Are You Ready?

I had a mind-blowing encounter with a mentee and you know what I realized, most of us want success or change so bad that we don’t know exactly what we want and basically we are not ready for anything.

Okay, so my mentee and I got talking and it got so intense that he had to voice out…

He said, “Selah what I need is help not talk”.

So I asked he him, what kind of help do you need?

He said, I need someone to change my life, set me up and make me rich.

So I asked again, set you up in what area, do you have a business or an idea that you are sure would work?

He said No but when I have the money, I will figure something out.


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At that point I realized he wasn’t ready for anything. Of course, he is tired of his situation and he wants out but he isn’t ready for what he wants.

If you can’t make good of little resources, having abundance of it won’t change a thing. Check most people who have won lotteries in the past more than 70% of them often go back to being poor within the first 5years of winning (facts from Time, Fortune Magazine). The reason for this is simple, luck can get you huge sum of money but luck can’t help you make the money stay.

A quick question, “if you meet someone today who asked you what you want, what would be your answer?”

When someone offers to give you a blank cheque, such people expect you to have an idea of how you want to change your life. If you are thinking of going into business, then I would be asking you what do you know about the business? I once knew a man who got N6 million (Six million Naira about $18,000) as his gratuity from the bank, went into tree felling business and lost everything in less than two years. Yes, he was a banker well grounded in banking but tree business for him was an uncharted territory. Whatever opportunity you are given if you are not prepared for it, it is always hard to sustain success.

Have you ever been in this situation before, you are expecting a huge sum and you are thinking, once I get this money I will start a business, only for you to get the money and not start the business. You know why? Deep down you know you are not ready for that business and before you can say “Jack Robinson”, you have started spending the money and soon you are back to square one.


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Dear friend, you need to put your ideas on paper, and do your findings.

If you are looking for employment and say you met the president and he asked you where would you like to work? You can’t just say The Petroleum Industry, when you know nothing about the petroleum industry. You have to be prepared for what you desire. It is said, that Life changing Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity.

You can’t keep what you are not ready for; money, relationship, opportunities, love, greatness, Fame etc. The power to make what you have lasting depends on how ready you are for it. It is true you can’t be ready for all life has to give but the much you are ready for the more successful you will get.

After our conversation, my mentee realized that the talks would always be needed because desire is one thing, readiness is another and our talk is part of his time he is investing in his desire and what keeps him on track.


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Are You Ready?

Baby Steps

The expectations are so much, there are so many people we don’t want to disappoint.

“Silent promises”, we have all made them, vows to repay people who have invested in us; parents, guardian, friends, family they all assisted at one point or the other and deep down we want to say thank you.


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This is putting pressure on us, to try, to give our best, to see things workout but… Some times we have to understand success is not overnight.

The fruits we see yearly on trees was not what was achieved in one year but the years of gradual growth from seed till when it became a tree.

Baby steps, one before the other, inch by inch, we make progress. The consciousness that we are not where we used to be.

The changes might be marginal but you became better, from someone who needs people for daily bread to someone who owns things.

Be thankful for what you have achieved, don’t lose focus of what your dreams are, channel all your efforts to making it big because you have no excuse not to.

Don’t rush the process but make use on the catalysts you find along your way to make the struggle less stressful. Ride on shoulders, don’t be too arrogant to ask for help and never forget to remain loyal to the human ladders that got you this far.

People will betray you, it is just human to become jealous of success. Nonetheless, don’t be vengeful.

Remember, you are taking baby steps, you stagger, you stumble, you fall, you learn, you stand up then you try again. In the end with each experience, you get better.

No one starts climbing the ladder from the top, it has to be from the base. Be prepared to learn to walk and most time stumble, till you become smarter, faster and more purposeful.


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Baby Steps

Something you should know about Friendship

Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. For there to be true friendship, it has to be mutual. There are different circumstances that bring people together but somehow you realize some people just click with your spirit self and “boom” you become friends.

So do you have a friend?

It is the era of globalization and there are no boundaries to friendship however the fundamental requirement still remains the same “mutual affection”; the desire to excel or succeed together, to provide an anchor for, to encourage, to keep secrets and have each other’s back.

