Peer Pressure

Pressure is one of the leading reasons why people take wrong steps. Pressure can come from anywhere and anything; family, work, friends, enemies etc. When you are under pressure and you give in to that pressure you are most likely to act outside your normal self. However, pressure would not push you unless you give in first.

Recently, I had this conversation with someone who was trying to retrace his steps after losing his job. He said “I lost my job because I stole from my company and this was all because my wife kept comparing us to her friends”. He said the wife kept putting him under pressure, because she wanted their kids to attend expensive schools, use exotic cars and do holiday trips like her friends; it was like they were in a competition. He said but he couldn’t afford all these on his income so he had to start borrowing and when borrowing could not sustain his wife’s lust for expensive lifestyle, he decided to borrow (steal) from office fund. The rest is history.

It was saddening to hear him talk, especially when he explained his background and how hard he struggled to get the job, only for him to lose that same job because he couldn’t manage the pressure around him. Of course we might want to blame him or the wife, but I won’t want to go into that, I will rather leave that to The TYs Show and @onomewrites , however one thing is certain irrespective of who we blame, it still comes to the fact the someone gave in to pressure. An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship.

Now, of all the causes pressure earlier listed and much more, the most “pushy” for youths is the peer pressure, i.e. pressure from people within their age group (I have been there before). This pressure can be direct or indirect and dealing with pressure often depends on the type of pressure and individuals’ mental strength.

Dealing with Peer Pressure

A. Direct Peer Pressure

Direct peer pressure can be explained as peer pressure coming directly from one’s peer; either a friend or an enemy, who is within one’s age group, status, ability or profession. Take for instance, a friend you finished school together with, who is now married asking you when you will get married? That kind of pressure could push one to “unprepared for marriage” and if not careful one will marry the wrong person. Also for instance, because one hasn’t gotten a job yet and one’s close friend who has a job calls one lazy or bullies one with money, one becomes pressured to make money by all means just to prove a point. These are examples of direct peer pressure.

How do you handle it?

1. Give space: Give as much space as possible to the particular person or group of persons putting you under pressure. This doesn’t mean you should not get in touch but ensure it is at arm’s length. It is a negative energy and staying away is the best solution. It is good to get motivated to want more but let the motivation be from within not because someone bullied you.

2. Focus on your big picture: At 25years, it is expected you have a rough idea of what you want and how you want to go about it, don’t lose sight of this. Even if your friends have taken a different route and it is working, if it doesn’t fit into your idea of living don’t do it. Running one’s race on another man’s time would only cause untimely end to one’s race. Focusing on your big picture makes it difficult to be carried away by peer pressure.

3. Don’t try to satisfy anyone at your own expense: You know what, playing the hero is for movies and story books, in reality you don’t put others before yourself. If you keep this in mind when friends pressure you, the first thing you consider is “how does this affect me, my personal plans and my future?”. Then you will be able to make an informed decision.

B. Indirect Peer Pressure

Peer pressure becomes indirect when no one is hipping it on you but yourself. Indirect peer pressure is self inflicted and this is more dangerous. You can easily walk away from a direct peer pressure but an indirect peer pressure requires winning the battle from within. For instance, after a long thought of how other friends and school mates have succeeded, one finally concludes one is the worst and then decides it is suicide time. This isn’t a pressure from anyone, it is just you. Or A man who feels he is too quiet, he wants to be loud and lively like his friends so he turned to hard drugs to get the ginger. Self inflicted peer pressure.

How do you handle it?

1. Pray: As much as I don’t want to sound spiritual in this matter, the spiritual facts cannot be denied. Our thoughts are meant to be guided and the only guide we can get is by screening what we allow in, as simple as words can put this, in practice it is not all that simple. It takes a high-level of spiritual discipline once you realize you are under this kind of pressure. So yes! Pray because that’s all the spiritual I know.

2. Win the mind battle: Indirect peer pressure like I said is more of a mind thing, so you have to win that Battle to have a clear mind. You may have to do affirmations or speak reassuring words to make you keep believing in yourself, because without self believe this battle is already lost. The truth is, others would have what you think you deserve and one could easily be tempted to compare and do the unimaginable but when you believe in yourself and you are ready to trust the process, you would find reasons to wait for your own time.

3. Talk to Someone: A therapist, a mentor, a godfather talk to someone who is older or more experienced when you are caught up with indirect peer pressure, this would save you from ruining your life. In fact, talking to people is not only going to help you with better decisions, it would also help unburdening your soul and spirit. You would also learn from their mistakes in similar situations. Please don’t underestimate how far seeking counsel can help.

