Posted in Author Oluwatosin, Digest

Liar’s Corner

Liar’s Corner

It is said that, “a good liar must have a good memory”. This is indeed true because lying is a big task. It is born from hasty generalisation, assumptions, exaggeration and unnecessary make-believe. For one not to be caught, he/she needs to recall every history of lies told to a person or in a situation so, it can be built upon and adequately updated. Believe me, this is not an easy duty. So, I concur fully to that nugget for liars.

Most liars live in a world of fear and adjustments. They hardly notice or accept it though. Even when he is looking so calm in appearance while explaining his ordeal or convincing you about a deal, he is undergoing series of calculations and adjustments inside of him. His thoughts counter each other… he’s studying your actions and noticing your responses to know if you believed his last statement or not and how well he can continue to bamboozle you or shroud his last flaw. It is such a complex world for them. However, is it really needed?

Nothing tarnishes one’s personality more than when he is found to be dishonest. It takes just one lie to have all the truth you have ever told questioned. It ruins relationships, business opportunities and even one’s integrity. Someone who has never met you might not trust you because of your track records of lies that has widely spread; that can hinder so many opportunities untold. Your report, analysis, personal history and so on, does not have to sound interesting all the time. Just say it as it is! If you do not get an applause in the end, never mind… you got an integrity boost instead. Another badge of trust got added to your personality chest.

Telling a lie for a good reason doesn’t make it the truth and doing wrong with good intentions doesn’t make it right. When trust is betrayed, nothing else really matters. -Selahsomeone

It does not take a good lying technique to thrive in business or a relationship. It takes good strategy and communication skill. “If you don’t cheat, you won’t make profit”, who’s theory is that? Develop a good business strategy, get a good location, be appealing to your target market, be friendly and do not compromise your quality in goods and services… your business is going to soar. “My spouse/ parent never believes me until I lie”. Are you for real? Why not keep up with the truth? When loved ones find your words and the reality to be consistent, they will come to terms with your honesty, eventually you would become more appreciated and your bond would grow stronger.

There is no reason good enough to lie. Consider your options again… a safe route is staring at you in the face. Exploit it! Relieve yourself from the stress of internal clumsiness. Make the world a more reliable place to live in. Speak the truth always.

Posted in Author Omotayo, Relationship

Love is Unconditional But Trust is Earned

I was talking to a friend, a young lady, and she said to me, “Selah, if he loves me then he ought to trust me”. At first I said ” sure!” but on second thought asked myself, how realistic is that?

I understand many relationship texts, speakers and writers are of the opinion that love and trust should go in the same sentence but in reality, it rarely works like that. We generally want to expect a lover to also trust but here is the twist, when someone is really in love with you, there is every tendency that the person becomes a ‘little’ jealous, do you agree? (I know I am but not obsessed, though). If you agree, then you must also agree that the element of jealousy, no matter how small it is, has an underlining root called “trust issues”.

Now let’s agree on one more thing, love is unconditional (I am sure you are nodding your head now), yes! true love should be unconditional, not based on materials, assets, body structure, personality, status or gifts (even though these are major factors we have to consider before agreeing to marriage). You can love someone the first time you set your eyes on them, that is the nature of love, it is a gift you give to someone else most times in hope that they give it back to you, using same measure but not always necessarily so. However, trust on the other hand, has to be earned and most times after it is earned, it can also be lost. Quick example, a mother loves her kids, but some times you hear her say ” I don’t trust my kids with my phone”, and if you ask her why, you will find out it is based on her past experiences with the kids. Trust is based on individual’s past experiences and current events, and to be trustworthy partners must prove their worthiness.

How to build trust?

1. Good communication: Talk to one another about everything. About the guy eyeing you in your office, about the new friend you just made, about the lady in your class who is always chatty around you and so on. Be as open as possible, in fact be an open book to your partner. You don’t have to necessarily talk about your exes in details, in fact most guys don’t like that ‘talk’ and might even fuel trust issues but be as open as humanly possible. No keeping secretes, be transparent.

Scenario: Somehow a lady in a perfect relationship mistakenly kissed a friend (guy) in a moment of adrenaline rush. Now she is wondering if she should tell her boyfriend about this mishap or keep it to herself?

2. Share itinerary: Exchange daily itinerary, let him or her have a rough idea of where you will be at a particular time, not saying everywhere you want to stop at but at least an idea of what your day is going to look like. Most girls want to be able to say, “it is 5pm, my guy should be at the gym or church rehearsal” and same goes for guys. This is not your guy or girl monitoring your movement, it is about him or her being able to vouch for your movement.