The beauty of friendship is when the affection is reciprocated. If it is one sided, sooner or later, it will hit the rock. An adage says “if we are eating together then we should both have something to eat”. There is a limit to how much an individual can condone a leech, at a point the blood sucker would have to go. Same goes for friendship that is one sided.

So at a point you will have to decide if what you have is a friend or a leech.

What kind of friend are you?

Unfortunately, these days friendship has been reduced to hanging out, getting drunk or high together, competing for girls/boys, backstabbing, swindling, chatting on social media, ‘famzing’ and the likes. These have made many regret meeting others in the name of friendship.

Some people delight in spreading bad news about their friends while others on hearing good news about their friend, they just want to do something to out shine that good news. The whole essence of friendship becomes defeated if friends don’t have one another’s best interest. Unfortunately, it is not easy walking it alone without friends. Success is easier when you have like minds with similar vision around you; the more the merrier.

No matter the number, 2,3,4 or more, being friends with someone means you should desire to see them do well, become better and get to top together. That’s what friends are for!

What is expected of a real friend?

A real friend asides from reciprocating the affection, first and foremost wants to see you excel, especially when nobody believes in you a true friend does. Even when he/she doesn’t fully understand what you are up to a true friend never leaves your side.

A true friend provides you with someone you can confide in. There are times we have to do things that we probably don’t want our family to know about, a friend provides backup in such instance. It is often easy to talk to a friend than any one else when real decisions have to be made.

A friend provides the first external support when you have an idea to pitch. In fact when you have a new product to introduce to the world, your friends are your first test market or subjects. If you are my friend I expect you to be my number one fan and vise versa. Friends support each other and help sell each other’s idea to the world. A friend is like your other voices.


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Also consequently as a fan, a friend is expected to also be an honest critique with the aim of making you better. Being a critique mean being critical and objective about their analyses of you. Friends should be able to correct each other without fighting. An when there is a fight, friends should be able to move pass it but should not stop correcting one another.

A real friend is rare, so if you have one, trust me, you are lucky. Keep he/her/them and always reciprocate their affection. Success is easy when you have someone to hold your hands as you run the race of life. However, if you don’t have ‘true’ friend(s) yet, it is never too late to make one. Choose people whose vision aligns with yours, be selfless and open as much as possible. It may take time to fully trust but somehow if you click with someone, other things will seamlessly fall into place.

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Something you should know about Friendship

I cannot come and kill myself

“I cannot come and kill myself” If you are a Nigerian then you must have said these words at least a couple of times. It is a common clause we Nigerians use to excuse ourselves from hard work or seemingly less comfortable situations.

Back in School, I had this friend who was very fond of “these words”, in fact he said his own like this, “I cannot come and kill myself for myself by myself”. He got out of every situation saying these words and usually he just let things play out. It was a very good idea back then because he hardly got worried about anything; academics, being broke, relationship, school politics, etc. “Ko kan” (he was not bothered).

This went on for so long until he was so used to it that he didn’t push for anything. Not going extra mile, if an assignment was proving too difficult, Bros would not touch it, if a lecturer was harsh last class Bros would stop attending the class, he was turning back at every obstacle and breaking up relationships at every misunderstanding, I am sure if using the gents would require extra effort my friend would rather hold it in. He perpetually became lazy to live.

Eventually, the repercussions started coming; his grades nosedived, he was living his life like he was living a proxy and relationship wise he became what ladies call “chronic player” because he couldn’t commit to anything.

Two years ago when we spoke, he said, “looking back now, I realized my attitude back then in school cost me 4years of my life”. After we graduated (he only got certificate of attendance), he had to move to Ghana to start all over again. He said, “I am wiser now, I take everything serious, in fact some say I am too serious but the truth is I rather be too serious and make head way in life than just lay back and self destruct.


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Are you guilty of using these words too as your get-out-of-jail ticket? Believe me, it can only work long enough till you realize you are headed no where. You can’t wish your troubles away, you would have to face them. You will have to earn what you desire, it doesn’t work any other way.

If you want to excel in your academics you will have to study

If you want to excel as a worker, you will have to do beyond what you are paid for

If you want to excel as an entrepreneur, you will have to work longer hours than your counterparts

If you want to have a beautiful family, you will have to cope with the worst of situations and lead by example

If you want to be a celebrated personality you will be ready to venture into things most people won’t, discover new grounds

And so on…

Layback attitude won’t get anyone anywhere, don’t self destruct because you don’t want to go the extra mile. There is a lot at stake, wishing it won’t cut it, you will have to work it.