Above all, LEARN TO SAY NO! Don’t be too shy to reject what you don’t want. Use the word “NO” as often as it is required. Whether someone is trying to influence you, persuade you or even when it is your thoughts playing tricks on you, let your NO be resounding. When it seems everyone else is heading that way, if it doesn’t work with your plan(s), pull out and let everyone know you have made your choice.

We are who we are and we got here being ourselves. Even if there are reasons to be different, they should be about improving on who we are. We would always have many questions and there would always be lots of options, but we best be wise in choosing. Don’t get pushed, don’t get pressured because when you fall, it is going to be big and it is going to be only you!

Peer Pressure

Where The Battle is Won

Some years back, I was just in my first year of senior secondary school, so I tried out for the football team of my house, Green house or as we call it in G.C.I, Field House. Goal keeping was my thing, so I tried out for the goal keeper’s position and I was selected. To cut the story short, I was excellent in training but when our first big match came and I saw the crowd, I became very nervous.

The first shot that came towards my goal, trust me, i could have sworn i saw a lion coming towards me instead of a football and so I fumbled it. After that, I practically begged the coach to remove me because I just couldn’t cope, it was overwhelming for me, a lot was going on in my head and I lost it. My mind was playing tricks on me and somehow it was way out of control. So I was substituted barely ten minutes into my first game.

Ladies and gentlemen, the first place we lose or win is in the mind. The projection of the problem by the mind is often greater than reality, simply put the mind exaggerates the problem. Playing in a big match was overwhelming for me then because I just could not hold it together in my mind. I lost it because I had lost all confidence in myself when my mind overestimated the situation.

The most complex battle is the battle within. That argument that goes on within you; should I try again, should I quit, should I lie, should I say the truth, should I run, should I stay, I can’t pass, it is too hard and so on. My friends, if we are going to step up we will have to shape up and the key to that is to win the battle in the mind.

The war within is crucial. It must be won if we truly desire to move to the next level. Yes! There are problems, overwhelming tasks ahead, and we are probably at a disadvantage but honestly, not as bad as our minds are projecting it. If we can only overcome the thoughts of failure, the feeling of incompetence and that consistent urge to quit every time things go south then we would have won the first battle. Note this, our minds will amplify the obstacles but it is a war we must first win.

How do you prepare your mind if you want to always win the battle within?

  1. Read: Reading is very important, it is not just food for the soul but an exercise for the mind. It opens the mind to vast knowledge and new horizons. Reading self development texts show you how others have done it in past, remind you it is not impossible and give you confidence you need to overcome whatever it is you are facing. Nothing wins more than an open mind, and no one improves better than a man who is always eager to learn something new.
  2. Affirmation: Positive words go along way in improving our self esteem and self awareness. When you focus on your good qualities, it drowns your weakness. The mind feeds on what we constantly hear; negative words demoralize and make us feel small while positive words make us feel invisible. Imagine waking up and the first person you met said “you are beautiful”, trust me, you would have a wonderful day; it is a mind thing. So why not be that first person for yourself, compliment yourself and feed your mind with positive words.
  3. Dare: I remember those days when we were still very young, we dared ourselves to put our hands over the candle light, at first we barely lasted a second but as time went on we could go over a minute. The thing is when you become daring, you don’t easily get scared and your pain threshold becomes stretched. Daring actually toughens the mind. A daring person wouldn’t mind taking risks, trying new business, going into a virgin field or even going against odds. It takes practice to toughen up the mind.
  4. Believe: Self is one word we need to work on. Yes! Team work is good but self work is the best foundation. You can’t function well with others if you are always second guessing yourself. You must believe in yourself, I always say this, if you don’t believe in something it will be hard selling it to someone else by implication if you don’t believe in yourself you can’t make others believe in you. Each time you are not sure, you lose the Battle of the mind, in fact some people/rivals would play mind game on you so you can doubt yourself. That’s how important believing in yourself is, if you want to move to the next level.
  5. Enjoy: Have fun doing what you do, by doing this you play down the importance of what you are doing and relieve yourself of the pressure. By enjoying what you are doing, you become more relaxed and you able to access stored memories; past experiences, knowledge acquired over the years and intuitions to guide your every step. When you see the fun side of what you do your mind eases up, you see things clearly and you make better decisions.