3. Be truthful: The quickest way to have someone trust you is to be truthful at all (most) times. Lies might save a face some of the time but the truth will save a face all the time. Let your “A” be confirmed as “A”, if you know you are in a scenario where the truth can wreck more havoc, I always suggest silence. The easiest way to destroy a relationship is to build it on lies. Tell your partner the truth and whatever you know you can’t share with your partner, DON’T DO IT!

Scenario response: You need to understand who your partner is, how he or she responds to issues, best time to talk to him or her and how stable your partner is emotionally. These are the key factors that determine whether or not, you have to share. However, this predicament is avoidable, remember “whatever you know you can’t share with your partner, DON’T DO IT!”

4. Be Yourself: The only way you can be consistent is if you are yourself. Don’t try to be what or who you are not, if your partner finds fault, he or she would correct and probably be able to vouch for you but when you are fake, you become inconsistent and inarticulate. When someone is not articulate, people find it had to trust them. Even though they are telling the truth, their body language and inconsistencies keeps giving them off as lairs.

5. Have common friends: This honestly would prevent more than half of trust issues in relationships. Having private friends especially of the opposite sex can easily stir up trust issues. Even when there is really nothing to it, when you start spending more time with a person of the opposite sex who is not a common friend, you obviously are given reasons not to be trusted. Whoever wants to be your friend and not the friend of your partner, is worth avoiding.

Scenario conclusion: Not telling your partner means you are keeping a secret and once you are able to keep one away from him or her, you will eventually keep many. However, sharing will get the load of guilt off you but here are the two possibilities 1. Your partner trusts you that you don’t hide things from him or her or 2. Your partner can’t trust you with person of opposite sex because another accident might happen again. It takes wisdom to do the right thing. An octogenarian once told me, if by accident you get your shirt stained with another lady’s lipstick, wash it off first then when you get home, you can joke about it with your wife, if not, any other way, won’t be a joke at all. Always apply WISDOM!

Posted in Author Omotayo, Relationship

I Love You

I Love You

‘I love you’ probably the most confusing three words in history. Questions like; does it exist, can it be true, is it real, is it possible at first sight, why all of a sudden etc trail these words, often born out of the stories of love we have read and past experiences. In a letter I published sometime ago “what is love?” wherein a young lady tried to explain the unconditionality of these words, I still ask myself this question, “can anything be unconditional?”. I mean can we love without expecting something in return? Life has taught me that these words often create that sense of obligations and expectations such as; reciprocating, obeying, caring for, being best friends with, worshiping, accepting, giving time to, listening to, forgiving when I wronged etc.

‘True love’, as my dear writer friend Onome likes to use, now takes the complication to a whole new level. ‘True love’ has been used in series of articles, often times to mean a love so divine, devoid of anything evil or selfish intentions and therefore creating a picture of an eldorado or place of peace in relationship but then does this really exist? Truth itself is a function of time and state; present, past and future, if you agree with this, then you will also agree with me that ‘true love’ could have a time validity or worse still a time constraint that could render it more or less potent as time passes. This is just an hypothesis though, don’t ha

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te me yet.

Enough of my twisting and turning! Love is real, trust me, just that it  holds different meaning to different people. Literally, we can say love is a desire to an end; a desire only the confessor of the words truly knows to what intent and extent. Okay, simply put, only the person saying those words (I love you) can really say what he or she real means, that is, how deep is the desire, what are the intentions, the terms and conditions apply and to what length he/she is willing to go.

For clarity sake, we have all been made to believe the words “I love you” should mean; you are the only one, I can’t live without, you are my everything, there is no one else above, I will be with you always and forever etc but in reality this seldom happens.

The truth is when you interpret the words “I love you” from someone else based on your own “desire of intent and extent”, you most often than not get it all wrong. For instance:
From a mother to a son- ‘I love you’ may mean ‘I will make sure you turn out right’. The son would be wise not to mistake it for ‘you can do as it pleases you’ or else he will see rebuke from his mother when he is wrong as betrayal of love.
From a player boy to a side chick- it may mean ‘I want to have sex with you again and again’. The side chick should not mistake it for ‘I will be with you forever’ or else she will see the guy getting married to the main chick as betrayal of love.
From an extortionist to a pure heart- it may mean ‘I like the way you spend on me’. The pure heart should not mistake it for ‘I can cross the ocean for you’ or else he/she will see the extortionist’s walking away when there is no more money as betrayal of love.
From a pastor to the congregation, it may mean ‘I am happy to have you in my church and I pray you make heaven’. The church should not mistake it for ‘I can die for you’ or else when the pastor chooses his family above church members, the church will see it as betrayal of love. And so on

My point is, there is no absolute (in reality) to measure these words or what to expect. What we all have to go on with are merely our imaginations and what we think the other party might be saying. However, if we take time to understand what the other person wants (to what end) maybe relationship will be less complicated and more worth the time. So when next someone tells you I love you, be wise enough to probe further because it is better to know what to expect and your likely obligations than to assume it is just unconditional.

