I Would Have But…

I Would Have But…

Many years ago in a beautiful village was a blind beggar who was pitied by everyone because he was blind from birth. This blind beggar, would wake up early in the morning and make his way to the gate of the main market in the village just in time for people going into market to give him alms then he would stay at the gate till they are returning from the market so he could collect from those who promised to give him on their way back.

One day a stranger who visits the village occasionally was also making his way into this market when he saw the blind beggar by the gate. He was filled with compassion and curiosity. So he made his way to the beggar, He gently touched the beggar

Stranger: Sir, I have noticed you at this gate for a while and I think you should have gotten enough to start something of your own.

Blind man: Yes! I should have but I am blind and I can’t do anything on my own. Only if I can see… (tears running down his face)

So the stranger handed him a bottle of water and told him to wash his face with the water before he sleeps that night.

Two years after, the stranger visited the village again. On his way to the market, he noticed the blind beggar was no longer there. “He is in the market working for his money”, the stranger thought. The stranger made his way into the market and got his goods.

On his way back, lo and behold, the stranger found the blind man still begging for alms. So he went to him again,

Stranger: Sir, can you see now? Did you use the water I gave you some years ago?

Blind man: Yes, I can see now then he paused, Oh! You are the kind man that restored my sight

Stranger: Yes! But I thought you said you needed to see so you can make your own money. Why are you still begging for alms?

Blind man: Yes, I said that but now that I can see, I would have stopped begging for alms if have someone to set me up on a business

“If you are looking for an excuse, you will always find one” – Unknown

How many times have you used these words just like the blind beggar “I would have but…”

We all have excuses not to do the needful but those who have been able to overcome these excuses have turned tests to testimonies.

Excuses are the tools of the incompetent, used to build bridges to nowhere and monuments of nothingness.” Excuses are cheap, little wonder lazy people can afford it. Excuses change nothing, but make everyone feel better. The origin of every excuse is the failure to do something. Excuses, are nothing more, than a reason to fail. An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie; for an excuse is a lie guarded.

Do you find yourself making excuses when you do not perform? Shed the excuses and face reality. Excuses are the loser’s way out. They will mar your credibility and stunt your personal growth. – Alexander Pope

Thinks about those excuses you are making now just to avoid doing what is required to improve your business, actualize your beautiful ideas, protect your relationship and build your dreams, you would realize that they are baseless. Many people have gone from worse situations to do something awesome. Once your excuses are gone, you will simply have to settle for being awesome!

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Disappointment

Disappointment

Disappointment is part of life and how we handle it would go a long way in determining how we relate with others. One of the things I first learned about living is that disappointment is inevitable.

Some people will say, “when you put your trust in people what you get is disappointment”, well this is true but how can we live life without trusting someone? Yes, we should trust God but if we can’t trust humans we see how can we trust God we cannot see? Hence, my conclusion that disappointment is just part of life.

In a matter of speaking, you and I have also disappointed people before; our parents, friends, lovers and ourselves. Even though these acts might not have been deliberate, we just find ourselves not living up to the expectations of others, no matter how much we try. On this basis you will probably agree with me that anyone can disappoint and most times not intentionally.

We should be bound by our words, we should uphold whatever we give promise to do that is how it should work but life has also taught me that sometimes things can really really get out of control and we find ourselves where our words and promises become the least of our problems. Ultimately, we disappoint people who ordinarily we would do everything to put smiles on their faces.

Having understood that disappointment can come from anyone you included, so how do you manage disappointment:

  1. See the positives in everything: I think why being disappointed hardly gets to me is because I see the positives in everything. I believe to everything is a reason and not all reasons are comprehendible. So even when I see no reason why someone should disappoint me, I still tell my self, it is for the best. A mentor of mine once told me that there is good in bad and there is bad in good. So whether good or bad, every situation provides reason to be happy and sad (#deep).
  2. Always have a backup plan; When I make plans, I always give room for “what if”, hence, a backup plan. If you observe this too, disappointment won’t hit you too hard. Call it plan B or Plan 2, always ensure you have what to fall back on so you don’t hit the solid ground after a disappointment.
  3. Build on what you can achieve: My ground zero has always been based on what I can personally achieve, then I commit people to helping me from there. Invariably when their help ceases or doesn’t come I will still have my ground zero which is better than nothing. See whatever anyone wants to do for you as just the icing on the cake you baked with your sweat. So even if they disappoint, you still have your cake.
  4. Focus on the big picture: There is this big picture in my head of where I want to be and you know what? I have come to understand that it only takes my commitment and God’s grace to get there. Whoever helps along the way is God sent and whoever chooses to quit on me is just someone God grew tired of using while those who failed to help at all are just people God won’t use for me just to protect my dreams. What do you think?
  5. Have a big heart: Forgiveness used to be one of the most difficult things for me to do, unconsciously I find myself referring to wrongs people did to me and I acted it out. But I think I have grown pass that now. I have grown my heart to accommodate the good, the bad and the ugly without thinking of getting even. This wont happen in a day but as you grow in point number 4, it becomes a piece of cake.