It would be too much to ask that you imbibe all you have read here at once but I believe you can take it a step at a time. You can overcome the fear projected by your mind, it is doable and once you win that Battle within you nothing else can stand in your way.

You are special my friend, I absolutely believe in you but please do me a favour and believe in yourself too.

Where The Battle is Won

Posted in Author Omotayo, Good people

Why The Devil Is Winning

Why The Devil Is Winning


This is not another preaching or a talk about God, I understand you know a whole lot about that, even more than I do. This is not about the devil, because a prominent Pastor once said, ‘we talk too much about the devil, we give him too much credit while we take less responsibilities for our wrongs‘. However, this is a talk about you and I, the way we reason and the thoughts we nurture. It was said that the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince people he doesn’t exist, yet I feel there is more to why the devil is winning than this trick.

Recently, I was offered a tract by a customer to show his gratitude for the service I just rendered. When he handed me the tract and said ‘thank you’, it felt somehow to me, money I understand, souvenir I understand but tract!?! Anyway, I collected it, it was looking so unattractive and I was really not interested in going through it, I was so sure it’s the same old story, so I decided to pass it on (I had to respect the hard earned money it took to print the tract). I tried giving it to different people that I came across that day but none of them took it home, some said, it is the same story, others said, they don’t need it while few just collected it and left there on my table. At last, I took it home and decided to go through it. It was the same story as I guessed and ended with give your life to Christ but something was different about this tract, it didn’t focus on heaven or hell, rather it was more about earth and why the devil is winning. I thought about it for a while, I soon slept off and forgot about it all.

Then this morning I was chatting with a friend and while we were at it, series of discussions we had led me back to the tract and these words kept echoing in my head “why the devil is winning”. As much as I wanted to demonstrate my faith and say, ‘yes to God’s victory’, realities of time suggest that gradually, the devil is claiming more souls. So I want to share with you just five (5) of reasons why the devil is winning and I hope after reading this you would be part of the comeback team for God.

1. We believe in self righteousness: Most of us believe we don’t need to be a believer to be a good person. We believe with good deeds we can win the heart of God. Here is the twist, devil is not afraid of our good deeds, in fact the devil is unmoved by our good deeds, because the devil knows that without Christ, even the best of deeds are like filthy rags before God. Come to think of it, even when we claim to be all about good deeds and behaviors, we can only be good to those who are good to us and that doesn’t make us good enough for God.

2. Godly things don’t seem interesting to us: We are young and vibrant, we want to have fun, dance, sing, flirt, take pictures, feel sexy and be famous. All these seem right, since we are not harming any body but unfortunately we are harming ourselves. Some say do it in moderation but who determines what is moderate? The devil knows that our body would always win in our battles with our head when there is no Holy Spirit in our lives. I am not saying fun is wrong, I love fun too but without the Holy Spirit in us, fun will always lead us to a funny position with the devil.

3. Freedom and rights: This is one good thing with a bad after taste. Currently some schools have forbidden prayers or the use  the name of God in their schools, some TV stations consider the use of God as derogatory, people want to be free to choose; association, sex, partner, worship etc. People reserves the right to dress the we they please, but then when you are your brother’s keeper, you would spare a thought for what your sexy dress might be doing to him and his thoughts.  When we remove God from our daily routines, something else will definitely fill the void, that’s as sure as the sun rising from the East.


4. When it comses to God, we think we have time: How many times have we said, “oh I can’t make it to church today, I will go next week or I have not gotten a fine church yet, I will get before the end of the month or Sunday is the only time I do my laundry so I can’t make church etc.” We believe with God, we can do it when it pleases us and some of us will round it off by saying “God understands”. Yes God understands our weaknesses but unfortunately, the devil does too and the devil takes advantage. Yes, there is time with God but then the devil also knows corruption is an infestation that eats deep with time and gives little room for retrace.

5. We believe we know: When it comes to God vs devil, everyone is an expert. We believe we need no tutoring, it is the same preaching since we were young, nothing new, a twist of prosperity has been used by some church to lure some of us back but majority would still argue that  you don’t need God to be rich. Here is the truth, you might not need God for anything in this life but He is the only thing you need for afterlife. Yes, it is the same preaching but the truth is, no matter how many times it has been told, it won’t stop being the truth. The devil knows the constant battle in our heart before we make a choice and each time he counts on our ego to keep leading us back to him. 