From me to you, I love you (meaning I appreciate you reading my articles, I hope they have positive impacts in your life and I definitely want to see you at the top).

Cheers.

Posted in Author Fabiola iconxpression, Poems for Thought

THE MEEM BELIEVE

THE MEEM BELIEVE

I believe we are meant to be.
And I trust in my believe.
Trust in war’s not we need.
For our survival to be.

We conceive to be deceased.
We can give and still receive.
We don’t really have to grieve.
If life’s well spent with relief.

Give me that time oh, time oh.
Show me the care eh, care eh.
Treat me with love oh, love oh.
Afford me some trust eh, trust eh.

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Picture source: GTBank

From the pictures that we see.
From the face of families.
We can find an inner peace.
Become whole from being pieces.

In the glowing of your skin.
From the scenery on your screen.
In the swaying of the tree.
We see the need to be free.

Give me that time oh, time oh.
Show me the care eh, care eh.
Treat me with love oh, love oh.
Afford me some trust eh, trust eh.

By Aremu Ibraheem Adebayo
Iconxpression

Posted in Author Fabiola iconxpression, Poems for Thought

NEVER ALONE

NEVER ALONE

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Distanced from the crowd i sit to ponder.
Alone with my thought, a sight of wonder.
I do not resist the help from people around.
The spotlight I hope for, I just haven’t found.

Naked in my world with nothing but me.
This is how alone, I’ve grown to be.
Lost to the world Like a farmer’s only horse.
Feeling so alone though I am not sarcophagus.

The Moon shines and my mood slides.
It creates in my ocean a glimps of lonely tides.
Scared yet proud of what I call my own.
But In the market still, the insane isn’t alone.

Though solitary i wade through this trouble
Very much i know that even when i stumble
No matter how far away I am from my throne
With you my friends I am NEVER ALONE…

By Iconxpression
Aremu Ibraheem Adebayo

Posted in Author Fidel, Digest, Good people

Worry Is A Waste Of Time

Worry Is a Waste of Time

Worry is one of the most ineffective pastimes we can indulge in. Jesus Himself asked, ‘Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?’ (Matthew 6:27 NLT). Worry is the assassin of rest and relationships. It stalks us and hijacks our minds. While we may continue to function publicly, there’s a sinister force lurking within us.

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Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.’ Philippians 4:6 NLT

This enemy called worry disorients moods, destroys creativity, and depletes your sense of completion which comes from within and can’t be achieved by the acquisition of things. Why do we wrestle so much with things we can’t change?

One pastor writes: ‘It took me years to realise that when I went to bed I shouldn’t go with half my day wrapped around my head. I wrestled all night with issues that couldn’t be resolved until morning anyway. I can’t tell you how many days I went to work feeling like the worn heel of an old shoe. I was less effective, tenser, unable to perform to full capacity, and it took its toll on my relationships.’ Can you relate?

Here’s God’s prescription for worry: ‘Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus … Fix your thoughts on what is true … honorable … right … pure … lovely, and admirable … things that are excellent and worthy of praise … Then the God of peace will be with you’ (Philippians 4:6-9 NLT).

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Today let God set you free from worry.

By Fidel Afuda

Posted in Legends

“Coat Of Many Colors”

Right from the time I understood that to me music has never been about the beat but the lyrics, Dolly had been one of my most loved musician.  Of all her songs “Coat Of Many Colors” stood out for me because it taught me contentment, appreciation and self-belief.

I will like to share this with you and to get you inspired!

“Coat Of Many Colors”

Back through the years
I go wonderin’ once again
Back to the seasons of my youth
I recall a box of rags that someone gave us
And how my momma put the rags to use
There were rags of many colors
Every piece was small
And I didn’t have a coat
And it was way down in the fog
Momma sewed the rags together
Sewin’ every piece with love
She made my coat of many colors
That I was so proud of
As she sewed, she told a story
From the bible, she had read
About a coat of many colors
Joseph wore and then she said
Perhaps this coat will bring you
Good luck and happiness
And I just couldn’t wait to wear it
And momma blessed it with a kiss

My coat of many colors
That my momma made for me
Made only from rags
But I wore it so proudly
Although we had no money
I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

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So with patches on my britches
Holes in both my shoes
In my coat of many colors
I hurried off to school
Just to find the others laughing
And making fun of me
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

And oh I couldn’t understand it
For I felt I was rich
And I told them of the love
My momma sewed in every stitch
And I told ’em all the story
Momma told me while she sewed
And how my coat of many colors
Was worth more than all their clothes

But they didn’t understand it
And I tried to make them see
That one is only poor
Only if they choose to be
Now I know we had no money
But I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me
Made just for me