I cannot come and kill myself

I Would Have But…

Many years ago in a beautiful village was a blind beggar who was pitied by everyone because he was blind from birth. This blind beggar, would wake up early in the morning and make his way to the gate of the main market in the village just in time for people going into market to give him alms then he would stay at the gate till they are returning from the market so he could collect from those who promised to give him on their way back.

One day a stranger who visits the village occasionally was also making his way into this market when he saw the blind beggar by the gate. He was filled with compassion and curiosity. So he made his way to the beggar, He gently touched the beggar

Stranger: Sir, I have noticed you at this gate for a while and I think you should have gotten enough to start something of your own.

Blind man: Yes! I should have but I am blind and I can’t do anything on my own. Only if I can see… (tears running down his face)

So the stranger handed him a bottle of water and told him to wash his face with the water before he sleeps that night.

Two years after, the stranger visited the village again. On his way to the market, he noticed the blind beggar was no longer there. “He is in the market working for his money”, the stranger thought. The stranger made his way into the market and got his goods.

On his way back, lo and behold, the stranger found the blind man still begging for alms. So he went to him again,

Stranger: Sir, can you see now? Did you use the water I gave you some years ago?

Blind man: Yes, I can see now then he paused, Oh! You are the kind man that restored my sight

Stranger: Yes! But I thought you said you needed to see so you can make your own money. Why are you still begging for alms?

Blind man: Yes, I said that but now that I can see, I would have stopped begging for alms if have someone to set me up on a business

“If you are looking for an excuse, you will always find one” – Unknown

How many times have you used these words just like the blind beggar “I would have but…”

We all have excuses not to do the needful but those who have been able to overcome these excuses have turned tests to testimonies.

Excuses are the tools of the incompetent, used to build bridges to nowhere and monuments of nothingness.” Excuses are cheap, little wonder lazy people can afford it. Excuses change nothing, but make everyone feel better. The origin of every excuse is the failure to do something. Excuses, are nothing more, than a reason to fail. An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie; for an excuse is a lie guarded.

Do you find yourself making excuses when you do not perform? Shed the excuses and face reality. Excuses are the loser’s way out. They will mar your credibility and stunt your personal growth. – Alexander Pope

Thinks about those excuses you are making now just to avoid doing what is required to improve your business, actualize your beautiful ideas, protect your relationship and build your dreams, you would realize that they are baseless. Many people have gone from worse situations to do something awesome. Once your excuses are gone, you will simply have to settle for being awesome!

I Would Have But…

Disappointment

Disappointment is part of life and how we handle it would go a long way in determining how we relate with others. One of the things I first learned about living is that disappointment is inevitable.

Some people will say, “when you put your trust in people what you get is disappointment”, well this is true but how can we live life without trusting someone? Yes, we should trust God but if we can’t trust humans we see how can we trust God we cannot see? Hence, my conclusion that disappointment is just part of life.

In a matter of speaking, you and I have also disappointed people before; our parents, friends, lovers and ourselves. Even though these acts might not have been deliberate, we just find ourselves not living up to the expectations of others, no matter how much we try. On this basis you will probably agree with me that anyone can disappoint and most times not intentionally.

We should be bound by our words, we should uphold whatever we give promise to do that is how it should work but life has also taught me that sometimes things can really really get out of control and we find ourselves where our words and promises become the least of our problems. Ultimately, we disappoint people who ordinarily we would do everything to put smiles on their faces.


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Having understood that disappointment can come from anyone you included, so how do you manage disappointment:

