a. High self-esteem
b. Low self-esteem

High self –esteem
A person with a high esteem feels so secured, strong and positive; always confident.

Low self-esteem
A person with a low self-esteem feels so unworthy, incapable, unloved and this feeling stops individuals from reaching their full potential.
Low self-esteem is a dream eater; it stops individuals from reaching their full potential, individuals with low self-esteem often get scared of confronting people, they get so scared of sharing their ideas and thoughts because they feel they cannot be accepted. Individuals with low self-esteem are always dying to get attention and so do some crazy things to get attention. Some of them go to the extent of lying to loved ones claiming to be who and what they are not.

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Signs of low self-esteem
👉👈 Blaming Others
💀    Negative view about life
👽    Fear of taking risks and fear of being ridiculed
💔 Feelings of being unloved
👹 Lack of trust in people
😹 Self-pity

Low self-esteem can be caused by so many factors but what matters is how you deal with it, low self-esteem can kill dreams because it makes people become pessimistic, viewing everything as impossible. It results in lack of self belief  and it gives room for self-pity.
Helen Keller said “Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world”.

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How can low self-esteem be dealt with?
To deal with low self-esteem you need to believe in yourself, pay more attention to your thoughts; think positively, have a self-talk all the time. When you look at the mirror every morning tell yourself words like:
I am beautiful,
I am handsome,
I am smart,
I am talented,
I have what it takes,
I can do this,
I am intelligent,
I am not a loser,
I am in it to win it,
In my life nothing is impossible,
Nothing can stop from making it…

As you begin to appreciate yourself the real you comes out for the world to see. You don’t need to beg for attention because you will attract the right people. If you want others to love you then you need to love yourself. Oscar Wilde said “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” if you don’t love You, nobody can love You.

You are the best of your kind when God created you, He created you unique. Don’t allow people or circumstances make you feel less important, you are the best of your kind!

Raise your head high and walk with confidence because you are special and the best you can be is number one.

“Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else” – Eleanor Roosevelt.

Self-esteem comes from being able to define the world in your own terms and refusing to abide on the judgments of others”- Oprah Winfrey.

Make yourself valuable and be proud of who you are, nobody can make you feel less, believe in yourself and keep shinning! You are the best!

God bless you.

By Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome
Image source: Google images