Devil is winning because of the little things we take for granted. What we wear, the kind of friends we keep, our shyness when it comes to talking about God, not talking to our kids about God, putting morals above godliness, wanting to belong etc. We are the end days’ army, the team ‘comeback’ of God, we have to do our bit to right some of these wrongs, not just because it is a safer earth when God is winning but because we owe ourselves the peace that comes with godliness. 

Posted in Author Omotayo, Digest, Motivational

​Winning Is A Mentality

Winning Is A Mentality

We all want to win
We all want to be celebrated
Small, big, high and sometimes doing the extraordinary.
But winning doesn’t start with the action itself
It starts from the mindset
Winning is a mentality developed overtime.

Take for instance, a winning team is hard to breakdown because they first and foremost see themselves as winners
But if by a stroke of hardluck they get defeated, if care is not taken they begin to lose or grind out results.
Note, the players didn’t change, the tactics didn’t change, the coach hasn’t lost his tricks, the only problem is that somewhere along the line the players lost their winning mentality.

Life throws so many obstacles at us and often they tend to kill our morale
Tilt our thoughts to accepting being small is being contented
Slowly giving us the illusion that there is a ceiling we can’t go beyond
We begin to make excuses for setbacks and pass on our responsibilities
But that is not how winning is done.

Winning is an habit, it needs to be fed!
You have to keep the winning mentality alive within
You have to remind yourself constantly why you are in this
You can do this, you can win no matter what the odds are!
So long as you keep your mindset focused on winning
You will beat the odds

Posted in Uncategorized

Ways to people’s heart

Ways to people’s heart

There is this common saying that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so true especially if the man is me. But then why would we need a way to anyone’s heart? Imagine having a way to the president’s heart, what kind of leap or lift that will give your personality or better still your career and ultimately your life. 

We need to find ways into people’s heart for just one reason, to have them on Our Team; on our own side of the equation of life!

Warming your way into People’s Heart is not an easy task, not one that only good food can guarantee especially since not everyone is like me, plus trying to feed everyone will definitely cost you so much. So here are few tips that might help you to warm your way up:

1. Be funny

Being funny is the oldest trick to get people to like you. In the olden days, the kings would have servants around them just to crack them up; the funnier, the more presents from the king. This idea still works! Examples, most ladies for instance go for the funny guys, most events now crave for stand up comedians, most presentations start with a joke to lighten up the mood… that’s the extent of the power of jokes. So be funny, most people will want you around and most likely won’t forget you in a hurry but also be careful not to overdo it because there is just a thin line between being funny and being a joke (jerk).

2. Prove you can be loyal
The “48 laws of power” calls this selective loyalty. This is loyalty for an end purpose. People tend to love someone they can trust, and all you have to do is prove you are trustworthy. Watch their back even when they have not asked you to, when you see something that can hurt them, prevent it and make sure you take credit for it. Understand that the purpose is not just to be good (even though you should be good), the purpose is to take credit for being good. Rich men have been known to even give tests just to see, if their men are loyal. So yes!  pass the test and you will warm your way up.

3. Let them believe they are gaining more
It is in the nature of people generally to like someone they can benefit from, while they try to avoid someone who tends to be a liability. So let them have the feeling they are gaining more from the relationship. Just the way most people remember you when you need to do something for them, create a feeling that they will always need you. Be good at so many things and render your service so selflessly. Just be a candle and people will need your light.

4. Be different
Basically be unique and know your worth. Don’t try to be like everybody or try to fit in, you will just end up being one of the rest and most likely anonymous to the essential people. Standout, you will be appreciated, more people will want to be around you and most of them will want to give all to stay around you. Know your worth but don’t wear it in pride, be creative, be about solutions and not problems, make suggestions and not criticisms but above all, show people why they need you.

To have a devoted team, you have to connect with each and everyone on your team emotionally; that helps establish the strongest bond of loyalty.

5. Relate with their stories
People like someone who can relate with their stories. Most people have emotional side, so always find a common ground with people you want to get close to. Relate with their stories, lives or experiences, it creates a kind of mental bond with them and keeps you in a special place in their heart. For instance, when you meet someone you want to get close to, find something the person is or has gone through that you have also gone through; like heartbreaks, loss of loved ones, winning against odds etc., that way they will always have a soft spot for you.

You are building a team of people who can help you achieve your dreams; some younger, some older, people of different fields, people of different aspirations, all these people must have one thing in common and that is the desire to want to be on your team.