  1. See the positives in everything: I think why being disappointed hardly gets to me is because I see the positives in everything. I believe to everything is a reason and not all reasons are comprehendible. So even when I see no reason why someone should disappoint me, I still tell my self, it is for the best. A mentor of mine once told me that there is good in bad and there is bad in good. So whether good or bad, every situation provides reason to be happy and sad (#deep).
  2. Always have a backup plan; When I make plans, I always give room for “what if”, hence, a backup plan. If you observe this too, disappointment won’t hit you too hard. Call it plan B or Plan 2, always ensure you have what to fall back on so you don’t hit the solid ground after a disappointment.
  3. Build on what you can achieve: My ground zero has always been based on what I can personally achieve, then I commit people to helping me from there. Invariably when their help ceases or doesn’t come I will still have my ground zero which is better than nothing. See whatever anyone wants to do for you as just the icing on the cake you baked with your sweat. So even if they disappoint, you still have your cake.
  4. Focus on the big picture: There is this big picture in my head of where I want to be and you know what? I have come to understand that it only takes my commitment and God’s grace to get there. Whoever helps along the way is God sent and whoever chooses to quit on me is just someone God grew tired of using while those who failed to help at all are just people God won’t use for me just to protect my dreams. What do you think?
  5. Have a big heart: Forgiveness used to be one of the most difficult things for me to do, unconsciously I find myself referring to wrongs people did to me and I acted it out. But I think I have grown pass that now. I have grown my heart to accommodate the good, the bad and the ugly without thinking of getting even. This wont happen in a day but as you grow in point number 4, it becomes a piece of cake.

Disappointment

Trade off to Success

“To get one thing that you like, you have to give up another thing that you like.”

Some will say you can’t eat your cake and have it, if you have eaten it then it is gone; the irony of life. The cost of something is what you give up to get it, the cost of building your own dream is to give up building another man’s dream.

Unfortunately, most of us want to eat our cake and have it. We want to party all night and still excel in the exam we write in the morning; we want to live in sin yet enjoy unlimited Grace; we want to lay idle yet except something to happen; we want to stay in bed and hope success will find us there… To have what we desire most we have to give up what we desire least. It is called sacrifice or trade off.

Winners embrace hard work. They love the discipline of it, the trade-off they’re making to win. Losers, on the other hand, see it as punishment. And that’s the difference.
Lou Holtz

Trading off is not an easy thing to do, losing what you desire is never fun, no matter how small it seems but the truth is that it will be worth it. It takes discipline for someone to give up what he is enjoying at moment just for the sake of what he is to enjoy in some distant future, a discipline many of us lack and the reason it has been difficult to change our status.

What are those things you need to give up to be able to focus on your goals? Deep down you know you have to let some things go, you have to avoid some sets of people and stop taking advice from some group of friends. These are little inconveniences you will have to bear if you desire to reach those goals. Trade offs are must on your route to success and a stitch in time saves nine!

Trade off to Success

I Wish I Knew These Years Back

Life is a learning curve, we learn new things and unlearn old obsolete things. When we stop learning, we stop growing and some have even argued that we stop being productive. As much as we learn on daily basis, some knowledge or information we have them a little too late; I am sure most of us are familiar with instances like that. Imagine if you had the information with certainty 1year ago what value of Bitcoin would be this year; you would be in thousands if not millions by now. That’s how precious having the right information at the right time can be.

You are wondering now, how far you could have gone too, right? If only you had known a thing or two earlier. Well, it could be really painful especially when you imagine the impact it could have had on your business, relationship, career, academics and so on.

So here are few things I wish I knew years back:

1. Irrespective of what I do, I will succeed

Success is a product of sustained hard work and sometimes a bit of fortune. I wish I knew this earlier in life, especially the part of “sustained hard work”. Over the years, I have made it an habit to work on a project for a while and once I stopped getting my desired result, I abandon it and start another. I don’t sustain anything, I tell myself I have lots of ideas why tie myself down to what is not working. But now I know better, whatever I do, I will succeed, I just have to sustain it long enough till success finds me. Be it white-collar job, self employment, entrepreneur, intrepreneur, talent use, skill use, artistic or instructive whichever it is so long as I can sustain it, I will succeed.

2. The only time money grows is when it is invested

Investment is key, I have heard people say this over a gazillion times, but me? Always scared, I rather have a safe Naira (Nigerian currency) than risk making it four by investing. I think the problem is I prefer certainty. However, recently, I realized that life itself is a risk, a safe Naira won’t grow in value nor volume, and to be fair what’s the use of idle cash that cannot grow. Investment is not just a word thrown around by bookies, it is a word I need to practice, if I truly want to make a fortune. Damn, I wish I realized this earlier.