Handling Attention From The Opposite Sex

Handling Attention From The Opposite Sex

Attention from the opposite sex can be very tricky especially when you are in a stable relationship and many have lost what they hold dearly because of how they have managed these flings of attention and throw around care that often starts as harmless.

When does attention start to generate tension?

How should you react to excessive care from the opposite sex?

What can you do to ensure your relationship survive this temporary attention span?

How bad is friends with benefits?

Watch The TYs Show on Selahsgroup YouTube Channel for answers to these questions and lots more.

This talkshow is informative, inspiring, funny and down to heart. You should not miss this.

Watch now

A little Nicer

A little Nicer

Being deserving of a thing is not measured by what you went through to get it but your understanding of what makes that thing precious; passion does that for people more than pain could ever do, build passion in people and not pain. – Selahsomeone

You don’t have to have all you want before you make impact in other people’s life; a smile, kind words, gentle touch, constructive criticism are few of the ways you can reach out. I know sometimes you just feel like letting out your frustrations but you don’t have to make a third (innocent person) party a victim of your outburst. Everyone has a burden, transferring yours to others would only cause a ripple effect.

Many say the world is crazy, the government is bad, our leaders are malicious but you know what I think? I think we are all a victim of our own ills. I have encountered so many difficulties in my life and to each of them has a face of someone who could have been nicer. (I hope I am making sense). A sadistic lecturer, a difficult boss, a backstabbing friend, a cheating date, an oppressing rich man/woman etc, all individuals that could have just been a little nicer but instead chose to be selfish, eccentric and egoistic like you and I often do.

It doesn’t hurt to make life comfortable for others in spite of going through a difficult time yourself. You shouldn’t delight in seeing others suffer. Because you had a rough start at your workplace or getting your degree or getting to stardom doesn’t mean you should inflict same on people coming up through you. If we go by “an eye for an eye” the whole world will soon go blind. Making it easy for people coming behind should be your topmost priority. Being deserving of a thing is not measured by what you went through to get it but your understanding of what makes that thing precious; passion does that for people more than pain could ever do, build passion in people and not pain.

You know that giggling dance you do on the inside when you read bad news about celebrities and affluent people, that’s not nice. No one deserves to be wished evil upon. You wonder why bad news sell more, well it is because deep down most of us are of the opinion that if we can’t be happy no one deserves to be happy. This has to change! We can all be a little nicer, celebrating the good in one another. Do you know that happiness can be passed on just as sadness is contagious? That is the ripple effect! Make someone happy and you will see how happy it will make you feel.

Even when you feel compelled to correct a wrong, be subtle about it, remember it doesn’t end there. Don’t ripple the waters of karma, correct with the right intentions not out of envy or vengeance. When you have to teach a lesson, let the blessings be obvious. Because you are on top today doesn’t make you a supreme being nor omnipresent, you are but a man, remember someone would fill that position in a short while… Be mindful of this and let it guide your everyday actions.

Be nicer even if it is just a little more than your usual. Go out of your way to do something for someone. Do you know the greatest feeling of satisfaction comes from knowing that you have delighted someone? Don’t argue just try it and you will experience something different.

Share this with someone you wish could be a little nicer!

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RANT 101

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RANT 101

Ladies, we all envision marriage to be a bed of roses with little or no thorns at all. We want a marriage where no one raises his or her voice just to be heard and all the other sweet fantasies. I get it, we do not like anything that could scare us but its no news that marriage is never that way. There will be some disagreements and raising of voices sometimes for stands to be taken. I understand all that but should domestic violence become the new black of marriages? No matter the shade it comes in, it should never be the new black.

Choosing your spouse is the only key choice we get the chance to do by ourselves. We don’t get to choose our parents, siblings, children and if you are or were like me you don’t get to choose the schools you attend. But marriage? That’s a totally different ball game all together. That’s the only decision you make and people around you can only but wish you well in your choosing cause it’s for life, baby!

You do not go around choosing that one special person on the ground that he is dark, tall and handsome or because he is a giver. I’m sure you know what I’m saying. Our new daddy has got to be a reflection of who you want your sons to be and who you want your daughters to end up with. The physical and material are important but thoseunseen traits are more essential to take note of.

No man is going to change when he gets into marriage. Once a boy in his bachelorhood, forever a boy. Don’t expect him to grow up to being a man. It is the responsibility of any reasonable adult to provide, and Tom, Dick and Harry can do that. It only takes a boy to do certain things to his woman. Call your woman certain names and to even take it further to her family, (gosh you have got some really rotten balls there), attempting to raise your hands to land on her body (Mr man please what do you think you are?), eventually getting the impetus to hit her, seeing to it that you can go to bed peacefully when she is out in the cold when you can do something better (I’m not asking you to be her Jack and freeze off in the sea but be compassionate).

Ladies listen carefully, he is nice does not mean he is compassionate. Which man won’t want to be nice to the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with? A man only changes for himself before considering others. I know he would say he realized that he was hurting you and chose to change, the truth is that actually he realized that to get further he needed to adjust himself.