3. I don’t need people’s approval

I have missed many breaks because I was too conscious of people’s reaction. People will talk alright and I know this, in fact I understand even when you do nothing they will still talk but one thing I have not been able to over come is what would friends and family say if they know I did this. The feeling was that of needing their approval before I can do something meaningful with my life. Oh, how I got that wrong all this while! I need nobody’s approval, my friends and family might find it difficult to accept what I have chosen to become, mostly out of love but in due time when they see how meaningful, it all turned out, they will celebrate me for love. You know what, approval is overrated amongst other things especially here in the west, thereby killing talents, ideas, innovations and all that big English words that stimulate success. Don’t say “really”, just go with your inspired thoughts.

4. Relationship is overrated at early 20s

20s is that age when love and sacrifice get a little too confusing. You can bet I had my own fair share of the confusion. Killing big ideas, ignoring lifetime opportunities and taking off course decisions just because I want to be around someone I was hoping to spend the rest of my life with unfortunately at the wrong age. Seriously, love is something way off control and has a way of taking the power to decide from our head and giving it to our heart, not that bad till the love expires and we start seeing things we have lost because of those bad calls (raise your hand if you can relate). To make matters worse, we find a new love and we make same wrong decisions all over again. Ooh 20s! Relationship should be adding value and enhancing personal growth. Not that because my goals would put distance between us then I should abandon them, rather we should find a way to still love in spite of the distance, that is if we truly love in the first place. 20s you just get fond of someone you are close to, when they are gone you miss them the get close to another and the cycle continues; this cycle is not worth giving up your dreams for.

5. Friends with purpose are scarce

We make friends at different stages of life; the good, the bad and the ugly. Some we wonder how we even met (someone’s name came to mind right?), while others we wonder why we had to let them go (that one person you so missed). What I have come to realize is that true friends may be scare but friends with purpose are even rarer. What friends can do in one’s life cannot be overemphasized, many great names became great because they met friends with purpose while some people can only sit back and watch friends they have lost mount podium of greatness. I have been a victim of the latter but now I am wiser, to know who to hold on to and which friend to keep at arm’s length.

6. Spiritual is as important as physical

Growing up, my mum would always say “whatever is manifesting in the physical (reality) already took place in the Spiritual realm”, how I wished I had harken to that Woman’s words. Not too long ago, I finally realized that before swinging of swords there must be lifting of hands, before I can take control of the physical, I must first ensure my Spiritual life is on the right track. I understand if you find it difficult to agree with this, I used to be like you but in due time, it will all make sense. You may want to argue that many successful people don’t really have a spiritual life but I will also have you know that there is a big difference between wealthy and successful. Read my article “I don’t want to be successful” for clarification.

7. Success is the best revenge

If you knew me way back then you will know how vengeful I can be, I once inserted pins into my sister’s covered shoes just to get back at her for reporting me. I keep malice and I used to believe in tit for tat (the Mosaic Rule). Now a wiser me knows better, when you think people have offended you, don’t spend your valuable time on plotting how to get even rather disappoint them by not stooping low to their level. Use your valuable time to work on yourself. If you are the type that gets very angry, convert that anger into hunger for success (energy may be beyond destruction but can be converted), let the humiliation that you feel propel you to the point that you just want to amount to something big in life. I have also come to understand that people who hate on you get shattered when you finally succeed, so why deny them that devastation when all you have to do is just succeed.

8. Start first then worry about the problems after

I am a perfectionist, I love to have everything well spelt out before I engage in anything. As much as I love this about me, I have also learned that it is less effective when it comes to being an entrepreneur. There are many dreams I have conceived and abandoned almost immediately because I can’t see pass the problems of starting, the thing is I worry far too much about everything. But now I know better, if it is a dream then I will go after it, end of story! I will start first and ask questions after, I will jump then figure out landing afterwards. I think success is a risk on its own and what fun is life if I expect everything to be perfect.

9. Suck up but don’t give up

Pride goes before a fall, is already a cliché. We were raised to be humble, respectful and honest. I think we were raised right but something was left out of all these. They forget to tell us mean people will most likely have what we desire and to get it we will have to suck up to them and endure all the insults and disappointments, till we have what we want from them. I wish I knew this earlier, I can only imagine how far I would have gone if I had endure some rude bosses, crazy customers, cocky intellects, dare devil idealists etc, these people had at one time or another held the key to what I seek and I could have taken it from them if I had just been a little good at sucking up.

10. No one really cares

I have been really shy to try some things over the years or do I say I have been critical of what people will think. Now I see people pulling off those ideas and being celebrated. Little did I know that no one really cares about how you made it, there might be tongues wagging while you are at it but the moment results starts flying in their account of you would start changing. Success changes view! No idea is below your standard, it is what you make of it that sets the standard. Really there are no new ideas just old ideas presented in new enticing forms. I for one can’t be discouraged with initial comments; colleagues may think I can do better than this, family may think I had more prospects than this, friends may think this is a new low for me but when the results starting rolling in my favour, they will to do their rethink.

11. It is okay to ask for help

Many times I need help but somehow I tell myself I can still manage. Maybe I was shy, maybe it was pride, maybe I was scared of people telling me “NO”, whatever my reasons were at the time, I don’t think they were worth not knowing what could have been. Now when I need help I will ask, when I need information I will probe, when I need guidance I will seek. The only way you see further is to stand on the shoulders of someone taller. I am tired of wondering what the response could have been.

So bring it on, life!

Now I know better, and I am ready to do things better, I am putting all my past experiences into good use. I deserve better and I know it. So I won’t just sit around and hope things will change, I will make them change. I won’t keep doing things the old way and expect a new result, I will change my ways. I earned my experience from my past mistakes and hideous believes now is time to prove that I have learned and I am willing to rise because I have paid the price. So do you!

I Wish I Knew These Years Back

Twenty is the formative age for success, the further you move away from this age the more pressured you get to succeed. However, there are some life facts that you need to know as you approach this age if you want to be really successful. I implore you to carefully read this article.

What You Do Defines Who You Are (and What You Get Out of Life)

We’ve all got that friend – the one who is always talking big, like they’re going to start this amazing new company, write an inspiring novel or change the world. In fact we probably have more than one friend we hear constantly talking about big future plans.

The problem I have noticed with not all, but many of my peers (20-somethings) is follow-through. Ideas are everywhere, but motivation is seemingly nonexistent. Life doesn’t start tomorrow, life is happening right now. Successful people know this and are focused on achieving their dreams and goals 24/7.It’s more than an obsession and a passion, it’s what they are living. Instead of talking, they’re doing.

Does what you’re doing at your day job support your overall life goals?

Are you equally excited for personal projects as you are projects at work?

Do you actually have any personal projects?

Do you have a passion?

Are you refining/advancing your skills and knowledge of something daily?

Do you know exactly what you want in life?

These are all big questions. But I guarantee you successful, motivated and passionate people not only answered yes to all of them instantly, but they even knew the what and why as well without much thought. If you didn’t answer yes to all of these, it may be the day to rethink your life.

I’m 25 and know exactly what I want out of life and the ways I plan to achieve it. In fact, I’ve known for years. One of my peers told me, that “I’m lucky to have found something I’m passionate about.” I disagree with that. I’m not “lucky” to have found it at all, it was a combination of my unquenchable thirst for knowledge, my desire to pursue independent learning and the fact that I can’t stop reading and consuming information.


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If you haven’t found it yet, that incredible spark and excitement for life, here’s the reality: it isn’t just going to randomly happen or fall into your lap. It isn’t the result of lots of money, nor is it the result of chance and circumstance.

It is the result of freeing yourself mentally and engaging your intellect. It is the result of breaking away from your peers and delving deeply into a niche. It is the result of focus, determination and motivation. It is the result of an internal drive that is unstoppable.

How do you find a passion? There’s so many engaging, interesting and ultimately fulfilling things to spend your free time (and your work time) doing. The question is how can you not find a passion?

Once you’ve found it, it’s amazing and indescribable – no one can sway your thoughts and your concentration. When you know exactly what you want in life and what really drives you, you’ll never again be bored, tired or unfulfilled. Seemingly boundless inspiration and motivation will be brought forward.

Friends have called me “because they are bored” and I never understood it. I’m not sure how it is possible to be bored, life itself presents infinite challenges and mysteries, but only finite amount of time to explore them. That’s why having a focus is vital – we’re all only given X amount of time to accomplish what we set forth, and you certainly cannot do everything.