Stop finding expression for his actions. Call a spade a spade. He damn hit/insulted/disrespected you. He meant to. He never hit you mistakenly. You getting him angry is not enough reason to lift his hands on you (if that’s how it is then he should be hitting police officer or military man because they angered him). That’s cowardice! You can frown at that statement men. (I’m in my father’s house, come and beat me).

The fact that your mouth is like that of a spoiled tap that cant stop running, does not give him the right to be inhumane to you. Yes, I agree that we ladies can drive a man nut with just talking, especially if it comes to the point where we have repeatedly pointed something out but no response. Does that make it sane to hit me or talk ill about me or my loved ones? He ain’t gonna change so stop expecting the impossibly. If he wants to, he knows where to get help. When he shows you his intentions toward you put down the brush. Don’t paint over the truth because it would mean you are living in a fake fantasy. You deserve better. Its time to live for you.

About the writer Chidubem Sharon

Chidubem Sharon is a lifestyle blog that exposes the experiences and thoughts of the author. This blog is to help everyone who reads and subscribes to it understand that there are quite alot happening around and gives out tips to solving problems

Read more from Chidubem Sharon

Look Closely

Look Closely

Look closely, you will find your game changer!

– @selahsomeone

Your life may seem to be in shambles, nothing seems to be working according to plans and you just want to throw in the towel and resign to fate. Or you just don’t see a way out of your current predicament and you think this is the end of everything good. I have this words for you today, “look closely!”

Look closely at your current situation, maybe some lame choices got you here but if you pay attention to what you have learned you can make better choices going forward. You can turn around your lessons into blessings, building from the pieces of what is left of you, making your experiences into a springboard, and a platform for something others can learn from. Many people have come off scenarios crazier than this and you too can but you will have to take a closer look.

I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we’re all teachers – if we’re willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door.
– Marla Gibbs

Look closely at what you still have in your favour and how you can make them count for something great. No matter how bad things are, there will always be some positives, it just takes a closer look to figure them out. Identity these positives and how you can use them to get your life back together; your contacts, your friends, your goodwill, your faith, your free time, the fact that you still can breathe these are few of the many positives you still have, don’t hesitate to explore them.

Sentiment some times obscure our views, so much we lose hope, we get emotional about what we have lost; heartbreaks and the time we have wasted, the passion that went unrewarded and the investments that failed to yield, all these can leave even the strongest of us shattered. But when we look beyond the grief of the moment and the remains of our disappointment, we will see the dawn that is about to break before us. It is said that when one thing ends another begins. Look closely!

There are over 7 billion people on this planet, I am sure you have not met up to 700’000 people which is far less than 1%, and you think you can’t find someone who shares your dream or a way out your current situation? Think again! Take another look at what new skills and talents you have acquired over these few years, explore them market yourself to the world that is waiting. Don’t be shy be about what you desire, people will talk, make jest of you, even rubbish your efforts but then other people will buy into it, some will finance, most will be motivated by it and eventually it will pay off.

Do Whatever It Takes

Do Whatever It Takes

Your life, with all its ups and downs, has molded you for the greater good. Your life has been exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the current moment. And every moment of your life, including this one right now, is a fresh start. If you have the courage to admit when you’re scared, the ability to laugh even as you cry, the nerve to speak up even if your voice is shaking, the confidence to ask for help when you need it, and the wisdom to take it when it’s offered, then you have everything you need to get yourself to a better place.

Ordinary people choose the way of I cannot do it; successful people choose the way of I can do it. I think it is time for us to start giving certain words their proper meaning. An example is the word “impossible”. Impossible doesn’t mean it cannot be done, it only means it is yet to be accomplished. Until this is done, man will continually live in the illusion of inability and hopelessness. Provoke your inner energy; Challenge yourself and you will achieve amazing things. Be your biggest competitor – challenge yourself each day to be better than you were yesterday. A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes hard work.

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. People who lack the clarity, courage, or determination to follow their own dreams will often find ways to discourage yours. When you change for the better, the people around you will be inspired to change also….but only after doing their best to make you stop. Live your truth and don’t EVER stop.

Whatever you do, do with determination. You have one life to live; do your work with passion and give your best. Whether you want to be a chef, doctor, actor, or a mother, be passionate to get the best result. Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe. You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.

You cannot let a fear of failure or a fear of comparison or a fear of judgment stop you from doing the things that will make you great. You cannot succeed without the risk of failure. You cannot have a voice without the risk of criticism. You cannot love without the risk of loss. You must take these risks. I just got one last thing; I urge all of you, all of you, to enjoy your life, the precious moments you have. Nothing great could be accomplished without enthusiasm, to keep your dreams alive in spite of problems whatever you have.


Quote References

  • Spencer Chapman
  • Vivek Anandhan
  • Andrew Effiong
  • Mohammed Sekouty
  • Kaoru Shinmon
  • Albert Iyangbe
  • Calvin Coolidge
  • Steve Maraboli
  • Alia Bhatt
  • Ralph Marston
  • Gail Devers
  • Charlie Day
  • Jim Valvano