People who spend their free time engaged in a passion are happier, more creative and more dynamic in their personality than those who merely spend their time as consumers of vapid entertainment pop-culture. Getting sucked into that is a waste of life and (in my opinion) leaves smart people unfulfilled. It’s essentially fast food for your brain – small amounts once in awhile are fine, but I can’t understand how people live off of it.

Do you come home from work and simply fall down in front of the TV where you spend your time until you sleep? If the answer is yes, perhaps you should consider living life yourself instead of by proxy. You’re going to wake up one day regretting how you spent your limited time in existence. A human lifespan is but a cosmic blink when you consider the age of the Earth, our galaxy and the universe. It’s precious, it’s rare and it is happening right now. To waste it is to give up the ultimate gift.

I feel like most of you reading here understand this, and if you do this post was not for you. It’s for everyone who is living life by proxy and for those of you who haven’t yet found a passion and embraced your true, creative self. It is not too late, you can do it.

Start today!

WRITTEN BY ADAM SINGER

PUBLISHED MAY 14, 2008

What You Need To Know At Twenty

Dear Friend,

I will not tell you I understand how you feel because the truth is only you understand how it hurts but this I can assure you, you are strong enough to make it through. Maybe you feel weak right now, maybe you are tired, a little hug here and a little love there may be all you think you have been living off for a while but I believe it only takes a strong spirit to have come this far. I know it hurts so much and you feel you can’t share, I can relate because your silence says a lot. I wish there is more I can do to let you see what I see in you.

All I see is a Sun at dawn, even though it is still shielded by the thick dark cloud, soon there will come a time when nothing can stop its shine.

Most times life would not give us what we deserve, by a longshot we might be far from what we believe should be our reality or where we think we should be but that is life. The humiliation, the stigma and the “bitter after taste” might be too much to bear, this I understand is not easy but I also know many have come from the grave dark to grace the stardom lights.

Opera Winfrey was raped repeatedly for years, got pregnant and lost the baby. It seemed she was in that darkest place where no one can come out of but somehow she never gave up. Today, her light shines brighter everyday while guiding others to the light.

Joyce Meyer suffered abuse, molestation and rape from her own father for several years. She said those were her darkest hours but then she didn’t give in to those hours. God’s love found her and today she is touching lives with her story.

Steve Jobs was ‘fired’ from his own company ‘Apple’ by someone he hired but he didn’t give up, he didn’t let anger, feeling of being betrayed and quest for vengeance cloud his judgement. He built another company called NEXT and through that he was able to get back into Apple.

You may have been humiliated by people you trusted, people you thought you could count on through thick and thin but then life is a war with many battles, you may have lost several battles up till now but I can assure you the war is not over. So long as you don’t let depression bring the worst out of you, like a wounded lion, inch by inch, you can claw your way back into this fight.

It is easy to think revenge will set you free, this I will not stop you from especially when it seems your mind is all made up but here is a fact I know, no good thing comes from being vengeful. When you hold on to hate, revenge, or bitterness, it is like trying to smite someone who hurt you with hot iron rod in your bare hands, whether you succeed or not, you would have burned your own hands in the process. My honest advice, let it go! It won’t be easy but it is the right thing to do, let karma do her work and you concentrate on building your life a piece at a time.

Death may seem a way out, but suicide is for cowards. The brave would rather die fighting than commit suicide. You are brave my friend, I see so much life in you, even through the thick cloud, I believe your Sun will still get its turn to shine. I know you probably expect more from people but there is so little anyone can do, honestly. As much as I want to assure you things will be alright, there is just little I can offer you but my words. People may seem less concerned but that is not totally true, there is more than meets the eye; most people are also struggling with things they would rather not talk about, yet they wear the smile of ‘all is well’. However, after all said and done, never forget to reach out. It is easier to fight life’s battles when you have someone to rub minds with.


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You are not alone in this struggle. It is a phase and it will pass. It is okay to be confused, it is human to feel insecure and unsure, these only remind us that we are not perfect; and nobody is perfect. You can ask questions or just do it anyway. Don’t give up on yourself on the account of how life has treated you, remember only the test of fire makes a fine steel. I believe in you my friend, I believe your light can still find its way through this thick cloud. Your past don’t define you, you are wiser, you are braver, you have all it takes; dig deep!

Letter to My Depressed Friend